Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA

Been there, done that... wish I had advice... :(

lately i been able to thnk back to my past or sometimes it flash back i'm not sure if it's due to adderall or what but i dunno

It took lots and lots and lots of effort and hinting to get my boyfriend to buy a clue and actually ask me out. I knew he liked me, I liked him too, we were getting to be almost inseparable as friends... I thought he never would.
I'm so glad he finally did something!

I am a womyn and i dont notice men looking at me. My friend will say , wow this guy was really looking at you..and i will be....really LOL..where is he?? :p

Over the years I've had women get angry at me for not acknowledging their "moves" or what best could be described as "willingness". I really can't put it into words. I just don't notice and because of that I've hurt some feelings unintentionally.

On reflection some of the situations I've been in have been so sexually/potentially loaded that only an idiot would miss the cues. Of course that lead people to think that I'm wasn't interested in them at all, which was not the case.

I know this sounds really weird but to me there is something predatorial about the way that some guys act towards women. I noticed it as a kid (I'm the youngest and have nothing but older sisters). I got so concerned about not being that way I just continually drove by the exit that says "Relationship Expressway" without even realizing it. Maybe I was just predisposed to thinking like that becuase of the ADHD.

I never really pondered it much... Guess I'll think about it more today.

Hope those of you in the States are having a good day off.

Motorbrain

Been there - My wife had to dangle her new puppy under my nose as bait to get my attention. Then it took three months for it to dawn on me what was happening. Scared me to DEATH!. Thank goodness I cleared the fog long enough to make sure she didn't get away.

Looking back, I realize NOW that I had lots of girls hitting on me, but it wasn't until much later did it occur to me that that was going on.

David

Some times I don't notice, but in college now the women are less shy about hiding their affections. I've had some just come up and tell me.

As I look back upon all my romantic endeavours, i do notice a simple theme. Women having to practically slap me across the face to pickup on the fact that they were interested in me. I ALWAYS went after the ones that didnt like me, and NEVER noticed the ones that did.

But dont loose faith, you will meet the right one some day. And remember you have ADD, so the right one might be one of those girls that say "WAKE UP, I LIKE YOU!!!" =)

My story, I marred the one that did that to me...

Nothing short of "I really like you" or "I have feelings for you" or a woman being explicitly aggressive with a kiss would work for any woman trying to let me know she was into me. I assume it comes from a lifetime of not being able to trust that anything is truly sure in our lives until it's 100% official. I happened to get lucky and be blessed with a lady where our short dating period flowed at the exact same pace and there was little second guessing.

If women think they have trouble getting their hints through to non-ADD men.....

BTW, and I'm sure it's been posted on in other threads, the same holds true for me as far as a woman's sexual advances....even if it's my girlfriend now, she literally has to say what she wants because no subtle or blatant amount of direct hinting will do. I must be a pain for her but she knows that it's one of those ADD things of mine.

Aside from one very beautiful woman I dated in college, I've never really noticed anyone "hitting on" me. I guess I must have ADD really bad. ;-)

Do any of you Believe then that a man in todays world; IF he doesn't notice when you are physically and mentally telling someone that you like them and want to pursue it further..do you feel like this could be prequisite for unidagnosed ADD?

I am dating a man that seems very ADHD to me and is 50 yrs old, and has alot of symptoms and acts like he is enjoying when we finally got to the stage of him paying attention to the clues of ..your awesome...But still seems backwards..I understand that any man could have this symptom BUT there are so many other telltale symptoms I am almost sure he is ADHD..

Anyone have suggestions on how to tell someone you really like them?or how to address the issue of you need to check this ADHD thing out...he has alot of sleep issues- very little sleep, or no sleep, low self esteem, poor grades in school, has done same job for many years so I believe has learned a bit to cope, but seems very stressed in all other aspects of his life..social, work, other...

I'm not sure that it would be a very reliable diagnostic condition on its own. I think a lot of it has deeper seated reasons than just ADD. In my case, my reactions to emotional stimuli were so unpredictably strong that I spent a majority of my adolescent years not being able to trust what I was feeling, and therefore I learned to ignore them entirely. When the time came that listening to them was needed, I found myself pushing people away rather than inviting them nearer. I wanted them nearer, but couldn't force myself to allow it for a long time.

The damage to a person's self-image and social rejection that can occur from childhood ADD has more to do with men slipping into this oblivion than any one factor alone.

Sincerely,
David Pershing

Been there, done that... wish I had advice... :(
took the words outta my mouth.

The damage to a person's self-image and social rejection that can occur from childhood ADD has more to do with men slipping into this oblivion than any one factor alone.

ABSOLUTELY. From childhood, if you're constantly being criticized or rejected by others for idiosyncratic things about you, you learn and practice not to trust your initial judgements and that things that almost seem too good to be true (such as a great girl being interested in you despite your faults), then you would feel almost certain that following your gut that says "This woman really likes you, I'll tell her how I feel" will result in her actually NOT having feelings for you, just because it seems she should.

I know this well and it's become a difficult philosophy to break. Everything good is suspect in my eyes.

If I had never met my fiancee, I would have never noticed that a lot more girls than I thought liked me.


You are not the only one. I wouldn't have known, in the past, if a girl was hitting on me if she offered me to go back to her place with her. I would have said, "O.K. You must live in a bad neighborhood.":p

Yeah I always thought it was just me being extremely naive. But now I know better.

I like this logic, We're obviously all naive sex gods/godess's

I like this logic, We're obviously all naive sex gods/godess's
Digitl the sex godess....yep that sounds real good :p
«I love that logic

If I had never met my fiancee, I would have never noticed that a lot more girls than I thought liked me.


You are not the only one. I wouldn't have known, in the past, if a girl was hitting on me if she offered me to go back to her place with her. I would have said, "O.K. You must live in a bad neighborhood.":p
Hahah!!!, I'm totally with you on that!!!
although it's never happened to me!
but one thing i gotta say personally is

ME TOO!!!

Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
This is soo me! I have figured out that I just do not understand the nuance of mating behavior. I spent most of my college years without women in my life because I thought I was ugly and unattractive. This was not true at all... I just could not tell that girls liked me. When I look back on it, I always had girls hanging around my dorm room asking me to give them backrubs and the such. It always took an ADD woman to get the point across to me! I have really only connected with ADD women, and that is part of the reason. I did spent 12 years in a marriage with a woman I did not connect with (not ADD). So for me it is non-linear women all the way!

Some guys like blondes, some like redheads or brunettes. Some guys are "breast" men and some look at legs... Me? I like a woman with a non-linear cognitive structure :)

<hint>Look for the tomboys with lots of confused guy friends<hint>

Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA

I do the same thing. I can remember numerous times that I was being hit on BUT didn't realize it until later. When I was MUCH younger I was dating two women at the same time(which seemed like a big deal to a guy like me) and a third one was hitting on me all of the time. I think I just tuned it out because I couldn't muster the focus to manage to juggle dating 3 women at once.
Ah, the good ole days! :D

There has even been times when my wife has made comments about women flirting with me or "coming on to me," as she puts it, and I had NO idea it was happening....and of course she thinks I provoked it and I never hear the end of it.
Ah, where are those good ole day? :rolleyes:

What really stinks is when you get the signals mixed and think a woman is hitting on you and take that next step to find out that you couldn't be MORE WRONG! :o

I like this logic, We're obviously all naive sex gods/godess's
Toby, I'd agree with you except that I think sex gods/goddess's actually end up having sex rather than walking away scratching their head and asking..."was I being hit on?" ;)

I just read a clue for you guys in one of those body language type books. If you approach a woman and she stares ahead at the wall opposite her eyes, you are losing out. If she lowers her eyes and her eyes sort of sweep the floor, you are doing well. If you get the eyelash flutter, keep going. If her hand touches her hair, great. Also keep in mind how verbal women are. There will be verbal clues -- hints. Lots of times women will pose a question as a sort of scenario. What if . . . ?? This could mean she is trying to find out how you feel about her. Now, in truth, there are women who flirt for fun and see it as harmless, but most women don't bother constructing scenarios for guys they are not interested in.

I have been confused from fifth grade on this issue.
Never could tell if guys liked me or not.
Missed lots of cues.
And I guess if I liked a guy with ADD, which would be likely...
He'd miss all my cues!
Cueless! lol

it sucks i always mis read stuff that and i have a hard time making the initial introduction.

I totally agree. MY innability to pick up hints, clues and subtle nuances stems more from paranoia. The first 18 years of life, no one liked me. I was loud, disruptive, impulsive, considered rude and conceited. I always thougt I was acting like a jerk but couldn't help it. Especially women, young girls are mean and they get mad when men are, double standard I think. Anyways, one day blam! women like you. They drop hint after hint and then leave. Well if you look at me I assume something is wrong.

