View Full Version : Depression full time


fracturedstory
11-17-13, 07:02 PM
Yeah, I think I'm about to have depression full time. Hypomania is getting shorter and shorter and way too intense to control what I do in that time. I often crash real fast.

I haven't talked to my friends since I said I was feeling a bone crushing loneliness and for them to not give me any internet hugs because they are pointless and stupid and just get make even more irritable. I don't tend to like hugs anyway. I barely feel anything from them except awkwardness and when people get all huggy it just reminds of another way I am different.

I'm probably going to starve if this rain doesn't stop and everyone around me cares so much.

I've probably felt suicidal about 10 days this month.

There's no getting better for me. My psychiatrist is a clueless f**k and I'm going to find another one because I can't deal with change. I can't even buy groceries from another store without having a panic attack.

So, this is depression full time. I don't care anymore. I'd be glad to finally have one constant mood, though I still get manic or mixed, but overall it's just depression. Low grade depression, agitated depression, hormonal depression and severe depression with suicidal ideation.

And I don't care because it makes sense to be this way because of my situation. Unemployed, never can be employed, living somewhere that has me under constant stress and obsessing about things that just remind me how mentally ill I really am. I'll never be independent and I'll never really get what I really want out of life.

Even if my mood gets lighter it won't last.

fracturedstory
11-18-13, 09:00 AM
Disregard. Hypomania is lasting longer. Yayafuntimesyay!

Fuzzy12
11-18-13, 10:10 AM
Enjoy it while it lasts. Depression sucks. stay safe :grouphug: