View Full Version : Back again

10-10-13, 11:32 AM
I feel like a broken record. Heís back to school this week. I stayed on site the last 3 days but today I snuck away to work. Iíll go back at lunch to be ďvisibleĒ as I have been doing. He has a new teacher this wk and I was worried about that. He seems to like the class but he said today that each day in that class he has felt bad. At least it is at the end of the day.

Iím just really torn how to proceed. My Heart says to keep doing what Iím doing by sneaking away. My DH is really upset that I keep doing this. Says DS just needs to get through this and my sneaking away isnít helping him. I donít disagree with him but I know everytime we bring up my not staying, he falls apart on us and we are back to square one with him not going to class for a few days.

He really likes the school. And he doesnít see me all dayójust the car. Iím only 10 minutes away at work. I want him to be strong and be able to stay without me. I need to get back to work full time. I donít know what to do!!

10-10-13, 12:34 PM
I would keep sneaking away for awhile. Think of it as "fading" your support. Perhaps when talking to DS about going back to work, it shouldn't sound like all day or nothing -- perhaps frame it as leaving for an hour to attend a meeting, then a half day (and actually move your car away), then gradually move to a full day.

One thing that was helpful for awhile was that my DS had the option of calling me on his teacher's cell phone at lunch time.

10-10-13, 02:06 PM
Can you leave the car there and take a cab to work? Maybe just seeing the car there is enough, he won't know that your're not in it right? Maybe have a co-worker pick you up?

10-10-13, 02:49 PM
I think you have to go with your gut on this. Anything that will keep him in school is worth doing. Your dh needs to understand this.

10-12-13, 01:49 AM
Says DS just needs to get through this and my sneaking away isn’t helping him. I don’t disagree with him but I know everytime we bring up my not staying, he falls apart on us and we are back to square one with him not going to class for a few days.

But that's the point, isn't it? If your DS could "just get through it", he would've been able to remain in public school. Needing to and being able to aren't the same thing. I think your sneaking away IS helping him -- eventually he will reach the point you don't need to do it anymore, but it may take longer than you expect or think is reasonable.

When my DS started at his current school, we had to have a staff member come out to the car and help me get him out for the first two months. We had many tantrums just getting him out of the car. And we had to have two staff members walk him to the car in the afternoon just in case he bolted. After about 4 months, we got to the point where he was willing to walk in on his own (he got tired of waiting for the staff member to come out). After 6 months, we were able to switch from parking in the attached garage, to parking the car on the street where some of his classmates arrive by school bus. He now walks in and out with the bus kids (one staff member meets the bus and is escorting 3-4 kids.)

10-13-13, 05:29 AM
Thanks everyone!

We may have a path forward. Thursday I DID sneak off (but came back at lunch to sit in the lot) because he'd been doing so well last week and I really needed to go back to work. When I picked him up, he said he knew I had left and seemed fine with it (although we've been here before). On the way out, he asked if he could go to the afterschool program. They apparently can play their electronics and he has friends he wants to hang with now. Told him, it made no sense to pay for and stay after school if I wasn't going to work. He said he knew that and then I could work longer and not have to work so much on the wknd and that he was sorry I was having to do that.

Long story short, I think we are going to try doing afterschool wk after next. With DD's volleyball games and DS's dr appt, I still need to pick him up at dismissal next week. BUT he also asked if he could be picked up in carpool instead of me coming in to get him so he could spend some more time with his friends.

I think I'll sneak back at lunch on Monday and still go in for him at dismissal just to start the week off strong and make sure he is still ready to try this. I'm cautiously optomistist about this but definitely encouraged.