Hey all, I was wondering how many of you have noticed that male society often has alpha males that try to assert dominance over beta males. As an ADDer I come across as a beta male (sensitive, not overly masculine). The alpha male approaches me and tries to assert dominance. What happens next is wild... The alpha male becomes a beta in my presence and works hard to become my friend... and I really don't do anything to assert dominance because that whole thing seems silly to me.

Any of you bewildered by this whole dynamic?. Do you have this happen too?

Weird, I've noticed this happens to my add friend. It seems neither men nor women can resist him even when he is feeling feisty, its the most remarkable thing I've ever seen.

He shows as beta type too, but more alpha at heart.

Interesting... I just dealt with a roommate (big tough guy) trying to physically intimidate me but when he found out he couldn't get through he cowered a lot.

Also, it seems people always try to get on my good side like they want my approval... Same thing? Hmmmmm....

Err, yeah, ok. :P I don't even notice this stuff. Wonder what that makes me? :D

Err, yeah, ok. :P I don't even notice this stuff. Wonder what that makes me? :D
It makes you not focused on it :) I have always been focused on it. I learned my power early on in 7th grade. There was a bully in school and I was a prime target. A social misfit that was teased constantly... His name was EG: Edward Gorby. He found me behind a local shopping center with his side kick Albert. He knew I had money on me because they were watching me. He looked at me and stated: "If you don't give me your money I am going to KYB" At first I was scared... then that strange quiet focus hit. The neurochemicals readjusted in my brain. I looked him in the eyes and started to laugh. This scared the hell out of him. He just strutted away and did not bug me anymore... Albert then became my friend in attempt to hang with what he saw as the dominant boy... We are often our strongest and calmest when that adrenaline pumps!

It is strange, although I never thought of myself is an Alpha, I am a sensitive guy after all... I have these kind of interactions every so often. I am not cowed by height or strength.

It is more intimidating for me to talk to a woman at a bar than to deal with men who are threats :)

I just get a kick out of it and sense this is one of the purposes of ADD...

Interesting... I just dealt with a roommate (big tough guy) trying to physically intimidate me but when he found out he couldn't get through he cowered a lot.

Also, it seems people always try to get on my good side like they want my approval... Same thing? Hmmmmm....Yes, they are copying you, right? They use your phrases and watch you... even if they don't invite you out to do things. We are a vital function in human society. We are the "synthesis" component. You really don't have any idea how truly influential you are until you hear your personal phrases coming back to you through a third party... you know, your personal dialect or idolect.

I have always ended up with a contingent of "body guards" throughout my childhood and even into adulthood. I don't need them, but it always seemed to fulfill some purpose in their lives. It can be hard to call them down when they perceive a threat. These people were friends that I cared for... it is very odd... As I am starting to compare notes with other ADDers, this is not uncommon in ADDers that had a strong positive role model in their lives.

ADD is a VERY important thing! I think non-ADDers sense it and either try to control it out of fear or are drawn to it.

Isn't this the same phenomenon that happens when one is self assured about anything? Once I'm comfortable in my own skin enough not to need a soul mate, one appears out of nowhere.

Once I'm free of the need for approval I find it comes my way frequently.

I see this happening around me too. Last week my daughter got a call from an organisation the kids are involved with. A big part of the program is to learn to speak publicly and competitions for this are held at club, divisional, regional and provincial levels. All three of our kids have won at provincials and are recognised as leaders throughout the organisation for their participation.

My eldest this year won her group and divisional levels as usual, but decided not to exercise her right to compete at regionals.

The provincial co-coordinator got wind of her withdrawal and phoned the other night. Off the cuff my eldest (18) gave an apologetic and heart felt description of why she had not made the regional competition a priority.

In a nut shell M**** calmly described how the judging was inconsistent and has been so often beneath the level of the presentations. She went on to say that it hadn't inspired her to invest very heavily in the competition in the last couple of years when the leadership had little or no appreciation for what the kids had to offer. With so many things competing for her time with much more rewarding returns, she had chosen to drop the competition.

What was important in her tone and presentation on the phone was that she was free of needing this co-coordinators approval or acceptance. M**** wasn't rude or condescending or anything but apologetic, but at the same time was insistant on answering the questions honestly with disclosure and authenticity. Confidence without the need to be superior. Great moments in parenting! eheh

I could hear from the tone of the conversation that the woman on the other end was rapidly changing gears from a dominant position to one of submission. When M**** got off the phone I asked her how that call had gone and she just looked baffled and said "good I guess." We talked a lot about the incident and how it related to other things in her life. I'm so glad I happened to be in the room as it transpired.

There is power in getting to a place of peace within ourselves. The tough part is keeping my ego out of the way and embracing humility, compassion and empathy.
Hope this struck a chord.
Ian.

Isn't this the same phenomenon that happens when one is self assured about anything? There is power in getting to a place of peace within ourselves. The tough part is keeping my ego out of the way and embracing humility, compassion and empathy.
Hope this struck a chord.
Ian.
Well, I think this is different than that. I was not at all comfortable in my skin or really that confident. In fact, I was a bit of a mouse... but there was a flip side. I am not at attached to having a dominant or submissive role. I know society gives values to these things but I am actually dispassionate about it. I am always willing to follow if it is what needs to happen at the time.

What I am really trying to understand is the role and nature of this "cognitive type" in the evolution of the human society. The only observations I can offer are those from my life.

I am aware that this thread might seem like I am "tooting" my own horn. I have found the power within to enjoy the moment I am living in, no matter the status I have.

So I am looking for anecdotes from othe ADDer's lives that match mine. Hopefully, I will be able to do empirical observations through well designed questionaires. At that point... these observations will be shown as commonalities or not. This thread, for example, has not recieved enough comments so it may not be worthy of further scrutiny.

So.... that is my goal.

I also feel it is healing for us not only to share the difficult experiences but those which show bravery. Often we are so focused on the negative that we forget to see some pretty neat things. The ability to be a positive influence on other people may be a very important function of ADD. When the lightbulb goes off in your head after years of being told that you have a disorder that is not only destroying you life but the life of people you love... it is nice to see some positives. They are very hard to dig out. In this case, being on the top of a power dialectic is not the positive. It is that we can be brave and stand up to our fears and people who try to use our insecurities against us. It is a positive that we can be an influence (that is also a reminder that we need to be the best and most compassionate people we can).

Most ADDers have a general sense of purpose or function. I want us to work together in synergy to help understand what the general purposes of ADD are and how we can use those to understand purposes in our life.

So when you say:
"There is power in getting to a place of peace within ourselves. The tough part is keeping my ego out of the way and embracing humility, compassion and empathy.
Hope this struck a chord."

You are speaking to my heart! We have the same goal and we are functioning in the way we can best bring that out in ourselves... Also, we are here socially to help others realize their personal peace and power. Being alpha (or a dominant person) is not power (as EG learned) being "beta" or sensitive is not lack of power (as I have learned in my life)... They are illusions we use to cling to our egos.

Now I am WAY off topic and I need to get back to work... oh why did they give me such a linear task? Urghhh.

Well, I was attracted to my add friend initially because of his sense of humour and the interesting way he used words to express himself. Like poetry.

And because he seemed to like me back.

His ADD was not apparent initially, so I"m not sure I agree I was "drawn" like a moth to his ADD which I did not know he had until later. He was just an intelligent sexy and witty guy, if that could be a "just".