View Full Version : Tentatively Titled


magoo403
09-04-13, 03:25 PM
Hi everyone, thanks for having a boo. I hope this is easy to read here, but if not I'd point you to where it's hosted blog.lathom.ca titled Here I am.
I guess this format doesn't allow for replies, but I'd love feedback so maybe a message or email.
Again, thanks for reading. @mikemaguire



The main character and the main storyline met in a park. Can’t tell you what park, the main setting hasn’t arrived. They were a “maybe” anyway.
They found a comfortable enough place in the shade, sitting down across a picnic table.

“How’ve you been?” Asked the storyline.

“I’ve been fine, thanks. Awaiting some sort of event to thrust me into a scenario where I grow as a person, even just a little bit. I suppose I could find out from you, couldn’t I?”

“Oh, you don’t want to know,” replied the story.

“Of course I would. Seems like I’d be fairly interested in what I can only assume involves me quite significantly.”

“Well, I get that, obviously. However, I meant to say that at the moment, we’re at a nondescript park, I’d wager you’d think this story rather tedious. I was simply avoiding carrying on in a far too verbose way what is quite banal and essentially a time-waster for you. See, even that description was far too much.”

“Well, I guess a thank you is in order, I certainly am not present to be bored. I know I have no clue as to what genre or type of story that is to occur, I do know that being bored is essentially the only way to guarantee a story won’t be followed for very long.

There was a bit of a pause, and the story and character looked around, when they both found their meandering eyes pointed towards each other, they could only give awkward smiles and on their eyes went. Slowly the world began to contract, it forced its own tedium into the middle of the two. They felt their own poor development being their demise. The fact that they didn’t even have a name felt more than a simple oversight it became the crushing gravity pulling whatever hastily placed constructs existed into the size of the period at the end of this sentence. It wouldn’t be long now.

A penguin with a Van Halen t-shirt strolled by.
Both watched as it strolled past. Suddenly it yelled “Boobies” and then made a skidding sound and ran into a tree.
And the world didn’t implode, this fictional construction saved by a non-sequitur and then pandering to the lowest common denominator.

Chapter Two, the previous one was Chapter 1, forgot to add that oops.

“Well that was close.”

“No ****, Sherlock, but we can’t spend too much time discussing that. Seems like a pretty perilous situation and I think we’re on our own in terms of existence.”

“I agree, we have to create our own engaging read, we’ve got a pretty ****ty narrator. I mean, who is saying this right now, me or you? What a failure of the basics.”

The sun started to creep slowly onto the corner of the picnic table, here at the Gableford’s Park, the epicentre of Briden Falls.
So said a text message from the setting, who also added that they were stuck in traffic. Here? In Briden Falls?

“No time for that now!” Said the main character. “My name is Pat, I’m still kind of figuring out gender and appearance. I don’t like Pat really I just panicked.”

The penguin was gone, they were really on their own.

“Okay, let’s calm down and get this all sorted out,” said the storyline. “I’ll admit I’m a bit lost and I know that’s not a good thing being that I’m the storyline and all.”

Pat gave them one of their trademark sarcastic smiles.

“Your a dick, Pat. But it’s character development, just the same, and I see the merit in it. Keep ‘er going.”

“Well jeez, wait, I’m still trying to figure out who the hell I am bits wise and that name is so far off the list. Now I have to find out if I’m a sympathetic character or not.”
“I’m a twenty-six year old professional female named Jade because it’s going to be a good challenge writing from that perspective yet don’t have to get too deep into my history because although that part may be undeveloped you can’t say the same for my chest.” Jade ran her index finger down from her neck to her cleavage, tracing the shape of her left breast before continuing on . . .

“Alright, I appreciate the save there Jade, probably bought me some time to figure out my part here.” said <Tentative Title>.

“****, we’re still here in the park,” <Tentative Title> added. By now the sun had fully consumed the picnic table, the reflected heat and light making it hard to see without Ray Bans or D & G or maybe some other eyewear brand would pay for some placement here. They began to sweat, especially between Jade’s amble bosom. All right!

“Okay, that’s enough of that” the story said, “stop with the hackery.”

“I agree, however it does seem we’ve been somewhat sidetracked from our main focus. That of being compelling! Maybe ending this chapter can signal a passage of time and Chapter 3 begins with all that figured out and a new and enticing challenge await.”

