ARe you single?

Are you single and dating?

Thinking of dating again?

how do you meet your future date?

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD?

How do you find the whole process of dating?

Why am i asking all these questions, well because i want to know how it is for others in the same situation as i am.
At this point in my life i would like to meet that nice decent guy.
But being who i am and with ADHD it's not always easy.
I am kinda of anti-social, i dont go out to bar , dances ect. I also
have my kids, that takes a lot of my time. I do activities, but
usually i am with my kids and my focus are the kids, or i will forget
i was with them LOL..(joking). To do activities with other adults no i dont.:eek: I have thought of online dating services, tried writting an add, but again the thought of me having to sell myself is YUCKY.. And going thrue the whole process of meeting , getting to know over and over again.. I am not sure yet if it's for me. I beleive that one day, i will meet him, just i kinda want to force the future a little bit, in trying anyways to be out there and open to dating. I have been single a long time, and i do not want a relationship at every price. I have my little list, of what a guy need to have within him, for me to even think about dating him. It's
not a big list mind you, but i made mistakes in the past, and i do not want to make the same ones again. So making sure that this person as
those qualities in them is important. Plus my self esteem as rise 90% in the last years, so did a lot of other things. A men would not make me happy, as i am already happy, but it's to share that happiness with a man that i want to experience now.
I know it may come as a big shock to some of you, but i am extremely shy LOL...Yes yes, it's true. When i meet a guy i am interested in, i kinda get nervous, then i get dry mouth, because i am worried i will blabber stupid irrelevant things. And sound like a complete fool, or i will giggle like a school girl for nothing and everything. Not easy...anyhow i would really like to hear what some of you are going thrue, or went thrue..

to have known you personnaly for about 10 years now i can totally agree with what you say !
i know you seem to ppl. that dont know you that your a very open but i really know that your shy ...
and i know when your time comes you will meet that great someone, and someone that deserves you !
that guy is going to be lucky :)
ok now that i put my 2 cents in well dont come back to me with a sarcastic reply cause u know me right ! sarcastic is my middle name so watch out
love ya
chrissy

to have known you personnaly for about 10 years now i can totally agree with what you say !
i know you seem to ppl. that dont know you that your a very open but i really know that your shy ...
and i know when your time comes you will meet that great someone, and someone that deserves you !
god that guy is going to be lucky :)
ok now that i put my 2 cents in well dont come back to me with a sarcastic reply cause u know me right ! sarcastic is my middle name so watch out
love ya
chrissy
Love you 2 crazy woman LOL....

OK so i lied !!!!!!!!! everything you think you know about digit is true, she is a crazy woman and dont be fool with her weirdest cause shes even more weird in person LOL

my friend Digitl---you sound like a catch.....a wonderful, compassionate, humorous, caring and interesting person. And I hope that the guy that attracts your eye is going to be just a caring as you. And I know he will, because you are aware what you need. You reflect out to others. How can they miss who you are and not grab you up.

And since you are ready to share your life; you have something to offer back into a relationship. You are open. Just the mere fact that you are ready can only attract men that are ready.

I wish that I had followed your lead when I was out looking. I wish that I took my time in developing my list....but more than that I wish that I had gotten to know myself better before I jumped into a relationship. But i am learning. Maybe we can all learn, the second (third) time around. Let go to it girls...

What I am saying is that by knowing who you are and what you need/want and have something to offer is going to go in your favor. ;)

OK so i lied !!!!!!!!! everything you think you know about digit is true, she is a crazy woman and dont be fool with her weirdest cause shes even more weird in person LOL
OK that is it...i am getting you banned now LOL

. But i am learning. Maybe we can all learn, the second (third) time around. Let go to it girls...

What I am saying is that by knowing who you are and what you need/want and have something to offer is going to go in your favor. ;)
Yes we are learning every day...and it's great..and it's never too late to start anything...i still plan to flirt in the old age home my kids will put me in,,if i dont find that guy by then....I sure hope i do, or i sure hope i keep an extra sex drive for then LOL... :eek: scary thought

yessssssss we are learning.

Well, I'm single(again)...I'm a male and have had some disaster relationships over the last 5 years or so...I just think it gets tougher the older you get(btw, how old are some of you?)I'm in my mid 30's(never married, no kids)..... I'm finishing up my BS degree, at a " Accredited college"....I was hoping maybe I could find a decent female this way, but don't think it will happen(mostly because I haven't seen more than one or two that I would approch and ask for a date). Its even tougher when your semi-picky. My problem is I want an above average looking women, and also someone who is a great all-around person, very hard to find. We guys also have it tougher...I'm considered to be an attractive man by most and I still have a hard time getting dates...I don't get approched(like most men), so I have to to the approaching when I see an attractive woman in public..usually people are so busy nowadays it seems like most women that you approach are alwasy really taken by surprise or are the types to not give you the time of day and look at you like your crazy(the worst situation). Tried the on-line dating a few years back, never doing that again...dating bascially sucks.

Geez! Cameron. I just joined match.com in hopes of finding someone in my area or sorta close. This is hard tho. I have to agree. Sometimes I think I should just bag the whole idea of relationships and focus on making as much money as I can and not care about anything else but you can't buy love with it.... Maybe love is overrated....

Donna

OK that is it...i am getting you banned now LOL

I'll take care of that for ya, (psst..you know how much and send it to the usual place ;) )

I don't think love is overrated, Donna. We need it, we thrive on it, we'd die without it. Where we get it is the trick. I have love without my husband and kids from parents and friends. I just have more love to give than that, wanted to share it with a mate for life who loved me back and let it overflow and fill up the next generation. Was it fate or luck I can't say for sure, I just have my bias oppinion.

I'm married, so I will give no advice here on how to find a mate, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before and are probably sick of marrieds telling you what to do, like they would fare better if they were in the same situation. :rolleyes: We were kavetching and discussing the same stuff before we met our SOs.

I will say that I wish happiness for each one of you.

I'll take care of that for ya, (psst..you know how much and send it to the usual place ;) )

I don't think love is overrated, Donna. We need it, we thrive on it, we'd die without it. Where we get it is the trick. I have love without my husband and kids from parents and friends. I just have more love to give than that, wanted to share it with a mate for life who loved me back and let it overflow and fill up the next generation. Was it fate or luck I can't say for sure, I just have my bias oppinion.

I'm married, so I will give no advice here on how to find a mate, blah blah blah. You've heard it all before and are probably sick of marrieds telling you what to do, like they would fare better if they were in the same situation. :rolleyes: We were kavetching and discussing the same stuff before we met our SOs.

I will say that I wish happiness for each one of you.
It's already in the mail my little fishy LOL...i agree with you about love, i think we do need it. I have the love of my kids, and it's great, but having a man , well you know LOL..it's fun to share and be love ect.
We would not grow as healthy individual if we were not love.
And no i am not tired of hearing married couple giving advise...i love it..so dont be shy.

ARe you single? Oh yes

Are you single and dating? yes, and scared to

Thinking of dating again? I want to but again am scared to

how do you meet your future date? I hope by bumping into him/her.

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD? you betcha, so many of my friends who I would love to date think I'm too "excitable", "talkative", etc. Although a few love my boldness ;)

How do you find the whole process of dating? Overwelming. One-I have no idea what a person looks for, two - I have no idea what I can offer, and three-Will I remember to call and other things like that.

I'm single again, and dating. I'm not giving thought to putting any effort in dating other than the requirements of showing up, conversing, and making it MY decision whether I'm interested enough in the person to see them again or not.
After recently having my heart shredded and set on fire, I'm not giving one inch in what's left of my 'understanding department', lol !! Seems to me that if most guys can do that, so can I, girlie girls !! I'm giving anyone who attracts me a chance. We'll see if he gets another, though. :D

I think that what holds me back, from being ready, is my secret wish to have my husband back... It just gets in the way. I have dated and omg have been in relationships, but I just don't feel that I have much to offer. I am not sure when I will ever be ready again. I see my fellow widow friends who will never date. They just can't move out of that deep place. And I know and understand.

I have entered into dating but I just get hurt. This is nobody's fault either...it just is the consequences of risk. (this is not a particularly thought out post,on my part, sorry; this is just my heart speaking.)

I've been out and available and met men who are out and available looking for women, too, yet we in our availability are very tightly holding on to our hearts. Alas we are not really there. Perhaps, this is because we are in pain.

Oh yes,we can literally and figuratively die w/o love-- yes it can be true, Cherl, in fact documented-- and yet we are so very terrified to move toward something which can be life affirming and very healing. Yes love heals a broken heart. I know. We all know. and now what do we do about this...

I think that what holds me back, from being ready, is my secret wish to have my husband back... It just gets in the way. I have dated and omg have been in relationships, but I just don't feel that I have much to offer. I am not sure when I will ever be ready again. I see my fellow widow friends who will never date. They just can't move out of that deep place. And I know and understand.

.
Just out of curiosity ...why do you date if you dont feel ready? :)

I dont know if I'm looking or not. I'm a young guy, engaged once for the wrong reasons. Now that I look back all of my serious relationships were strained by this add that I knew nothing about. But you cant change the past. I guess for me it's more about getting to understand the real me and then finding someone to share it with.

Just out of curiosity ...why do you date if you dont feel ready? :)

sorry that i am so late on this reply but i just haven't been back this way lately :o

Great question. I wonder if I date those who are not ready... But of course this is all unconscious and out of my control :p Yet this insecurity has impact on my relationships and at times interfers with my level of satisfaction. So for the time, I will balance dating relationships with other activities as i attempt to put my life back together. Now, if I waited for perfection to happen, I would never, ever date. :D

Hello,

Here is my feeling about this whole dating/finding the right guy/girl thing. We have been scammed by Disney and Hollywood. After the credits roll, we don't get to see how difficult relationships really are. This effects us ADDers even more! This is not bitterness at all! I love love. I enjoy romance and passion. I am happy with all of my relationships and they are fulfilling to me.

