I am a 28 year old male with ADHD. I started graduate school in January to do my Phd in Mathematics. When I started school I was excited about reading and doing research. Before starting school I took 3 months off to prepare, but I noticed that I wasn't able to concentrate on reading. I persisted a lot but I had a hard time focusing. I felt I was out of control. I slowly fell into a severe depression which almost lead to suicide. Last semester was hell!! Every time I tried to focus on reading my mind seemed to go blank. However, (this is what surpsrises me) under pressure like right before a test or when studying with friends I would be able to focus well and didn't have this problem. Under pressure my mind worked fine! This drove me nuts. I tried everything from diets to suplements to physiatrists . I didn't know what was wrong with me. When summer started I got excited about doing some reading again, but I was in the same situation. When I would read my mind was very slow and I wasn't able to focus. Many times I would be half-alseep reading. Eventually after being close to suicide again, I did some reading about ADHD and I figured out that this is what I probably have, so 3 weeks ago I started on Ritalin. The results were great. I was able to focus much better than how I used to be. Ofcourse I have side effects from Ritalin and I'm trying to get the dosage right, but generally I have benifited greatly from it. Also, note that I can easily focus at any time on things that highly enjoy (like reading computer programming books). It is not that I don't enjoy my major. It doesn't drive me nuts with excitement like some things (some people with ADHD are VERY passionate about certain things). My question is: Am I really ADHD? Are there people with ADHD who work well under pressure, but when not under pressure they are usually unproductive? Many of the people that I have talked to about my condition have told me that I'm lazy and only do what gives pure pleasure when not under pressure. In the beginning, I didn't believe them, but now I'm slowly accepting this idea. Am I really like this or do others with ADHD suffer from my condition. The thing thats making me doubt my ADHD diagnosis is that under pressure I perform well. Please I need input from anyone... Life is very hard now and this thought that maybe I'm just lazy is making fall into a depression again.

Many times I work well under pressure too unless the anxiety is too much and I just shut down instead. When we are under pressure a lot of times we get a rush of adrenline which many time stimulates our brains much like medications.

Many people who don't underastand AD/HD think we are lazy or just don't care. They just do not get the way our minds work. You are not lazy. You are getting help and learning about AD/HD and that is an accomplishment in itself.

Tara has said it all very elegantly. I am exactly the same way with reading. Start to read =fall asleep in like no time.

Put me under preasure then were playing a new game.

welcome to the forums

With pressure or studying with FRIENDS....you were fine....me too Bill....I relate to that.....people around helps a lot...You question whether you are ADD....since you ask the question, chances are -- you ARE....why? People who are NOT, generally do not ask....It does not occur to them -- at this point in their lives anyway....but for you the lightbulb has gone on for....You say you "persisted a lot but had a hard time focussing". This sounds like ADD. It does not sound like a lazy person....When you would read, your mind was very slow...also sounds like ADD, not laziness....And you've responded to Ritalin...a med used to treat ADD -- which is great by the way......I also relate to the ability to easily focus on things I highly enjoy...and I don't BRUTALLY enjoy my major either...(health care field) -- I just like it a lot:).....Anyway, I admire your going after this doctoral degree of yours....And I enjoyed reading your post here. Please keep writing. Welcome to the Forums. You will get a lot of support here...:)

Bill~

I was the EXACT same way in college (many years before my Dx). I would often put off even BEGINNING to write papers until 10:00 pm the night before they were due. With other projects, I would always do the major part of it the night before it was due--I remember dragging my roommate's entire computer set-up into my room and worked on it all night long until 5:00am. In high school, it was the same way.

You are NOT lazy. You sound like a "normal" ADDer! Being "under the gun" is highly stimulating to us ADDers, and typically, since we're above above-average intelligence (with a touch of perfectionism in some/most cases), the end product is a high quality masterpiece! :D

Do NOT accept the idea that you're lazy. What you're describing is one of the hallmarks of ADHD: poor executive functioning, which includes difficulty initiating action (aka procrastination), especially where mundane, distasteful, UNstimulating, etc. tasks are concerned. You're not alone in those struggles.

Please consider learning AS MUCH AS YOU CAN about ADHD, and therefore about yourself. You deserve to understand why you do the things you do, and you deserve to cut yourself some slack. One of the best books to start with is Driven to Distraction by Ed Hallowell and John Ratey--you can probably find it in your local library. If those "lazy-callers" are open to it, perhaps educating them about ADHD would get them off your back.

Hope this helps--you're in WONDERFUL company in these Forums!

bill:everything i did in law school was "under the wire", shall we say.yes it was ridiculous but it was the only way i knew how.and so hyperfocussing became my best friend.it was the only way to go and i hadnt been diagnosed yet.i also liked the book driven to distraction as smooch says here and i also recommend you mean im not lazy crazy or stupid.you studying math?good for you man.

Just to add to the discussion, I'm the same way when it comes to long-term homework. Start on it early, and I can't think of anything, but if I start working on it a couple nights before it's due, I have a rush of ideas and thoughts...

dear colleague, let me second that recommendeation for reading.. esp DRiven to Distraction.

I also noted that you are complaining about side effects. I started out on Adderall and got headaches... but now use Ritalin without any side effects at all. you may wish to think about a different med

Bill28, please post again so that we know you are getting something out of this or not...

Personally - I believe you are ADHD, the symptoms all ring true to what I am.

Most ADHD people have NO TROUBLE AT ALL focusing in situations that highly interest them, or in last minute crunches.

According to Dr. Amen's book, too, when we (ADHDers) sit down and force ourselves to concentrate, the brain activity in the part of the brain that governs concentration and focus actually DECREASES. This explains how you feel when you force yourself to study.

Remember, you don't have to be dumb to be ADHD... in fact, I think a great percentage of the world's most brilliant people are ADHD and/or related and comorbid conditions. It is insidious because our intelligence lets us get through so much more of life before getting recognized and treated... *sigh*

Originally posted by Bill28
I am a 28 year old male with ADHD.

but I noticed that I wasn't able to concentrate on reading. I persisted a lot but I had a hard time focusing. I felt I was out of control. I slowly fell into a severe depression which almost lead to suicide. Last semester was hell!! Every time I tried to focus on reading my mind seemed to go blank.

However, (this is what surpsrises me) under pressure like right before a test or when studying with friends I would be able to focus well and didn't have this problem.

Am I really like this or do others with ADHD suffer from my condition. The thing thats making me doubt my ADHD diagnosis is that under pressure I perform well. Please I need input from anyone... Life is very hard now and this thought that maybe I'm just lazy is making fall into a depression again.

First trust yourself.

Create REAL deadlines for yorself At multiple points PRIOR to "their" dead line. It reall y works!

NEVER STUDY ALONE AGAIN. Well ALWAYS FIND SOMEONE to STUDY WITH! Study in a gas staion snack shop to have the company of someone.

These things are documented in multiple books and ignored in every "plan of action and medication plan i have ever seen. These PRACTICES produce results, NOT DRUGS FROM A BOTTLE. Drugs can keep you conscious so you CAN think, but the practices are what produce results.

These two things that YOU identified will work better for you than anything anyone else ever gives you. IMHO

Virtually EVERYBODY with ADHD has your exact same experience.

No, you are not [I'm not]LAZY,STUPID or CRAZY. (It is the title of a book for heavens sake! In one order or another!)

Keep paying attention to what you know you know! Insure that you do things the way you know you need to. Only listen to others when they are helping, not critisizing. Ask for what you need. Reject the rest. (carefully)