View Full Version : Is making friends hard


ADHDkarina
11-07-13, 07:36 PM
is making friends hard for you?

comment all you want

Rebelyell
11-07-13, 08:29 PM
Yes n no alot of times it seems easy but I cant seem to hold onto anything for long, I swear its easier for me to hold onto money then friends. OR I initially am like this person is a real d bag and then somehow I end up clicking w them . usually if I get along right away tje red flags go up and brain says whooa nelly slow down this is wayy to good to be true. .

dvdnvwls
11-07-13, 08:51 PM
Making friends - for me, it depends if you mean "people I enjoy socializing with and talking to", or "real friends who I can count on 100%".

I can socialize with just about anybody, and most of the time it's very easy for me to "make friends" in that way. But the real friends - well, they're easy to make too, but very hard to find, I guess. Not quite sure.

BellaVita
11-07-13, 09:06 PM
Yes.

Making good friends is, atleast.

Greyhound1
11-07-13, 10:05 PM
"You will make many acquaintances in your life, you will be very fortunate if you make just one true friend."

Something my Mother always said.

RedHairedWitch
11-08-13, 12:23 AM
Making friends is easy, building a lasting friendship is the hard part. One of the greatest things my old CBT therapist taught me was reciprocation. People take turns. They call, you call. They invite you over, you invite them over. They buy lunch, you buy lunch next time. It doesn't have to perfectly exact and like keeping score. But it helps me to get past the old ADHD mode of "Eh, I'll call them later" which turns into never.

Fraser_0762
11-08-13, 12:40 AM
Whenever I try to establish a friendship with somebody, they always turn out to be a complete @$$#013.

I realize now that friendships are all based on values and what you can offer that person.

If you ain't got anything more to offer than your friendship, they don't want to know you.

phantasm
11-08-13, 12:51 AM
I can get along with just about anyone. Like most on here, it's hard to keep them, let alone trust them. I have a teeny tiny circle. And I trust them all differently. No one completely though. :( Kinda bums me out when I think about it.

dvdnvwls
11-08-13, 02:00 AM
If you ain't got anything more to offer than your friendship, they don't want to know you.
Not true. I have several friends who get nothing but friendship from me.

davinci10
11-08-13, 02:15 AM
It is hard to get a true friend. I like a quote from Emerson
"friendship like immortality of the soul is too good to believe."

Fraser_0762
11-08-13, 02:27 AM
Not true. I have several friends who get nothing but friendship from me.

Maybe you think that's all they get from you. That doesn't mean you don't have hidden qualities that they can draw from.

dvdnvwls
11-08-13, 02:31 AM
Maybe you think that's all they get from you. That doesn't mean you don't have hidden qualities that they can draw from.
... and you're so sure you have none of those? :) I doubt that.

sarek
11-08-13, 05:19 AM
I don't know if its hard. It was not hard for me. But I think the reason is that I have a very sharp antenna for finding the ones who are suitable and keeping out those who are not.

Chasing friendships is always ill advised, as is forcefully trying to belong to a group. If you do that you are likely to get hurt.

someothertime
11-08-13, 06:09 AM
Yes.

On top of my phobias and inhibitions, I am an observer... this makes it very difficult in the friendship arena. With a non-stop parade of eternal stimulation or philosophical discussion, i'd be Ferris Bueller, tho' it seems that new people tend to look at what you bring... and that is the exact thing that I repress... Instigation is not something that comes easily to me. Calling, planning etc. etc.

Then there is the flipside... Say I half made a friend..... My avoidance and propensity for mental stimuli would have me choose alone time over fostering and nurturing the friendship cause i'd tell myself it's repetitive... Hence they would get the message that i'm not interested in them or similar... Tho I am.... Just need more variance to the deal.... And push form them... ( well, assertiveness expression from me )

Challenge and a half!





Borking at the next step..... I've met a few people over the last few months though haven't had the courage to try develop things... Still struggling with rejection, self worth / awareness issues and proactive / non-neg comms.

Nicksgonefishin
11-08-13, 08:41 PM
Making friends was easy. Keeping them was hard.

I now realize that most of my long time friends are adhd. This would explain why they have been so forgiving over the years.

I have lost friends due to misunderstandings because of my adhd.

Rebelyell
11-08-13, 10:01 PM
I wish I could say it was that easy tit 4 tat you rub my back ill rub yours so to speak.It seems things start off oh so well for me anf before I know it it seems it turns into a 1 sided friendship and I end up getting used n hurt as well.I dont wanna hear that crap I let it happen or deserve it either or dont command respect.i can conjure up more respect for moi n others in my lil pinky then people can produce thru there whole body.I just realized this is the teen forum..doh!

Oregon
12-04-13, 05:01 PM
I'm a very social person but I find it difficult to make good friends. I have a small circle of friends that I am very close to. With this small group, we are all like family. I've only got one ''best friend''; and we've been best friends since we were both 6-7 years old. I'm 23 now, and I'm sure our similar personalities have kept us close. His ADHD is as bad as mine is. We both have ADHD and depression issues, so we kind of support each other. We both get into a dark place, and we know how to bounce each other back into a better state of mind.

As far as making new friends, it's pretty difficult for me. I get along with almost everyone, but I don't open up very quickly. I think a lot of people misinterpret this as me being cold. I've lost a lot of friends over the years because of their self destructive ways (drugs, etc); and it makes it hard for me to get close to some people. I have a few issues with losing people; it really scares me. :(

Diony
01-02-14, 05:20 AM
When i was a teenager the friends i made were ones that were nice and happy as long as it was their way and when it wasnt they could be rude and mean or just ignore till they were over it. Didnt bother me too much, just thought that it was a spoiled way of thinking at the time. The ones who stick are the ones who really count the most!

Michio
01-08-14, 05:44 PM
Making friends is hard for me unless I have something of interest in common with that person. If I do, we tend to hit it off pretty quickly, since that brings me out of my social shell and I become fairly extroverted and spirited on the given topic.

However, if there isn't anything in common, I tend to be very slow to develop friendships, as I am not an outgoing person by nature. It takes weeks or even months to make a friendship of any kind without that.

Daydreamin22
01-08-14, 05:50 PM
Be empathetic and you'll find a friend. Be proactive. Regarding being in a good state to meet a friend, being compassionate in all you do during the day supposedly makes you happy.

Rebelyell
01-08-14, 07:03 PM
Making them isnt hard its keeping them or having them stay true to the friend mantra.