View Full Version : Rage


Fuzzy12
11-07-13, 06:03 PM
I'm going crazy. I don't know what's wrong. I'm just so irritable and annoyed. No I'm angry. I just spoke to my parents, which never helps. Theu drive me crazy for no fault of theirs. I was quite nasty. Told my mom pretty much to shut up when she started talking about me having kids. Told her I'm too tired to listen to that crap. She did stop but she must hhave felt bad and she didn't stop tallking.it took all ke effort to not scream. I did scream bit later afyer putting tje phone down. And I punched the sofa and pillows. Didn.t help not enough. Had some beer. Helped a bit. Not enough. I need to leave npw bexause me ******* phone is annoying the hell out of me.

Ugggh..this is so unpleasant.

Abi
11-07-13, 06:04 PM
Fuzzy :grouphug: <33

You also squashed me to death in your rage ;)

Fuzzy12
11-07-13, 06:15 PM
No that was just cold hearted common sense..and a quite a bit of luck And help. :D

I wisj I had a club. And something to hit. I hit the sofa with the pillow but I'm scared of breaking something.

Wjat is this abi? Theae days it just comes over me with almost no trigger. I've meever jad anger issues. Ive always been more od the supressed resentful type. Does sthis happen to you as welle?

Brittany
11-07-13, 06:16 PM
Wow, it's never fun dealing with anger, and I pray you find peace soon. Are you on medication if you are it could be that and talking to your doctor should help, maybe there is a reason why you are so upset. I hope you are doing well, I know it is so easy to become frustrated but take a hot shower and let it go and relax for now if you can. You are showing sympathy towards your mom so that's goood .good job on waiting till you hung the phone up to scream ! :)

Abi
11-07-13, 06:19 PM
Yes, it happens to me as well.

Prior to being medicated I would spend months in a state of rage.

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 06:30 PM
1. The person you are angry at in this moment is someone you have no intention of harming, and yet you're extremely and justifiably angry. That causes a mental conflict.

2. Your rage is not just about today's little topic, but about all the misunderstandings (some of them, like today's, appearing to be intentional - since presumably you've told her many times that you're not having a child just for her) that your mother has made over a long time.

I met a kid (high-school age) with quite a bit of skin missing from his knuckles. I said "What happened to your hands?". He said "I went too hard on the punching bag - I was pretty angry." I said "Did it help though?" - "Oh yes, it helps a lot."

Maybe you need a new accessory. :)

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 06:37 PM
At some point, after the nine hundredth time or so of "When are you going to have a baby for me?", I believe that using the actual words "Shut up. And don't ever mention this again." to one's mother become the kindest fairest thing to say. Intentional misunderstanding is never a kind way for a mother to treat a daughter.

Fuzzy12
11-07-13, 07:17 PM
Thanks guys I've calmed down a bit again. . I was annoyed even before speaking to my parents but uggh.. they really push my buttons.

And then mom always wonders why I drink do much when that are staying with me.

The nbeer really helped though. worryingly aLways does

Lunacie
11-07-13, 07:42 PM
1. The person you are angry at in this moment is someone you have no intention of harming, and yet you're extremely and justifiably angry. That causes a mental conflict.

2. Your rage is not just about today's little topic, but about all the misunderstandings (some of them, like today's, appearing to be intentional - since presumably you've told her many times that you're not having a child just for her) that your mother has made over a long time.

I met a kid (high-school age) with quite a bit of skin missing from his knuckles. I said "What happened to your hands?". He said "I went too hard on the punching bag - I was pretty angry." I said "Did it help though?" - "Oh yes, it helps a lot."

Maybe you need a new accessory. :)

My family doesn't like the sound of it but when I'm really frustrated and
angry, I take my walking cane and whallop the heck out of my bed. It lets
out some of that rage without actually hurting anything. And they finally
agreed that it's a better sound than screaming, which I used to do.


At some point, after the nine hundredth time or so of "When are you going to have a baby for me?", I believe that using the actual words "Shut up. And don't ever mention this again." to one's mother become the kindest fairest thing to say. Intentional misunderstanding is never a kind way for a mother to treat a daughter.

