View Full Version : Craving a cigarette


Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 07:19 AM
I'm going crazy. What;s worse is that for the first time in about 2 weeks the "$%"!!!! sun is making a "%^$!!!!!!!!!!!!! appearance. If it was raining it might have been easier to resist the urge to go out for a cig. :mad::mad::mad:

I'm tired, depressed, cranky and irritable. I've got so much work but I think the best would be to just go home and sleep. ACtually, the best would be to quickly do my work and then go home early. :doh:

Any advice to help me keep my sanity that doesn't involve nicotine replacement options?

Abi
10-23-13, 07:36 AM
Go out nd have a smoke.

We've established that you're NOT pregnant so...

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 07:40 AM
No, I haven't Abi. :( It's extremely unlikely that I am pregnant but even if I was it would be too early to detect it with a home pregnancy test. I'll have to wait till I get my periods (or miss them).

I'm so annoyed, you can't imagine. :mad:

You are Abi, aren't you?????? :eek:

Abi
10-23-13, 07:49 AM
I'm Data :p

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 08:11 AM
I'm Data :p

Lieutenant Commander Data??? :scratch:

is that the Star Trek guy in the yellow shirt with the large pale shiny forehead? :scratch:

You know the one in the series with Jean-Luc Picard, I mean the pointy head, seriously boring looking guy? :scratch:

Abi
10-23-13, 08:25 AM
Yes, correct on all counts.

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 08:26 AM
I need a plan so I can stop feeling crappy about myself. Just sitting at my desk, craving a smoke and doing absolutely nothing productive isn't somehow helping.:rolleyes:

Let's plan backward.

1. I'll allow myself to go home early today. So I have to leave before 3pm if I don't want to get stuck in horrible traffic. So that's just another 1.5 hours. Should be survivable.

2. But I'm only allowed to go home in 1.5 hours, if I finish at least writing up the answer paper.

3. Once that's done, I can go home, sleep, stuff my face, etc.

dvdnvwls
10-23-13, 12:13 PM
I need a plan so I can stop feeling crappy about myself. Just sitting at my desk, craving a smoke and doing absolutely nothing productive isn't somehow helping.:rolleyes:

OK... Fuzzy, we love you and we want you to be happy. Why don't you take our brilliant example and do those things to yourself as well? How's that for a "plan"? :yes:

Twiggy
10-23-13, 12:29 PM
Get an E-cig from Walmart. Blucig is what my dad uses. It's a whole lot better than actual smoking.

Unmanagable
10-23-13, 01:43 PM
Deep breathe A LOT, drink lots of water, and chew on a toothpick, coffee stirrer, or something.

When I quit cold turkey, I threw my last pack in the dumpster and refused to go dumpster diving to get one. That was quite effective in the moment.

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 05:06 PM
I hate this. I've been feeling all right for the last 2 3c weeks and now I'm miserable again. I know that a few days of being depressed is not a big deal but I'm just so fed up of feeling this way. And maybe nI'm worried that the honey moon period of feeling better is over now and it's back to good old depression.

DichotOhMy
10-23-13, 05:27 PM
Taper down your smoking until you're at around under 3-4 per day. At this point, its dramatically easier to quit all together.

Quitting smoking cold turkey without a taper has never, ever worked for me or any one else I know. Given the strong psychological addiction of nicotine, and I guess you can say the exact same thing about any psychological addiction, I see abruptly quitting cold turkey as impossible unless you are personally disgusted and repulsed by the habit. I say that in the sense of an intimate aversion to the habit that you naturally choose to distance yourself from. Once you are tapered down to barely using, it's much easier.

Failing that, chew a bunch of gum or try Snus if you decide to come around to nicotine replacement.

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 05:35 PM
I'm not quitting. I just can't smoke right now. At all. Zero. No replacement nicotine either. Ugh.

Blanched Dubois
10-23-13, 06:07 PM
Go out nd have a smoke.

We've established that you're NOT pregnant so...

that's funny!! Fuzzeh that's cool that you let it go a few weeks ago - do you do hatha yoga - know it? I did inverted postures whenever i'd get that distracting deep craving psychopharmacology proved is worse than heroin withdrawl.

of course my slant on it all is not 'politic' - and - I have a right lol;

What's worse the fact that you're stressing or that you're wanting to smoke?

I condone nothing nor condemn as I believe each person has the right to their poison and it's not anyone else's business as long as it hurts no one else directly and purposefully...what and how you take yourself 'out' is none of my bisness just as your sex life is of no concern to me - nothing offends me

I get offended by not getting routinely offended - laughing is mandatory

at me and the world or what else is there ?

