View Full Version : Got Myself Into a Horrible Situation


AdderallFiend
09-24-13, 07:33 PM
College has really changed my life. I performed extremely well on the SAT, and my GPA in high school was pretty good (although I felt like an underachiever because of motivation issues). But once college began I really let myself slide. The lack of structure hurt me, especially since my school does not require attendance in most lectures. I barely attended class, and eventually began to abuse Adderall in order to focus on important schoolwork. I took the pill probably 15 times between the months of February and May at 20 or 30 mg each time.

One month after the semester ended, I began experiencing depression. The summer was horrible - I felt absolutely no motivation, was tired all the time and couldn't enjoy anything, even Runescape (videogame that I've been playing for 7 years and always made me happy). Then school started and I was hoping that my antidepressant would kick in and I would be motivated enough to get out of bed and go to class. But it did not work and I felt as depressed and hopeless as ever, so I began investigating the possibility of ADHD. This made sense to me and my therapist agreed that it was possible, so she referred me to the best psychiatrist she knew. He diagnosed me with ADD and recommended that I take this semester off to get myself in a better place. He does not take insurance and it cost quite a fortune so I trust him on his diagnosis (also he seemed like a total genius from talking to him).

I was prescribed 10mg generic Adderall XR. The first day that I took it, I forgot to take my Zoloft and that made me act extremely irrationally and extremely depressed. I took more and more of the Adderall without even realizing how many I had gone through. Then I threw the rest out because I was so guilty. I do not know why I did it because I am not an addict. Maybe now I am, I really don't know. That was the lowest point in my life. I have no self control. I am an abuser of Adderall - I am truly sorry for all those who have ADD and take their meds correctly. Will I ever be able to use the meds for their correct purpose, or at this point is my tolerance ruined?

Thanks for listening and god bless

fracturedstory
09-25-13, 12:54 AM
To me, it doesn't sound like massive drug abuse. I've been in the situation where I've been so depressed and the only way out was to take Ritalin.

I can imagine you felt really bad (after Adderall crashed) and so you need to just get through that. I'm well aware of the feelings of guilt after what you do after being high (if you ever got to that point - I get manic on 5mg of Ritalin, I took up to 25mg in one go).

Don't beat yourself up too much. You didn't do it to deliberately get high.

You also wouldn't have developed a tolerance in a day. Just take some time off them and start again. Remember to schedule when you take both meds though. Note every dose you take too.

Reekwind
09-25-13, 01:17 AM
You do not owe anyone else with ADHD anything, you can be sure of that! You felt really down and you did something that you wish you hadn't, that has most likely happened to most of us here! We can all understand how you feel and why stuff like that happens and all of us (at least me :) ) would rather give you a hug and a kiss and talk about it than blame you for anything since you havent done anything wrong!

Your tolerance is not ruined and you are not addicted, I promise! Just take it one step at a time and one day at a time and you'll be fine. If you feel that you need support that you're not getting from your family or so, that's why we are here! :)

/LOVEhugskissesandbestwishes! ^^^^^^

dvdnvwls
09-25-13, 02:13 AM
Will I ever be able to use the meds for their correct purpose, or at this point is my tolerance ruined?

You had a very bad day there. Sorry to hear it.

One day of excessive Adderall (assuming that you took several extra pills, and nowhere close to a whole bottle of them) has not ruined anything at all, and you will likely not have any problems with starting again. If you are worried about addiction, here's how to focus: First, don't forget your Zoloft! Second, if you take your prescribed dose of Adderall every day, you are not addicted. If you find that your prescribed dose is not effective enough, and you go back to the doctor reporting that it's working but not well enough, and the doctor agrees that a dosage increase is a good idea, you are still not addicted. If you keep craving more and more Adderall and you start taking more without consulting your doctor, then you might be on the path to addiction. In other words, never change your dosage without the doctor's approval and you'll be fine. If anything seems wrong, go straight back to the doctor and find out about it.

AdderallFiend
09-25-13, 08:22 AM
I had to go in and see my psychiatrist today. Wasn't sure what to tell him, so I just said that I noticed my focus and energy get mildly better. Going to take tolerance lowering supplements for the next couple weeks, and then when I see him again to get a new script I will give it to my mom just to make sure I will not abuse again :) These past few days I've been so worried about this (probably from crashing so hard), but today I feel like I got it under control!

Raye
09-25-13, 08:50 AM
To me, it doesn't sound like massive drug abuse. I've been in the situation where I've been so depressed and the only way out was to take Ritalin.

I can imagine you felt really bad (after Adderall crashed) and so you need to just get through that. I'm well aware of the feelings of guilt after what you do after being high (if you ever got to that point - I get manic on 5mg of Ritalin, I took up to 25mg in one go).

Don't beat yourself up too much. You didn't do it to deliberately get high.

You also wouldn't have developed a tolerance in a day. Just take some time off them and start again. Remember to schedule when you take both meds though. Note every dose you take too.


:goodpost:.........................

AdderallFiend
09-27-13, 08:29 PM
My Doctor took me off Adderall after I told him...looks like I'll be dealing with ADD without drugs.

Modafinilguy
09-29-13, 09:11 AM
Hmmm. So with no diagnosis of ADHD, you of your own initiative (and not because you seeking to treat ADHD) illegally started using Adderall, and were, by your own words, abusing it?

When you were apparently suffering a period of significant depression and wanted more Adderall, you went to a psychiatrist with the intention of getting diagnosed with ADHD and got diagnosed with it?

I mean I don't know how a psychiatrist could diagnose ADHD while you were suffering from significant depression because the symptoms of depression often include an inability to concentrate.

Also, from what I understand, it is very unlikely that you are going to go straight back into depression or experience withdrawal from Zoloft merely because you forgot to take it that morning, which was the same morning you said you "binged" on your ADHD meds?

It is a bit concerning that your nick on here is "Adderalfiend" which sounds like a name which glorifies the misuse of Adderal.

You need professional support, and it is very important you confide all this information to a professional. I think you need to focus on treating your depression as first priority.

Best wishes.

AdderallFiend
09-30-13, 10:53 PM
Thank you. Yes I feel like an idiot. When I was crashing from the Adderall I wrote this and I just wanted more. After a week I realize my delusion and I will not push the issue with my psychiatrist. I told him my issues and for now I am going to take it easy and get through this. Thank you for helping me realize how foolish I was. Best wishes