Also a big thing with ADHD is the total unwillingness to deal with bull****. We blurt out and think without speaking because what we say is true as far as we know it. Games and lies are not in our nature because we get lost in games and forget the lies we tell (not speaking of the immense lying we do as children). Women play games that we never learned because we were loners and we didn't learn this growing up. As an adult I have neither the time or patience for games. My girlfriend knows to touch me when in the mood and tell me or at least pout heavily when angry. If she stays quiet or drops hints, well I warned you. I'll drop the ball like I'm the Indy Colts on the path to the Superbowl.

I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

On the other hand, there's also a downside....sometimes, I'm too sensitive and excessively sefl-conscious. I'm working on keeping the positive side effect and 'neutralising' the negative....it might take some time though since I've only discovered the world of ADHD about 2 weeks ago :)

[QUOTE=nu2add]I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

I am the same way you are nu2add. I can sense people's energy ect.
But when it comes to men, i dont notice if they are interested in me, for a date, or just to talk for a friend. I still can sense men's energy...but not about that specific thing.

[QUOTE=nu2add]I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

I am the same way you are nu2add. I can sense people's energy ect.
But when it comes to men, i dont notice if they are interested in me, for a date, or just to talk for a friend. I still can sense men's energy...but not about that specific thing.
I always know. But I don't always respond the way I want to darn it! Something seems to hold me back. I spend too much time trying to analyse motives, that I never give them proper encouragement. I suspect that I am pretty hard to read.

Sometimes, I turn shy. It's like I am in high school again. All that awkwardness. :rolleyes:

I have been confused from fifth grade on this issue.
Never could tell if guys liked me or not.
Missed lots of cues.
And I guess if I liked a guy with ADD, which would be likely...
He'd miss all my cues!
Cueless! lol
Nope, The connection happens... I never miss the cues with ADD women. It may start off with a friendship... but that is cool too. I have talked with several ADD women friends and the connection haappens with them and ADD boys too. It is pretty strange.

Anyway, most ADD women are very obvious... most of them don't do the nuancy stuff. Unfortunately that tends to attract the creepy males too... Hate that!

I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

On the other hand, there's also a downside....sometimes, I'm too sensitive and excessively sefl-conscious. I'm working on keeping the positive side effect and 'neutralising' the negative....it might take some time though since I've only discovered the world of ADHD about 2 weeks ago :)
It is really strange... I am the same way except for the attraction stuff. It is not based on a separate feeling that is noticeable. It is a mix of things for most people. It always involves socially learned cues. I simply did not learn these. I have had men friends say... "dude, that chick is hot for you" and I am always thinking she just seems a bit nervous... like I am scaring her. Nuts, huh :)?

[QUOTE=nu2add]I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

(quote digitl)I am the same way you are nu2add. I can sense people's energy ect.
But when it comes to men, i dont notice if they are interested in me, for a date, or just to talk for a friend. I still can sense men's energy...but not about that specific thing.

Yus, what they said.

I find I'm better with the ladies when I'm myself (i.e. nothing is forced and everything is natural). I've never had trouble picking up cues but whenever I start thinking and analyzing too much, I run into trouble. Being suave takes a lot of practice ;)

I don't really have problems with things like small talk, flirting, etc. Where I do run into trouble is in relationships. It's like I'm there, but not really there. Symptoms like restlessness and inattentiveness were problematic for me and gave the impression that I wasn't interested in the person, even though that wasn't the case.

At the time though, I didn't know I had ADHD. Perhaps then, I could have done more to control the uncontrollable :)

I find I'm the oppostite. I don't know whether it's because of my ADHD or not, but I'm very sensitive to the people around me. I'm very good at noticing any changes in other people's moods, whether or not they're nervous, uncomfortable, etc. Sometimes they don't even have to say anything and I'll know through their eyes, body language or other subtle indicators. Is anyone else on the same boat? I actually enjoy this 'side effect'. I look at it as a 'sixth sense' of sorts.

On the other hand, there's also a downside....sometimes, I'm too sensitive and excessively sefl-conscious. I'm working on keeping the positive side effect and 'neutralising' the negative....it might take some time though since I've only discovered the world of ADHD about 2 weeks ago :)
I agree, I'm the same

But when it comes to being hit on, for me thats more about self-esteem, I don't believe anyone could ever be attracted for me. If I do sense any kind of sexual tension, I usually put it down to wishful thinking.

I always know. But I don't always respond the way I want to darn it! Something seems to hold me back. I spend too much time trying to analyse motives, that I never give them proper encouragement. I suspect that I am pretty hard to read.

Sometimes, I turn shy. It's like I am in high school again. All that awkwardness. :rolleyes:
You know i did not know how to put it into words...but i think that is why i dont get or sense that from men..
Maybe it's because if i am interested in them, i go back to that 15 yrs old mentality for the first minutes. And blush, giggle and say silly stuff

No wonder i am still single :D .
It only last the first few minutes tho....
I am very outgoing usually so that takes over really fast, and then i can actually act like ''normal'' again lets say !!:p

You know i did not know how to put it into words...but i think that is why i dont get or sense that from men..
Maybe it's because if i am interested in them, i go back to that 15 yrs old mentality for the first minutes. And blush, giggle and say silly stuff

No wonder i am still single :D .
It only last the first few minutes tho....
I am very outgoing usually so that takes over really fast, and then i can actually act like ''normal'' again lets say !!:p
I think that is ADORABLE in women! I do the same thing too :)

I agree, I'm the same

But when it comes to being hit on, for me thats more about self-esteem, I don't believe anyone could ever be attracted for me. If I do sense any kind of sexual tension, I usually put it down to wishful thinking.

That sounds way too negative. You have to change your self-perception and general outlook on things. One of the golden rules I've learned is that you attract in life whatever you send forth. If you send out a negative vibe, that's what you'll get in return. If you have a big smile on your face and your thoughts are positive, life will greet with open arms. Karma....it's all around you :)

That sounds way too negative. You have to change your self-perception and general outlook on things. One of the golden rules I've learned is that you attract in life whatever you send forth. If you send out a negative vibe, that's what you'll get in return. If you have a big smile on your face and your thoughts are positive, life will greet with open arms. Karma....it's all around you :)This is undoubtedly true. Hard to fake though. But when it feels genuine -- look out for the power of it! I was in a really good mood today and went to a business seminar and my mood must have showed because everyone took my business cards and wanted to talk to me and I booked two new client meetings. And three men there were really friendly, and when I went to the grocery store afterward, the old woman in line behind me said she had so much enjoyed chatting with me that she insisted I take some of her flowers. So I did. Beautiful orange flowers freckles. Alstomarias, or some such name.

If only everyday could be this way. :rolleyes:

This is undoubtedly true. Hard to fake though. But when it feels genuine -- look out for the power of it! I was in a really good mood today and went to a business seminar and my mood must have showed because everyone took my business cards and wanted to talk to me and I booked two new client meetings. And three men there were really friendly, and when I went to the grocery store afterward, the old woman in line behind me said she had so much enjoyed chatting with me that she insisted I take some of her flowers. So I did. Beautiful orange flowers freckles. Alstomarias, or some such name.

If only everyday could be this way. :rolleyes:
You make a valid point. I've experienced similar highs that just draws people to me.

I think what I was trying to emphasize in my last post to Toby was that in the end, things like self-perception and 'outlook on life' really comes down to the individual. I'm aware that ADHD can and does have negative effects on self-perception. But to say that it determines who we are and what we can achieve in life is simply not true. It presents challenges. But these challenges can be overcome or atleast controlled so we can go on with our lives.

Looking back at my own experiences, I've gone through periods of 'ups' and 'downs' and still do. But regardless of how bad things have gone, my outlook on life has remained positive. My self-perception varies from day to day but I don't let this volatility affect my overall outlook that life is beautiful and worth fighting for. If it isn't, then what's the point of getting up in the morning?

I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...

Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.

If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?

Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.

I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...
This does not surprise me because I work with people with disabilities. Physical disabilities are not perceived by people who have them to be an insurmountable obstacles. In my experience, pity is sometimes wasted upon people with physical disabilities. They cope amazingly well.


Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.
For children this is most often parent. For instance, with the problem of school bullying, my experience is that proactive parents can make school sit up and take notice.

About mood: To me the up and down of it is just the way my brain is made. Overall I am more of a realist than either positive or negative about life.

Learning, exploring, questioning, and self-expression bring me pleasure. I don't really care if what I learn is either negative or positive just as long as everyday I use my brain.
If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?


Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.

I think this is an excellent point. I have found that a secure sense of who I am is essential to my well-being.

I'm aware that ADHD can and does have negative effects on self-perception. But to say that it determines who we are and what we can achieve in life is simply not true. It presents challenges. But these challenges can be overcome or atleast controlled so we can go on with our lives.

awsum! kudos to u!!!
i loved that, inspired me!


