View Full Version : My family doesn't seem to understand my ADHD related problems

08-26-13, 04:29 PM
I'm sorry in advance this is a long rant about my life story so you can skip it if you want to save yourself the trouble i don't expect you to read it all anyways

I'm a 17 year old boy who has to take 50mg of Vyvanse a day and about to start Senior year and I feel like I'm freaking out. I'm supposed to be doing six different journal entries for a summer reading book right now that'll be due day 2 of my academic schedule and school starts tomorrow and i havent even finished half of one of them yet. My parents have been really on me about my summer reading book assignments every year since i didnt do one before ninth grade and flunked out of ninth grade honors english and had to get put into a lower level and had summer school. before my sophomore suggested i get tested for it i didnt even really know what ADHD was since i had all A's except penmanship and english up from elementary and most of middle school.

when my doctor diagnosed me with the less hyper kind and gave me a kind of prescription for Vyvanse where i have to go back to the doctors to get a refill every time i thought hey maybe itll work. and it did for a while but whenever i forgot to ask my mom to get another refill it ended up with me slippping down again and i nearly failed 3 classes in junior year which i only passed because all of those teachers allowed me to make up work from months before and let me do a multitude of makeup work to show that i understood the curriculm. I did understand most if not all of it I just have a really hard time putting it all down and being able to steer myslef enough to to it all and remember to do it all or that it takes me a while to do tests and stuff because it feels like someone keeps stealing all my time away.

The thing is even after my doctor diagnosed me with it it seems my family acts like im using it like a crutch "crutch" and that im making "excuses" and "acting up" all the time just because they dont have these problems. my dad has said that if they noticed it more when he was a kid he would probably have been diagnosed with it to and my family agree and so does anyone who knew him at my age like his siblings and close friends. but since he managed to pass high school with honors i should too.

They have always chalked up anything i do as being lazy because i did used to "sleep" alot (and still do sometimes). by that i mean i would go to my room and pretend to be asleep anytime anyone came in so they thought i was asleep. me being the oldest brother with one and now two younger brothers i always felt that i couldnt break down and cry or get upset or show weakness because "I have to protect them and if i am weak they'll get hurt" this feeling also extended to my big sister since she was scared of alot of things and i wasnt. actually come to think of it i never even had fears because of this mentality. my parents told me that when i was about two years old i went downstairs on my house at night by myself when the lights were off to get one of my favorite toys and ive never been afraid of the dark to this day i still have trouble understanding this fear. they also said that at around seventeen months when my younger brother was born and my mom came back from the hospital with him thy told me id have to sleep in my own room in my own bed and i agreed without a problem. im not sure if thats signifigant to anyone or even has to do with ADHD but my 3 siblings have always been afraid of the dark and the earliest age any of them could sleep in their own bed consistently was at around eight years old(which is as old as my youngest brother now but he hasnt shown signs of stopping yet). Sorry for that whole side story but i only meant to use it to explain that i always have tried to be self sufficient and not rely on anyone not even my parents or teachers for as long as i could as much as possible. so when i got diagnosed i thought that "hey now i should start to try and ask for help when i need it.

My parents though they seem to at least act like they'll help and they keep taking me to the doctors and buy my medicine it still feels like their only doing it to appease me and so if i start messing up again itll be "now this excuse is over whatll it be next time". I can tell they feel embarrassed with the fact that i have this and seem to act like its not actually the ADHD that i act like this but that im just a "drama queen" and "lazy". two days ago after we all went to dinner together during the end of the car ride i started having a little one of my "hyper" episodes(which makes me feel like im on overdrive; my hand keeps shaking, i cant keep still, i pace alot, run in circles, my heart feels really fast and i feel overheated and sweaty).

Since i was diagnosed with the inattentive type (on account of me being overweight and my afforementioned tricking them in to me being asleep all the time) they thought i was simply being overdramatic to get attention.

When i tried to explain that it happened to me everytime at school that i forgot to take my pill in the morning, which at first freaked out my friends a lot then they got used to it, my mom now thinks that its because of my medicine since that incident happened after i started taking my medicine again but on a day i missed it. before i started taking my medicine i felt hyper anyways but i always never did it around my parents because i felt like i'd get in trouble. they didnt notice it this summer because i decided not to take it during the summer and since i hung out with my friends most of the summer and we mainly walk around i burnt all the excess hyper so when i got home i could hide it when i got home to avoid them mocking me again for "overreacting". so now when they saw me hyper what i thought would happen did my mom teling me to just "stop it" and "turn it off" while my dad and siblings were laughing in the background. when my mom said that "i should stop acting up since the doctor told (her) when (all of us kids) were born that (she) didn't have any 'weird' ones" i just went downstairs by myself to wait for all the shaking to stop.