Another way of saying that might be "Have your own grandchildren and
stop bugging me to do it." ;)

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 07:50 PM
I was annoyed even before speaking to my parents but uggh.. they really push my buttons.

That's because they're the ones who installed your buttons. :)

They even know most of the secret hidden buttons, the "programmer's easter eggs" inside your mind. :eek:

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 07:50 PM
Another way of saying that might be "Have your own grandchildren and
stop bugging me to do it." ;)
Fair enough, but the "And don't ever mention this again" was really the important part.

Lunacie
11-07-13, 08:38 PM
Fair enough, but the "And don't ever mention this again" was really the important part.

Oh, yeah, I get that.

"Stop bugging me" is just another way of saying that.

Sometimes when people throw around several ideas it gets my brain
working so I can come up with something I'm comfortable doing. So
I was just throwing that out there.

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 08:46 PM
Oh, yeah, I get that.

"Stop bugging me" is just another way of saying that.

Sometimes when people throw around several ideas it gets my brain
working so I can come up with something I'm comfortable doing. So
I was just throwing that out there.
Your version was almost completely better than mine. But to a wishful prospective grandmother, "stop bugging me" means "stop bugging me just for today - come back tomorrow", unfortunately. :)

Lunacie
11-07-13, 09:06 PM
Your version was almost completely better than mine. But to a wishful prospective grandmother, "stop bugging me" means "stop bugging me just for today - come back tomorrow", unfortunately. :)

You may be right, but not all wishful prospective grandmothers are like that.
I was a wishful prospective grandmother for a few years myself, but I didn't
keep bugging my daughter to get busy giving ME a baby.

I just enjoyed my grand-dogs, a basset hound named Presley Jean and a
Chihuahua named Lucky. I'm not well known for my patience, but I do know
when it's none of my business.

Canadian Mess
11-07-13, 09:38 PM
Kickboxing, it's a life saver I think you should join as well. I like to think my partner is the person I hate/irritated at and it gets a little aggressive, but I feel so much better afterwards.

BellaVita
11-07-13, 10:01 PM
I get this too.

One time I kicked a hole in the wall, leaving a foot-shaped hole there too! :eek:

(that was one of my worst ever rage episodes)

Rebelyell
11-07-13, 10:21 PM
Be slow to anger the one time I really lost it at 16 it almost got me sent away...It was a culmination of things mostly being told by folks my hehavior at home n school wasnt cutting it any longer. I ended up punching my bedroom window out.

Andi
11-07-13, 10:38 PM
Hormonal fluctuations have been a contributing factor for me and many of my "rages." Yes there are the moments where certain people know how to push my buttons but if I mix that with getting close to my cycle...oh yeah. I want to thrash and rip your face off. Unfortunately, since I can no longer take birth control pills to manage the hormonal fluctuations, I have to ride the wave. Although you may not recognize a trigger, is there a possibility that you're close to your cycle?

Lunacie
11-07-13, 10:40 PM
Kickboxing, it's a life saver I think you should join as well. I like to think my partner is the person I hate/irritated at and it gets a little aggressive, but I feel so much better afterwards.

I used to do that when I belonged to a bowling league. I'd imagine the face
of my boss or whoever on the head pin and throw that ball straight at it.
Very therapeutic.

Blanched Dubois
11-07-13, 10:40 PM
Thanks guys I've calmed down a bit again. . I was annoyed even before speaking to my parents but uggh.. they really push my buttons.

And then mom always wonders why I drink do much when that are staying with me.

The nbeer really helped though. worryingly aLways does


Fuzzeh - Rage is just accumulated resentments over concessions you keep making to those who are not honoring you and rage is the 'that's it point' and each time you suppress rage or seek a way around it instead of through it you lose an oppty to increase your power and your own congruent sense of self

what would happen if you simply allowed your 'family' to say and believe whatever they wanted because it was none of your business and you did what gave u peace - balance - joy - whatever - and what IF - it was amusing as well - just entertaining to behold - I wonder what that would look like....giving yourself permission to be happy just because or in spite of the assclowns?

jus' askin' cus i'm an assclown to my 'family' because i'm light hearted and I refuse to be punished - i'm not interested in being 'forgiven' or apologizing

anyway:grouphug:

MX2012
11-07-13, 10:47 PM
I'm going crazy. I don't know what's wrong. I'm just so irritable and annoyed. No I'm angry. I just spoke to my parents, which never helps. Theu drive me crazy for no fault of theirs. I was quite nasty. Told my mom pretty much to shut up when she started talking about me having kids. Told her I'm too tired to listen to that crap. She did stop but she must hhave felt bad and she didn't stop tallking.it took all ke effort to not scream. I did scream bit later afyer putting tje phone down. And I punched the sofa and pillows. Didn.t help not enough. Had some beer. Helped a bit. Not enough. I need to leave npw bexause me ******* phone is annoying the hell out of me.

Ugggh..this is so unpleasant.

Hi Fuzzy:

Wow, sounds like you are cycling out of your recent depression.

I do understand about what I call "instant rage", there were times when I got enraged and I had no idea where it came from --- scared me, too.

For me, stress had a lot to do with it. Stress can come from a wide variety of sources. You don't even have to be doing something "stressful" to be stressed.

Fuzzy, even when you have done something you are not proud of, take a breath, step back and be a friend to yourself -- while you can admit responsibility for your behavior, you don't need to beat yourself up.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care, m

Rebelyell
11-07-13, 10:54 PM
Rage happens when there is too much u necessary stress n bs and one feels unable to cope w any of it because stuff feels like its out of ones control of the situations there Involved in.speaking of rage im ready to punt this damn cell phone right now....

Flory
11-07-13, 11:52 PM
Fuzzy it sounds like you've bottled up a lot and the kid has finally blown maybe this will prove to be a positive experience in the long run it seems a lot of people in your life are placing expectations on you which are low on your priority list as right now you need to focus on healing and getting some treatment in place for the ADHD .

I'm not surprised this makes you so angry let it all out take a deep breath and carry on :) maybe your family needed to see that to see how their bullsh!t upsets you !! )))higs(((

Flory
11-07-13, 11:57 PM
Furthermore you could just do what Rebs and I do which is to just punt /kick the bejesus out of items around you. ....trash cans are THE best

Asylum
11-08-13, 01:39 AM
Fuzzy, next time your Mum comes around wear a t-shirt saying 'You Are The Reason I Drink.'
Maybe she'll get the hint.
But knowing Mum's, she probably won't.
Rage happens. I don't have any advice. Its not permanent, so yay for moments of sanity! Keep the beer and chocolates close and pray for those around you.

stef
11-08-13, 01:44 AM
i am very slow to anger but the one person who can really trigger instant rage is my mom!
and we have a good relationship. she can just be way out of line sometimes ( with anyone)

i rarely get angry but when i do its baffling and i feel exhausted afterwards. i dont think ive done more than slam drawers though.

right now the weather is messing with me i feel bitter and am quickly annoyed. really not good.

purpleToes
11-08-13, 07:32 PM
Sending good, healing thoughts your way, Fuzzy :)

Rebelyell
11-08-13, 08:26 PM
I love trash cans especially the rubbermade ones, ya can kick the living crap out of them , not break anthing n feel terrific being u dont kick it into something that can break.I use to hear the when are you gonna get married n start a family speech by my family, not so much mom but aunts n uncles.mom would come to rescue n say dont put that kind of pressure on him ya silly dopes, pay them no heed shed tell me.

Blanched Dubois
11-11-13, 06:30 PM
I love trash cans especially the rubbermade ones, ya can kick the living crap out of them , not break anthing n feel terrific being u dont kick it into something that can break.I use to hear the when are you gonna get married n start a family speech by my family, not so much mom but aunts n uncles.mom would come to rescue n say dont put that kind of pressure on him ya silly dopes, pay them no heed shed tell me.

i had a closet in my room growing up from 2nd grade to 12th that never latched and it was quite helpful in times of 'rage' i had no clue why and where andd how it was to be - so young and such body rage - let it out - i'd slam that door and it made no sound which at first really brought up the ancient stuff LOL and boy that itself was a kodak moment - heh

i choose fluffy clouds now and laying outside someplace private preferably in a fflowery field or near water and stare at them and make em disappear

let it pass - just allow Fuzz to be Fuzz come what may<3

daveddd
11-11-13, 06:45 PM
im familiar with rage

i hope it passes very soon for you fuzzy

MX2012
11-12-13, 01:29 PM
Fuzzy, next time your Mum comes around wear a t-shirt saying 'You Are The Reason I Drink.'
Maybe she'll get the hint.
But knowing Mum's, she probably won't.
Rage happens. I don't have any advice. Its not permanent, so yay for moments of sanity! Keep the beer and chocolates close and pray for those around you.