Most of us cannot stand dishonesty (dishonesty predicates the blindly in-love relationship).

Most of us "template" relationships differently than 95 percent of the population. We really get confused by them.

Most of us "hold on" for that perfect mate and miss all of these wonderful opportunities in front of us.

Finding the perfect mate becomes an unhealthy hyper-focus that prevents us from living and loving in the moment.

Sorry for the rant. I have lived in 3 cultures other than the US and we are the only one totally consumed with finding the perfect mate... Sorry, it wont happen.... but if you relax, love yourself, give of yourself and live in the moment, You will be surrounded with so much love, you will not know what to do with it! What is the goal of finding the perfect mate? If you can answer this question in a way that seems healthy, I will change my opinion, drop everything and start the search :)

but if you relax, love yourself, give of yourself and live in the moment, You will be surrounded with so much love, you will not know what to do with it! What is the goal of finding the perfect mate? If you can answer this question in a way that seems healthy, I will change my opinion, drop everything and start the search :)
I totaly agree with you about loving youself ect. I think its a must before going into a relationship.
i am not sure i am looking for the ''perfect'' mate, but atleast finding someone, that i have an attraction with and that qualifies in my range of '' qualities '' i look for in a mate.

I dont have the answer for you to drop everyting LOL..
It would have been neat to see tho :p

Hello, fellow single people!

Thanks, Digitl for doing this thread!

I am a 27 year old single gal, who is not actively looking for dates (or a relationship), but isn't opposed to dating.
I'm not actively seeking because I'm working on myself.

A huge thing I've noticed is that it's hard to meet people (friends and possible dates) my age (majority of my friends are married and having kids). I'm not into the bar scene and really don't want to meet people at a bar. I'm not into church.
I'm trying to find fun activities to get involved in, but that's proving to be difficult.

I'm with chain - I don't think there is a "perfect mate" No one is perfect in the first place! Anyone looking for their "perfect mate" is sabatoging their relationships.

I think people complement each other. I want a man who will complement me and vice versa.

Before the diagnosis, like many ADDers, I sought out drama. The men who "weren't available." The "non-commital" types. AFTER the diagnosis, which came in my mid-thirties, there were no single men to date. Literally! Where I lived at the time, all the men were married or 20 years old.

I have since moved and dated and have found that the meds, along with the education and understanding of the diagnosis, have helped tremendously in at least choosing the right men to date. I spot a phony immediately and am not taken in by the drama, and seduction of it all.

Also, ADDers get overwhelmed by too much information and I think this is why we got caught up in certain relationships. We were too "overloaded" to stop, look and listen. To spot the "red flags".

ARe you single?Yes.

Are you single and dating? Well that depends on what u consider dating! So yes to single, and to dating...well not to often.

Thinking of dating again?Most deffinitly.

how do you meet your future date?I am hoping in school, my profession requires some crazy hours, I want someone who truly understands that.

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD? Sometimes. I may forget to call, I am never on time for dates, so that can be a huge turnoff.

How do you find the whole process of dating? Huh??

Hello,

Here is my feeling about this whole dating/finding the right guy/girl thing. We have been scammed by Disney and Hollywood. After the credits roll, we don't get to see how difficult relationships really are. This effects us ADDers even more! This is not bitterness at all! I love love. I enjoy romance and passion. I am happy with all of my relationships and they are fulfilling to me.

Most of us cannot stand dishonesty (dishonesty predicates the blindly in-love relationship).

Most of us "template" relationships differently than 95 percent of the population. We really get confused by them.

Most of us "hold on" for that perfect mate and miss all of these wonderful opportunities in front of us.

Finding the perfect mate becomes an unhealthy hyper-focus that prevents us from living and loving in the moment.

Sorry for the rant. I have lived in 3 cultures other than the US and we are the only one totally consumed with finding the perfect mate... Sorry, it wont happen.... but if you relax, love yourself, give of yourself and live in the moment, You will be surrounded with so much love, you will not know what to do with it! What is the goal of finding the perfect mate? If you can answer this question in a way that seems healthy, I will change my opinion, drop everything and start the search :)
I've lived overseas, also, and noticed the same thing.
I've changed my tune, recently, though. I'm more determined to meet someone who's 75% like me, as opposed to other criteria that I was searching for, which allowed for disappointment on my behalf, later.
I know that there are a lot of idiots in this world, and we do have to weed them out. If it is under the 'guise' of looking for the 'perfect mate', so be it.
I think my tolerance level has gone wwwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyyyyy down as I get older, too. I don't put up with as much as I used to from a guy.
Nova

You know what I've noticed now? This messed up trend, where some guys are in a relationship with someone, and don't state it, until later. As in a committed relationship. Also, the trend of some guys being separated, and never filing for divorce, only to go back to their wives later.... like in a year or so later. I'm so skittish now, because I don't know what to believe when a guy says he's single, or divorced.
Nova

I am learning just to stick with ADD women... They lie much less because they can't keep the lies straight and what do you know?.. they are already 70 percent like me. In fact I am more like an ADD woman than I am a non-ADD man. We do not follow the social template for gender roles completly :) (Like darn near everything else). Usually the strange communication is great... With all ADD women friends there is laughter most of the time.... And the connection... that wonderful connection. I feel fulfilled just being with them!

Sveral ADD women friends have found that to be the same for them... Once we drop the externally taught view of "who is for us" then we start to see the amazing possibilities. Lots of ADD women are single too! Less single ADD men... wonder why that is so....

I could get with a linear woman, but she would have to be amazing. I tend to blow the capacitors on most linear women :)

You know what I've noticed now? This messed up trend, where some guys are in a relationship with someone, and don't state it, until later. As in a committed relationship. Also, the trend of some guys being separated, and never filing for divorce, only to go back to their wives later.... like in a year or so later. I'm so skittish now, because I don't know what to believe when a guy says he's single, or divorced.
Nova

Ok i am in one of those moods .....:eek:

For me also, my problem , is ,,, i am not sure if i can say it here LOL...and dont want to get a warning.so i will try to keep this as pure as possible.:D
Ok maybe it's because i have did not have a ''Purity check '' in so long, that i have this exceptional ''purity'' feeling, when i am in front of a man, that brings out that ''purity'' sense. And i think that some of them actually feel ''purely abused visualy'', i cant help it, i , i i just want to ''purify'' them . :p
But as soon as one guy, step forward to you know ,,,''feel he wants some purifying '', well i back off, because i dont just want that , i want the whole shabing , shabang, love and respect :D . i wish i did not feel so obvious on the first second of meeting, maybe it's my male side of me, jumping out!!

Sigh......

anyone else like that? :confused:
or am i just way over due for some purifying?:D

Single =Bad as i wanna be soo...........

SINGLE AND LOVIN IT

Dont get me wrong Draga i am enjoying being single

But i think at one point you have to have some S$$. And i think i am way overdue for it.
When i look at a guy, that is my style, I have to refrain myself from just jumping on him LOL...When the 60 yr old mailman starts to look attractive you know you have a serious problem LOL.. :eek:

But my dilema is i want to be in somekind of relationship before having s$$. But i love my life, and i guess i am difficult, with who i want to spend time. I did not really meet anyone yet, that makes me want to spend more then a few minutes with. I did not have any s$$ since June 1997...
We are in darnint march 2005...make the substraction and it's been a longgggggggggggg time... :D :eek: :( :p :)

Are you single and dating? nope no time no moeny but want to

Thinking of dating again? that's the promblem thinking and doing are two different things.

how do you meet your future date? Some days,months later unless i get a time machine going

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD? it sure does i can't i don't plain anything any times or place to meet people it's all random.

How do you find the whole process of dating? If i would've found it i would tell y:D

Yeah Didge. You're overdue. If you need to discuss your ravenous appetite you'll have to go to the private forum for advice. You bring up an interesting subject...dating and intimacy/ physical contact. (I believe in a difference there.)

Hey, and don't overlook that mailman. 60 year old men have experience that comes with age. (grrrrowl)

Yeah Didge. You're overdue. If you need to discuss your ravenous appetite you'll have to go to the private forum for advice. You bring up an interesting subject...dating and intimacy/ physical contact. (I believe in a difference there.)

Hey, and don't overlook that mailman. 60 year old men have experience that comes with age. (grrrrowl)
:) Oh my little Fishy, you know i luv ya....and i will continue my conversation in the private forum :D

Are you single and dating? nope no time no moeny but want to
Why do you need money to date?

Thinking of dating again? that's the promblem thinking and doing are two different things.
I know i feel the same way

how do you meet your future date? Some days,months later unless i get a time machine going
I always say, go out, meet other people...but i hate going out, where there is other people...:eek:

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD? it sure does i can't i don't plain anything any times or place to meet people it's all random.
My problem also

How do you find the whole process of dating? If i would've found it i would tell y:D
As long as you share it,,,it's all cool :D

Why do you need money to date?


I know i feel the same way


I always say, go out, meet other people...but i hate going out, where there is other people...:eek:


My problem also


As long as you share it,,,it's all cool :D

not to many women are just up for sex without dinner sad but true

not to many women are just up for sex without dinner sad but true
LOL silly, what about taking a walk, a hike in the woods, going to musuem( i cant spell it ) but they are cheapo places.

OK i have not been dating since dinausores dissapeared .I thought that now, almost every woman wanted to pay there share of the bill?

LOL silly, what about taking a walk, a hike in the woods, going to musuem( i cant spell it ) but they are cheapo places.

OK i have not been dating since dinausores dissapeared .I thought that now, almost every woman wanted to pay there share of the bill? walk in the woods = lost
museam=yawn

but if that all takes to land a woman is a walk in the woods now i do what i'm doing wrong rofl

what is utalmate goal of a relationship other then marriage, marriage is where the real fun comes in,

walk in the woods = lost
museam=yawn

:p

but if that all takes to land a woman is a walk in the woods now i do what i'm doing wrong rofl

you figure that one out yerself , but i think it depends what kind of woman you are looking for. I am sure a little babe, with stliletto would not appreciate a walk in the woods. Personaly i would take the my stilelltto off first :p then go for a walk..

what is utalmate goal of a relationship other then marriage, marriage is where the real fun comes in,
I have no idea, i have never been married, only lived in sin ( as my mom use to say LOL), but i think dating is a great and fun way to meet a person you want to spend the rest of your life together. Be yourself and do stuff you like to do, and she will come along eventually.

