View Full Version : When did you know you had a PD?

09-09-13, 02:58 PM
This question is coming from a mother who's child is in counseling and the therapist is seeing PD traits.

When did you know you had a personality disorder? Do you think if you had found out younger that things would have been easier, or addressed more quickly? Is there any benefit/detriment to telling a younger person that they may be seeing some life troubles due to these traits? <~ that question is based on the concern of creating insecurity vs. having the child be aware so they can try to cope and change the way they respond/behave.

Thanks in advance

09-09-13, 03:21 PM
I don't have a PD, to my current knowledge anyway.

The concern you've expressed - the benefits of awareness, quick treatment, and early use of good coping strategies, vs. the detriments of labelling, discouragement/insecurity, and potential mistreatment - is exactly the concern to have. There is no single right answer, because results depend to a great extent on the actions of people you don't know or control. You are basically going to guess what's best for your child - that's the unfortunate truth.

I guess there might be a general rule of thumb based on severity of PD: if it's hardly there, then at a young age it's probably best to wait and see; if it's a big problem, then it's probably right to get moving and get everything in place now.

The trouble with that, of course, is that almost everybody is somewhere in between, so my so-called rule of thumb only applies to people who probably knew the answer anyway. :(

09-15-13, 01:32 AM
It really depends on what sort of PD traits are being displayed. I am diagnosed schizoid, and understanding why I am the way I am has helped me in dealing with myself and others. If you are seeing highly emotional or OCD traits, you might make a bigger mess trying to put a name on things. I suppose it depends a great deal on the maturity/ability of your child to address the issues. Good luck.

09-15-13, 01:44 AM
I think my ex bf knew when he was very young. He had violent thoughts. They fixed him and he had a good heart. But, he and his sister had strange controlling conversations. He was controlling. He did try to keep me away from my friends. He gaslighted me. Was emotionally abusive but loved me so much. He wasn't going to let me go. it's like that song "wild horses couldn't drag me away" I broke up with him three times. He would ask me on a date, then make me talk to him for the whole hour he drove to pick me up (when I was getting ready) He would make me tell him what I was wearing for the date. and all the time. He would tell me what to wear.

But, he did have a good, normal side.

Just make sure she's in a good school around *normal* people.
That's what I'd recommend. But, I'm not sure. I'm no dr.

My ex got in a relationship with an adorable cheerleader who had lots of friends and made straight a's and her mom loved him and their families were close. I think this is because he couldn't do what he did to me to her, because they had the same friends, knew the same families, etc.

It was a really good situation for him.
His mom said, "when he's not happy, you know it." "when he's in a good situation he thrives."

Boy was that the TRUTH. When he's not happy, nobody was happy. He dragged me down, then he was a lucky boy when he found that cheerleader. He had the best two years of his life after me, I'd say. He was more normal after her.

One thing he always had going for him, was that he made straight A's all the way through.

He was a very strange boy in the past, but he just kept getting more and more normal. He was in a really good situation with good people after college/in grad school. I miss him and really wanted him back. I still miss him. But, he was controlling. and my family didn't like him. I'm bipolar as well as adhd, so idk. But right now I have the sweetest boy, so I'm ok! I was really emotionally abused in that relationship, though.

He was really bad with me, but then he got very lucky and was in a really good situation with his next girl.

It might take work, but it's possible to get in a really good situation. He learned a lot from her too. By the end of their relationship, (two years) he was very kind and a lot more normal to me when I talked to him. I picked up on the fact that he never treated his ex the way he treated me. Unless he was messing with my head, which I doubt it based on that her family loved him. So that really hurts, but I don't blame it on me.

09-16-13, 11:22 AM
Thanks for the insight everyone.