Looking back at my own experiences, I've gone through periods of 'ups' and 'downs' and still do. But regardless of how bad things have gone, my outlook on life has remained positive. My self-perception varies from day to day but I don't let this volatility affect my overall outlook that life is beautiful and worth fighting for. If it isn't, then what's the point of getting up in the morning? Makes a LOT OF SENSE



I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...

U know I always thought that if I had a physical disability, I could have handled it better than having add! I guess i'm not that wrong perhaps.....
I hate the fact in life that "what people see if what they believe the most" I mean COME ON, if you don't see something, doesn't necessarily mean that it doesn't exist!!!


Going back to my original argument, I think that having a positive outlook on life is absolutely crucial to coping with ADHD. With so much unpredicatability in our lives, we need something to grasp and hold on to. Call it your beliefs, call it your principles, but there needs to be something that we count on day in and out....that won't deviate.....a core if that's what you want to call it. And whenever times get really rough, we can come back to this core and get renewed strength. For me, this 'core' is the belief that life is beautiful and worth fighting for.

If you don't have this core (whatever that may be), what drives you and inspires you? What makes you go on in life?

Our problems can impact our lives, but they don't define who we are.
I couldn't be more in agreement with you!!!

I have the double curse of ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. It got to the point where I would only pay attention to women that came on to me strong. Most of them were psycho-chicks with serious issues. At this stage I've sort of given up on dating.

HEY MCCOFFEE I don't know but I have two quick stories that will make you fill better.
I was friends with my wife's before we started dating I was dating one of her friends.
But I had more fun going with her. I took her everywear after I got off work. I broke it off with her friend. We still hung out all the time. A friend of mine made a comment one night she was with me. Take it easy, Me being a meathead said Ill take it any way I could get it. I took her home right after this. IT WAS ON.To cut it short. She threw my jacket in the dirt and said, I can't believe that I put up with your worthless#$#@
friends and thats how you think of me. (she is laughing right now) I got the hint. Maybe she likes me. We have been together for 15 years.

My wife's mom and step dad live in Vegas. I was sitting at a bar in the Casino having a beer with her step dad. My wife was playing a slot machine straight across from us.
A very nice looking lady sat down next to me. She ask me,( They say playing with her hair and flurting) Can I by you a beer? I replied.No thank you I already have one.
Turned back and started talking to her step dad . He gave me a strange look.
My wife came up right after that, laughing like crazy. They took me aside. They both said, That lady was trying to pick you. I replied, No she was just being nice.

Hey: I hope it could be at least part of my problem. Cause looking back. Ive got alot more.

I have the double curse of ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. It got to the point where I would only pay attention to women that came on to me strong. Most of them were psycho-chicks with serious issues. At this stage I've sort of given up on dating.

That's what i've usually do my case is the women were crazy or some odd resaon bi or a combo of both.

I've had friends tell me I'm not paying attention to the ladies on purpose. And I naturally respond by saying what girl? Is she still around? But of course the opportunity came and went. I thought I just didn't know how to pick up social cues, but maybe, just maybe, it's the ADHD. Or my friends are complete liars and I'm a dork.

I do it all the time. I never realize it until later.

Usually I realize it hours or days later, or when one of my friends gives me the "hey stupid! Why did you ignore her?" lecture.

Me

Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA

ABSOLUTELY. From childhood, if you're constantly being criticized or rejected by others for idiosyncratic things about you, you learn and practice not to trust your initial judgements and that things that almost seem too good to be true (such as a great girl being interested in you despite your faults), then you would feel almost certain that following your gut that says "This woman really likes you, I'll tell her how I feel" will result in her actually NOT having feelings for you, just because it seems she should.

Oh my God, that is EXACTLY what I do.

Some guys like blondes, some like redheads or brunettes. Some guys are "breast" men and some look at legs... Me? I like a woman with a non-linear cognitive structure

<hint>Look for the tomboys with lots of confused guy friends<hint>

Yes! Exactly! Art school type girls who have short hair that everyone thinks are 'weird'. I'm instantly attracted to them, and I almost always have the most fascinating conversations with these girls. Sometimes I even have the presence of mind to make a tentative move....because even if they're not into me or have boyfriends, they know what it's like to be the 'odd duck' and they're unlikely to humiliate you. Also, their attention moves onto the next thing they were thinking and they don't have time to let the 'mis-hit' affect what could otherwise be a cool budding friendship....AND they might introduce you to their cute, also weird girlfriends.

I recently read about a survey conducted on teenagers. When asked about their happiness in life, ADHD kids scored the lowest, lower even than the group that traditionally dominates this area, namely kids with physical disabilities. This was a real shocker to me...

People can SEE if you are physically disabled. All people see when you have an 'invisible disorder' like ADHD is that you aren't doing well..and because we sometimes shine when we're really interested, our lack of making good on our potential is seen as obvious laziness or self-centeredness. I learned growing up that I was narcissistic, tactless, and difficult to be around.

I wasn't diagnosed until I was 28 years old. That means I had twenty-eight years to absorb and believe all the reasons everyone thought that I was the way I was. People who knew me knew I had a good heart, but I was so tactless, so impatient, so spacey and always late. They figured that I didn't care that my lateness affected them, or that forgetting an important appointment signaled lack of interest.

I have finally given up. I will never get it across to non-ADHD'ers that I am not intentionally trying to annoy, anger, or hurt them. It is futile.

Interesting topic. It applies to me too, especially the denial "nah, she CAN'T be interested in ME, I'm imagining things" part.

But does this really stem from ADHD? Or is it our personalities? (or is that a result of ADHD?)

Well, yah. I do thta a little, but what I do is , I just don't pick up on it until after I've had the time to think about it..
Me :D
Oh my God, that is EXACTLY what I do.

SFLa; quote;"I've had friends tell me I'm not paying attention to the ladies on purpose. And I naturally respond by saying what girl? Is she still around? But of course the opportunity came and went. I thought I just didn't know how to pick up social cues, but maybe, just maybe, it's the ADHD. Or my friends are complete liars and I'm a dork."


Been their ; But after I got married the looks were more obvious, who knows, But having a devotion to my wife and kids I never looked back, Their were times when ladys became so pushie that I had to slip under an arm and past a beautifull thing in a noughty nighty looking for pleasures , but I would just mutter, I need to get back to work. See I worked in some of the most expensive home's in the DC area and the wive's are very lonely either that or I'm atractive to them. I perfer the latter. LOL But getting hit on was an accurance which happened often. I would get hit on it seems at each referial job in this one group of Jewish lady's and it was a large group ! LOL I would telll my wife about the lady's and she would ask me, "Your not tempted ? " I would give the correct answer "No" LOL, but we all know I was sometimes working with a stiffie and looking forward to getting home. I hate to admit it but it wasn't ladys just hitting on me. I would act very respectfull towards gays and I would kindly turn them down, boy dose that turn them guys on worse than the girls. LOL.
I think my wife is the most beautifull sexy woman in my life and as long as I am wairing these rose colored glasses I will see her that way till the day I die.

Oh my, you have a brother Dave ?? :rolleyes: :D

I think my wife is the most beautifull sexy woman in my life and as long as I am wairing these rose colored glasses I will see her that way till the day I die.

ya, he's in the process of a devorice. 8 years my younger. Girls eat him up, something about being a "Good Old Boy" LOL

I've had these screw up's more than once. In the past when I was 18, 19yrs old just when I was starting to date I will admit I was shy and scared.

So I blew opportunities.

Now I'm much more open, but I don't always know what to say to females who I suspect are attracted to me so that I don't sound boring or say something stupid.

I've been suggested the term "Keep it simple stupid". The Stupid stands for something I can't exactly remember what. But I know that it means simple conversations. Try to find out what they're into, hobbies, goals and so on.

I think I've met a few ppl who were interested in me, but I was a nervous to ask them out as I had just ended a relationship.

Then there were a couple of situations I totally misinterpreted b/c they were playing games and giving mixed signals.

Not too mention now a days everyone has a boy friend :rolleyes: so that's where I'm at now.

I think I've had this problem. I never really had a girlfriend through high-school developed a monster-crush on a girl in college. We became really good friends, hiking buddies, but she wasn't interested in me, despite the fact that she would tell me she was jealous when she saw me talking with other girls, which of course just fed the crush, but that's another topic.

I see now that there were a lot of girls who may have gone out with me, and even had pursued me, that I hadn't noticed. This was ponted out to me several years later by my (female) best friend. Anyway, it wasn't until I moved to Northern California, and was forcibly introduced by someone to my wife over the phone (he worked where she did, she'd expressed interest in my file in the teacher-credential admissions office, and he transferred me to her without warning) we talked or hours every day for a week, then went out, and the rest was history. If someone else hadn't forced it, I would never have know. So, thanks Ed! (I, of course, made him one of my groomsmen)

I was standing in line with my students at Disneyland while on a field trip several months ago, and a couple of the kids (8th grade girls) said "Oh, my gosh, Mr. G--that woman is totally checking you out!" I was incredulous, but they insisted it was true and described the behavior, which, I guess, was accurate. I turned around and the woman blushed and looked away. I was flabbergasted, but, of course, married and not interested. I made sure I scatched my head with my ring finger just to get that out there, which felt wierd.