I know my mom used to be able to make me angry.

I used to "zone out" unexpectedly. After I researched that phenomenon, I learned to distance myself from people who could push my buttons and from potentially volatile situations.

Distancing oneself is a learned skill. I take my conscious mind and move it back deep into my mind and focus on it like a bear hug rather than the person or situation. It's like looking at the person or situation through another person's eyes, so that emotion is cutoff from visual/audible stimulus. While I can still interact, I also physically distance myself from the person. I feel that this technique worked because the instances of volatility were reduced.

But, it makes me sad that I have to do this with some family and friends.

Reekwind
11-12-13, 01:54 PM
I know my mom used to be able to make me angry.

I used to "zone out" unexpectedly. After I researched that phenomenon, I learned to distance myself from people who could push my buttons and from potentially volatile situations.

Distancing oneself is a learned skill. I take my conscious mind and move it back deep into my mind and focus on it like a bear hug rather than the person or situation. It's like looking at the person or situation through another person's eyes, so that emotion is cutoff from visual/audible stimulus. While I can still interact, I also physically distance myself from the person. I feel that this technique worked because the instances of volatility were reduced.

But, it makes me sad that I have to do this with some family and friends.

This sounds like dissociation to me... I do it alot, I wouldn't call it a technique though.

Rebelyell
11-12-13, 08:30 PM
How much do you drink fuzzy? I hope were not talking bon Scott proportions! !?

avjgirsijdhtjhs
11-12-13, 11:05 PM
1st - Going to keep this short - just popped a melatonin.

2nd (disclaimer) - I'm not educated enough on this, and don't know what the Hell I'm talking about.

Okay, so here goes...

...You know how SSRIs decreases the intensity of emotions (https://www.google.com/#q=serotonin+OR+ssri+emotional+blunting+OR+anesthe tize)?

Well I just started doing a LCHF (low carb high fat diet ALA Ron Rosedale, etc) a few weeks ago in attempts to get rid of apnea, increase insulin sensitivity, leptin sensitivity, etc and have been doing it off and on. Well, a couple weeks ago after being on it for a week and a half (like as in literally less than twenty grams of carbs over a week and a half long period), I noticed myself getting seriously depressed, and angry. The intensity was seriously scary. I could see why people off themselves because they're just so hopeless, and I felt like I could just snap at somebody and lash out at them so ridiculously easily, and it took a lot of effort to control - both of which are very, very uncharacteristic of me. I felt like what a person with Borderline Personality Disorder must feel like. I felt so empty and worthless, and just ready to ******* SNAP. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. It was strong, and it was scary.

Anyway, I figured maybe if it had something to do with maybe tryptophan (serotonin precursor) getting past the blood brain barrier stuff that I had read about before. So I started Googling. Here are two comments from other folks that I found on Google that I can't link since linking to other forums isn't allowed, but here are the two quotes:

I go through phases, during a low-carb streak...
At first: I'm tired, a little depressed, a little cloudy, just sort of feeling overall like I'm missing something. I do get a little anxious after the tiredness passes, I feel that I have more energy than I know what to do with; I usually don't sleep more than five hours a night during this phase. This lasts the first couple days.
After that: I break through a wall (low-carb flu) and start feeling really, REALLY good. I'm elated, I'm giddy, I'm clearer than I've been in a long time, I feel like I've figured it all out. A fatty meal makes me feel like I'm flying on several illegal substances. Still sleeping five - six hours a night, but could care less because I have energy. I mean I have ENERGY! This lasts another three or four days.
At this point I'm seven - ten days in, and I start noticing that I'm snapping at people here and there. Irritability sets in; I'm not seeking trouble per se, but if anyone shows any sign of weakness or stupidity at all around me, I have ZERO patience and I pounce like a starving lion aiming to rip the throat out. If I continue in this phase, I feel like I might lose my job; it requires both patience and the ability to support those of lesser capability.
Around three - four weeks of <20g carbs, in deep keto - my irritability levels off a bit, but never completely. I feel like a predator, I'm more aggressive than I like to see in myself; if I become impatient or irritated with anything in my life, I simply cut it out. Emotional ties or value doesn't weigh in at all. I feel like I'm operating at a closer to mammalian level, really eschewing the advances in society we've made over the last thousand years. At the same time, I'm thinking exceptionally clear, I write a lot, I create, I'm busy as can be, utterly discontent with sedentary life. My house stays exceptionally clean, I get ahead at work, and generally feel like a production-machine, but at the same time, incapable of emotional attachment or really loving.
Needless to say, I eat potatoes these days. It fascinates the hell out of me from a psychological standpoint, though.


I too experienced this with my initial entryway into a low-carb diet. A low-carb diet (low carbohydrate to protein ratio), quite simply, lowers insulin and raises the catecholamines that give you energy and mental focus. I just couldn’t believe how I could go and go and go all day and NEVER feel drowsy or hungry. It was remarkable.
But after enough time passed, the dark cloud started moving in. I couldn’t sleep. I developed dark circles under my eyes. My sex drive decreased and other ominous signs. But worst of all, my mood became atrocious. Normally a lax, easygoing kinda guy, I reverted to behavior I had in my youth – a temper like the Tazmanian Devil.
After going low-carb long enough my temper became outrageous. Some little idea would set me off and I’d stay up all night sweating in furious anger and fantasizing about inflicting harm to “x” thing or person that I was obsessing over.
But within 24 hours of embracing carbohydrates fully, that disappeared completely. No more sleepless nights. No more dark circles. No more irrational anger. And the sleep. Good lord did I sleep. And I too, like many others, experienced major fatigue after meals for the first 1-2 weeks. The happiness was blissful. I lived up to my nickname of “Stoner,” with a constant smile on my face, a sensation of deep peace and relaxation, and my eyelids half closed.

Also there's another quote I'd like to refind and post, but I'm not finding it right now. Anyway, last quote, which since I was eating pretty much zero carbs, and moderating protein, and basically just eating fat and low-moderate protein (carbs and protein are the only two macronutrients that stimulate insulin, fat doesn't) is likely the explanation for what I was going through (as in this stuff in the following quote wasn't happening with me to a significant degree because of my diet that didn't cause much insulin release), since I was keeping insulin secretion really low, and also the post Thanksgiving meal high in carbs and turkey in which people get really sleepy due to the supposed high tryptophan in turkey (turkey actually isn't ecspecially high in tryptophan), :):

Carbohydrates will raise your insulin levels. As insulin rises, it removes other amino acids that compete with tryptophan in your body. This helps to make more tryptophan available to the brain for the manufacture of serotonin.

My guess is that your anger has to do with your serotonin being low due to stopping the SNRI, combined with the short days and less strong blue light.

looking for a study or whatever that I saw about how eating a protein meal an hour or two or whatever before a carb meal keeps you from having a serotonin spike, and how switching the order of the carb and protein meals increases serotonin more...

Fuzzy12
11-13-13, 10:55 AM
Thanks Avj digging up all that stuff :grouphug:

My serotonin might be a bit low since I quit sertraline but I haven't actually felt more depressed. Just a bit more irritable and err...I'm kind of easy to anger. Yes, but that might be the case.

Are you saying that a low carb diet can make you irritable? I fully agree with that. Whenever I fasted in the past, I never had any problems with hunger or energy, but I did feel very irritable towards the end of the day.

The thing is though that right now my diet isn't low in carbs. Since quitting Sertraline, I'm eating like a pig. Though I'm mainly eating junk. Maybe that's causing sugar spikes. Also eating so much is making me feel constantly unwell and when I feel physically unwell, my mood dips as well. :scratch:

Fuzzy12
11-13-13, 11:03 AM
How much do you drink fuzzy? I hope were not talking bon Scott proportions! !?