Chapter 3

Jade and the story looked at each other. Not a moment had passed since that last part of dialogue and this.

“What the **** is the point of chapters, anyway? God dammit! Oh, waitaminute, god, the role of third person omnipotence in the story. It’s the solution to all of our problems! We simply have to just -

Chapter 4

With a sigh of relief, Jade signalled the end of her work week at Landzerus Enterprises. She saw the relief on the eyes of her staff; some for finally figuring out the perfect pitch for Monday’s meeting but mostly that it got figured out early enough that the night would be fully theirs in whatever form of debauchery they chose to have consume their next 36 hours.

They certainly deserved it given the amount of time they had devoted to the project. She knew they were ready to show their idea and that everyone would be impressed by the presentation and they’d get the contract. She certainly had led by example, devoting more time and energy than anyone. It was that lead-by-example that had sustained her crew through the arduous process, it also had such a taxing effect on her physically and mentally that she wouldn’t ever admit. However, it was done, and it could also be her weekend if she’d only let go.

The stress she carried with her on a weekly basis allowed her to get to her apartment, have a cuddle with Friddles, her six-year-old tortoise shell who was quite comfortable with the routine as long as it meant attention as a stress-relief, and to draw a bath, all on auto-pilot.

It wasn’t until she noticed how seductively she undressed, how powerful her sexuality was displayed in the mirror that she knew someone was in the apartment with her, watching her.

“You’re creepy, I never noticed how much of a pervert you were,” she said to the story, whose eyes were lingering on wherever you think they were, yeah you’re implicated now too.

“Did you notice how easily your cat had a name and description?” the story asked. “Seems a bit unfair for us to go through a lot more trouble, don’t you think?”

“Guh, can’t this wait ’til later? It’s been such a hell of a week, I just can’t conjure up the mental fortitude to go all meta right now.”

“That’s just it, can’t you see? Look at all the energy you’re expending on a pretty cliche story right now. Big, important position at a major corporation doing all this for a big contract and to impress your bosses.

“But what exactly is it that you do? It still hasn’t been said, look up and read it again if you want. We just assumed it was a pretty valid situation and we filled in the blanks and just kept going. To be honest I have no idea what happens in all those big sky scrapers with all these big meetings and what you have to do to get the big contracts. Frankly, I have no interest in doing the research, I’d rather watch Kids in the Hall.”

“Well, it’s not my problem you’re lazy.” Jade said, yes, just said. Boobies.

“It’s not laziness,” the story began. And I guess ended too, must have had a big, stressful week.

Elsewhere, a maple tree attempted, and failed for 348th time to get a driver’s license. With a bazooka. Its’ name, was

Chapter 5.

Jade and the story had a few beers. They continued to drink throughout the chapter.

“I’m pretty excited to see where this turns out,” one of them said.

“I’m not even going to correct you,” the other replied. They both settled in to a series of red lines hovering just below their dialogue.”

“It seems like things still are happening, which has helped continue this whole thing well beyond what was probably considered way back in the chapter 1 and 2 era.”

“I’m impressed” he said to himself. “Good job Mike. Have another beer. Okay I will.”

“Also, I’m sorry that I’ve used your boobs thus far. I think I had planned to use that stuff in a clever way like once and then desert that for a proper description of a fully-realized female character. It’s a thin line between using base descriptions of a female to be sardonic towards misogyny and actually being a sexist *******.”

“___________________________________” responded a female reader who finally said the right thing.

Anyway, with that over, and a steely resolve to not devolve back into that territory, the main character and main storyline were startled by a knock on the door. Friddles, in her ironic response in that she has no concept of irony because she’s a cat and by describing this all far too much is in a way ironic, ran away to find shelter under the bed. She found hiding spots before it was cool to find hiding spots, by the way.

One of them answered the door, which had asked them a riddle, or something. Just kind of a weird phrasing, answering the door. Yeah, get ready for tangents like this there pal.

So they opened the door, which makes more sense, and lo- and behold there was Setting. Tom Setting.

“Norm!” said the cast of Cheers the TV show.

Chapter 6.