Anway, because I am stupid, I was laughing as I told this story to my wife later. She was not amused. :) What's that again about not reading social cues....?

I was in the doctors office last week and there was this pretty pharma-sales-rep in the waiting room. If it wasn't for reading a post here about body language and "signals" I would never have realized that she was about to hit on me. Pointing her feet at me and shifting her body in my direction....playing with her hair and adjusting her sweater. Like I said, I usually wouldn't have even noticed the signals. I would have thought she saw someone else...even if we were the only people in the room.. :D
Lucky for me they called me in to see the doctor before I could find out..and she was gone when I left....so I'll never know...

Like I said....lucky for me I never found out. Otherwise, I would be writing this from a hospital bed wondering if I should post bail for my wife after she cut off my.....well, you get the picture, right? :p

Don't know if ADD is to blame but I can think of lotsa women who were hitting on me a long time ago........Yeah I realize it NOW! I'm sure I'll be permanently bruised from kicking myself. Oh,and I am getting better at recognizing it NOW THAT I'M MARRIED! lol

With me its worked both ways, i suppose it's all about social cues, and us missing them.
Because in the past i've hit on girls who i misinterpreted as being interested and fallen flat on my face, because they were not.
At the same time (and its only with hindsight i've realised this)i've missed out because I couldn't read the signs. like one girl was totally macking on me once, i'm sure of it in hindsight, she was telling me how I look like a professional footballer (soccer player) and was really toned like one etc and I started talking about the games i'd been to, my favourite players, blah blah; when she obviously wasn't really into the sport in the slightest. The funny thing is at the time I walked away from that conversation pretty pleased, in hindsight I just bang my head against the wall repeatedly.

The funny thing is at the time I walked away from that conversation pretty pleased, in hindsight I just bang my head against the wall repeatedly.

Zulu, just make sure you bang the back of your head against the wall. For two reasons, 1. your Prefrontal Cortax has enough issues already, 2. The next time a woman starts talking to you it won't be to ask you if you've run your face into a wall. :D

I am realizing again how amazingly difficult it is for me to understand women and how that whole thing is supposed to work. Personally, I am really most comfortable having women friends. I get intimacy and non-intimate all mixed up in my brain. Time is another thing.

Here is what I think is happening:

1. In order to understand what a women is interested in, I need to hear her say it in words

2. Women and men are not trained to do that...there is subtle communication involving face, eye, language and stance that I am unaware of

3. Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus.

4. Time is problematic. There is a time period that involves "getting to know a person". It has a culturally dictated speed. I either move too fast or too slow.
5. Feelings... I am very fast with what I feel. Feelings are supposed to grow between two people. They are all there or not at all for me (usually there...I like people)

The "mating" dance (or friendship dance) is a delicate and mostly culturally defined thing. Since I have "dyslexia of time" I can not time it. Since I live in the emotional sphere...my feelings do not grow, they explode.

On top of that...I can not "read" things right away. I do not know what the culture is telling me I should do...I have "dyslexia" of culture as well.


Frustrating because I am such a good and caring friend...not clingy or desperate...but I come off that way because I do not get the "unspoken timing and rules". It does not help that I have my own personal view on relationships :) (take the relationship to the most mutually beneficial place you can)

". Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus."
~chain quote

Chain, if she wants you to explain your models, she is interested. LOL

~gourmet~ :D

". Small talk is vital in this process. I have a very hard time not talking about the models I am working on or my latest bout of hyper focus."
~chain quote

Chain, if she wants you to explain your models, she is interested. LOL

~gourmet~ :D
:) Lots of girls seem to want that...I am wondering if they are not just being polite....

I am really bad at small talk. It is funny because I understand the purpose and could "fake it" but....I am also too darned honest to "fake it". Dishonesty actually "hurts"...It feels like sludge on my soul.

I think if you are not interested in a gal, its harder to notice when shes comin on to you. I have had girls i was interested in give me some pretty telltale signs, and not noticed. After the initial embarrasment and regret for not paying attention to thier body language.... i think anyone would be quick not to make the same mistake twice. Now just remember once you've mastered the art of female mystique-(read my mind NOW!) Make sure you pay ATTENTION when it comes to... umm how to put this... safety?

Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.

I think I am even a bit worse off than most ADDers, lol! I do not think I have good face reading capability...I get it all messed up...when I think they like me...they don't and vice versa. (I have lots of Asperger's on my father's side)

And yes... I do know women hide it...that makes it even worse. They do have some signs though. I can see them on some level...but I question whether I am "reading" them correctly.



I think if you are not interested in a gal, its harder to notice when shes comin on to you. I have had girls i was interested in give me some pretty telltale signs, and not noticed. After the initial embarrasment and regret for not paying attention to thier body language.... i think anyone would be quick not to make the same mistake twice. Now just remember once you've mastered the art of female mystique-(read my mind NOW!) Make sure you pay ATTENTION when it comes to... umm how to put this... safety?

Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.
What happens when he is noticing everything! LOL!

Guys don't have to be ADD to miss when a girl likes them.
Most of the time, a girl will tried to hide the fact that she likes a guy - all the while keeping enough of an eye on him to see whether he's noticing her.

It becomes obvious when a friend notices it and you don't.

It becomes obvious when a friend notices it and you don't.
I have that happen all the time...but I say "no...way!". It seems so unreal when it is second hand!

Hey
I'm a female ADDer and I'm just as stupid when it comes to knowing whether I'm being hit on by a girl/guy......it's just an ADD thing
Sel:) Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA

There must be something to this. The oppourtunities I missed,the same way over and over again with young women with whom I just could not see their attraction to me,but later it was pointed out to me when it was too late. But this might be real common generally too.

Hey
I'm a female ADDer and I'm just as stupid when it comes to knowing whether I'm being hit on by a girl/guy......it's just an ADD thing
Sel:)
Yup! Sure is....

I love ADD women :) and it is so frustrating because unless they are "proud to be" ADD it is awfully difficult to assert myself to the level at which they understand my interest and vice versa.

I personally think ADD/ADD relationship can be the most functional if both people are "proud ADDers".(ADD/Other *tends* not to work so well)

HA HA HA!! I have people telling me when someone likes me and I'm like "Huh??" with this numb look about me...I can relate:p :confused: I am a womyn and i dont notice men looking at me. My friend will say , wow this guy was really looking at you..and i will be....really LOL..where is he?? :p

I'm just trying to get my head around being SOOOOOO "different" to the rest of the so called "normal" society and I agree ADD/ADD relationships and friendships work well but ADD/Other relationships and friendships can work well too providing the "Other" KNOWS and WANTS TO KNOW about ADD/ADHD...so I'm not really looking for a "relationship" as such but just fun...lol and I can also relate to the part where someone on here said that they find themselves reflecting on the past and then they realize that someone was hitting on them...but hey thats life we ADDer's are just no good at playing the dating game and we're not too crach hot on picking up on when someone's after us...lolYup! Sure is....

I love ADD women :) and it is so frustrating because unless they are "proud to be" ADD it is awfully difficult to assert myself to the level at which they understand my interest and vice versa.

I personally think ADD/ADD relationship can be the most functional if both people are "proud ADDers".(ADD/Other *tends* not to work so well)

ADD/Other relationships and friendships can work well too providing the "Other" KNOWS and WANTS TO KNOW about ADD/ADHD...so I'm not really looking for a "relationship" as such but just fun...lol
It can work out occasionally... but most of the time that person who is "normal" but is fascinated with your ADD is "ADD themselves" and just not dx'd. ADDers can put up a good front :)

And "relationship" what the "H" is one? I have a relationship with every person in my life, lol!

I do not get what a relationship is at all.

Fun IS the operative word here!

Perhaps it's where we live? I have met many definite "normals" who are sincerely interested in my adult perspective on ADHD. I have to disclose meds. to health professionals and have lost count of the number of extended appointments because I, somewhat reluctantly, took advantage of a teachable moment.

My "normal" friends like me because of, not in spite of, my ADHD and upon my diagnosis, the comment, "Well, we knew it was something, we just didn't know what." was uttered frequently, even by my own "normal" husband.

Perhaps it's where we live? I have met many definite "normals" who are sincerely interested in my adult perspective on ADHD. I have to disclose meds. to health professionals and have lost count of the number of extended appointments because I, somewhat reluctantly, took advantage of a teachable moment.

My "normal" friends like me because of, not in spite of, my ADHD and upon my diagnosis, the comment, "Well, we knew it was something, we just didn't know what." was uttered frequently, even by my own "normal" husband.Point well taken... I offered a very subjective point of view. It is not gospel...there are many cases where it can work and does.

