View Full Version : My psychologist thinks I have a mood disorder- confused.


rainontheground
09-25-13, 04:07 AM
I selected my therapist because she is a gender specialist and I am trans. I thought being trans was the reason I was seeking help last Nov, but it actually was because my life was a mess. I'm 22, and I grew up fighting with my mother who was a brittle diabetic. In and out of state care, lived with aunt for high school.

Jan 2011- moved back to co because I failed out of school-kept it quiet/lied

Apr 2011- mom broke her hip while I was on vacation and I came home to find her laying on the floor (happened same day I flew back thankfully)

June 2011- moved back to nv, didn't want to deal with my mom's illness

July 2011- summer school passed one class/failed other, so financial aid gone until GPA increases

Aug-Dec 2011- lived messily in an apartment I was renting telling myself I could write on this writing site to cover rent, but never acting on it. Didn't even care if I got evicted.

Jan 2012- mom had to have one leg amputated from the knee. Moved back to co.

Jan 2012- June 2012- lived with my dad and his spouse (my dad is an alcoholic and wasn't around growing up). Mom bounced between hospitals/rehab/assisted living and finally got into a nursing home

July 2012- found out dad was abusing ativan. Wife divorced him. I ended up with my grandma. He ended up in jail.

Oct 2012- mother died

Oct 2012-2 weeks ago- haven't done much but spent half off the money my mom's pension got me. Very emotional, rapid mood swings that seem to be mostly? external causes... like someone criticizing me (which I think is one of my triggers)


Two weeks ago- ended up in hospital because of outburst/ grandma was scared and called 911. I had already gone to a different hospital the day before and they prescribed me ativan. Police tackled me in my house because I was freaking out and started moving. Wasted five days there in the hospital, they couldn't find me a bed, didn't have adhd meds, and they first told me a certain outpatient program wouldn't help me, but then discharged me telling me to call the same outpatient program they previously said wouldn't be helpful to me.

Thank god the guy who answered my phone call gave me another program that would help better. Its DBT group therapy and its working.

The hospital put me on anti anxiety meds and they have helped a ton. More than the adhd meds I'd say. However vyvanse works really well for me at doses of 70mg-80mg and tomorrow is the first time i get to take both and see how they work together.

I'm staying in an extended stay hotel as i can't qualify for an apartment.

I feel lonely. I feel like people are judging me because of my finances. I also feel like I shouldn't be complaining.

I'm feeling better then I have in awhile, but I still notice I'll get in a funk and not know if it was caused by external or internal stimuli. I don't really even know what to post here that will be helpful. I've never been truly suicidal. I feel I stuff my feelings and then they come out in temper tantrums (similar to when I was a kid?). I also get really excited sometimes but I think its always something external that brings it on. Ex. People liking my status makes me get really bouncy and I start chatting with a bunch of people on fb.

It's hard because I can't even ask my mom.

I really like my therapist, but we keep spinning wheels.

Meds: Vyvanse 70mg with adderral boosters (still figuring out booster dosage)
Zyprexa- 5mg 2x daily (Sometimes I only take it 1x daily)

Daydreamin22
09-25-13, 05:09 AM
Hi. I'm so sorry. I just did a scan, but I am definitely going to read this later. Im sorry im short on time right now. Of course we will support you. Please keep posting. I'm sure you'll eventually find good advice about the psychologist. Let's keep bumping your thread. (((((((Hug)))))))

sarahsweets
09-25-13, 05:15 AM
so what is your overall diagnosis?

IndieVisible
09-25-13, 06:03 AM
It's very, very common to have multiple disorders. Take me, I'm totally screwed up.

Major depression
Paranoid Personality disorder
Generalized Anxiety disorder
Narcissistic Personality disorder
ADHD (still not diagnosed have a scheduled psych exam)

then I also have some traits in the following but not enough to be diagnosed them..

antisocial personality disorder traits
borderline personality disorder traits (no self harm, no suicide, no needy or clingy, just the nasty mood swings)

Quite the catch right? lol

Abi
09-25-13, 06:16 AM
You look like the killer from that movie with Jensen Ackles...

IndieVisible
09-25-13, 06:57 AM
You look like the killer from that movie with Jensen Ackles...

I'm really a very nice sociopath, honest :)

someothertime
09-25-13, 07:38 AM
Somewhat of a scan here too... If you ever have time... I'd like to hear more about the DBT...

Now... Your post is extremely clear and succint... There is aloe of info about events... Thqnkyou...