Whatever is best Fuzz and you've put some time in there just get your heart going - put a tune on - dance and breathe!!! craving should go away and I like a big piece of raw liquorice idk how to spell that

good luck and if it's a stress mess remember that only lasts briefly then you start feeling really good - but speaking of smoking

and another shocker - you are not going to believe this but my rental office called me to tell me my new neighbors don't like the 'smoke' smell coming from 'my apartment' and so they want to put in a 'filter' machine because it will help my son and I and I'm on the phone saying 'ya know the last time I looked this was the United States of America and you have no business discussing this with me as it's not MY problem or in my contract. Have a lovely day nickel and diming me to death as that is exactly what they've done in 2 yrs and nothing has improved here so people are leaving and they gauge us even more for 'amenities' we don't have

truly the way is being made clear for me - and that's all I did today - sat in watching it all - the kid's constant contempt and refusal to do one thing I ask with a civil tone or 'yes' - it's always a tug of war I no longer want - so if I fall apart and don't pay this rent and move when I want that's the drama he'll face I guess since I have no one willing to sit and list the steps needed to make this happen in a week - stuck on my own again and i'm no martyr - just miss my partner and friends and so dissolutioned thinking my loved ones really loved me

I guess it's hard to love someone when you loathe yourself but that is still not MY problem and i'm not enabling that behavior and twisted thinking that is directly the result of how culture did my son in

it's why I filed in federal court my elder abuse case and subsequent child abuse - a long unbelievably long bunch of years being exploited kicked when down by 'honorable public advocates' NOT

I hope the head shot comes when my son's won as much money as he'll need and finds love

beyond that I got the 10,000 yard stare in me and that's a fact

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 06:26 PM
:grouphug:

Blanche I thinkyou can love others even when you b loathe yourself but for me that love become a dark twisted and painful one when i loathe myself. Maybe you can't love others in a healthy way when you loathe yourself.

I'm sorry if you've already said but how old is your son is he taking any meds

:grouphug:

Rebelyell
10-23-13, 08:15 PM
Abis pregnant!?:eek::faint::giggle:
E logic menthol e cig.

Reekwind
10-23-13, 09:26 PM
:grouphug:

Blanche I thinkyou can love others even when you b loathe yourself but for me that love become a dark twisted and painful one when i loathe myself. Maybe you can't love others in a healthy way when you loathe yourself.

I'm sorry if you've already said but how old is your son is he taking any meds

:grouphug:

You hit the nail on the head here! The important part though isn't the answer but the question: "why is it that I can't love others if I can't love myself?"

Because we are all one, we are all the same and we are all connected! No matter where or who you are you are always thinking and acting as a result of yourself and everything that is around you.

Imagine having a jar of black paint and that you use the black paint to first write your name, then draw the letters 1 through 10, then you draw a cat etcetc. In the end you've drawn and written words, numbers and animals but all those things are still just black paint! The cat you drew is just as much just black paint as it is a cat! All is one and one is all!

If you can't show compassion for yourself in a time of need, does that mean that you wouldn't show compassion for another person in your exact position?

If you hate yourself because you fail to manage your life due to the ADHD, does that mean that you hate everyone else with ADHD, too? :)

If not, why? Are you separated from the world? Are you not part of reality? Are you allowed special treatment? If you are, why? Because you are better? Worse? Special?

Making exceptions for oneself in this manner is a way to create martyrdom and a way of isolating oneself instead of confronting ones demons and is a selfabsorbed and immature thing to do, still I can understand it, relate to it and feel the pain and frustration that it stems from! <3

All change requires understanding the reasons things are as they are and patience in reaching the change needed! All those distorted coping mechanisms and cognitive thought patterns people with ADHD develop takes a tremendous amount of work, time and suffering to get rid of.

The important thing is to recognize that the first step is to acknowledge the need to UNDERSTAND! And I mean truly understand the fundamental reasons for delusional and distorted thinking/reasoning!

I've always accepted and encouraged people to express their feelings and being empathic towards themselves etc. but I never allowed myself the same, I made separate rules for me. I've also always been anxious and nervous around people, at times even paranoid to the point of delusions about people talking in codes with hidden meanings and such.