Also...it is very geographical...in culturally conservative areas it is much more difficult to pick out ADDers (they are most likely the very anxious ones :) )

My region is culturally more open...but in that this allows me to be myself more...it distances me from "normals" more. They accept me... but close friendships are rarely formed.

I have just had horrible luck in forming friendships with "normals" (with the exception of long term friendships from childhood)...The term "normal" is really problematic as well. There is a group of "normals" that are not exactly "normal". They are very contextual people.... I call the type "ERCM"...(I know using these type description is disconcerting but unfortunately language works this way and I have no other way to describe this sub-type of "normal" or ER)

ERCM is usually very creative and has ADD-like qualities but does not have issues with joining groups (although they are questioners).

Regardless...I think you would be surprised to find out who you regard as a "normal" close friend is actually ADHD. I have had this happen before... Often before we know the nature of our "issues", we seem very "normal". I could hide all "symptoms"...I lost my wallet every so often but nobody was told. (I was dx'd in the 4th grade but thought that I had grown out of it)

Then again...I define ADHD as CM+ and there are plenty of people that are functional CM+ and would be considered "normal" (as in undx'd)

These are just my ideas... and I do care dearly about my "normal" friends but in ways that they only seem to appreciate during one on one time...I am still teased in social situations...cool with me though.

Being myself means being fully age role and gender role unattached. This does not mean immature and feminine...although I can be at times.

Not having role attachments is very confusing to most people...but I cannot fake it anymore and I do not want to take antidepressents to help me fake it.

So... It is much easier for me to form relationships with ADDers these days :)

I feel all of your pain. I know I can recall so many girls letting me know they wanted to be more than just friends. It still happens, and I always end up thinking to myself 10 different things at once. Usually the worst things that hit my mind in the short time it takes an ADDer' to think of 10 seperate things, are the ones that stick and I get all red in the face and change the subject.

I had a rough child hood growing up, I was always "The Stupid One". It kills your self esteem, and it really makes you feel insignificant. I only now at 22 have started seriously dating women. Even now with a college degree and one year until another, hear the comments and name calling of my youth. Sometimes I dont know If I will ever be able to have a realtionship.

I get the hint, but then think I'm kidding myself.

Just saw this topic for the first time and I'm laughing my ***** off because it hit so close to home. I've talked about, and been teased about this many, many times. I was the absolute, most cluless guy ever. I feel so bad looking back at all the girls that tried to get something going with me now that I realize how rejected and humiliated they must have felt. I can't wait to read the rest of this thread so I don't have to feel alone in this.

Hell, I had been going out with my now-wife for two weeks before I knew we were dating. I just thought she was friendly.

i met this guirl at the dog park rofl now i'm not sure if she is intreasted or not instreasted when i first starting talking to her i thought i was just boaring hear i dunno it's sad rofl...

Another girl that has been going up there for awhile i think she did like me but i missed it since i didn't pick up on it or i think i kinda knew i could be wrong it wouldn't work otu i don't think...

Thank god I found this thread...

I've thought I was socially inept since grade 6. I'm now in my third year of university. I always kinda thought that it was simply that girls didn't like me...Looking back, there's some pretty obvious times that I completely missed out on.

On the flipside, there have been random times (2-3) where I've been so ridiculously smooth that I could have said/done anything to these girls and have them eat it up like it was candy. I wish I could recreate those circumstances repeatedly, but I have no idea why those times worked so well. Those were fun because it wasn't forced, wasn't bad, and it was genuine.

And yes, it literally does take a slap in the face for me to see it, and I always see it too late. There have been too many "holy **** she was so hitting on me" moments hours, even days later for me.

Of course, there is such a thing as a girl that comes on too strong. Remember: Safety first!

What we need is a "normal" non add female to come in here and educate us. Maybe call it the "How to tell if girls are hitting you, even if you're oblivious" seminar. We can do it as a question/answer thing, with situational examples. It could be fun.

Thank god I found this thread...

I've thought I was socially inept since grade 6. I'm now in my third year of university. I always kinda thought that it was simply that girls didn't like me...Looking back, there's some pretty obvious times that I completely missed out on.

On the flipside, there have been random times (2-3) where I've been so ridiculously smooth that I could have said/done anything to these girls and have them eat it up like it was candy. I wish I could recreate those circumstances repeatedly, but I have no idea why those times worked so well. Those were fun because it wasn't forced, wasn't bad, and it was genuine.

And yes, it literally does take a slap in the face for me to see it, and I always see it too late. There have been too many "holy **** she was so hitting on me" moments hours, even days later for me.

Of course, there is such a thing as a girl that comes on too strong. Remember: Safety first!

What we need is a "normal" non add female to come in here and educate us. Maybe call it the "How to tell if girls are hitting you, even if you're oblivious" seminar. We can do it as a question/answer thing, with situational examples. It could be fun.

i could for sure use the ecuation rofl

Do any of us know a "normal" non add female?

Wait, nevermind...of course we don't...we're too damn oblivious when they talk to us, so they move on to the jock next door....

Since I found this thread this morning, I've kicked myself 100000 times, each one after remembering another "getting hit on" incident that I was oblivious to. :(

HAHAHAHA.....OK, so I'm a girl, but I came across this, and it's completely true for me as well---and it's only when a friend says, are you kidding??? He was so hitting on you, and I still can't believe it---I usually just assume people are nice and friendly.

Or sometimes, when I'll just be thinking back, it dawns on me.... why would he remember my birthday every year? Or why would he spend hours talking with me, and then stay at work till 3 am finishing off his own work? LOL--I've even had someone come up and just say "I like you," to which I answered, me too--lol--but I just thought it was like, you're a good friend!

Ok, so...update...

I have a thing for baristas...coffeeshop girls...It could be a problem...anyhow.

I've met another coffee shop girl. I talk to her. She likes talking to me. I spent $10 there today on coffee and bottled water, more or less just to talk to her, and she's great.

How do I give her my number without looking like a complete fool? Or do I just ask for hers? I figure if I give her my number, she can use it if she wants, or just, well, "lose it". It's less threatening, or something...gah what do I do?

ask her if she wants to go someplace to drink something other than coffee one night :)

Girls like ice cream right? Can we do that? I'd think it's easier to agree to than drinks at first...

Or maybe dinner so we can talk and really get to know each other? Chocolate fondue night at a restaurant?

Movie? ooohhh how about a hike? AHHHHHHH I dunno...I'm so worried about it..and I have to see her at school, seeing as how she has the SAME MAJOR at the SAME school as me...oddly we had never seen each other at school...


I hate dealing with this junk..why can't girls just ask me out?? Wait, I wouldn't notice...ARGHHHHHH:faint:

Maybe ask her to meet you at some public place...like a restaurant...someplace she'll feel safe, and you'll get some time to get to know one another :)

Hey...you could even go for a walk in the park!

Ice cream and a walk around town it is...assuming she's down with it.

Cool...Good Luck!

I'll ask her tomorrow...and post an update...if I remember to. I'm bad at remembering things sometimes.

ok :)

and as soon as girls are involved, I freak out and forget EVERYTHING.

Write it down

She has to be working for this to work. I suck I should have done it the second time we talked...but I'm shy when it comes to girls and strangers. I suck at talking to girls. You'd think I'd be much better at it at 22. :(

She has to be working for this to work. I suck I should have done it the second time we talked...but I'm shy when it comes to girls and strangers. I suck at talking to girls. You'd think I'd be much better at it at 22. :(
You'd be much better at it if you first stop telling yourself you suck at it.
You may have made mistakes in the past as many of us do but that does not define who you are or how you will respond in the future unless you constantly remind yourself of mistakes and failure.

Also, think about it this way, maybe some girls like guys who are honest about being nervous and shy about talking to them. If you weren't nervous or shy about it you might only be after one thing. A "bull in heat" isn't shy about tearing up the pasture....and there are a lot of those kind of guys out there. (Sorry, I had a Dr. Phil moment! :D)

You might just end up being a refreshing change of pace.

When the time comes that you can talk to her just write down 3 to 5 key words on a piece of paper that you want to get your brain to remember and say. Keep the paper with you...

to bad you can't club them over the head

to bad you can't club them over the head
Ya, I could see that as being easier. Silly laws.... ;)

I dunno, I'm just worried she'll have forgotten about me by now, and that I missed my window of opportunity, ya know?:( Is there such a thing as a window of opportunity? If so, i hope it's wide

McCoffee how's the dog park girl?

dog park girl left where to not sure i think she went back to law school in vermount

So...I completely BLEW IT.

Me: "what's your fav ice cream?"

Her: "cappucino"

Me: "oh I haven't tried that"

Her: "Have a sample"

Me "oh I like it, can I have a scoop of cappucino and a scoop of lemon gelato?"