Anywyas that is what i keep telling myself :eek: :D

I have no idea, i have never been married, only lived in sin ( as my mom use to say LOL), but i think dating is a great and fun way to meet a person you want to spend the rest of your life together. Be yourself and do stuff you like to do, and she will come along eventually.

Anywyas that is what i keep telling myself :eek: :D

yep

why can't we avoid the whole process of datting it's alot of wasted time in some regaurds, i'm just looking for a friends with benifit type deail.

yep

i'm just looking for a friends with benifit type deail.
That is what everybody is telling me to do....find a nice friend.

I want a nice friend, but that will eventually be more. But i dotn want to sleep with them, before i know it's more then friendship...
Plus i am an anti-social, i have enough friend :D

See what happens when you grow OLD you also grow principals and integrity,,,:eek:
I HATE it LOL

That is what everybody is telling me to do....find a nice friend.

I want a nice friend, but that will eventually be more. But i dotn want to sleep with them, before i know it's more then friendship...
Plus i am an anti-social, i have enough friend :D

See what happens when you grow OLD you also grow principals and integrity,,,:eek:
I HATE it LOLso what's the pointing of datting when you can't find a good friend that thing every one tells you could lead tio mroe but at that given time why do you want to be attach to one person while the rest of your life is falshing by wondering what if how is keeping your options open wrong??? Who has the time to date i know i don't i do but it would be trickey.

Then no one would get hurt unless they bacame attached the only drawback to that style if you will of that relationship.

so what's the pointing of datting when you can't find a good friend that thing every one tells you could lead tio mroe but at that given time why do you want to be attach to one person while the rest of your life is falshing by wondering what if how is keeping your options open wrong??? Who has the time to date i know i don't i do but it would be trickey.

Then no one would get hurt unless they bacame attached the only drawback to that style if you will of that relationship.
I think i understand what you are saying... I hope so anyways.
You know i am not dating YET, because i am not sure of what i want.
Some men i see, i would only only have one night stand with. But then i have this darn nagging voice , that is telling me, you have been there you've done it, and it did not work for you. Long relationship did not work for me also.. So either way dude i am f?%?%?%ed.
So my question that i am today asking myself, should i just give in, and do the new thing, and go from one guy to another, till i think i have find Mr Right. I think that is where i lost my self-esteem in the first place.
Today, i want to be appreciated for who i am and not how i can perfome vertically. i know i have a lot to give, but it as a price and i dont think i want to just give it for free anymore.

But again i have this evil voice, that is saying,,,if a naked cute guy ran in my bedroom,,,i am not sure i could resist ....... :eek: you know lol...
Evil twin...

Jekyll and Miss Hyde

So either way dude i am f?%?%?%ed.

So either way dude i am f?%?%?%ed.
:p :p :cool: :p :p

wow, this is a TOTAL ADD conversation...

Get a room, you two!

Get a room, you two!
you got money for plaine ticket so i could take her to the park or museam rofl at least dinner.:D

you got money for plaine ticket so i could take her to the park or museam rofl at least dinner.:D
Well at least get another thread!

Get a room, you two!
Get a room?

What are you talking about?... WE are talking about the misery of being single ect.

you got money for plaine ticket so i could take her to the park or museam rofl at least dinner.:D
Yeah get a room mccoffee all by YOURSELF,,,, i aint that easy:eek: :D

wow, this is a TOTAL ADD conversation...
:p Well atleast it shows we are in the good forum...:D

Get a room?

What are you talking about?... WE are talking about the misery of being single ect.
I am teasing you guys because the banter is adorable and wonderful Oh and sooo ADD!

That is what everybody is telling me to do....find a nice friend.

I want a nice friend, but that will eventually be more. But i dotn want to sleep with them, before i know it's more then friendship...
Plus i am an anti-social, i have enough friend :D

See what happens when you grow OLD you also grow principals and integrity,,,:eek:
I HATE it LOLIn your case, what is more than friendship? I only sleep with friends... That is a pre-req for me... along with tons of communication. Love != (not equal) sex. Sex is something you can do with someone you love. All my non-familial adult relationships are divided into aquantences and friends. I have quite a few friends and a few that I feel that there is enough communication for sexual expression of affection to occur. Right now I only have one friend that I do that with and I go through stretches with nobody... very rare for me to have multiple partners. If I do, then they know about each other. Honesty is paramount! Strong emotions like "in-love" are the responsibility of the person that feels it and theirs alone. If it is agreed to move to an exclusive pair bond... then that is OK. I am probably not the pair bond type even though I tend to only have one partner at a time ... Sound strange?

Well... I never go to places to meet guys, since I don't go to bars anymore. I mean, where the heck are you supposed to go to meet guys?? Except those stupid 'meetups' of whatever form!
I did, however, join an online dating site. As much moping as I've been doing, I can't know I'm going to sit here weekend upon weekend and continue to do that.
It's entertaining, with some pros and cons.
You have to constantly weed out the idiots, that's a given. But I figure it'll give me a future opportunity to get my **** out of this apartment and DO something fun!
For the life of me, I can't figure out when I ended up just working and studying.
I was NEVER home!!!
For $20 a month, you can't beat it, really! That's just the cost of joining.
Make sure you sign up to one, if you are going to, that has good features, like replying and sending emails, the ability to chat one on one if you want to do so, and PREVIEW THE MEN before you sign up !!! Some of those sites have really *****y people on them, no joke! So look before you join!
The dinner/date cost depends on how you feel about who pays the check.
It just depends on how choosy you are. I'm doomed, but I'm working on it!
Nova

Nova,

I have tried dating sites in the past, and bascially they are no good(at least for me). I met just about the same type of woman at bars... most of the people were just interested in sex(sometimes that's not a bad thing) but when your 35, I'm looking for a bit more than one night stands..I have heard it has worked for some people though, so you never know...I would just rather approach a women in public, I find attractive(but where! grocery store!?).

Ladies, are you receptive to men at places like grocery stores picking up on you? especially if they are good looking/athletic men(me) ..:)

I did, however, join an online dating site. As much moping as I've been doing, I can't know I'm going to sit here weekend upon weekend and continue to do that.
It's entertaining, with some pros and cons.
You have to constantly weed out the idiots, that's a given. Dude, online dating CAN be the shiznit... my recomendation to you is broadcast your yourself and not what you think the men want to see... I have been doing that and I already have met two cool women... they are platonic friends now, but who knows?

One I met after a long onesided chat on coffee colonics for the stars and the baristas that serve the "effluance" to star crazed fans. Her popup blocker was up, so we ended up chatting through e-mail. That was what I call the dork call. Turns out she was 8 months pregnant... OK, what kind of woman would answer a creative monologue on poop and be on a dating site at 8 months? She is a tomboy too! I talked with her on the phone and the topic jumping started immediately. Found out today that she had a boy... yay!

Another woman I met Talked with me about the new updated religion called Xtianity that revolves around the internet. I met her last weekend. Wandering eyes.. topic jumping..more male friends than female. Instant connection. Most ADD women have been hurt really badly in relationships or have been labeled a **ck tease... so it is hard to dodge the icebergs. My main goal is friendship...platonic friendship or not is ok by me... I just instantly feel lots of warmth with them. They feel like I am home... Hugging them is 10 times more intimate than anything I would experience with women not like that. It is hard to convince them that I don't really have expectations because most men lie so much (women too... all that nuance of mating stuff... do not get it). I have learned to express it once and leave it at that...

ADD women are so great :)

Nova,

Ladies, are you receptive to men at places like grocery stores picking up on you? especially if they are good looking/athletic men(me) ..:)
Just don't try to pick them up by the cucumbers in the vegetable section!




Am I in trouble for finding a way around the asterisks? My mind has this way about it.....

Just don't try to pick them up by the cucumbers in the vegetable section!
Am I in trouble for finding a way around the asterisks? My mind has this way about it.....
:eek: :eek: :eek: :D

Strong emotions like "in-love" are the responsibility of the person that feels it and theirs alone.

Unless you're talking about stalking, darlin', I believe strong emotions like 'in-love' are the responsibility of BOTH people who are involved. If someone knows their 'partner' is becoming attached to them, i.e. 'starting to fall in love with them', it is the responsibility of THAT person to stop having sex with that person, unless they clearly indicate that they have no intention of forming any type of relationship with that person except in a sexual sense. It should actually be stated INITIALLY, before any relations commence, not after the fourth or fifth time. This is how mixed messages form, and their the leading cause of the headaches in forming relationships.
I realize you stated that your honest with your partners, so I'm not saying that you are deceiving anyone, so don't take my post the wrong way. I'm just saying that there are tons of irresponsible people out there who don't say a word when someone is exhibiting 'loving' behavior, in order to continue having sex with that person, which is total hooey!!
Nova

I am teasing you guys because the banter is adorable and wonderful Oh and sooo ADD!
Okey dokey....yer off the hook dude :rolleyes: :D

Unless you're talking about stalking, darlin', I believe strong emotions like 'in-love' are the responsibility of BOTH people who are involved. If someone knows their 'partner' is becoming attached to them, i.e. 'starting to fall in love with them', it is the responsibility of THAT person to stop having sex with that person, unless they clearly indicate that they have no intention of forming any type of relationship with that person except in a sexual sense. It should actually be stated INITIALLY, before any relations commence, not after the fourth or fifth time. This is how mixed messages form, and their the leading cause of the headaches in forming relationships.
I realize you stated that your honest with your partners, so I'm not saying that you are deceiving anyone, so don't take my post the wrong way. I'm just saying that there are tons of irresponsible people out there who don't say a word when someone is exhibiting 'loving' behavior, in order to continue having sex with that person, which is total hooey!!
Nova
Agreed 100 percent... That IS what I mean by taking responsibility. Honest and open communication is vital...

