View Full Version : Well, this explains alot.

11-12-13, 08:35 AM
I have been together with my girlfriend for 12 years now.
It has been quite a challenge, constantly working double-shift to keep up appearances, and to put in the extra effort to salvage abandoned projects and neglected chores.

I have had alot of patience with her, realizing that she has her issues and that we have to work together to endure it.

We got our first kid this fall, and at a screeing for post-delivery depression, the psychiatrist got the impression that she might be suffering from ADD.
I have now researched the disorder abit, and this sure explains alot... :)

I can't say how releaved I am, to finally get some concrete understanding for the situation, and hopefully easier access to tools and techniques to ease our situation.

I would appreciate tips and advices for "low hanging fruits", on what we can do, to get the snowball of improvement rolling.

11-12-13, 01:44 PM
Welcome to the forum! I'm very glad to hear from the spouse of someone with ADHD who is relieved to finally know, and who wants to know what "we" can do to get the improvement rolling. Just the fact that you said "we" means you are on the right path already.

First, I'd recommend two authors who discuss ADHD specifically in the context of relationships: Gina Pera and Melissa Orlov. Pera's book Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D? is probably the best resource for "What is really going on here?", and her website (just search for Gina Pera and you'll find it) is great as well. Orlov's The ADHD Effect on Marriage is another helpful book, with some very practical tips for everyday life.

And a general book on ADHD: Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Russell Barkley. Straightforward, accurate information on what your girlfriend is really dealing with. Good reading for you as well.

Unfortunately, it sometimes feels as if none of the fruit is low-hanging... people with ADHD are kind of weird, but we look normal, and therefore it can be a challenge simply to understand the ways our weirdness affects everything. :)

But one thing that I'd consider basic is this:

- Despite appearances, your girlfriend is not bad at every kind of work around the house. :) Between the two of you, find ways to give her more of the kind of work she is good at, and to give you more of the kind of work she is bad at. Distribute household tasks creatively - not trying to be fair, not trying to follow tradition, but just to make everything as efficient and happy as possible. The books I suggested have specific information on how to do this.

11-12-13, 11:21 PM

Check out the stickied posts in this section, and read any other threads that catch your eye. Also read through the Relationships section, to get an ADHDers point of view. I'd also suggest looking at the Women with ADHD section as well.

The books suggested above are great! I would also suggest going to YuoTube and search "ADHD Barkely" for some talks given by someone who is considered the leading researcher and expert on ADHD.

01-01-14, 07:07 PM
welcome to the board and I hope you find a lot of help and support :) Sometimes just knowing can be a huge relief!