Hi all!!

This is my very first post to the ADD forum. I have been reading all of the posts for a few weeks now, and I just want to say "thanks" to everyone. You answered many of my questions, and I realized that there are A LOT of people out there that are just like me. :)

Anyway, I have a question I would like to ask all of you. I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago (I'm 22 years old). I have always gotten decent grades (B average, occasional A's and C's). ADHD was something that my parents and I had discussed when I was in middle school, but never pursued it for some reason. I think we just figured that I take after my dad, but now I know he fits the ADD description as well.

When I was officially diagnosed, I told my parents. They weren't surprised at all. It explained the constant messy room that I can't seem to take care of, irritability, impatience, losing my keys every morning, constantly fidgiting on the couch, biting my nails, etc. However, my mom told her sisters and parents, and some of them are skeptical. They told her things like "I don't believe it. She's never been hyperactive" and all of them were very surprised. I have a feeling that some of them think I'm "faking it", and that I'm just lazy and wanted an explanation.

Has anyone else had issues with family/friends not believing the diagnosis?? If so, how do you make them understand without trying to defend yourself?? I'd appreciate any answers!! Thanks!

~Kgro

Hi Kgro & welcome:

Your situation is not unusual, I got the same sort of response from my 2 teenagers, 18 & 20. The irony for me is that I think they both probably are ADD as well. It is especially difficult when you are inattentive ADD versus combined, because there isn't something starring them in the face like you bouncing off the ceiling. Most of the struggle for you has probably been internal as mine has been. I am glad it the diagnosis is happening for you at 22.

It is very hurtful when you are met with sceptical reactions from people that you love and it is hard not to be angry about it. It is like kicking someone when they are down - you have had the struggle of dealing with this without knowing it all along and now you have to deal with not being believed.

I had a very hard time when my daughter would make judgements about it but would refuse to do any of the suggested reading to help her understand it better. It's great that your parents are onside. You might want to keep a bit of distance with your other relatives for a while and give them some time to get use to the idea. I had a copy of Sari Solden's book "Women with ADHD" and bookmarked a small segment that really illustrated the struggle I had gone through, I passed it around to a few close friends to read and found this helpful.

Ultimately, you don't owe anyone an explanation, you know the truth, you have lived it. If it continues to be a problem, you might want to consider writing a letter to them explaining how you feel and that you would appreciate their support.

Good luck!

I was diagnosed 3 months ago at 21, and like you, I've been faced with some resistance.
I don't know how this will work for you, but do the reading, learn all you can, and if they bring it up, you can give them the facts and scientific support. I always phrased it along the lines of, "Well, a lot of research is showing that the pre-frontal cortex is...". That way, you're not necessarily defending yourself but you are giving them accurate information.
I know it's an exhilaratingly scary time, but hang in there. Once you embrace your ADDness, life's a heck-uf-alot more fun (especially when you can laugh at yourself when you have an ADD moment!).

It sounds to me like the people who are closest to you are understanding and supportive. IMHO I wouldn't worry about the rest of them! If there is someone who is very important to you and is having trouble with the diagnosis, I would recommend giving them a good book to read about ADD and letting them read here in the forums.

I have to say that my GOOD friends and family didn't blink an eye when I told them I had been diagnosed was starting medications. I don't tell the rest of the world because the rest of the world just doesn't need to know.

Kim

I'm 20 and was literally diagnosed 2 days ago. Throughout my entire assessment (a month total), I went through skeptisism from my family doctor (who didn't even want to refer me to a psychiatrist because it was a "waste of money"), from my parents, my sister - everyone except my boyfriend. The funniest part is - I've only told 7 people, and 6 of them don't believe it! My sister litterally came up to me and said "I call bull**** on that diagnosis". Wow.

The biggest difficulty is being smart and having inattentive type. After completing all the standard tests (I got a 90 on the ADHD prevalance test - cut-off for high probability is >70 but still did above average on aptitude tests etc), my psychiatrist explained it by saying that I've always performed within normal-high (say 7 out of 10) range so there was no reason to expect a problem. What they didn't realise is that for me, I'm performing at a 4 out of 10 for my capabilities.

Anyways, I've come to the conclusion that I'm an adult and although it hurts that they clearly don't know me and are rather closed-minded, the best thing for me to do is just not bring it up. I haven't told extended family or friends yet and I think I will tell them on a "need to know" basis. My friends all accept me for who I am right now and just consider me "quirky" so a diagnosis to them is irrelevant.

dragonfyre, I like the way your psychiatrist worded it for you.

Kgro555, Many of us here get skeptics (often our close family and friends) who are unfortunately misinformed and uneducated about ADHD, what it is, and then what it means for you specifically.

I have even studied Children's Mental Health in a college certificate program, and explained to them about how it can affect adults who had flown under the ADHD radar as children, especially the quiet ones (such as myself) and yet my family doesn't seem open to the idea that I am greatly affected by it. We even have a cousin who has been treated for ADHD since childhood but my family seems to think that he is just "stupid", or something. I have since not told them anything about my own treatment pursuit.