If a partner is becoming attached in that way.. I state that as a boundary. If I become attached to someone who has stated that she does not wnat me to be, my feelings are my responsibility (I will not make them hers by creating drama). So... what happens if a woman I love is becoming attached to me in a way that *might*be unhealthy for her but I still like intimacy with her? (this has happened)... If I feel comfortable still being intimate with her AND have expressed that I have no intention of forming a pair bond with her and she still wants to be intimate with me... I will still be intimate. It is not fair for me to cut things of with a person that I love and enjoy, to save her feelings... if those feelings become too powerful (drama is being generated), most likely I will want to cut off intimacy because I am not comfortable with her in that realm. I will, however try to be friends as long as she respects my boundaries.

I have a strong philosophy about relationships and I communicate it very early on. I feel that the attachment itself *can* be unhealthy... but love is vital. I will not sleep with someone that I do not love... I have done it before and it was awful. My goal in every relationship is for it to be long term... as a friendship OR as a non platonic friendship. I always want to remain friends with people I hove loved and been sexual with... There is no reason to start a relationship with anyone you call friend unless the goal is for it to be long lasting.

This view of relationships is born out of my incomplete template of this culture's views on relationships. In fact I think us ADDers crash on the rocks because we do not understand what these relationships are (even if we have convinced ourselves that we do). Pair bonding is very difficult for me at this point... I have procreated and that partner saw fit to end the pair bond (to tell you the truth, I did not understand the idea of pair bond until we had children... the very point at which she ended it...sweet irony :) )

So here is my complete philosophy of ALL human relationships

1. Relationships should be taken to the point where they are the most MUTUALY beneficial.

2. Both people need to take responsibilty for themselves and their emotions. People must take responsibility for their "wards" (children, students and employees. Anyone who is on the bottom part of the power dialectic)

3. Love is coupled with honesty. The definition of love is found in Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare. It is the marriage of true minds. (This may be something that is much easier for ADDers to find). Love is not feeling or attraction but the equality and honesty of the two people involved.

4. There is no such thing as interpersonal ownership. That is slavery.


So, if these 4 points sound good to you... great! Just be forwarned that they counter almost EVERYTHING this culture sets forth as what a relationship should be. (especially between a man and a woman)

Since we ADDers do not have a strong reference point in the cultures we live in...it is vital that we understand what we think about relationships and build philosophies around them. Those 4 points have appealed to most ADDers I have talked to, even after a good explanation of their implications. They have not sounded good at all to non-ADDers after the explanation of the implications...nuts, huh?

[QUOTE=chain]Agreed 100 percent... That IS what I mean by taking responsibility. Honest and open communication is vital...

So here is my complete philosophy of ALL human relationships

1. Relationships should be taken to the point where they are the most MUTUALY beneficial.

2. Both people need to take responsibilty for themselves and their emotions. People must take responsibility for their "wards" (children, students and employees. Anyone who is on the bottom part of the power dialectic)

3. Love is coupled with honesty. The definition of love is found in Sonnet 116 by Shakespeare. It is the marriage of true minds. (This may be something that is much easier for ADDers to find). Love is not feeling or attraction but the equality and honesty of the two people involved.

4. There is no such thing as interpersonal ownership. That is slavery.


So, if these 4 points sound good to you... great! Just be forwarned that they counter almost EVERYTHING this culture sets forth as what a relationship should be. (especially between a man and a woman)



Well.... that cleared that up, didn't it!
Thanks for being so level headed! You posted a wonderful post !
I realize there's a difference between sex and love, and we all utilize one or the other or both, in doing what we need to do, at the time we do it, I just thought it important that people take responsibility in identifying to themselves, and their partners, what it is they are seeking from them, at that time.
Redheads are prone to being 'hotheads' at times, lol ! Sorry for being so blatantly typical !
Ok...back to your scheduled relationship dilemma programs !!!
Nova

Well.... that cleared that up, didn't it!
Thanks for being so level headed! You posted a wonderful post !
I realize there's a difference between sex and love, and we all utilize one or the other or both, in doing what we need to do, at the time we do it, I just thought it important that people take responsibility in identifying to themselves, and their partners, what it is they are seeking from them, at that time.
Redheads are prone to being 'hotheads' at times, lol ! Sorry for being so blatantly typical !
Ok...back to your scheduled relationship dilemma programs !!!
Nova
Thanks! I have a woman friend who is ADD and a redhead too! She is a non-platonic friend who has all sorts of wild adventures with men. She only feels comfortable telling me about everything but she does let them know early on how she feels about "relationships". Her philosophy is close to mine in this regard.

I absolutely adore her... there are times however... that red hair must signal some fire inside :)

You certainly did not strike me as being "hot headed" and I love the chance to show off my fancy "self made mores" :) When I get around to it, I will post my recipe for functioning with ADD without buying into those externally enforced values. I call it "goal based living".

It is nice to post in a place that does not judge me as nuts! The worst abuse is to have your reality questioned, no?

well, i am up late as usual so what the hey. i m single after blowing 24 yrs of marriage to the one person that i knew I should marry. She was, in retrospect, my perfect match.

unfrotunately i was too busy acting like i had adhd or soemthing. between the drugs & alcohol and other crazy stuff, i had to come to the realiziation that after 24 yrs of marriage, i never knew my wife. i know her favorite color was green, tho she loved red also. but i cant remember if she liked white cake w/chocolate frosting or the other way around. i alwyas got it wrong...that is, when ever i happened to remember her birthday. now i see the same stuff in my oldest son who is almost 25.

plus i dated my wife 3 yrs before marriage. so i have not been single or availabe per se since age 21 when i got out of the Marines. during the separation and divorce i found myself thinking i was in love w/another woman i met, only to find out she was still married. then i met another woman. wow-we were devloping a good, slow, honest friendship. i had never been there before. there was no chance for the other stuff. neither of us was ready for a relationship. but friendship was something we both needed. and needed to work on.

well, then i had another brilliant adhd hyperfocus moment. i had bought her flowers here and there, a little gift now & then. but somewhere i had picked up a bunch of presents along the way (i would see things that reminded me of her...can u tell where this is going), and instead of being patient, giving her something here or there, like Christmas or her birthday, i just stopped by one day and unloaded all these gifts on her. whoops. it was too much. we talked about it later and i thought i understood but i guess my problem was i was thinking again. anyway, we were supposed to go to a Christmas display before my spinal fusion, and she had made other plans when i called her to confirm time.

then i had mylittle temper tantrum, like a little whiney boy. well, to say the least we have not been conversing much at all. my heart was broken. but in the long run it was ok b/c i beleive she was used to crack the shell that was around my heart and emotions for a very very very long time (ie when i was 3 or 4 yrs old). so i am just learning about these emotion things, and while painful at times, it has been good. my oldest son went to a men's retreat w/me 2 yrs ago. miracle. on way home he said it was nice to see his old man was human after all. i asked what he meant. he said that was the 1st time in 23 yrs he ever saw me cry. so there is hope for me.

anyway i am not dating. i m afraid to b/c i am afraid of blowing it again. i was an emotional abuser that has fortunately seen the light and i can never go back that dark road again. but i feel like i have only matured to about my 20's right now (i have 32 mos clean & sober, the longest since about age 14), and i am afraid of meeting women while i am so young emotionally-since i have already just seen how it has affected my ability to relate. yet i know i cant isolate. but i dont want to look. i figure i need to be satisfied as a single first.

i read a book called "wild at heart" by john eldridge. wow-i want to be a man. at 50, i better get moving fast. i know there is a part of me that will be a little boy at times and that is ok. but there is the part of me that has been fighting to be a man since iwas 4 yrs old when i was molested. and i am going to make it. i have been alone for almost 3 yrs now. and even in the brief friendships i had recently i have been able to maintain integrity. that is, abstinence. if i cant develop the friendship 1st, then the rest of that stuff, while i truly miss it, means nothing. the thing i miss most out of all this is the companionship. waking up at 2 in the morning and knowing u r alone in bed is sad. but if i do get the privelege of being married one more time, i hope i will be standing as a man so that i can be the man she would need, and not try to find my manhood in her, thus being that needy little boy again. i hope this all came out right.

i start typing and thats it. i dont stop till i figure out that i must be at the end. this is all i know about relationships. i only dated 3 girls before i met my wife so i have like no experience anyways. but i hope i can help others who are struggling to encourage them to get to counselling, make that marriage work, b/c the alternative (barring abuse that is) is not worth it. i had my chances but i wasnt paying attn. it wasnt until she kicked mne out that i woke up. too late for us, but she saved my life at least.

Wow, thanks for sharing your story. And welcome to the forums, by the way. I can tell you're going to contribute valuable stuff here, you already have.

So glad you got help, better late than never, and glad things are going well for you.

I've actually made a few really great platonic friends, some in 'realtime', and others still online due to the proximity differences. But it's still an option, one that's better than sitting here every weekend, and there have been a few people who are interesting enough to go out with every now and again, so it's still worth the moola.
Nova

For the most part, I've never had problems ADD interfering with with girls (I'm 37, I should call them women) that I date. My problem, as a currently single New Yorker, is that my self image is still largely based on my pre-diagnosis mind. I'm lazy...why can't I get things done?..What's wrong with me...there's definitely something wrong with me.

I've had those feelings for so long that it's difficult to make them vanish. I'm trying to love and forgive myself more, then I'll be able to find someone that loves and cares about me.

Cue violin music.

Well after 6 years of marriage and now single. I am going to have to start looking again for a partner, but I will take my time and I tend to be shy around women when I feel an attraction for them. I am getting better at talking with the opposite sex when I feel attracted to them but it has taken me to long for this to happen. I just hope to find a good woman that also finds a place in her heart for my two spirited boys.
I just need to makes sure that the woman can look past the blue skin and alien type features :)

Well finally a single hot blue alien !!!

