View Full Version : I should be asleep, but, again...


ronmexico
10-14-13, 04:53 AM
Delayed end of the month paperwork. Could've got this all done weeks ago. Or earlier this weekend. Best to start at midnight?

Organizing my office and getting distracted back and forth on the most ridiculous and mundane items that require attention.

So I'm trying to stay on-task, throwing out papers, sorting...it's nearly 3am where I am now. Found the number of this girl, another failed disaster a few weeks back, so I cut her number into small pieces into the toilet and voided on top of the pieces before flushing her away. Satisfying. This is "productivity".

And I'm still not done. I have to organize some papers and write some stuff down and get my things ready for a 6:30am wake-up. I have a full day tomorrow. I have to work tomorrow. Fairly typical!

Just wondering if anyone else lives like this.

ronmexico
10-15-13, 12:31 AM
So I am the only one, then? Alone.

I am still awake. I did the whole routine. Burned a bunch of calories in the process, over the last two days. The last time I was laying in bed was Sunday, around 7am. I am horrible at math, not sure how far away that is. I do need to go to sleep at a decent hour tonight. That would be good. I still need to go to the grocery store.

dvdnvwls
10-15-13, 12:36 AM
You're not the only one. It's only 9:30 at my place; give me a chance. :)

Fuzzy12
10-15-13, 12:40 AM
It's finally a decent r time to consider getting up. I thought this night would never end:rolleyes:

dvdnvwls
10-15-13, 12:58 AM
Brits. They drive on the wrong side of the road, and they get up when it's bed time. :)

Fuzzy12
10-15-13, 01:00 AM
Brits. They drive on the wrong side of the road, and they get up when it's bed time. :)
At least we can spell properly;)

dvdnvwls
10-15-13, 01:04 AM
(I'm Canadian, so I can spell properly as well - but sometimes I choose not to.) :)
Canadians my age were all taught English spelling. I think American spelling habits may gradually be taking over as time goes on. It's a strange joke to have an international border where instead of country names you could mark "Zed" on the north side and "Zee" on the south side and everyone would know what you meant. :)

ronmexico
10-15-13, 01:54 AM
I am 40-plus hours into this now or something. Almost midnight. And I am wired, again. Not good. Time to break out the emergency stash....

Not a fake moustache, although that would be cool.

Corina86
10-15-13, 05:33 AM
I'm a day person, I get sleepy in an instant without sunlight. But I have papers on my desk that have been around for almost 2 years that I still haven't archived. And I have many other tasks from last year that I never did. Luckily, most people forget that they assigned me tasks after a while :D.

ronmexico
10-15-13, 06:56 PM
Last night was terrible. I took the pills and woke up hours later with everything still on in the apartment. All the lights, the computer was on (no powersave for the monitors), with Russel Barkley's ADHD Fact Sheet on the screen...I was laying face down on my bed, clinching a half-eaten Quest bar that was underneath my pillow. My Droid, with my alarm turned off, was across the room on my desk. No idea what happened. I had to get up an hour later. In total, about 5.5 hours of sleep.

I must have just passed out.

I'm a day person, I get sleepy in an instant without sunlight. But I have papers on my desk that have been around for almost 2 years that I still haven't archived. And I have many other tasks from last year that I never did. Luckily, most people forget that they assigned me tasks after a while :D.

So you have no "wired" state where your brain won't shut off? That's what I am cursed with. You get to go to sleep every night with ease?

Canadian Mess
10-15-13, 07:40 PM
Delayed end of the month paperwork. Could've got this all done weeks ago. Or earlier this weekend. Best to start at midnight?

Organizing my office and getting distracted back and forth on the most ridiculous and mundane items that require attention.

So I'm trying to stay on-task, throwing out papers, sorting...it's nearly 3am where I am now. Found the number of this girl, another failed disaster a few weeks back, so I cut her number into small pieces into the toilet and voided on top of the pieces before flushing her away. Satisfying. This is "productivity".

And I'm still not done. I have to organize some papers and write some stuff down and get my things ready for a 6:30am wake-up. I have a full day tomorrow. I have to work tomorrow. Fairly typical!

Just wondering if anyone else lives like this.

Seriously, that sums up yesterday night for me. I have 2 tests tomorrow, one I have studied for and the other? No, not one bit. I don't know anything, couldn't pay attention in class, there aren't any powerpoints online, too many readings... and I'm close to giving up and going to bed.

Should I take the 0? Should I walk in and just patiently smile and escape reality? All I've done is print a piece of paper that says "If Britney Spears can make it through 2007, I can make it through this day" I just am so done being me today, I'd like to be someone else who didn't have ADHD. And I've read the news, and found some nice Billy Talent albums, looked at manga... no studying done. Had all weekend. No, I'll cram now that it is tomorrow. Hooray!

