View Full Version : Cyclic Depression ?


Wookiee
10-21-13, 11:46 PM
I have an odd cycle of depression/normality that has been happening since I was a teenager.

I will function as well as can be expected for someone with ADD Inattentive for roughly 9 months and then fall into a massive black hole of despair, frustration and incredibly low depression. Quitting my job is the end result each time.

This state lasts around 6 months where I wind myself into a completely reclusive state in the middle of the 6 months and then wind my way back out of it and start a new job etc.

Then the cycle starts again. Its not seasonal. By that I mean I dont just get low in Winter or summer etc.

I was diagnosed ADD Inattentive 18 months ago and I haven't had the lows that entire time, but I am heading full force into one of those states over the last week or so.

This is the first time I have been able to see it coming. And its a very large wall of depression heading my way.

Does anyone else suffer some sort of cyclic mood change or is it just in my head?

dvdnvwls
10-22-13, 01:56 AM
Even if it was just in your head, it's still happening, right?

Do you notice any gradual changes in yourself during the "up" parts?

Do you feel as if you always have good reason to be depressed and you're only sometimes pulling yourself out of it, or do you feel as if nothing is terribly wrong and the depression is unexplainable, or neither of those?

Wookiee
10-22-13, 02:33 AM
I dont see it coming. Except for the last few times it just creeps up and pounces.
More recently I can notice the changes in my behaviour and thinking when its coming on. But there is no real "Cause" that I can put my finger on.

My mood and thoughts just start turning to negativity and it gets harder and harder to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning. Everything suddenly becomes MUCH harder to initiate.

It feels kind of like what I think being "Burnt Out" must be like to people who have high stress jobs. Rolling along find and then the black cloud descends and everything becomes too much to handle.

Its like I need to shut down my brain for a period of time and then start all over again.
Like a computer. You leave it running for a week and it slows down and eventually stops or freezes up. Reboot the computer and its back to normal. Thats how my cycle kind of feels.

Fuzzy12
10-22-13, 10:17 AM
Are you taking anti depressants? Are you sure that you might not be bipolar? During the times when you are not depressed, do you have any symptoms of mania or hypomania? Keep in mind that hypomania doesn't have to present as exclusively "positive" (i.e. elation, extra energy, etc.). Even if you don't have exactly bipolar disorder I or II you might be still somewhere on the mood disorder spectrum.

When I was younger, especially during my late teenage/early twenties, I had these episodes of depression (without any episodes of clear hypomania). For me they were usually triggered by my eating disorder though, if I remember right.

Are you female? Just wondering if it could be hormonal in some way.

Sorry, I really don't know. Just thinking out loud really. It might be best if you see a professional. In the UK at least, if you are showing signs of depression for more than 3 weeks, it classifies as depression.

someothertime
10-22-13, 11:08 AM
I think I do, I will wait to see some more responses tho'

After being diagnosed I've put a lot of emphasis on self defeating practices in the face of success / unrecognised boredom / unrecognised anything!!!

One wonders if it is the rebound from lack of self knowledge ( living wise )...

DeeBird
10-23-13, 01:09 PM
"Of course it's happening in your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

I understand. I just face-planted into one of the worst 'depressive episodes' (it's not clinically a depressive episode unless it lasts two weeks, right?) I've experienced since starting to pull my life together two years ago. The worst of it lasted three days - three days of keeping a bottle of pills in my purse 'just in case,' three days of not feeling a single moment of happiness, amusement, or sense that I could ever accomplish anything. It lightened up a little yesterday - but I can feel it just at the edge, trying to push its way back in... I skipped class and work at the end of last week because of it. Now I have to do damage control, all the while knowing that this is just the start of something that has sent me spiraling out of control in the past... I've lost jobs, dropped out of school, broken up friendships... Being aware of it just adds the anxiety of, 'Oh god, what am I going to do this time?' and a sense that, if I have an idea of what's going on, why shouldn't I be able to stop it from happening again?

I don't know. "Everything is not OK, but that's OK."

Greyhound1
10-23-13, 02:11 PM
I dont see it coming. Except for the last few times it just creeps up and pounces.
More recently I can notice the changes in my behaviour and thinking when its coming on. But there is no real "Cause" that I can put my finger on.

My mood and thoughts just start turning to negativity and it gets harder and harder to motivate myself to get out of bed in the morning. Everything suddenly becomes MUCH harder to initiate.

It feels kind of like what I think being "Burnt Out" must be like to people who have high stress jobs. Rolling along find and then the black cloud descends and everything becomes too much to handle.

Its like I need to shut down my brain for a period of time and then start all over again.
Like a computer. You leave it running for a week and it slows down and eventually stops or freezes up. Reboot the computer and its back to normal. Thats how my cycle kind of feels.