Wanna visit my planet ? :)

Well after 6 years of marriage and now single. I am going to have to start looking again for a partner, but I will take my time and I tend to be shy around women when I feel an attraction for them. I am getting better at talking with the opposite sex when I feel attracted to them but it has taken me to long for this to happen. I just hope to find a good woman that also finds a place in her heart for my two spirited boys.
I just need to makes sure that the woman can look past the blue skin and alien type features :)

I will beam down to your planet just for you digitl

I am a single mum of 3. I was married for 13yrs to an abuser who destroyed all my selfworth in only a few months. Thankfully I got strong and was able to leave with my kids when he started abusing drugs & found a girlfriend( He thought there was nothing wrong with all of that!!! )

I have had 2 relationships since then, One ended mutually as he had a lot of problems as well and it was decided that our problems combined were not a good thing. We are still mates & I wish they all ended so well ;)

The second relationship ended a few months ago after I relented & let him move in with his daughter. I should have seen the signs earlier but he was an alcoholic and I refused to put my children thru another sadistic addiction.

I am am the point now where I would love to find a partner but I am afraid my must have/be list is a bit much for any one man to be ........

The fact that I am ADHD is only a problem to those who really dont know me ........ If they love me they must accept me for me ..... not some preconcieved idea of what a person should be ;)

single healthy non-alien guy 3 years out of a marriage... coulda been a mix between her issues and my ADD that did it in... oh well, it was not a healthy thing to begin with. I have 2 amazing children.

Women generally seem attracted (I cannot really tell but friends have noticed this) but they start the whole "mating dance thingy" and I don't know how do that, so I don't... it seems stupid and dishonest. They have to take me as I am!

Anyway, ich bin ein Dork.

Women, watch out for the blue aliens, they cannot keep their probosci to themselves!

Digitl I kinda got up on my soapbox (as usual). I hope Im appropriate here. :soapbox:


As a male I would not be upset by your nervousness on a date at all. In that situation I would probably try to reassure you as best I could.
In a way, I'd view your nervousness as a positive thing, beacuse it would clue me that it was important to you....

Now, with my ADD, I have noticed that I have issues, where I just simply tend to get it all wrong.


1) Yes I'm single

2) No i'm not dating anyone.

3) Yes, I'd like to be dating.

4) To get a date, I generally meet someone I know and ask her out to lunch/dinner.

5) ADD creates all kinds of difficulty for me in dating.

6) I'm 51, and the dating scene is something I dislike a lot.
I'm kind of a shy recluse, and I literally have to force myself to get out and be around people.

About dating...
I'm impulsive, sometimes inappropriate, and I'm too blunt. I also tend to move forward to quickly, or not move at all when I should move forward. To make matters worse, I sometimes can't read social cues all that well, so I rely on eye contact a lot, and have to guess at the context of some situations. This means I make mistakes, and I get things wrong a lot.

I have blown so many opportunities to have relationships with very desirable females because I am ADD, and I have this consistenly dissapointing way of getting it all wrong. It's okay,... my fault, I'll deal with it.

Many adult females won't tolerate this at all, so it is very easy for me to blow my chances right away. Many Non-ADDers don't seem to understand how to relate to ADDers, so dating is sometimes problematic.

It seems as though once I can eventually get close to an NT female emotionally so that she can understand me. it works well enough, but crossing that bridge is really tough for me, and there are lots of letdowns. Not many NT's have the patience to work through it all with someone who is "high maintennence" and they seek companionship elsewhere. I don't blame them a bit, but it is a letdown for me. This means I have to try to be patient and accepting of myself, and others.

Don't let me paint too grim a picture here. There are people who are very understanding and patient enough to work through it with you, but one has to make an effort, and it still won't be easy for either person. The hard part here is finding that right person and making the connection. It has not happened for me, yet.

Dating another ADDer can be chaotic, but one does find someone who is as inexplicably odd as oneself, and that sometimes seems to work in it's own way. My ex wife has recently been diagnosed as bipolar (this is surprising?). We were married for 14 years and we chose to end our relationship long before I knew I was ADD or she knew she was bipolar. As far as the relationship went; When it was good, it was great. When it was bad it was nothing short of horrible. For the most part is was good, and we overlooked the bad bits. From what I have seen, this is typical of marriages between "normal" people, so I guess we did okay.

I've since dated NT's but I've not dated any other ADDer's. I did have a recent close call with a lady who happened to be bipolar. The friendship accidentlly ended up in a rather ugly emotional meltdown that resulted in the loss of that relationship. It might have worked out better if I had known from the start that she was bipolar, and if she had known from the start that I was ADD. We were merely platonic friends, but I cite it here as an example of the risks we face in any relationship. You really can get your feelings hurt, and hurt others too easily, and one or both parties having neurological issues makes it all the more difficult.

When you date an ADDer you learn what the NT's experience when they try to date an ADDer (you know, the bit about someone who is "high maintennence" ?). Let's face it we are not always easy to deal with, and we can be complicated, and a little scarey to those who don't understand us at all. It is just part of the ADD landscape we live on, and we need to understand ourselves and how others perceive us if we are going to get anywhere in our relationships.

I think the bottom lines is that if two people decide to make a relationship work, there is a good chance they can do it. ADD or not.

speedo


ARe you single?

Are you single and dating?

Thinking of dating again?

how do you meet your future date?

Does having ADD or ADHD ect, brings you more problems with dating then non-ADD/ADHD?

How do you find the whole process of dating?

Why am i asking all these questions, well because i want to know how it is for others in the same situation as i am.
At this point in my life i would like to meet that nice decent guy.
But being who i am and with ADHD it's not always easy.
I am kinda of anti-social, i dont go out to bar , dances ect. I also
have my kids, that takes a lot of my time. I do activities, but
usually i am with my kids and my focus are the kids, or i will forget
i was with them LOL..(joking). To do activities with other adults no i dont.:eek: I have thought of online dating services, tried writting an add, but again the thought of me having to sell myself is YUCKY.. And going thrue the whole process of meeting , getting to know over and over again.. I am not sure yet if it's for me. I beleive that one day, i will meet him, just i kinda want to force the future a little bit, in trying anyways to be out there and open to dating. I have been single a long time, and i do not want a relationship at every price. I have my little list, of what a guy need to have within him, for me to even think about dating him. It's
not a big list mind you, but i made mistakes in the past, and i do not want to make the same ones again. So making sure that this person as
those qualities in them is important. Plus my self esteem as rise 90% in the last years, so did a lot of other things. A men would not make me happy, as i am already happy, but it's to share that happiness with a man that i want to experience now.
I know it may come as a big shock to some of you, but i am extremely shy LOL...Yes yes, it's true. When i meet a guy i am interested in, i kinda get nervous, then i get dry mouth, because i am worried i will blabber stupid irrelevant things. And sound like a complete fool, or i will giggle like a school girl for nothing and everything. Not easy...anyhow i would really like to hear what some of you are going thrue, or went thrue..

I will beam down to your planet just for you digitl
Just for little old MOI!!! :eek: :eyebrow: :faint: :rolleyes: :)

Come on down , your the next contestant on the prize is right!!!!! :D

I will beam down to your planet just for you digitl
I just flashed at this....What the goodness do you mean by beam DOWN to my planet??? :eek: :mad: :eyebrow: :eek:

Like my planet is lower then yours? :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

I resent that kind of macho chauvinist blue alien pig declaration :rolleyes: :p :D

But you can still come you know lol.....:p :)

Hey Speedo, ever been to Canada? I know an "inexplicably odd" ADD lady there. ;)

Hey Speedo, ever been to Canada? I know an "inexplicably odd" ADD lady there. ;)
LOL you are still at it :eek: :rolleyes: :p :D ,,,my favorite little Vanna fishy :)

Hey Speedo, ever been to Canada? I know an "inexplicably odd" ADD lady there. ;)
While we are here, do you arrange interplaneterial meetings also?? :) :D

Ok, so I know this cute guy (well, actually a hermaphrodite) from Alpha Centauri. Good with kids, eats too many Reece's Pieces, but has a really small...........................:eek:

















........spaceship. ;) Not sure you could go on a date that requires him/her to drive.

Of course Digitl your planet is lower than mine :D:p<!--[if gte vml 1]><v:shapetype id="_x0000_t75" coordsize="21600,21600" o:spt="75" o:preferrelative="t" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" filled="f" stroked="f"> <v:stroke joinstyle="miter"/> <v:formulas> <v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"/> <v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"/> <v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"/> <v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"/> <v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"/> <v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"/> </v:formulas> <v:path o:extrusionok="f" gradientshapeok="t" o:connecttype="rect"/> <o:lock v:ext="edit" aspectratio="t"/> </v:shapetype><v:shape id="_x0000_i1025" type="#_x0000_t75" alt="" style='width:12pt; height:12pt'> <v:imagedata src="file:///C:/DOCUME~1/Caine/LOCALS~1/Temp/msoclip1/01/clip_image001.gif" o:href="http://www.addforums.com/forums/images/smilies/cool.gif"/> </v:shape><![endif]--><!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]--> I am from a superior race of highly intelligent beings but have decided to bring my knowledge to your planet Earth. :)

Not to change the subject too much, but has anyone seen that movie with
Garry Shandling called "What planet are you from" The whole planet was nothing but men and they had to add an instrument to be with women. Every time he would get excited it would start to make noise. What a funny movie.:eyebrow:

Hey Didge,
Try Ohio. There are more than enough 'alien' boys to go around, in this state!
Weird, little creatures, that they are!
Nova

I hear ya, chain,
Some guys play game too, as do some chickies.
That's why I've given up.
Nova

Eyeforgot;

The last time I was in Canada, it was by accident. I was fishing in Lake Erie and got caught in a thunderstrom that blew my boat north past Pele Island... Does that count ?
... and dare I wonder who that inexplicably odd lady might be ? =)


Hey Speedo, ever been to Canada? I know an "inexplicably odd" ADD lady there. ;)

Our dear Digitl, of course. She has this thing for aliens.