Can you elaborate more on common mood feelings, thoughts, time spans of the shifts...

I'm picking up a strong avoidabce theme...

ana futura
09-25-13, 10:56 PM
I think the thing that's ultimately more important than labels, or medications, or a particular diagnosis (as diagnoses can change, or be wrong) is learning how to take an active role in managing your emotional landscape.

You went through a TON of traumatic experiences. That will take some time to recover from. When you have a neurological disorder like ADHD, traumatic events just hit you that much harder- your emotional regulation is already compromised.

While you may or may not qualify for a PTSD diagnosis, I think seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma recovery will be very helpful for you. Or talk to the person leading your DBT sessions about it.

And most importantly, don't get impatient!!! You are making so much progress! Be proud of yourself! It is awesome that you have already come this far. Recovering from the kind of things you've been through, as well as recovering from a lifetime of living with an undiagnosed disorder, takes time. Progress may be slow, and things may get frustrating at times. But you are always making progress. Every day that you attempt to improve your life (whether successful or not), that's progress.

Every day, make your number one goal being kind and forgiving to yourself.

rainontheground
09-25-13, 11:51 PM
thanks all! I don't really know why I posted this last night, I think I was lonely and frightened.

I will try and post some helpful stuff I learned in DBT this weekend when I'm done with the program. :)

rainontheground
09-25-13, 11:52 PM
@sarahsweets

ADHD
Anxiety

and when I was a kid they labeled me premature bipolar with oppositional defiant disorder.... I just think they missed the right diagnoses.

IndieVisible
09-26-13, 02:04 AM
@sarahsweets

ADHD
Anxiety

and when I was a kid they labeled me premature bipolar with oppositional defiant disorder.... I just think they missed the right diagnoses.

it sounds like they were making stuff up lol

rainontheground
09-27-13, 05:28 AM
Somewhat of a scan here too... If you ever have time... I'd like to hear more about the DBT...

Now... Your post is extremely clear and succint... There is aloe of info about events... Thqnkyou...


Can you elaborate more on common mood feelings, thoughts, time spans of the shifts...

I'm picking up a strong avoidabce theme...

I'm going to post some of the DBT stuff on here on Saturday. :)

My moods shift frequently to outside stimuli, however I feel like I also have a kind of overlaying mood that comes and goes for no apparent reason.

Daydreamin22
09-28-13, 01:52 PM
Have you thought about getting on hormones? Maybe go see a good hormone specialist.

Modafinilguy
09-29-13, 09:41 AM
I hope you have not been prescribed benzodiazepines for anxiety. They should only be used short term, and are HIGHLY addictive. They also tend to make ADHD symptoms worst.

keliza
10-06-13, 05:01 PM
I hope you have not been prescribed benzodiazepines for anxiety. They should only be used short term, and are HIGHLY addictive. They also tend to make ADHD symptoms worst.

Depends on the person. Some people are on benzos for years, decades even, and never develop an addiction. I've used them periodically for a decade and I sometimes go for weeks without taking any, or take them daily for a week, depending on the way my brain chemistry is going at the time. Some people use them sparingly over the years, others take them fairly routinely. It's between the medical professional and the patient to decide if benzodiazepine use is appropriate for them, and how often, and for what duration.

keliza
10-06-13, 05:05 PM
I have to strongly agree with ana in regards to her statement about how the diagnosis is less important than managing your emotional landscape. It's far less important to have a label than it is to have a treatment plan.

Diagnostic labels can be very helpful for some people, but the quest for a label can be harmful and divert focus from proper treatment. It sounds like whatever you have going on is quite complicated, and compounded by your life experiences and the situation you find yourself in now. I would definitely encourage you to focus less on the diagnostic label, and more on dedicating yourself to applying the DBT principles you're learning to your thought patterns and lifestyle choices. DBT is a really fantastic form of therapy that can be so, so helpful for people with mood disruptions, especially those that are strongly influenced by external events (like someone liking your FB status, or an argument with a friend, etc.)

Keep an open dialogue with your mental health professionals so you can work together to find the best course of treatment, therapy and medication-wise, to get your symptoms under control. That is far more important than the dx label, although I do understand that having one can be helpful in the healing process for many people. Whatever it is, it's got to be treated properly so you can get a handle on things and live the kind of life you deserve.

I'm so sorry to hear about all the difficulties you've been experiencing over the years. We are here to support you however we can, whatever the diagnosis ends up being. :)