Tom Setting walked through the doorway, entering the lounge area. Effortlessly passing by the chaise lounge and leather chesterfield, he traversed via the well-worn oak floorboards to the most-inviting mother of pearl plush recliner. It certainly had the best view of the room and the view of the downtown which pulsated in the valley below. The streetlights which acted like those airport things signalled the mass convergence of the hill people into that vibrant core, they showed the arduous commute to a spectator, if only they weren’t all a part of the gridlock for 4 hours every work-day.

What really did the floor to ceiling windows facing west really show? Humanity’s decline figuratively and literally, a panoramic view of the choking hold of industry and corporate megalomania compressed into a mocking scenic view clamoured by the elite and most-possessed? Did we keep up with the Jones’ by ensuring the most exotic materials kept us in bondage? We certainly enjoy pea cocking our titanium shackles to the masses whose iron restraints at least provide part of a fully nutritional breakfast to get you started on your day.

The hardwood floor was due for a buffing and new lacquer. It didn’t seem to bother the protagonists of the story, but it’s something I notice. Seems like a simple weekend project and makes a world of difference. Anyway, whatever.

“So I’m pretty addicted to this game,” Tom Setting finally said. He showed his phone’s screen to the others. They both stood up and applauded.

“Woot! Woot!” they said in unison. They began to turn over the furniture and throw various things against the wall. Ashtrays went through paintings, throw pillows lived up to their namesake and broke some mother ******* lamps and ****.

It was a proper reaction to a situation that seemed destined to be rather nondescript. I feel better. Still with me?

Chapter 1.Z

The penguin wasn’t the biggest Van Halen fan, yet he never was embarrassed to be seen wearing it. It was simply a hand-me-down t-shirt from his older brother Barry. He always felt a pang of jealousy when realizing that a band was on a world tour, yet to see them perform and procure the t-shirt only took the two-hour drive to Winnipeg. Not much of a ******* contest, it was just not in the cards for him to see much of the world.

Yet here he was, wearing a badge of another person(s)’ accomplishments, of their travels handed down to the next generation. It was a painful reminder of his inabilities, yet provided the necessary garment for one to travel to the park.

He thought a lot about music; for a penguin- a whole lot considering his species and whatnot. He wondered why Bob Dylan was still so reviled, even though he was not a spokesperson for his generation. He thought far too many people were told he was what good music was compared to the garbage of today. And when he passed the open windows of apartments and houses playing a playlist of “essential music” - Dylan and Coltrane and Davis and Cohen and more artists that weren’t just C’s and D’s, he thought these artists are just simply co-opted by these people to show some sort of musical intelligence. They weren’t enjoyed they were simply badges, again, to be somehow a sign of intelligence and modernity, to be their validity of neurons firing properly whilst blathering out some ********.

It’s my estimation that I’ve had enough beers versus lack of food (a “buffer”), to see that I’d best wrap things up.
So,

Last Chapter

It was still up in the air whether a climax and a denumount could be achieved in one chapter, wrapping up this whole thing into a nice pretty package.
“Well, we could do something drastic, solve it and get back to looking out the window” Jade said, to the window.
“I suppose that would be up to me,” said the story. Tom Setting changed from his left-leg crossing his right to his right leg crossing his left. His eyes never left the screen. He was pretty much useless but did get a good high-score through what transpired next.

Chapter 9 oh wait I said the last one was the last one never mind.

The narrator began to think about the day he had, and then the life he’d had. He worried about the end of the story, this story. He had kind of danced around establishing any of the tenets of storytelling, using sarcasm to cover up any lacking skills and now faced with the truth. While all that’s surrounding him remains askew and unbalanced he’s expected to wrap this up, maybe one thing he can find closure with. He’s struggled mightily with many things, and probably doesn’t expect this to be any easier. He begins to see the vagueness and meandering of this ******* thing as parallels to what he experiences in his inabilities of a functioning human. He doesn’t expect anyone to have gotten this far, I suppose. He regrets the change in tone and the heaping of his baggage onto another. He understands his inability to resolve a story devolves into a personal admission to need pathos.

Sorry.

The End.

PS An epic, naked car chase between the story and Jade, and the penguin. They all tumble off a cliff, which kills ‘em but also shows good gymnastics technique to the next generation, who all achieve Olympic gold in a story that’s way way better than this tripe.