Aww...

I used to live in Ohio... Does that count as being an alien life form ?

Nova, don't give up on people. Not everyone is like that. I've known some wonderful people, and have been so glad to have them in my life, as a friend or otherwise.

Glen


I hear ya, chain,
Some guys play game too, as do some chickies.
That's why I've given up.
Nova

Wow , now I've got a whole screen of these animated avitars banging their heads into the keyboards.
Watching them for a little bit sort of makes me feel a little queasy...

Yet another head-banging avatar for your viewing pleasure.

I am overloaded today, I need to vent, so I am going to rant. Fasten your seatbelt....

Being a single male, I've noticed there are a lot of other single people on this forum. (*clue*)
The thing that strikes me is that for all the ADDers who are single, and complain of being lonely, you would think that at least some of them might be open to entertaining the idea that somebody else out there feels the same way, and that maybe , that individual , or *somebody*, who feels the same way , might make a good friend, or even a prospective significant other. You would also think that knowing this, they might take a stab at a relationship (where appropriate).

The thing is, you continually see the same people, over, and over again still alone, and lonely.
The other thing that is remarkable, is that it is more thna just a few people.

You would think they would gather together and try to break down these issues so they can all move forward?

Now, we all know who scarey relationships are to so very many ADDer's. RIGHT ???

This is understandable...

You would THINK, that knowing that other ADDers are less scarey to us because we all seem to understand each other , to at least some degree.... (yes, use your intuition here)

Yes we all know that too many of us have disasterous train-wreck relationships, and have been hurt in the past...this is no mystery.

But many of us have healthy relationships, and make it work if we try....

Now the thing that makes us interesting to each other, is the same thing that makes us "high maintennence" as prospective S.O.'s YES, a lot of us have serious baggage, and YES a lot of us have gigantic fears. And some of us sometimes get a little... well.. over the edge...and that is annoying as heck, or even scarey at times.

As a lot, ADDers are mostly harmless, shy, and sensitive. We think too darnn much, and we spilt hairs, overprocess, and overanalyze until just about every possibility for intamacy is trashed.

We do it to ourselves most of the time, and we set ourselves up as easy victims for bad people
and then we wonder why it hurts....go figure....this is my brain on ADD.... (YUCK!)

With all that in mind, we have only two alternatives to resovling our lonely-onlys...

So the only alternaties are ..

A) just live alone and like it. (get a dog if you want unconditional love)

B) Get healthy, and work around, or overcome the problems, and find a kindred spirit who wishes to share life.


Discussion...

Option "A" is fine if you prefer living alone. A lot of people really do feel this way.
IF you don't like living alone, it is not a happy thing. A lot of adders Like
"A", and a lot of adders don't.

For those who don't like option "A", this leaves option "B"..

"B" is a fine choice, but it entails a certain amount of risk... unfortunately we don't seem to be able to always judge what the risks are.. WE either trust totally, or retreat in total paranoia... we don't seem to have an in-between. Is this what I am seeing in people? Is this just me ????
In any case, let it suffice that we don't seem to be able to deal with risk in our relationships very well...

Given "B" as the only choice... what to do ?

and the next question is: "How?"


Me :D

Rant away.

Well if you want to live with someone you def have to meet people in real life, to start with.

More rarely, one might find someone on the net, but I think the better odds are for in-person things. I mean, you could meet someone at work, at the grocery store, at the computing store, music in the park, camera club meeting, dentist office, vet...

oop I only saw the single bit. never mind.

That is an appropriate response imo... can you expand on that ?


Me :D


Rant away.

Well if you want to live with someone you def have to meet people in real life, to start with.

More rarely, one might find someone on the net, but I think the better odds are for in-person things. I mean, you could meet someone at work, at the grocery store, at the computing store, music in the park, camera club meeting, dentist office, vet...

I can follow up on this a little more...


I meet lots of people. Now, for me, I Seldom cross that line from acquaintence to "friend" , let alone anything more than that. I just don't go there.

Me :D


Rant away.

Well if you want to live with someone you def have to meet people in real life, to start with.

More rarely, one might find someone on the net, but I think the better odds are for in-person things. I mean, you could meet someone at work, at the grocery store, at the computing store, music in the park, camera club meeting, dentist office, vet...

er, well, through my schooling and life so far, I've always interested in relationship stuff, and you know, after talking to friends and relatives and reading and all, it kind of comes down to beating the numbers game.

If your life is such that you do not have a wide range of friends, or a wide range of coworkers of suitable appeal, you have to make some effort (hard!) to expand the range of possible people that could ultimately be a real partner.

And if people are shy or not too chatty, and in the vast majority of cases one needs to be communicative in order to start a relationship, then the person will have to be clever and think of situations where they are at their best and try to increase the number of times you are seen in that comfortable environment.

And also, be ready to sparkle. But I appreciate this is much easier for some than others.

Outside of these events, I guess one should really be aware of who is around, who might be appreciating you already that you don't even know (i'm always convinced this happens more often than we know)!!!

cs

I can follow up on this a little more...


I meet lots of people. Now, for me, I Seldom cross that line from acquaintence to "friend" , let alone anything more than that. I just don't go there.

Me :D
but if you don't ever go there, how have you ever managed to have a relationship, cuz I thought, if I remember, you had already had a SO???

and if you don't go there, how will you find another? It is hard to marry an acquaintance, yes?

what would entice you into cracking into that "seldom" for a nice cold brewski?

AHH!

I agree. I've encountered this. Recently , in fact, with a non-add friend. I had overlooked her for a while, and an acquaintance brought it to my attention, and I realized it was true. She did not quite know what to make of me when I responded and allowed her be close to me emotionally. Nothing came of it, but I liked the attention. :p

Outside of these events, I guess one should really be aware of who is around, who might be appreciating you already that you don't even know (i'm always convinced this happens more often than we know)!!!

YES!... one has to take some kind of chance in order to get any results.

but if you don't ever go there, how have you ever managed to have a relationship, cuz I thought, if I remember, you had already had a SO???

Nope , I have no S.O. I am a confirmed bachelor.


and if you don't go there, how will you find another? It is hard to marry an acquaintance, yes?

what would entice you into cracking into that "seldom" for a nice cold brewski?

Yes, one has to take some kind of risk to get any results.

As far as what would entice me goes, is when a lady shows sincere interest in me. Now, I'm spooky enough that if a woman comes on strongly , I might become suspicious and back off a bit (it depends on who how and why).

I guess I'm waiting for some kind of approval from her, usually. Not being good at visual cues, I think I miss it a lot. I think I need to just be open to the idea and I WON'T miss it so easily.


Me :D

Yes, yes, I think you are right...you have to be open to the idea, so that when it happens you recognize it and can respond if you are interested.:)

In any case, another good friend is always good to find, so even if it turned out that the girl down the street or neighbour or whatever doesn't quite click in that way you need, then you still are ahead!!:D

Although I've never been able to keep a bf as a friend once its over, even with trying. :rolleyes:

I meet lots of people. Now, for me, I Seldom cross that line from acquaintence to "friend" , let alone anything more than that. I just don't go there.I'm with ya there. I've had aquaintances for years, but I don't consider myself close enough to them to be a friend. I don't confide in them, and don't expect them to be there for me at any great length. We'll just do something once in a great while, maybe even two things, and then do nothing for months at a time. This even includes speaking. In analyzing it all I find I enjoy the lack of expectations.

I date relatively the same way. I'll meet someone on an up/sociable swing and hang with them for a while. We'll do fun, exciting things, and I'm ready to move on. I've got some issues resulting from past experiences, but I think for the most part I just lose interest. They're still fun and I still like them, but my mind races on to someone/something else.

When I bump into them later it's like cleaning your room and finding an old toy. I'm all about them again--remembering how much I liked them, and finding new points of interest because we've both grown. Then my mind's off again....I contribute this aspect to ADD.

Thanks for those words Ashley!

Yes, I once described my past relationships to an NT friend as "furtive" and brief. He could not understand what I meant. Your words bring home the truth.

For me, as a male, that lifestyle is fine as long as life is an endless conveyor belt with women on it. But after a while that wore thin with me. I don't care about it, I don't want it.
I got tired of the self abuse.

I'd take something more permanent, lasting. If I can find it. If I can't I'll do without, kthnx...

Now, I'm beginning to wonder if I'm just not facing up to the reality of how I am wired. I want to reject the idea that ADD precludes a lasting relationship. I want to reject the notion that ADD means that intamacy is just too difficult to work through...I don't have answers for these yet.

Me :D

Speedo
I don't think "ADD precludes a lasting relationship." I do think that ADD precludes HARD work and, in my case, knowing oneself fully before trying to add another self into the mix.

"That lifestyle is fine" for me as well. I come into all relationships knowing I'm not looking for an earth quaking love, and love myself enough to satisfy for the foreseeable future. At the risk of sounding uncouthe and egotistical, I'll explain the problems I do have with it:

I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I'm a very lovable person (We're not necessarily talkin' about sex here, folks). I'm passionate, caring, and honest. The problem is that I'm TOO lovable. Too often I have dated a man and left him with... not necessarily love... but sincere feelings towards me, and nothing to do with those feelings. I tell them I don't intend to be serious and if that's what they're looking for they should look elsewhere. I tell them I'm living by myself right now dealing with my stuff and my dog's the man in my life. :rolleyes: But they still end up wanting to get serious fairly quickly.
I think I'm mostly responsible for this:
1. My actions don't always reflect my words
2. It's probably the type of men I pick--they're just too ripe for the pickin' for my tastes once I get 'em! :D

In the end I decided to put dating on hold so I wouldn't be taking risks--risks with other people's hearts! Now we know I'm an egomaniac...:)

Haha Ashley!! You heartbreaker! :)

Just be yourself and keep telling it like it is.