It depends. I go through phases. I definitely don't drink more than the recommended limit. At my worst, I drink every day maybe a pint of beer or a glass (or two) of wine. I used to binge drink on the weekends but I don't do that anymore. But this phase never lasts for more than a few months.

Usually I drink less and not every day (though probably at least 2-3 times a week, but that's not too much right?)

fracturedstory
11-14-13, 11:40 PM
What's the recommend limit, Fuzzy? In Australia I think it's about 9 beers. I never usually get to drink more than 2-3 beers. It's like the universe is making sure I don't go too far.

I really want a t-shirt that says 'You're the reason why I drink.' And I can probably get it made too. I was going to get made 'I'm allergic to citrus' for when I go to family lunches. They are constantly poisoning me with that stuff.

Speaking of shirts...I have this.

http://www.smudged.co.uk/media/import/tshirts/adhd/black.jpg

fracturedstory
11-14-13, 11:48 PM
By the way me and my sister are angry RAH-RAH machines. At least not to each other.

Hypomanic at the same time. :O
Gosh.

MX2012
11-15-13, 04:52 PM
This sounds like dissociation to me... I do it alot, I wouldn't call it a technique though.

Reekwind -- you are correct, I used to dissociate but with distancing you still are in the present and aware of what is being said etc. For me, with dissociation, my mind went someplace else unbidded, I felt I had no control over that. Therapy pretty much cleared up my incidences of dissociation.

Fuzzy12
11-15-13, 05:12 PM
What's the recommend limit, Fuzzy? In Australia I think it's about 9 beers. I never usually get to drink more than 2-3 beers. It's like the universe is making sure I don't go too far.

I really want a t-shirt that says 'You're the reason why I drink.' And I can probably get it made too. I was going to get made 'I'm allergic to citrus' for when I go to family lunches. They are constantly poisoning me with that stuff.

Speaking of shirts...I have this.

http://www.smudged.co.uk/media/import/tshirts/adhd/black.jpg

No the recommended limit for women is less than 2-3 Units a day so that's about about a pint a day. I drink much less than that.

Hold on. .. Actually no I don't :eek: when I go through my drinking phases I probably drink slightly more than that:doh:

Fuzzy12
11-15-13, 08:01 PM
It's happening again. I'm feeling frustrated and just so dissatisfied. Had a major range earlier because the y changed the layout of yahoo mail. Well that deserves a rant. Nothing disordered about that.

purpleToes
11-15-13, 11:21 PM
yes, OMG the new yahoo email format is horrific. Especially that infernal "infinite scroll." We had it rolled out to us about a month ago in the U.S. (I'm assuming you got the same one). They give us the choice to switch back to "basic" format but it's a very bare-bones version. I hate them both. The users in the feedback forums are freaking out. Glad it's not just me, because I'm not even in a particularly irritable mood, and this just ****** me off!

MX2012
11-16-13, 11:34 AM
yes, OMG the new yahoo email format is horrific. Especially that infernal "infinite scroll." We had it rolled out to us about a month ago in the U.S. (I'm assuming you got the same one). They give us the choice to switch back to "basic" format but it's a very bare-bones version. I hate them both. The users in the feedback forums are freaking out. Glad it's not just me, because I'm not even in a particularly irritable mood, and this just ****** me off!

purpleToes -- I agree 100%. Now writing an email, reading an email, replying to an email or forwarding an email is a torturous process. Plus, many of the wonderful functions like being able to see the full email address of the sender are lost. I have several yahoo email accounts, it will be a chore to go to another email server but I am considering it.

Fuzzy12
11-18-13, 03:52 AM
Stuck in traffic. Getting so angry. About completely UN related things. Like my stupid gp. Ugggh. Screeaming isn't helping. k n trying to do breathing exercises but they aren't helping weight. I'm too ****** to even want to relax. The only thing that provided s short momentary relief was driving on the bus lane :doh:

stef
11-18-13, 04:06 AM
what about some classical music on the radio???

Fuzzy12
11-18-13, 04:33 AM
what about some classical music on the radio???