Her: "would you like that in a cup or a cone"

Me: "I'll take the lemon gelato in a cup, and you can have the cappucino in whichever one you like more"

Her: "I'm not really hungry, I'm kinda sick of the food here"

Me: "Oh, uh, I'll still have that scoop of cappucino"

Her: "Lemon and cappucino...that's a weird combo"

Me: "yaaaaa...it kinda is...but I like it"

Ya...wow....so I'm not very good at talking to girls. She was smiling and laughing, but...I failed :(

hey, if she was smiling and laughing--and not in an annoyed, freaked out way--you did just fine :-) At the very least, she probably doesn't mind talking to you and at least, likes you on a friend level. But if she mentioned she didn't like the food there, you could have suggested getting food elsewhere with her.


good luck!

Ha! Y'all are killing me with these stories as I thought myself king of the mountain when the subject is the inability to recognize an approach. I feel I may be losing the grip on my septor.


I recently had a good friend tell me that she was going to start giving me a signal proportionate to the subtlety of the woman's approach I had just missed. She said the only problem is the brick she wants to drop on my foot is too heavy to carry around in her purse all the time. That was pretty funny, but she was serious and I got the point that I miss some very obvious things.

Am I allowed another update??

Too bad, here it is:

So, I'm in class today. I'm just chillin', sittin', waiting for it to start. Lecture is boring right? WRONG.

Girl from the coffee shop sits next to me...voluntarily. I didn't even know she was there. "Hey, I didn't know you were in this class"....she's stoked to see me and is still cute (it wasn't just the caffeine talking). We had a break together....She's rad...I'm kinda...wow...impressed by her...

So, ya..I think I get a second chance. Sweet.

Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
I've been there done that often.

One female who was obviously frustrated with my lack of reponse said the following:
"Just shut up and kiss me stupid".

I've been there done that often.

One female who was obviously frustrated with my lack of reponse said the following:
"Just shut up and kiss me stupid".
I've had similar occurences and often think, "why can't I have courage like that woman?". So, I start to (over)analyze the situation and come to the conclusion that the attraction doesn't stay as a main focal point in my mind for very long. Duh!! lol

Perhaps I'm just using that as an excuse for my cowardice behavior. It does seem as I'm attracted to a woman, perhaps I'll even engage in light conversation, then I don't really thing about it again unless I see her someplace again. The thought of pursuit never really crosses my mind.

OK BCADD kid.
I may not be "normal", I have ADHD (Inattentive apparently, but I can get the H to kick in when I want to party it up) and I'm of the XX type.

DooooD!!!!!!!!
So the CSG (coffee shop girl) is in yoru class and MAKES THE BOLD MOVE TO CHOOSE A SEAT NEXT TO YOU....
so here is the big news for you boys:
in general, in university all girls have their SEATS and usually some friends to sit with. So if a girl all of a sudden CHOOSES to sit next to you, it most likely means that she has gone out of her way to do that, and that she is straying from her usual ritual of sitting in the same seat.

If you've always sat in the same seat and that day she sat beside you, that means she:
-recognized you
-felt that you are worthwhile to come and sit with
-and you are worth remembering

she was being just as oblivious about your cappucino move as you were about her hitting on you...
by the way, she might not have considered sitting beside you as hitting on you, but it's a definite GOOD sign.
my advice:
you have her attention! she feels comfortable approaching you - which is very good. you thought you made a total fool of yourself but she still came to you. good sign. very good. if she had thought you were a complete moron she wouldn't have bothered right?
so, now you have something in common... you go to the coffee shop and say something like
how are you finding the class so far?
ask her opinion
or
where do you usually sit?
or
what are you majoring in?
or
sorry about the other day, I was caught off guard to see you in class.. what do you think of the course so far?

if anything, girls usually really like self conscious boys/guys/men... and like it when guys are up front and say stuff like they're kinda shy when it comes to meeting people , but you think they're really cool and would like to hang out sometime.

Do you wanna hang out sometime after work and have something other than coffee... would be a good thing to say. She's already said she's sick of the food at work.
You can ask her if she'd like to check up on the competition and go have some coffee from the other place.

things that girls don't find creepy:
meeting for coffe/other food (bubble tea?)
go karts
bowling
movie with some of your friends and her friends (group dates are really cool)

......
other suggestions...
she's in your class, if you get a good conversation at the end of class, ask "wehre are you headed?" and walk her to the next class or whatever... or ask if she's been to someplace cool on campus that you know of... (nowhere secluded, but I went to UBC and there is a really nice japanese garden there, and cool place to study upstairs in the student union building near the fountain, also the museum of anthropology etc... you probalby know of some places on your own campus that are "safe"... start with ... "hey, have you ever been to...?"


you can always ask: "so what other courses are you taking?" and if she's taking something you've never heard of ask her if she liikes it or not.

I hope this helps...
if your foot is completely stuck in your mouth, just write a note saying you think she's cool and you would love to hang out... and give her your e-mail address.
my friend worked as a cashier at the UBC pool and she saw this guy she thought was cute... so next time the guy came by she said "here, this is for you" and handed him a scrap piece of paper with her name and phone number on it... they are still together 2 years later.

for guys, do the e-mail thing. ask her if it would be OK to get her e-mail in case you need to get notes from her or ask a question sometime.
e-mail is really non threatening b/c you have time to think of an answer.

hope this helps!!

Did anyone else with ADD have this promblem or i'm just that social stupid to pick up on it when a women is trying to get my digits or more, I keep reflecting tiems in the past where they hit on me but i didn't relize it till after the fact or too late.

Just wondered. TIA
Had this problem a lot when I was single. I used to find out after the fact that someone liked me, and friends were often shocked that I didn't pick up on it. Then, seeking instant gratification, I would confront the girl that allegedly liked me in at the wrong place and time, and have an uncomfortable conversation about whatever was sitting in my mind.

When I was in high school, my friends would joke about how many girls who never talked to me were into me, but those that knew me wouldn't date me no matter how I hard I tried.

I wish one would hit on me so i could know...lol

DBR

This thread is great! I've always had this problem as well. The girl would always have to be the aggressive one or I would NEVER clue in. I never realized that might be the result of ADHD till I saw this.

Great...I got played..she has a boyfriend..got back together with the ex...the one she kept *****ing about...ugh...

Chicks suck, back to picking up ****s at the bar for me...

A real girlfriend just isn't for me.

The girl would always have to be the aggressive one or I would NEVER clue in.
I always thought that, until a girl I really liked told me how much she liked me. I managed to convince myself that she was only fooling around and nothing came of it. Deep down I knew she was telling the truth, but I was too afraid of acting on it.
Another one, and this really disturbs me, was a friend of a friend that I got on great with. One night we were all out for a few drinks, and the end of the evening went like this:

Her: I'm going home now.

Me: OK!

Awkward silence

Her: Goodnight then.

Me: Goodnight.

And she goes home on her own. Well I just assumed she was going home, I never thought she wanted me to go with her! I never lived it down with my friends, they still ridicule me about it.

i can't belive this thread is still going rofl

Wow !!! You people know about everything!!!

I guess Dale Gribble has been publishing my phone conversations again:D

Unless a girl blows a fog horn, I won't notice.

I just lost one that I thought was the most beautiful girl ever.

My problem is that before I've seen it there when it isn't... and not when it is. So when I do see it now... I pass it off as I'm not seeing it. And when I'm not seeing it... I'm disecting it trying to find out where it is.

For instance.

I'm 6'9" and people always come up to me to talk about my height.... I don't mind it and have gotten quite used to it. ITs a great conversation starter and I get to know alot of people with it.

I was a ca club when a very attractive short blonde came up to me and asked me 3 questions.

1) How tall are you? <--Typical question and started my mind in the wrong direction

2) Do you play backetball? <-- again typical question that pushed me further into oblivion

And the 3rd and final question that was just short of her stripping naked and jumping on me was...

3) Is it hard to have sex with women my height? <-- didn't see it until about 3 days later when I was talking with a friend... Now I'm hitting myself for not seeing it.

Thought you'd all get a laugh out of that one.
-Robert-

You know, when i first saw this thread I started getting a bit depressed because at first I really didnt have many females openly flirt with me. Then I thought about it some more and realized that there were more than a few women that had tried to get my attention.

For instance about a year ago a friend of mine tried to set me up with this girl that lived in the city. She would mention her to me and me to her until one day I finally met her. Me, her and about four other girls ended up going to the bar, to chill out. Although her and I did talk a bit, it wasnt engaging conversation, but at near the end of the night we were talking about going clubbing and all of a sudden she flat out asked me if I wanted to go dancing with her sometime. Now logic would dictate that I say yes, ask her for her number and call her but I didnt do either of the above. I just said sorry, i dont dance. I never saw her again.