Me :D

I have been able to "just be friends". In fact, several times (and they are still my friends). But my experience has been that it is usually an all-or-nothing thing with former girfriends. (either for her, or for me) I think that once strong emotion has become involved it can be hard for most people to stuff that proverbial genie back in the bottle and just be platonic. This is especially true if things did not end well. Usually, if I ended the relationship things wound up being civilized. I'm usually pretty sensitive and careful to try to not hurt people. :p But I have given several the hobnail boot out of the door when the situation became more than a little unreasonable :eek:

Although I've never been able to keep a bf as a friend once its over, even with trying. :rolleyes:

Me :D

In keeping with the theme started by Ashley, I'll throw in my 2 cents worth of quandry/advice/revelation. My experience has boiled down to one simple statement.

I just don't get it!

I've had women state their personal wants, exactly as Ashley expressed in her last post. Standing strong and steadfast, women have told me this "thing" was for fun and a little silliness perhaps, but that nothing serious should be expected in any way. I was also questioned as to my personal ability to keep such boundries. Each time I expressed agreement as my personal sentiment mirrored her spoken views.

I have never broken that contract. However, every woman has broken or attempted to break this agreement, even though she made it and was very insistent on these rules being followed. I don't get that at all.

I don't understand marriage just as I don't understand Christmas. Everybody says one thing, but they all do something completely different.(please excuse the incidental Monty Python inference)

I counted married couples whom I've known several years. I set parameters that my friendship with them must be for a substantial length of time, and I must be in their personal inner circle for this time. Of all these couples, in an astounding number, one, or both partners, have done something with potential catastrophic consequences to their relationship.

I had absolute knowledge in each case of the attrocity(ies). These things are never told to their spouse, even in sorrow or remorse. These people stand in front of friends and their personal "God" and state vows they never intend to keep. That's crazy in my opinion.

Additionally, I'm supposed to pretend that all this is normal. Rarely do I see a couple with both individuals truly happy and committed.

I wonder how this tradition ever gained footing and reached such magnitude. I currently live in a region of the U.S. where it is common for a woman in her mid 30's to have been married and divorced 3-5 times. I don't get that at all. The big punch line to that statement is they marry the same individual two or more times quite often as well.

That's a bit more than two cents, so I'll step down from my soap box and go out back to re-invent the wheel.

Zippy

Wow Zippy , i think maybe moving to another state would be a good idea :p :)

I know what you mean about seing couples that are together for other reasons then being in love with each other.

I still beleive in love, i know it exist maybe it wont be for me in this life time. But atleast i have somethign to look forward on my next journey. :rolleyes: :eek: :D

I am sad to see how bitter you are about this.




I just don't get it!

I've had women state their personal wants, exactly as Ashley expressed in her last post. Standing strong and steadfast, women have told me this "thing" was for fun and a little silliness perhaps, but that nothing serious should be expected in any way. I was also questioned as to my personal ability to keep such boundries. Each time I expressed agreement as my personal sentiment mirrored her spoken views.

I have never broken that contract. However, every woman has broken or attempted to break this agreement, even though she made it and was very insistent on these rules being followed. I don't get that at all.

I don't understand marriage just as I don't understand Christmas. Everybody says one thing, but they all do something completely different.(please excuse the incidental Monty Python inference)

I counted married couples whom I've known several years. I set parameters that my friendship with them must be for a substantial length of time, and I must be in their personal inner circle for this time. Of all these couples, in an astounding number, one, or both partners, have done something with potential catastrophic consequences to their relationship.

I had absolute knowledge in each case of the attrocity(ies). These things are never told to their spouse, even in sorrow or remorse. These people stand in front of friends and their personal "God" and state vows they never intend to keep. That's crazy in my opinion.

Additionally, I'm supposed to pretend that all this is normal. Rarely do I see a couple with both individuals truly happy and committed.

I wonder how this tradition ever gained footing and reached such magnitude. I currently live in a region of the U.S. where it is common for a woman in her mid 30's to have been married and divorced 3-5 times. I don't get that at all. The big punch line to that statement is they marry the same individual two or more times quite often as well.

That's a bit more than two cents, so I'll step down from my soap box and go out back to re-invent the wheel.

Zippy

I would have loved to do that...after all the guys I dated were all terrific guys (cept 1 who fooled me) just that it either didn't happen or couldn't or both.

Two of them I'm really sorry I couldn't have, and in both cases, it was me not them that did the "couldn'ting", which was really sad.

Only one relationship ended badly, in a fight type of way, the others were pretty much mutual agreements.

I do envy your luck in maintaining some still friends. It must be the strong emotion thing...or the complete disappointment that another one bit the dust??? or the facing reality you have to start all over again to find someone hopefully compatible and then the endless peeling of your emotional onion till you get to the point of open vulnerability when you get rejected again???

ayayay carumba!!


I have been able to "just be friends". In fact, several times (and they are still my friends). But my experience has been that it is usually an all-or-nothing thing with former girfriends. (either for her, or for me) I think that once strong emotion has become involved it can be hard for most people to stuff that proverbial genie back in the bottle and just be platonic. This is especially true if things did not end well. Usually, if I ended the relationship things wound up being civilized. I'm usually pretty sensitive and careful to try to not hurt people. :p But I have given several the hobnail boot out of the door when the situation became more than a little unreasonable :eek:



Me :D

Since my 3yr relationship ended in Febuary with this half spanish half Morrocan girl I was with, I just can't seem to meet anyone I'm attracted to who will accept me for me. I don't get it? I'm a good looking guy who's outgoing, caring, has a sense of humor, good values and so on.

I think some of the females I meet sense something different about me (which is the ADHD) and they don't know what it is, and I think it may steer them away.

Could this be?

Should I be trying to find someone I'm attracted to who has ADD/ADHD as well as myself?

jay88, i totally understand...i'm a gd looking girl who's outgoing, caring, has a sense of humor, gd values and so on....

what r the differences that u have?

for me...as a girl...i have ADHD and makes me distinguished from other females i guess...i have my goal, my own point of view, very liberal, not afraid of challenges, sporty, i work, i volunteer, i try new things...

i kinda see it as initimidating other males too...like i have a so liberal and new approach to a lot of things...and regular guys make be scared away...

i drink soda like crazy...i can drink 10 cans of soda...no problem...i need a guy who r not scared...i can drive motorcycle...i need a guy to accept that...i drive stick shift too...i need a guy to accept that to...i went to army reserve before...i can shoot...i need a guy to accept that as well...

probably i need a guy who's successful and will not be threatened by a successful female...

dfac001

jay88, i totally understand...i'm a gd looking girl who's outgoing, caring, has a sense of humor, gd values and so on....

what r the differences that u have?

for me...as a girl...i have ADHD and makes me distinguished from other females i guess...i have my goal, my own point of view, very liberal, not afraid of challenges, sporty, i work, i volunteer, i try new things...

i kinda see it as initimidating other males too...like i have a so liberal and new approach to a lot of things...and regular guys make be scared away...

i drink soda like crazy...i can drink 10 cans of soda...no problem...i need a guy who r not scared...i can drive motorcycle...i need a guy to accept that...i drive stick shift too...i need a guy to accept that to...i went to army reserve before...i can shoot...i need a guy to accept that as well...

probably i need a guy who's successful and will not be threatened by a successful female...

For me in my case, I think that some females just think I'm different and don't accept me or even want to take the time to know me as the IMO ADHD that they don't know about scares them off as they sense something different about me.

It makes me feel like an outsider who ppl don't want to be around.

I know I'm out going, have a sense of humor, likes to have fun and so on if they'd just take the time to know me for who I really am.

Should we tell ppl we're interested in that we have ADHD/ADD?

Wouldn't this totally scare them away? Or would it make things a little more clear for them so they'd know why I do or say certain things?

Jay88...

I would definitely hold off on telling anyone new that I was interested in, that I have ADD. Remember half the normie world doesn't believe it and the other half probably considers it a serious mental illness!!!

I actually have a friend of mine coaching me because I've just met someone I'm interested in and my friend was always really good at the relationship thing, including a good solid marriage. Do you know someone that could help you with this? I know guys are a little wierd about this stuff, but if you have a close friend that knows about the ADHD, coaching could help.Which brings me to something good that has come from my ADD...

First, I finished mowing the lawn and forgot to put the mower back in the garage (not the first time this happened)...but... it was stolen! So I had to hire someone to cut the lawn, and now there is definitely some two sided flirting occurring. But I am taking my time and not jumping into anything and my friend is coaching me on my behavior, God knows I need the help... And I died laughing when she asked "oh please can I come hide in the closet and listen ?!?" We've reached a mutual concesus that my relationship skills are remedial at best for a wide variety of reasons that ADD only intensifies. So I am 46 years old and just now understanding how to play the game. Its fun and it sucks at the same time.............

Jay88...
So I am 46 years old and just now understanding how to play the game. Its fun and it sucks at the same time.............
Thank You ! Thank You ! Thank You ! You have gotten my day off to a Great Start !:) For the first time since I finally figured out that I didn't understand how to play the game either:o :eek: :faint: :foot: (I was diagnoised & properly medicated at 45, I'm 51 now) I don't feel like the only one in the world.:D .
BlessedLady

I adore a lady who can do all these things. In fact, I'd especially like one who can drive my 3-on-a-tree pickup into town to fetch parts for my harley, then come home and fix it for me so I can go riding....

(Just kidding, I don't even own a harley).

I don't see any of those thngs as intimidating. I DO see them as an indication that you are fully able to handle your affairs, and don't need someone to manage your life for you. This is a GOOD thing in my opinion.

I bet I can drink more soda than you....

Tell me, what is "successful" ?

