View Full Version : Vyvanse Addiction & Depression


xavior686
10-02-13, 09:07 PM
Want to start off by stating I've gone 3 (4, maybe?) days without sleep, so I ask for understanding if this post may seem off or incohrent at times. Hell it's taking nearly all I've got to post, but I want to get this out there, so I'm making myself post. I know I'll feel a lil better about having done something actually productive today.

I'm gonna try to not make this post too long but if it winds up that way then so be it. I've been diagnosed with ADHD since the age of 5, & diagnosed around 2002 with depression & social anxiety. I've been on nearly every ADHD med out there, & sadly only the rly potent, abusive meds like Vyvanse truly work best for me. I used to take I think it was 60 mg Adderall a day, & I started stealing the pills, which my mom hid from me, starting when I was in 10th grade.

Currently taking one Vyvanse 70 mg a day, one Sertraline 100 mg a day, & one Strattera 40 mg a day. The Strattera functions as a sort of booster/supplement, since it did little for my focus & other symptoms on its own. I got my V's refilled this past Friday, yet I have already finished off the entire Rx. I know I have a drug problem, & I've come clean to my parents & my 2 brothers about it, & thankfully they've been supportive, instead of say calling me a monster with severe issues. I've been on V's since 2007, & everytime it is the same result & I misuse them for like playing video games or just silly stuff. I truly do have ADHD (having gone unmedicated for it for weeks at a time helps confirm that.)

If untreated, it is incredibly difficult to work up the energy/drive to do even simple, basic things like showering regularly, taking the trash out, dishes etc.) it gets done eventually; I refuse to just rot in squallor. It takes genuine concentrated effort for my mind to simply stay on topic when talking, or to keep it from drawing a total blank, mid-sentence. It is hard to do most anything in fact, which also owes itself to depression, which saps any last bit of self-worth I've got left. It makes merely cleaning my kitty's litter box feel equivalent to servicing a car engine with a blown head gasket.

There are days where I come home from work, lay down in bed unshowered, & just sleep for 12-16 hours, only to wake up, work, & repeat. There is FAR more to Life, & I feel dirty, shameful, & guilty for letting Vyvanse control me utterly. "THIS TIME will be different! Just 1 a day! I can do this!" Yet in a week or less I'm out. I'll even put stuff off until my next V's get refilled, since like I said, doing small tasks is equivalent to a root canal.

When taken as directed, the pros of using V's FAAAAAAAAAR outweigh any cons. I can be productive, chores & errands get done; I feel respectable & confident, & I can watch something I like on TV for more than 30 minutes before feeling rly sleepy. I'm a lot more patient & sociable, & I can retain information, & just my overall Quality of Life skyrockets. A true near total opposite of how I feel unmedicated.

But my main issue is that I misuse it's potential on non-productive stuff - games, reading 6,000 pages online about car stuff, etc. One option would be to literally sell/remote storage all my video games & my iPad & computer, so it wouldn't be near as tempting to take more than 1 a day, but IMHO that seems more like a band-aid & thus the true problem still exists. Well taking 1 made me feel great! ...wonder how taking 2 will make me feel..." & it all goes downhill soon after.

The good news though is if say I was gonna be at work, then when getting off I knew I had to do chores/errands, 1 a day & basically don't feel tempted to misuse, since at last I'm using Vyvanse therapeutically, instead of for fun.

But there is still a LOT I'd like to say that's also going on in my Life ATM, but methinks this will do for now. Any tips or advice? Basically any advice to ensure it's taken correctly & how to the bottle up to protect me from my ownself? I live alone, BTW, & I have no one I know who lives close I can let hold for me, nor any safe places at my main job (though I do have a locker at my 2nd job.)

Please help me guys. I want to LIVE Life, not sleep through it or squandor it.

sarahsweets
10-03-13, 04:40 AM
If you have admitted to your family that you have a problem, can you ask them to dispense them t you? If you are not able to safely and legally take the vyvanse on your own that is the only way you will be able to continue taking it.

bgrimes8533
10-24-13, 12:56 AM
I understand the beast which is depression. Not wanting to do anything other than to sit and veg out. Even the most basic tasks like self hygiene become monumental tasks. I also understand addiction, because these two diseases often go hand in hand. You obviously cannot control your Vyvanse intake, yet it helps you when taken as directed. But when abused...look what ends up happening to you! You're making both of your afflictions worse. My personal advice would be to take it as directed, and if you're incapable of doing this, put a parent or sibling in charge of your meds like Sarah said and have them dole it out to you once daily. Either that or start looking for alternatives to treating your depression with something that you're not gonna want to abuse. Just my 2 cents. Take care of yourself and feel free to hit me up anytime.

-Ben

Modafinilguy
10-24-13, 04:25 AM
It sounds like you have a serious addiction issue. How do you take your pills? Do you swallow them or something else?

I think personally that you are going to need help and stop them, and only non-stimulant medication is going to be suitable for you...

Best wishes though, but you obviously have a pretty significant problem.

sarahsweets
10-24-13, 04:34 AM
I also wanted to mention that you should consider an addiction's specialist or out patient drug treatment program. Many people think, "oh, its just my prescribed adhd med, they dont do rehab or drug treatment for that" but thats not true. Many rehabs and drug treatments, and addictions specialists can help with an addiction to all kinds of things and prescription pills. You may have to consider that you cant take stimulants anymore. I cant handle alcohol. When I was drinking, i never stopped after the second drink, even if someone else was serving me. I drank to much everytime. So for me, I cant have a alcohol, not even your standard drink, because I will always abuse it. I have seen an addictions counselor before and he has really helped me work through these issues.