And yes, I have that restless thought problem- Ritalin makes it go away in the day when the pills are in effect. The moment they wear off, it comes back. It's awful before bed, it's like the more I want to stop thinking, the more I end up thinking and I can't sleep. It's not like I am going to bed anytime anyways. Can't concentrate, too tired too "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE ****ERS"ish I'm thinking I'm going crazy, I want to dance around on the floor and throw papers and burn something, where's my lighter? I already burned my bridges, the assignment isn't getting done in time, no studying, screw everything I fail at life!!!! I wish I had something to smoke, like some nice weed to calm me down or something. I think I'll go for a walk to get the edge off my madness

ronmexico
10-17-13, 11:38 PM
And yes, I have that restless thought problem- Ritalin makes it go away in the day when the pills are in effect. The moment they wear off, it comes back. It's awful before bed, it's like the more I want to stop thinking, the more I end up thinking and I can't sleep. It's not like I am going to bed anytime anyways. Can't concentrate, too tired too "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE ****ERS"ish I'm thinking I'm going crazy, I want to dance around on the floor and throw papers and burn something, where's my lighter? I already burned my bridges, the assignment isn't getting done in time, no studying, screw everything I fail at life!!!! I wish I had something to smoke, like some nice weed to calm me down or something. I think I'll go for a walk to get the edge off my madness

Hey, Canadian Mess.

I cannot smoke weed anymore. It's run it's course. I think too much on that stuff. It would be nice, the benefits, but I am too terrified of thinking too much.

I wish I could read. Only when I am forced to. It's so frustrating.

Canadian Mess
10-18-13, 11:40 AM
Hey, Canadian Mess.

I cannot smoke weed anymore. It's run it's course. I think too much on that stuff. It would be nice, the benefits, but I am too terrified of thinking too much.

I wish I could read. Only when I am forced to. It's so frustrating.

The day I wrote that, I was in a bad state of mind. I was craving something so bad, anything to make me feel better and to forget life for a while. I was so far gone, and felt like no matter what I did this semester was only going to get worse and it just was the way my life is turning out in general.

Over the last few days, I have come to the realization that illegal drugs are not a solution to my problems (and alcohol or cigs). It's just another form of escape for me, I need to avoid it and get real help- I talked to my physciatrist and the university disability services.

It's sounds so simple, but I really need a schedule for my time so I can follow it-the disability services person made one for me since that's one of my main problems, I can't plan I underestimate too much and forget everything. We put times for classes, time to do homework and time for self-care: eating, sleeping, meditation, when to take my pills... stuff I've neglected. And they put me on an anti-depressant, it's already stabilizing some of my moods which is nice (or it could be the sleep or food or exercise... doesn't really matter, I'm feeling less crazy and less cravings). I'm going to take a sleeping pill Trazadone to quiet my brain at night.

I'm going to get my life in order, not seek substances to make up for it. That's my plan for now. It's going to be tough but I got to make these changes before I go down a path I can't leave.

ronmexico
10-22-13, 05:25 AM
The day I wrote that, I was in a bad state of mind. I was craving something so bad, anything to make me feel better and to forget life for a while. I was so far gone, and felt like no matter what I did this semester was only going to get worse and it just was the way my life is turning out in general.

Over the last few days, I have come to the realization that illegal drugs are not a solution to my problems (and alcohol or cigs). It's just another form of escape for me, I need to avoid it and get real help- I talked to my physciatrist and the university disability services.

It's sounds so simple, but I really need a schedule for my time so I can follow it-the disability services person made one for me since that's one of my main problems, I can't plan I underestimate too much and forget everything. We put times for classes, time to do homework and time for self-care: eating, sleeping, meditation, when to take my pills... stuff I've neglected. And they put me on an anti-depressant, it's already stabilizing some of my moods which is nice (or it could be the sleep or food or exercise... doesn't really matter, I'm feeling less crazy and less cravings). I'm going to take a sleeping pill Trazadone to quiet my brain at night.

I'm going to get my life in order, not seek substances to make up for it. That's my plan for now. It's going to be tough but I got to make these changes before I go down a path I can't leave.

It takes a long while to come around to that...to gain that experience. Bad calories. Alcohol does nothing. Worthless calories. Why I don't partake. And I already mentioned why I don't smoke weed. So much better off. Congrats.

This last weekend I dropped into a complete fog. I took an Adderall holiday for two days, Saturday and Sunday, just to see. I also took a caffeine holiday, same days. Up until that point I was on caffeine pills, about 800 to 1000mg a day. Saturday and Sunday I dropped out. I couldn't move. I had no energy, no motivation. I slept and slept and slept. And I took some sleeping pills later to aid in the process. And woke up on Sunday and continued to sleep. All day. I woke to eat and void. That was it. I could barely walk. I was so exhausted. It was mostly the change in weather that had me all wrecked, the change in seasons. That and the fact that I am doomed.

So this Monday, today, I got back on my Adderall XR dosage and caffiene pills and, whammo, back to normal. Energy and motivation back.

It should be noted that, historically, even without the Adderall I cannot sleep. Last week I was having the worst time. I wanted to clean my system. I took some activated charcoal at about 5am each morning, Saturday and Sunday, to cleanse my system. I feel fine now.