Me :D


jay88, i totally understand...i'm a gd looking girl who's outgoing, caring, has a sense of humor, gd values and so on....

what r the differences that u have?

for me...as a girl...i have ADHD and makes me distinguished from other females i guess...i have my goal, my own point of view, very liberal, not afraid of challenges, sporty, i work, i volunteer, i try new things...

i kinda see it as initimidating other males too...like i have a so liberal and new approach to a lot of things...and regular guys make be scared away...

i drink soda like crazy...i can drink 10 cans of soda...no problem...i need a guy who r not scared...i can drive motorcycle...i need a guy to accept that...i drive stick shift too...i need a guy to accept that to...i went to army reserve before...i can shoot...i need a guy to accept that as well...

probably i need a guy who's successful and will not be threatened by a successful female...

MovingOn


Jay88...

I would definitely hold off on telling anyone new that I was interested in, that I have ADD. Remember half the normie world doesn't believe it and the other half probably considers it a serious mental illness!!!

I actually have a friend of mine coaching me because I've just met someone I'm interested in and my friend was always really good at the relationship thing, including a good solid marriage. Do you know someone that could help you with this? I know guys are a little wierd about this stuff, but if you have a close friend that knows about the ADHD, coaching could help.Which brings me to something good that has come from my ADD...

First, I finished mowing the lawn and forgot to put the mower back in the garage (not the first time this happened)...but... it was stolen! So I had to hire someone to cut the lawn, and now there is definitely some two sided flirting occurring. But I am taking my time and not jumping into anything and my friend is coaching me on my behavior, God knows I need the help... And I died laughing when she asked "oh please can I come hide in the closet and listen ?!?" We've reached a mutual concesus that my relationship skills are remedial at best for a wide variety of reasons that ADD only intensifies. So I am 46 years old and just now understanding how to play the game. Its fun and it sucks at the same time.............
I had a feeling ppl would advise me not to say anything. But I still think some individuals can sense that there's something different (my adhd) and they don't quite know what it is, but I think it scares some ppl off.

No unfortunately I don't have any friends who know about the ADHD. A couple of the friends I have, have made fun of ppl with such dissabillities.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17581

Have you checked out this thread? No announcement of ADD needed, imho. If it comes up, it comes up, it's a natural thing. Nothing to be ashamed of. If they don't understand maybe they'll accept an explanation/education. If not, then they're not taking the time required to get to know and understand who you are, and therefore, not worth your time. Just 2 cents.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17581

Have you checked out this thread? No announcement of ADD needed, imho. If it comes up, it comes up, it's a natural thing. Nothing to be ashamed of. If they don't understand maybe they'll accept an explanation/education. If not, then they're not taking the time required to get to know and understand who you are, and therefore, not worth your time. Just 2 cents.
I just don't know...Jay is going to do what he feels necessary, until that mallot from the sky hits him over the head, a couple more times...and then he'll get it...
Huh, Jay ??? :)
Just being another, ADD/HD soulmate, of yours...
Nova

I was thinking today about this single thingy, and why it is so hard to find someone.

And i think i came up with a reason why i find it so hard. I think that being a such a loner myself, i need to find someone that is as much a loner as me. And i think that is where the problem begins in a way,because thatt person becomes , your friend, mate, lover ect ect...It becomes pretty much the only adult you kind of relate to on a day to day basis..

Maybe because i get bored of people after a while, i did not meet the right guy that could be that person for me.

Does this make sense to anyone???
I hope it does so maybe i can understand this theory better..but i have big problem expressing my thought most of the time :eek:

Lise, it makes perfect sense to me.

I've noticed that I am not great at carrying a conversation. After a while I just run out of things to say, so I might start rattling pointlessly in a vain attempt to keep conversation going. I also might just clam up and be quiet if I just run out of things to say (or if I am dealing with sensory issues) That tends to make a mess of a new encounter, I think.

But , yes I have always been a loner, so I'm typically rather self-contained and don't really "need" anyone for much of anything. I do prefer to not be alone at times, but I'm often just quiet, and not a lot of company. Sometimes I just like having someone around, but not necesarilly interracting. At other times, I am very much in-your-face and things are gonna happen if you don't notice me right away. :p

I think that loners just don't tend to hook up with anyone very easily. I also think that people with ADD need somone who is a little extra patient, or , at least very understanding and willing to help build bridges in order to make the connection. Loners are not good at reaching out, so they prolly need a little help with that sometimes. Now, some loners, just want to be left alone, so I think people tend to misread someone who is independent as someone who wants to be alone.

My ex used to tell me that it was often hard to read what was going on with me, and that I did not telegraph my thoughts/feelings well sometimes. She also said that I was a lot more complex than I seemed to be on the surface. (Who??. ME??? :eek: )

Plus, I think my odd combination of shyness and assertiveness is a real show stopper, for all but the most patiently peresistent female. I also think some just misread me, and I also sometimes misread others, etc.... (chit happens)

Me :D


I was thinking today about this single thingy, and why it is so hard to find someone.

And i think i came up with a reason why i find it so hard. I think that being a such a loner myself, i need to find someone that is as much a loner as me. And i think that is where the problem begins in a way,because thatt person becomes , your friend, mate, lover ect ect...It becomes pretty much the only adult you kind of relate to on a day to day basis..

Maybe because i get bored of people after a while, i did not meet the right guy that could be that person for me.

Does this make sense to anyone???
I hope it does so maybe i can understand this theory better..but i have big problem expressing my thought most of the time :eek:

I was thinking today about this single thingy, and why it is so hard to find someone.

And i think i came up with a reason why i find it so hard. I think that being a such a loner myself, i need to find someone that is as much a loner as me. And i think that is where the problem begins in a way,because thatt person becomes , your friend, mate, lover ect ect...It becomes pretty much the only adult you kind of relate to on a day to day basis..

Maybe because i get bored of people after a while, i did not meet the right guy that could be that person for me.

Does this make sense to anyone???
I hope it does so maybe i can understand this theory better..but i have big problem expressing my thought most of the time :eek:
Speaking from past experience, Lise..although it's one I try to not think about, now, although that task is impossible to do.....when you do meet the right person...it's really easy to be with them, and their company is wonderful..even when being solitary together.. I was certainly never bored..for once.
You'll find 'you' out there...I promise..
Nova

so how long is long enough after my divorce to try and find my other half. I underdsand that it is only up to me to know when I am ready, but it is still something that I have been thinking of.

I know this question sounds crazy but I still think about it from time to time. Should I give myself a year to consider looking even if I think that i am ready or do I just start dating and see where it will take me.

Well, if you feel the need to take a year or two to "recharge", you should do that. In my opinion, what we all say we intend to do, as opposed to what we end up doing , are two different things. So, I think that arbitrarily setting some kind of "rule" for yourself might be a waste of time.

It was about a year , after my divorce before I really felt like dating seriously. It really took a while to get over feeling wounded.

I think you should act according to how you feel about it. After all it IS an emotional , as well as a practical consideration...

Me :D

I agree with speedo on this one :) ( jeez i am in a agreeing mood today :rolleyes: )


But like i always say, i think that when it's meant to be it will happen Caine even if you are just outside on your job, no shirt on :rolleyes: , sweating like a pig :eek: , muscles all tense up in effort :faint: ...it will happen :D . I know i always met my exes in real normal day to day places.

Just date if you feel like it, if not no biggy...no one knows you better then yourself...:)

PS: i think you should definitly start flirting with a quebecoise first....it will give you great practice and exercise....:rolleyes: :p :)




so how long is long enough after my divorce to try and find my other half. I underdsand that it is only up to me to know when I am ready, but it is still something that I have been thinking of.

I know this question sounds crazy but I still think about it from time to time. Should I give myself a year to consider looking even if I think that i am ready or do I just start dating and see where it will take me.

Digitl you are just SO agreeable... and Soooo flirtable.... :p

Caine, don't stress yourself over "how long is appropriate" , you will know what is appropriate for you.

:)


Me :D

I agree with speedo on this one :) ( jeez i am in a agreeing mood today :rolleyes: )


But like i always say, i think that when it's meant to be it will happen Caine even if you are just outside on your job, no shirt on :rolleyes: , sweating like a pig :eek: , muscles all tense up in effort :faint: ...it will happen :D . I know i always met my exes in real normal day to day places.

Just date if you feel like it, if not no biggy...no one knows you better then yourself...:)

PS: i think you should definitly start flirting with a quebecoise first....it will give you great practice and exercise....:rolleyes: :p :)
:p

Oh I definitely agree with you speedo. About Caine and most especially Digi...I flirt with her all the time :P :D

Jay88-

Just thought I'd check in and see how things are going.

You still sounded so discouraged in your last post. One thing you need to remember is that you are searching for someone who appreciates the "uniqueness of you". If you were like everyone else wouldn't that be boring? Afterall, I'll bet even Brad Pitt has lost the interest of someone at some time.(Jen perhaps?) So, even though I am definitely a work in progress at this late point in my life, here's how I am working the program so far.....

1) RELAX!- This alone can give the illusion of the oh-so-neccessary self confidence that we must all possess in order to be percieved as attractive. AND I must admit, lack of overall self-confidence in a man is a deal breaker for me.

2) AM I MY BEST ME? - Personal grooming, clothing,etc. When you're hunting these things are important and are part of the game. Offer up the best and most appropriate package that you can. This part takes a lot out of me, the grooming is easy, but the wardrobe thing is very, very stressful!

3) IDENTIFY WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN A PARTNER - Separate the "it would be nice if" items from the "deal breakers". And keep in mind that some things may change over time. For instance when I was younger I considered a guys' "potential of success" scale as important. I have replaced this with a "stability factor" at my age.

Have you done these 3 things? Like so many other chores that we ADDers find stressful, I find that breaking this game into manageable sections is much more doable. Also don't be afraid to allow yourself extra time to achieve a level. We are after all notorious for procrastination and underestimating our time.

I'm still out in the world , searching.... for someone...

I meet lots of curious ladies, but no serious takers except for come-on's from the occasional bag lady or crack-head... :eek:

This