I have had a very similar experience with depression. I would cycle with periods of terrible fatigue, very negative mindset, anxiety, muscle weakness and soreness. I even started having panic attacks.

I tried about every anti-depressant available for 12 years and only felt worse. I finally gave up hope and treatment for depression about 3 years ago.

I was diagnosed with ADHD about 8 mos. ago and noticed a big improvement when I started Adderall. It gave me more mental energy which helped a lot with fatigue and some with the anxiety.

I still was having some anxiety and periods when I would get in a negative mindset. The negative mindset would change how I would look at things. The glass would seem half empty instead of half full as I normally look at things.

I started taking a supplement called Sam-E and have had great results. It really does a great job in keeping me in the "glass is half full mode". I can feel a difference when I forget to take it. I have even a noticed a difference between brands. I have found the Nature Made brand to work the best for me. I buy it in bulk at Costco. I have taken it for 7 mos. and it still works better for me than any of the dozen or so anti-depressants I have been on.

My Dr. even said it was good. She said she has several patients with ADHD that have benefited from it. Check it out online and with your Dr.
Best of luck.

Corina86
10-23-13, 02:29 PM
Were your jobs stressful? Did you stress yourself over relationships, friends, even hobbies? Do you have relaxing holidays, weekends, time off? I burn out pretty easily when dealing with stress, but having several evenings and the weekend to myself helps. Maybe for you, it takes longer to burn out but longer to recover.

midnightstar
10-23-13, 05:26 PM
I get cycles of depression and normal mood, it sucks :grouphug;

Reekwind
10-23-13, 10:36 PM
I have these cycles too, it's a *****. Just KNOWING that this job is gonna end up in the trash just as the others, just as all future jobs will too.

And that I'm aware that I'll have periods where I'll do surprisingly well and that I won't be able to resist feeling hope and having reassuring thoughts about the future that will turn out to be delusional horse **** that just ends with a painful faceplant-level crash!

Wookiee
11-04-13, 08:22 PM
I am male and 36 so I guess hormones dont figure into it.

It's not seasonal and its not linked to any life event or disappointment.

It's like I have a set endurance limit for outside stimuli and then my brain says enough is enough and starts shutting emotions down beginning with happiness and contentment.

Followed by self esteem and my ability to care about my life and surroundings in general.

Bizarre.
I shall consult with my Dr when I see him next.

TygerSan
11-04-13, 08:53 PM
There is a school of thought (not sure how mainstream it is) that cyclic depression like what you mention may be a form of bipolar spectrum disorder.

If I were more awake right now I'd look it up and see whether that's the case still and whether mood stabilizers help more than more typical antidepressants.

Does your depression hit at a particular time of year or season? Seasonal affective disorder doesn't always happen during the winter months. There are people who are affected in the spring, for example.

Wookiee
06-03-14, 08:20 PM
Well after being on DexAmph for the last couple of years I had done really well.

I could feel some of the symptoms of the depression coming and for whatever reason those feelings didnt last long. So I figured that the Dex had solved everything.

But alas I am thinking the black dog is on his way to pay me a visit again.

Spoke to my Psychiatrist and because I am also having anxiety issues we are going to try Zoloft and see how I go.

Also booked in to see a Psychologist to help deal with stress and anxiety.
I think I overload myself with work commitments and my desire to perform above and beyond everyone else in the workplace that I am burning myself out.

This is also reflected in my psoriasis.
I seem to go through the worst depression when my psoriasis is flaring up. Which makes sense as the psoriasis is bought on by physical or emotional stress.

Thanks for all the replies.
Sorry for the delay in replying myself.

fracturedstory
06-04-14, 12:45 AM
My depression is cyclic, but sometimes doesn't hit for days and barely lasts longer than 24 hours. I once went 12 days without having a full episode but the mania was out of control.

Males can get hormone imbalances too but it's harder to pick up than it is in females.


Do you feel as if you always have good reason to be depressed and you're only sometimes pulling yourself out of it, or do you feel as if nothing is terribly wrong and the depression is unexplainable, or neither of those?

Most people with depression think they have a good reason to be depressed. Such is he nature of the mental illness. Although, until recently I was good at seeing the thoughts as being completely false.

I always give myself a good reason for being depressed and justifying certain actions I may or may not make.

Wookiee
06-06-14, 12:12 PM
I wish my episodes disappeared after 24 hours or so. Not trying to lessen your condition at all. But mine last for months.

And they are all encompassing.
:(

Fuzzy12
06-06-14, 12:50 PM
Have you started taking zoloft? Any improvement?

Wookiee
06-10-14, 06:24 PM
I have started taking the Zoloft.

But like most anti-depressants it takes a few weeks for it to start working as it has to build up in your system before it becomes effective.

Ask again in a couple of weeks and I will report back :)