It made me realize that I've always lacked *genuine* trust in others and that I've put myself on a pedestal, like a guardian that has to protect all the little fragile people from themselves and the world. Like a parent that must at all times be strong for the childrens sake. It is a narcissistic way to live, though I'd guess often not understood for what it is and I'm glad that I was able to see through it. :) The same applies to "people pleasing" and claiming responsibility for other peoples problems. Like feeling sorry for oneself through the misery of the poor and the starving by taking on all of the weight of their suffering on ones conscience, feeling responsible for their misery because I MUST be bad having all this when they have nothing. As if it was a choice! No person asked to be born, and no person can have things outside of their influence held against them! ^^

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here! And that the point isn't at all about pointing fingers or making anyone feel bad but that we are all the same and therefore all equally worthy of being loved and appreciated! And that we all have the same right to feel sorry for ourselves when life is falling apart, and that we ALL laugh at funny stuff, cry at funerals, curse at the computer, fail at times, succed at other times, make fools of ourselves when nervous etcetcetc. :)

/Love, J! <3<3<3

Blanched Dubois
10-23-13, 09:48 PM
:grouphug:

Blanche I thinkyou can love others even when you b loathe yourself but for me that love become a dark twisted and painful one when i loathe myself. Maybe you can't love others in a healthy way when you loathe yourself.

I'm sorry if you've already said but how old is your son is he taking any meds

:grouphug:

darlin' I don't loathe me I loathe in humanity - let me make that clear - it's off grid after I do some 'roight nawtee' lobbying for the kids who didn't turn on their mothers after losing the dad to a killer VA who also robbed us of a life and made us make good folks like you think we're sociopaths - cold as we are
but the love
heh
angels are cold and ALL love baby
ye of little faith I used to say and now I say ye of no faith in any way
people who've let 'fatigue make cowards of us all'
oh let me raise Vince Lombardi and one ditch effort to fight for the soul spirit and passion for living now purposely
I like All along the Watchtower as far as my position on 'people' or 'the masses' and with no arrogance as i'm 'one' and in it and not of it and still openin my big jersey mowf in DC writing letters and getting responses from Congress, Justice Dept - and I know I want to lobby for reforms in the VA 'National Service Officers' who are insulated by a criminal old boys club unspoken cruelty that is vigilante and has no right to be on my dime as a tax payer IMO.
So, Fuzz, after loads of love and loads of death ya detach and want to enjoy the present as a present and be silly and sing and dance and be an idiot in the middle of walmart if u MUST go in that place - creepy no?

love you fuzzy - but I died and haven't quite fully come back methinks
like a snake shedding a skin - it ain't quite off lool xoxoxoxoxoxo:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HtiSaF_oqP4

Fuzzy12
10-23-13, 09:59 PM
I was talking about your son bd. I thought though mentioned something about his self loathing.

Voting and passing is beyond my patience on my mobile but you thknow the but able wanting to dance in walmart if you have to be there? is not feeling at all. It makes perfect sense to me. I think you have to do things like that, let go of everything and just enjoy the present, for the sake of your sanity. Constantly thinking about the past and the future, even the bnear future that had to be thought about, can make you crazy.

Blanched Dubois
10-23-13, 10:08 PM
I was talking about your son bd. I thought though mentioned something about his self loathing.

Voting and passing is beyond my patience on my mobile but you thknow the but able wanting to dance in walmart if you have to be there? is not feeling at all. It makes perfect sense to me. I think you have to do things like that, let go of everything and just enjoy the present, for the sake of your sanity. Constantly thinking about the past and the future, even the bnear future that had to be thought about, can make you crazy.


No he loathes me and I saw it coming for years - it's like a crucifixion there is no way to describe how this hurts and i'm not at all ashamed to say it. I pray it happens to no one else because it's something that on top of the medical trauma and memory of infant shiz - enuff to make me take my marbles back refusing to play - that's what my son does - makes me fight for him but is utterly non logical and unreasonable and if ignored will entrench into that stance as he's a real punisher and fixed - has trouble truly forgiving hurts cus he's uber sensitive too

I am done tho with it their just stories now and he and I have control so if he won't be civil with me he needs to live on his own and i'll help get him organized and always love him but he's so abusive no one knows how long I've just suffered thru it reaching out and telling everyone who'd listen to tell me who or what or where this kid could do to offset all the death he'd lived thru by 7 yrs old and then his dad at 12 and me at 15 for a few minutes - it's all too much and we're done talking I think - we need a break and he needs to individuate but more gently - he's acting like he's got to behead me instead of acknowledge his feelings are normal and good as he should be on his own now and I freeeeeeeee
lol

it'll be ok - and I have to let go of all - I wait for my next move to show itself

all good xoxoxoxoxo i'm not angry I just let him know I see clearly - and I know he knows and all I ever raised him to be clear about was that he must tell me the truth and himself -if he told the truth there would be no severe consequence so much as a lie or a outright cruelty

he feels me now

Reekwind
10-23-13, 10:31 PM
I have this deep feeling of loathing regarding my mother too, it's so ******* painful to deal with since I love her too. Trying to juggle the love/hate aspect of a relationship is so hard since feeling or expressing either of the emotions is a reminder of the other, which makes it really hard for me to understand what I'm really trying to express or what I myself is really feeling in the moment when dealing with my mother.