It sounds like your parents will be supportive so focus on that. Give the others more information (or direct them to find it themselves from a third- and unbiased- party) if they keep asking or bugging you about it. Otherwise, you are just going to have to let it go, rather than trying to convince them. Hopefully you find a treatment that works for you and the results will speak for themselves! ;)

I am 23 years old, a graduate student, originally not from US but recently moved here, and recently diagnosed with ADD. I knew about this condition for around 3 years, but in my country it is never recognized. So although I knew about it, read a bit about it, I never believed it, and hence never got diagnosed. Throughout my life, my parents always prodded me, for being lazy and what not, and I still believe that is true to some extent.

Even though my doctor diagnosed me as ADD combined type, I dont quite believe it, and havent yet started taking any meds. At present I am trying to do with other non-medication techniques. I am also thinking of going for a second opinion just, but it will have to completely come out of my own pocket, so I am still waiting on that.

I dont really like the title of ADD, not to hurt anyone, but to me it seems more like a handicap, and I dont like the feeling of being a handicapped person.

Lately I have been thinking of trying Strattera, specifically because it is a non-stimulant. I have heard that stimulants always improve performance whether the person taking the medicine has ADD or not. It seems non-stimulants dont have the same effect on people with ADD and people without ADD.

To me it seems it will be a better litmus test, because if I do have ADD I will find significant improvement in everything, but if I dont there shouldnt be any.

I would appreciate if somebody could tell me whether my hypothesis that non-stimulants not increasing attention in non-ADDrs is right or wrong...

Similar situation - 21, diagnosed 8 months ago. If you think it's hard convincing people now, try convincing people you have ADD when you get 2250 on an SAT without practice.
People who have spent lots of time around you will know the diagnosis is accurate - they've had to deal with it every day they've known you. Those who don't know you that well or jump to conclusions? Let them. They can't change your life, so don't worry about it. Just concentrate on adapting.

Alpha, strattera does affect people who don't have ADD. Stimulant is a medical term - all it means is that it increases the action of certain neuroreceptors. A depressant does the opposite. That does NOT mean that they make you emotionally stimulated or depressed. Easy examples: alcohol is a depressant (chemically), but many people react by becoming stimulated (emotionally). Methylphenidate is a stimulant (chemmically), but it calms me right down, slows me (barely) to an acceptable pace (emotionally).

Labelled ADD or not, it is there (if the diagnosis is accurate). You denying won't make it go away, it just means you're in denial. On the other hand, how it affects you (being 'handicapped') is entirely up to you. You don't have to let it become an excuse, you don't have to hide behind it. You don't have to tell anyone else.

Words are not the actions they label.

Alpha, strattera does affect people who don't have ADD. Stimulant is a medical term - all it means is that it increases the action of certain neuroreceptors. A depressant does the opposite. That does NOT mean that they make you emotionally stimulated or depressed. Easy examples: alcohol is a depressant (chemically), but many people react by becoming stimulated (emotionally). Methylphenidate is a stimulant (chemmically), but it calms me right down, slows me (barely) to an acceptable pace (emotionally).

I agree with the medical term and the actual effect being different in many cases.

I think pretty much everyone on here has had someone close to them not believe their diagnosis. It's so common, I think they should put it down as a symptom! :p

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. That's pretty much how I feel about 'making' anyone (relatives, friends, co-workers) understand/accept one's ADHD diagnosis.

I'm sure there are things you can do, but personally I believe a living example would be the best thing to help someone understand ADHD. So if someone saw you as disorganized before, and they can see that you're getting yourself together.. well.. they may not be able to say in words that they understand ADHD, but who knows maybe they do.

If you want their support, you may have to ask for it in such a way that it's not directly saying ADHD. I mean, asking for help to sort out things is a little vague, but at least you're getting them involved.

Hi, I'm a 21 y/o who is certain I have some form of ADD and probably have since my early adolescent years. I have not yet been officially diagnosed, yet am going to seek treatment as soon as is possible for me and it's comforting to know there are others out there with similar conditions and who're able to cope and find effective treatments and live productive lives.

I've long exhibited what I've now found to be consistent with ADD symptoms for years, clutter and messiness, disorganization, both mental and physical. Impulsive, erratic and irresponsible behaviors and actions and just doing things without planning them out or thinking them through, anxiety, constant worry, a lack of motivation to make changes in my life because I could see a final destination yet no foreseeable way of accomplishing said goals. I always got good grades in school and was never a hyperactive child, but instead have always been rather sedentary yet fidgety and easily distracted and need to occupy myself with multiple stimuli at once e.g. being on the computer, having the TV on, playing music, texting talking and/or chatting to people all simultaneously and have always been able to be an overachiever and seek out, read for days and learn about obscure topics that interest me yet cannot read more than a sentence or retain any information on topics that are not of personal interest to me. I also have always had a pension for getting way to involved with things and then suddenly becoming bored and leaving tasks uncompleted because of utter lack of motivation, interest, and find myself apathetic and looking for the next thing to captivate me and throw myself into for awhile without ever thinking it through or examining things.

If anyone else can identify with these symptoms and/or provide any feedback, advice or just relate, I'd much appreciate any input. Thank you!