I tried listening to soothing music, that just annoyed me more. Finally put on Rob Zombie and Rammstein. That helped!!! :D

avjgirsijdhtjhs
11-19-13, 05:05 PM
I tried listening to soothing music, that just annoyed me more. Finally put on Rob Zombie and Rammstein. That helped!!! :D

I hate how you're getting f*****.

It's your brain and you get to decide how it works.

(Please feel no obligation to listen to the songs if you don't have time or desire or whatever to listen, or to thank the post if you don't like them, but...)

I wish you could just knock them the **** out. Like an entity* and with absolute power, with a simple think of the thought,
and wave of your hand, watch them fall down, completely incapacitated, owned :D, and have them know... ...that you will not be denied :D. So...

...here's some music for your rage, and...

...at least you've still got the right to be pi***d. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLzBo-RoZVY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nr7NOPk7eaI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3jlA6qd0ig


*Moderator edit

fracturedstory
11-19-13, 06:13 PM
That's like choir music compared to what I listen to when I'm angry.

avjgirsijdhtjhs
11-20-13, 02:58 AM
I wish you could just knock them the **** out. Like an entity* and with absolute power, with a simple think of the thought,
and wave of your hand, watch them fall down, completely incapacitated, owned :D, and have them know... ...that you will not be denied :D. So...

Just realized that it sounded like I may have been talking about your doctor\doctor'soffice or whatever, when I was actually talking about the government. Was also assuming that you were p***** at the government, though I don't know if you were.

*Moderator Edit

avjgirsijdhtjhs
11-20-13, 03:39 AM
That's like choir music compared to what I listen to when I'm angry.

Were you talking to me? If so, then I really want to hear what you listen to. Like as in post some of it :)...

Blanched Dubois
11-21-13, 11:46 PM
Rage is the most repressed, unacceptable emotion and the reason why most depressed, suicidal folks are stuck and I know because I live with one. He can't express his true emotions because he'd rather let someone else do it for him.

Subtle, very toxic pathology to live with, let alone witness day after day. The only way to deal with 'this' is to walk away. Say nothing. Remove yourself.

There's a proper place for rage. It's called a therapist's office.

My pathetic life is summed up as this; I loved my family, they despised me for who I am, like society who doesn't like my 'attitude' caused by child abuse and ptsd - no regard - no excuse - no care - punishment for being given a lifetime of neglect and abuse for abuse from infancy off and on until last year teaching my son to hate me too.

The advocates don't exist. This child allowed me to throw away my life because he 'didn't care'.

The 'friends' neighbors the drs the va advocates no one gives a **** if i live or die and that is the sad truth.

Rage? How about this - my son's medical is cut off and the paperwork - bonafide - sent twice for the year is not 'enough' because he's now receiving SSDI - but in the regs it says ChampVA for those on dependents of service related death disabled by service vets 100% are not worthy of being told anything - we're not 'the vets' - so we don't get anything but the short end of every stick - which i would rather stick in my own eye

so they say go to VA regional he needs a 3884 - like i have to take him - he's an angry - impotent- ODD ADD PI who hates me and his life and never wanted to be born - have heard that for years - and not ONE clinician has made ANY impact - the schools might as well have shot him....everything i did was wrong - i SHOULD have let him fail and fall and taken care of ME.

I had a trauma and no one cared that kid told me to 'go die' the whole 4 mos the Dr's did NO tests - i'm sitting here wondering WTF am I still here for

Really - rage?

yeah, no, it's deep deep deep wounding sadness

ice cold stone hearted-ness caused by callous neglect prejudice and no one walking the talk - no one honoring regulations in writing -power abuse incessantly and i'm blamed by all my friends and loved ones for 'causing it'

lol

i know i'm going to stand up and make the abusers take note - this will not continue and like i told my 'mom' in my only letter to her - the final goodbye - i never accepted the lack of respect, the abuse, the shame or the blame - and i only feel so sorry for you.

i feel so sorry for this child - but i do not own this child nor will i own his misery he so generously, callously shares with no thought of how i feel

so we have a society that ****s on the caregiver for the child and the surviving spouse is a ******* dooormat

thanks Uncle Sam

kiss the darkest part of my ASH