She actually even told me she knew something was off with me when I was a kid but she never did anything about it! That just makes me loathe her more and makes my inner turmoil that much worse!

It's never easy to feel such things for someone that, atleast I, deep down really love and appreciate. That she never made an effort to help me is like an itch that I can't scratch and just seeing my mother makes me angry and frustrated, unfortunately.

Not to say the trauma I experienced during the first years of my life and that I never even asked to be born, what did she think getting a kid when she was 16 and with a drug addict? It's a life not a toy, waah! ><

Blanched Dubois
10-23-13, 11:47 PM
well you're ok since you can tell the truth and let it be what it will then it passes

my son loathes himself but me more and then he is 'ok' - its only when life intrudes in such a way as to demand immediate attention that he clamps down now - I see it as ptsd that got much worse when we got sued

I think your fortitude serves you well as a reminder of the inner restraint you're able to muster when you have a sense of honor or duty - so you're a fine young man and I wish you the best! Smile more and do your best and you won't fail lol corney and true unless u work with the dead in a morgue in which case smile at the humans cus smiling at people is even weird now - esp if u smile at a kid - it's a real strange trip out yonder -if I do this drive - i'm taking pix of everyone and thing and taking 10 days if necessary cus i'm hurting typing this

dude moms love their kids and no conditions -just love forever and if healthy one that also encourages you to 'loathe her' so you'll grow up and get your own home etc lol

love that's real never goes away or dies - it's not a romantic notion - and some intense emotion can be measured in the environ of places charged with trauma like the civil war and throughout the south east us and all over really - the blood that forged this country was on the backs of persecuted or persecuting - i'm so sick of the persecutions myself

lol

just love your mom and forgive her humanity as she does yours and move into some joy or silliness - I think u got a gift for that ;P

Reekwind
10-24-13, 12:10 AM
Yeah, I know! :)

I know what you're saying and I agree.
It takes time though to come to terms with that my own mother looked the other way even though she noticed that something was wrong. It makes me furious... but at the same time I do understand that NOBODY wants to believe that there is something wrong with their baby, I guess she loves/love me too much to be able to give in to the notion that something was wrong even though she deep down knew it was so.

And I can't blame her for that, emotions don't follow logical patterns, if that was the case they wouldn't be emotions. :)

It all probably comes down to me being frustrated and fed up with this never ending struggle to keep my head above the water.

/J.

Reekwind
10-24-13, 12:12 AM
And I can relate to that through my little sisters, I would probably never be able to accept any notion of either of them not being "well".

I'd probably be in denial about it just as my mom was.

sarahsweets
10-24-13, 04:40 AM
Fuzzy, I didnt read this whole thread but I did read a few of your posts. The thing is with me, is that even though nicotine is a stimulant, it really calms me down and helps me relax. This is my problem when I quit smoking. Right now, thanks to an awesome member I am using the e-cigarette at night. I am a pretty heavy smoker so I do puff on it alot at night, BUT I am hoping that the e-cig is less harmful than the actual smokes. I want to quit by the time I am forty. I gave myself a ridiculously long term goal, because if I say I will quit smoking next friday, I will automatically go into self sabatoge role. So, my convoluted answer to you is to consider nictotine replacement or if its also an oral fixation issue, maybe an e-cig?

Reekwind
10-24-13, 04:47 AM
Fuzzy, I didnt read this whole thread but I did read a few of your posts. The thing is with me, is that even though nicotine is a stimulant, it really calms me down and helps me relax. This is my problem when I quit smoking. Right now, thanks to an awesome member I am using the e-cigarette at night. I am a pretty heavy smoker so I do puff on it alot at night, BUT I am hoping that the e-cig is less harmful than the actual smokes. I want to quit by the time I am forty. I gave myself a ridiculously long term goal, because if I say I will quit smoking next friday, I will automatically go into self sabatoge role. So, my convoluted answer to you is to consider nictotine replacement or if its also an oral fixation issue, maybe an e-cig?

I'd say that its quite logical that smoking calms you if you are addicted. ;)
The same applies to when I put a snus in my mouth. Snus is a swedish kind of tobacco that you put under the upper lip. ^^