I talked to our mutual friend a few months later and found out that she did in fact like me, a lot. Its almost sad but every time I meet a girl that is interested in me, either I screw it up or I never see her again. Thats one reason my dating history is so...... blank :(

I have been it that situation before, but as a very hyper person I usually would try to rush everything. The funny thing is it worked 90% of the time. It sounds like I just made a contradiction. But during my "calm" I go oblivous, but when I'm hyped there is no telling what will happen.

Haha I hope thats me because I never seem to be "hit on" by any girls other than ones I'm not interested in.

Same here-- when I was single I would figure out what was going on, about two weeks too late. By then she was off the radar screen, or hated my guts for blowing her off, or whatever. I, too, needed someone to throw herself in my path, but alas, that never happened.

dudes stop,step out ,stop being afraid of rejection ,think of a time when you were the most comfortable,feeling self assured ,take a deep breath, live in that moment ,feel it,now ,go over and talk to her ,do not take no for an answer ,use humor ,we just want a ph. number and a dinner date ,then make sure she's actually someone you like

I'd seriously recommend all you guys check this out... http://www.doubleyourdating.com/ - this has changed me immensely. Read the ebooks, watched the DVDs, listened to audio files. I can now flirt no problem and I know what goes on in their mind when they're interacting with guys...

Still gotta work on my emotions though. I'm very emotionless. But I'm working on it... :)

Im so retarded I had a girl tell me she wanted to marry me the first time she saw me. I thought she was messn with me. I had it for her so bad she had no idea. I was like a lil puppy dog waiting for her to come home from school. She was literally the girl next door. Then she packed up and moved away, taking my heart with her. :(

What I liked about her was she was so upbeat. Exact opposite of me.

Haha that was funny!:D Toby, I'd agree with you except that I think sex gods/goddess's actually end up having sex rather than walking away scratching their head and asking..."was I being hit on?" ;)

Hey people.
I'm sure I've replied to this thread, but I've just really realised how stupid I was when I was younger when it came to guys...I'm SO SO CLUELESS!!

Scenario 1: I was in my final year of secondary school when I made friends with 2 guys, one was just a friend and nothing more and the other one was overly nice to me, overly accepting of the fact I have ADHD (yes the whole school knew I had it) and was always sitting near me, once he tried to arrange an after school hang out type of outing which never eventuated and he made the comment "oh and you can stay at my house and sleep on the couch" I told my mother this and she said "Selena that guy had a thing for you" I was like nah he was just my friend mummy dearest then said "No Selena you know what happens when you go to a guys house and end up on the couch!" and only then did I cotton on and I was like OMG I had absolutely NO idea at all of this guys intentions.

Scenario 2: I was still at school and actually liked someone else (not the 1st guy I described) and I got a friend to call his home to tell him I liked him and after the school break I saw him at school and he was acting strange like smiling a lot when he saw me (he usually ignored me until then) and I was SOOOOO confused...what do you think that was about???

Scenario 3: I got my first job at 17 at McDonalds and I met this guy named Cesar and there were several rumours flying around that he "supposedly" liked me and yes I liked him too but he did nothing more except say hi, how are you and a lot of smiling, his best friend once mentioned that Cesar like me and I was like "yeah right whatever" and not believing it (I often thought why the hell would a guy like Cesar who was good looking, a nice person and quiet popular with the girls have ANY kind of interest in a total freak like me??) well I went to this girls party and got totally drunk and it was embarrasing I still cringe about my behaviour at this party, this thing went on for about a year with people telling me that he "supposedly" likes me and telling me about what he gets up to as if doing a running commentary on his life and I also started to recieve some unusual phone calls which I still think were a bad joke at my expense (I wasn't the most popular girl in any social situation)...could this guy have liked me or was this just a really bad and hurtful joke???? I'll say that Cesar himself was always nice to me.

I feel for everyone whose ever been through this.

Selena:confused:

Honey... when someone tells you a guy likes you, believe it; then, act with him like you know it. Even if it's not true, playing the game doesn't hurt, especially if you consciously see it like a game, not Potential Utopia vs. Potential End Of The World. Feel confident, tease him. Guys are insecure by nature... and you being ADHD, an insecure guy may have more tendency to develop a crush on you, perhaps because he empathises more, humm... me wonders. But hey, if you like a guy, don't necessarily give "the" first step, but get closer, let him get closer, put him at ease while also playing hard to get, go with the flow... and be confident. That's the most important. These are my four cents, for now... :)

Darling!....I have many reasons to be sceptical when someone tells me that either they or someone else likes, I've been set up badly once and I've basically been cautious ever since...I have a heart and I don't want it hurt, I find romantic relationships hard at the best of times......I just need to be more confident within myself I guessHoney... when someone tells you a guy likes you, believe it; then, act with him like you know it. Even if it's not true, playing the game doesn't hurt, especially if you consciously see it like a game, not Potential Utopia vs. Potential End Of The World. Feel confident, tease him. Guys are insecure by nature... and you being ADHD, an insecure guy may have more tendency to develop a crush on you, perhaps because he empathises more, humm... me wonders. But hey, if you like a guy, don't necessarily give "the" first step, but get closer, let him get closer, put him at ease while also playing hard to get, go with the flow... and be confident. That's the most important. These are my four cents, for now... :)

It's funny when i first started this thread I met this girl at the dog park around the same time. She did like me I know it's a suprise to most of you on here when I finnially figured it out threw my thick head I didn't see her. I thought my me giving her a mix a cd is what scared her off. It turns out that her mother died she was going though a divource. I didn't even know she was married.

I'm friends with her which is cool I'm very happy about that. Now it's like more of fear would I screw this one up like I did countless others ,and somewhat continue to do even unintenionally.


Life is messed up lately I've been meeting women who all are great, yet it's the wrong time, wrong place wrong circumstance. It's kinda works out though not in the mood for anything serious however I have a hunch on this one knew it from day one. This leaves me in a perdicatmate don't want to push anything the more I wait which i don't mind it'll be great if it lead to mere. That will putting all my eggs in one basket not sure if that is a great idea.


Great Ideas get me in trouble that's why day to day I wish i had a labotomy so i won't relize that i am sick/addhd plus my grades will improve since most of thease proffs have no common sense anyway then again who does anymore if we did we wouldn't be posting here :)

I used to experience this, but not so much anymore.
Kinda the opposite now.

What is the quote?

"In my youth, my compliments were taken as declarations of love. Now my declarations of love are taken as compliments"

I"m batting a 1,000 lately I shotted myself in th foot with that one dog park girl. It was one of those mornings where you know you should've called off and slept in. My english class it was hillarous had a lecture on time managment which is ironic cause were wasting time talking about. Nothing personal against she has an overbearing voice which i understand it's good to clear and project at times it was like to much. So with that said went to dog park here she was with some dude i know she had guy fiends which i shouldn't care or let it bother me. Guess what it did I forgot what exectly what I said at the same itme I don't care the one day that everything went wrong..

So congrats to me woo hooo :)

I'm new here and I didn't want to read all gazillion posts on this subject. So I'm sorry if this has been addressed, but have any of you wondered about the Darwinistic aspect of things like ADD. The defect making coupling harder and more likely to fail thereby protecting the gene pool of the species. This is kinda how I see myself. I figure that I'm gonna die alone. I'm just trying to resign myself to the fact. Now I know most of you are gonna say "No way", "that's dumb", but think about. It both makes sense and is a huge fear of mine.

Never ever was aware of when i was been hit on in the subtle ways women initiate come ons.

I'm new here and I didn't want to read all gazillion posts on this subject. So I'm sorry if this has been addressed, but have any of you wondered about the Darwinistic aspect of things like ADD. The defect making coupling harder and more likely to fail thereby protecting the gene pool of the species. This is kinda how I see myself. I figure that I'm gonna die alone. I'm just trying to resign myself to the fact. Now I know most of you are gonna say "No way", "that's dumb", but think about. It both makes sense and is a huge fear of mine.
if you're pessimistic, most likely you'll die alone

if you're optimistic and try to get your game on, most likely you'll not die (i for myself believe i'll live enough to be able to be physically immortal ehe) and will always be surrounded by great cute hot smart intelligent babes that will love the mistery u provoke on them

but it takes effort and negativity will be your biggest obstacle, always

don't want at all to make your scientific effort look ridiculous, not at all, your theory could have some logic, but you don't want to believe it so, don't

:)

Never ever was aware of when i was been hit on in the subtle ways women initiate come ons.
but do you still want to learn? never 2 late

if you do, have u heard of www.doubleyourdating.com ?

he explains the tricks and how to interpret women

if you can't get to a part where he sells the 77 laws, let me know. it's the best. straight to the point, with subconscious work. dvd.

i've got in contact with the 77 laws product just last week through a newsletter i've been receiving for more than a year and have ordered it right away

wonder if he makes it avlbl right on to new subscribers of the nl. if he doesn't i can give u a link i guess

lemme know

have a gr8 weekend

ric

I can always tell when my friends are getting hit on and I can give excellent information on what he should do to get it started. But If it's me getting hit on Im oblivious to the fact. Even if I do think so I always have doubts about it. Sometimes if I think a girl likes me but I don't like them I run away from them because Im afraid if they know I don't like them it will hurt their feelings. And If a girl I like is attractive to me I run away from them because Im afraid Im going to mess everything up and make myself look dumb. So no matter what Im constantly running away from women.