I really just wanna know whats wrong with me is the medicine making me feel like this or was i misdiagnosed. right now i feel terrible and i took me over an hour of moving all around my basement)which has my computer that has Microsoft Word so no one has came down yet so i wont "use them as an excuse for distracting me) and thinking about posting this or not and all the possibilities of whatll happen if my family notices this and if it would be good or bad if they did find out and i was crying and sobbing and generally being a mess and a wreck of how i always act to people (smiling and joking) and if i should post this because ive never reached out for help before because ive always seen it as a form of "weakness" and the only reason i even have is because i know this is anonymus so they hopefully dont find out.

i did just have to disguise this window because my little brother came down to check on me. i feel bad lying to him since we're less then two years apart and have been close for longer then i remember and have done everything together but i dont want to worry him. Out of anyone he is the only one that wholeheartedly does his best to try and understand me.

Since i cant tell him all of this i tried my two closest friends but they both have some heavy problems too so i cant bother them with all this too. my parents are a no although i dont blame them neither of them were born in this country anyways it was my generation to be the first ones here on either side. i really cant blame them for that especially since my brother had the same assignment albeit with different content for his grade and he finished it today and i started at 10 o clock and have spend more time trying to find people like me and eventually writing all this even though i know no one will read it.

Sorry for making you read this whole rant but this is the first time ive ever actually put any of this outside of my head. so even if no one reads this at least i stopped bottling it up. Its just i keep feeling like this is all my fault and i just couldnt take it anymore. I dont know if its really ADHD or if my parents are right and my subconscious is making me act like that as a dodge or escape.

Sorry again for the long rant and all its bad grammar and spelling i just feel like i cant stop and i honestly want my parents to understand. well i guess I'll just go back to acting confident and happy.

Thank you if you actually took the time to read this and sorry again. I guess i should have spend this time one my essays instead of wasting your time.

08-28-13, 09:10 AM
I am so sorry for the pain this has caused you and so f**king ANGRY for the way your parents treated you. Yes meds help adhd. THe symptoms of adhd are never 100% controlled by stimulants otherwise we would call stimulant drugs cures and not treatment. Can you ask them for a therapist? Tell them you need someone to talk to? You need an objective person to talk to that wont put you down.

08-28-13, 09:20 AM
Sorry for what you've been through sweetheart )))big hugs(((, I know things must feel painful for you right now and I know how it feels to have your family be unsupportive and emotionally neglectful or dismissive

I promise you this one day this will all be a memory it'll be a hard memory that leaves scars but those scars will make you really tough there are people out there that will understand you and at addf you've come upon a community of warm and kind people that can understand what you go through on a daily basis
You aren't lazy you aren't a failure ! You are just a flower trying to bloom in harsh conditions

You are never alone !!!! Please stop by with any questions or help you need and welcome to our dysfunctional but loving home

08-28-13, 09:54 AM
I get that secretiveness too. Acting like i'm a sleep when people come to "interfere" with my flow.

1. You are a unique person. And despite the pressures, you have an impact on this world.

2. I think a lot of the time, our indecisive/emotionally driven communication is used against us. Yes, there are longer term things within that statement. But what i'm saying is that people address and see us by how we communicate, not by what our values are. WHich is a huge shame.

3. Treatment + Tools + Supportive people

-Is there a person who values you you can talk to about anything?
-Is there a student assistance service / counsellor where you study?
-Can you get money / doctor appointments?

You gotta seek out and put in place the stepping stones that you need. Don't let any other **** cloud your emotions until they are in place.

Family wise, DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING from them. Chat to them, if the subject gets judgemental/critical ZONE OUT!!! Walk back in 20mins later pull them aside and slowly phrase your point. Eventually, when better insight and a broader perspective comes, you will be better placed to get your point across. I find looking at smaller things helps not to focus on THE single thing thats frustrating you. Cause that does happen a lot of the time. We could be using our superdooper brain to observe and learn but we get stuckon some **** so we miss so much.

If it truly gets pressuresome, maybe your counsellor can drag them in and give them a good run down on the real world. It's funny how people will say things adamantly to those closest to them, yet put them in front of a stranger and LOOK WHO's LISTENING NOW! ;) On second thought, some of the things you have said indicate that maybe there is hope for them yet. Maybe this should happen sooner rather than later.

If verbally you can't express you might consider writing them a letter. It's important to believe in yourself throughout this process and highlight how they can assist you;

-Doctor / Therapist / Medication
-Little reminders ( or not ) but no pressure etc. etc.

Whatever happens;

-Value yourself and your uniqueness
-Do not expect anything from anyone, ask 1000 times before you get it. But don't expect.

09-08-13, 01:00 PM
Thanks all three of you that really makes me feel better i didnt expect anyone to reply and i'll try out your suggestions and thanks for making me not seem so different annymore.