I can always tell when my friends are getting hit on and I can give excellent information on what he should do to get it started. But If it's me getting hit on Im oblivious to the fact. Even if I do think so I always have doubts about it. Sometimes if I think a girl likes me but I don't like them I run away from them because Im afraid if they know I don't like them it will hurt their feelings. And If a girl I like is attractive to me I run away from them because Im afraid Im going to mess everything up and make myself look dumb. So no matter what Im constantly running away from women.
I relate to what you say. I remember being very young and whenever having the idea a girl liked me and I didn't, I'd make sure she wouldn't love me. In the psychologist we seemed to have reached the conclusion it relates to my mother on one hand seeing me and treating me as a genious angel and on the other hand, exploding (after compressing..), over my bad disruptive behaviour. I subconsciously seem to have told myself that being loved meant making suffer. Do you relate to this hypothesis?

this thread is just like me! lol, i had ton's who girls who liked me and not until year or so later do i sit down and cursed because i relise that they liked me, and also the other problem i find it hard to go upto a girl and say i like her, its not hard in the sence that i'm all nervous or anything, its more of a case that in my head i go "ye like she is going to like me". its takes the girl to come upto me and tell me she likes me to relise, and this is not only with girls lol, its also with people who hate me, people who are taking the mick. i never know about it because i'm always off in my own world until they talk to me directly or if i'm on my own with them, and i think thats why we don't notice, because we are driffing off into are heads and really don't take note of what they are doing all the time, or in a ADHD case, jumping around somewhere else lol.

I'm always clueless, as well. I didn't realize this was ADD-related, but I guess it makes sense. I'm married, but my wedding ring had been missing for about 2 years, so I didn't even have a tan line. Recently when I took my sons by myself to a local park, there was a woman there chatting with me, and I didn't realize she was hitting on me until I was leaving, and the woman's mother caught up with me and asked me about my lack of wedding ring. :o

When I relayed the whole story to my wife after I got home, she found it hysterically funny how many obvious cues I had missed during the conversation. :)

as meany as i would king lol i do that all the time dureing conversations lol bet what did the wife say then lol dorm

I got hit on today while waiting in line for my academic counsellor. And she was cute!

So I can recognize it now, but I don't know what to do. $#@*I%&Y*(Y %#YR ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhharrhhrrhhhrhrrhhr

Hi guys, sorry to peek in on your forum but this thread had me ROFL... My brother is ADD and this is just like him! He's attractive and smart, but COMPLETELY misses it when women flirt with him. To make matters worse he's very shy and asking women out on dates is even harder for him. So lately we've been "role playing" if you will about how to hold conversations with women, flirt, recognize social cues, do's and don'ts on dates, etc. :D

hey littia you could do role play on here as well then that help us men who ant shoee on the souial cusss ither lol dorm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS IS THE BEST TOPIC EVER AND SO TRUE!

I seriously can't tell. It's ridiculous.

OMG **GASP** it's like the story of the past 14 years of my life crammed into one thread!

I have had a situation is along the same lines of the thread. A boss who has repeatedly told me [without me asking] that he won't move my schedule up. He wants me to be the last one in the department. That leaves about an hour with just him an me in the office. Once after everyone else had gone, he came over to my desk to help me with a problem and commented on how nice I smelled. The 'complement' passed over my head because at the time I was totally focused on trying to figure out this problem. Again, after everyone else was gone, I was concentrating on a task with my back turned from the door, he would jump into the office and yell something. When I'm 'in the zone' something like that will really startle me; I jumped in my chair. He would come up behind me and start rubbing my back, "Oh, did I startle you?"

I never catch on when it happens, but it is beginning to freak me out a bit.

For so long I've made a horrible mistake when interacting with women. When the question of what do you do came, I'd tell about my past as like excusing myself (been in two universities, dropped out, done this, that....) and about my future dreams as like it was going to give me value (i have some disrupting ideas indeed and they'll be a bomb if i get them rolling but, that's for me and little people more not BABES!) and so I'd come across as an insecure, excessively intense dreamer, worried about himself and not so actually interested in the other person.

Some couple of months ago I asked my psychologist what should I answer when a girl asked me what I do. Basically it was life-changing, as now I keep THEM wondering about me, "stalking me" (I make fun of them calling them stalkers) and only give little info from time to time, basically I say, I'm not doing much right now, do some web sites now and then, something I enjoy, and then I mostly enjoy life, [my upgrade not psychologist's input from now on :P] I mean, I'm here enjoying you, so, tell me about yourself... do you sing in the shower?

Etc etc but keeping it cool and chilled and zero pressure on her. In this very moment I have the bouncer of a disco, very interesting girl, waiting for my reply on IM for some 5 minutes... cup of tea tomorrow with her and I'll let her know a bit more of me. Smoothly. I'm not craving girls' attention anymore and even if I happen to crave it, I won't let it SHOW!

Hope this will help open some eyes of ppl suffering what I've been through - I sure feel amazingly upgraded. I don't feel like I need to be "specially special" to be interesting. I can even say I'm living in a tent!! Now the difference is simply between meeting them and they evaporating, or keeping my phone full with SMS's...

Good luck guys! You can do it too... serious! I was BLIND before. If u want help count on me. I'll give the more I can from my "green but amazing" experience! ;D

Gray that is dead on. I never made the connection with ADD and failing to pick up signals from woman, I've had friends and family tell me that chicks were checking me out and flirting-but it was the "nah, she is just being nice, doing her job, or trying to get a good tip" but later I found out she did want a relationship-but by that time I was to late. And I never want to seem aggressive, to be known as that "creepy" guy, man do I hate rejection-and people who don't realize I can't wake up one morning and not be add.

hewhe tonight i was feelung yp another idi0ots girls foot.... she loved it... iu take it she never got loved before... kittle puybjs dont know how to rtake caer of a ladyt properly... i love the females... lover to plase them":)

The solution boys is the take the offensive or launch some pre-emptive strikes... if you take 10mg of dextroamphetamine then you wait a couple hours, then you smoke lots of weed, then you drink some alcohol, everyone else at the party is making complete asses out of themselves and the girls are loose, you are completely sober but finally "happy" or "normal" and then you get to go to work... its working for me the past couple months :D

'd like to relate my experiences yesterday. I was in this strange town im visiting my parents in British Columbia... so I'm meeting all these girls through this group that I attached myself too, they are like all dressed up like gangstas and such... lol, they said "you are the only guy in princeton with a nice shirt, so they think you are insane or not from here" lol i laughed my butt off... anyway all day they keep asking me if Im okay, and Im finally feeling my balls dropping and I just tell them I got severe ADHD... then they finally accept it when you tell them becaue they keep asking me what they see different in me. So anyway they thought at the party that I looked like "I was about to fall over" I said "I always look like Im on drugs, remember, I got severe ADHD." tjhey said yea sure well see... sure enough these tough guys tried keeping up to me in alcohol and cannabis consumption but they couldn't... and I quit zoloft so the SSRI isnt giving me more tolerance to the weed either... it was hilarious... I finally get to that point we get when we get so "fed up" compared ot everyone else where we can just finally concentrate on whats going on around us at the party and we feel weird because we arent makiing asses out of ourselves we are just watching and laughing at everyone else... of course they take this a million different ways but I stopped thining about what they are thinkig of me and thining about what Id like to do ot them if they mouth off at me (quickly jump them and punch them in the face repeatedly) or if they are girls what Id like to do with them to make them happy... hehe Ive missed out on all this for far too long...

This has always been a problem for me it is really really annoying. My experiences with girls and dating I onyl really asked out the ones I knew liked me because I could never tell.
I have the worst story about this.
I was 16 or so and at a new years eve dance. I saw this really good looking girl walk in. I swear she was the best looking girl there. I decided to ask her to dance. she said yes! it was a slow song and so we had a while to talk and stuff. I found out she was from out of town with her cousin. The song ended, it was about midnight. and she asked me where I was going to be when the clock struck the new year. I don't remember what I said but I remember thinking it was a really weird question so I just said thanks for the dance and bye or whatever and went back where my friends where. I told my female friend about what a weird question it was. She replies with "What?! She totally wanted to kiss you!" I was dumbfounded but after thinking it over it made total sense.Why else would she have asked me that? I honestly could not think of a better reason. But it was too late and I was freaked out. I felt like such a dork. I never saw her again.