View Full Version : Can't win.

11-19-13, 01:53 PM
So I had fought the school for many months to get my ds his 504 plan. They denied me at first, we went through a slew of IEP testing to find he didn't have a learning disability, but that he needed the 504 plan. I got what I was asking for just went through hoops to get it.

Fast forward one month, ds is literally crying (he's 10) when its time for school. Every day. We sat down and had a talk about it and he says its because the teachers picks on him all day. The teacher is constantly on him, asking him is he's paying attention, if he understands, if he's working like he should be. He said the other kids are teasing him now and they think he "one of the special kids". He hates it and he doesn't want it anymore.

We've had talks about ADHD before. He has always denied that his attention is a problem, even though I tell him its not that somethings wrong with him. I try to explain ADHD and what it is and that he has it, but its nothing to be ashamed of and lots of other kids have it too-he just doesn't know that they do. He still denies it. He thinks having ADHD means he's dumb or something. He won't listen to much I've got to say.

So what do I do now? Do I ask the teacher to talk to him more subtly, so the other kids don't tease him? How do I explain this is a way ds will understand? without him thinking he's dumb or stupid?

11-19-13, 03:11 PM
Good question.

Have you investigated local support groups?

11-19-13, 03:52 PM
How responsive is his teacher? It may be that both of them need an adjustment period to the new requirements.

The teacher may need to alter strategies to keep him on task. I would hope that the teacher is not calling him out in front of the whole class when he/she is asking your son whether he's paying attention. There's gotta be something more subtle than that. Like maybe walking the classroom while kids are working and making sure to walk by his desk, giving a prompt if he's off task.

I know that in the case of a more one on one situation, people have developed code words or gestures that help someone who's prone to monopolize conversations without having the nonverbal skills to realize when it happens. That way, they know that if xxxx touches her ear, it's probably time to switch topics, before someone decides to tell the person in question to shut up.

I find it distressing that he already feels the stigma of being "special." Makes me wonder how the other kids in that boat are being treated by peers and adults alike.

11-20-13, 02:04 AM
That is a difficult situation. I'd talk to the teacher. It sounds like she's well-meaning but may not realize how it's affecting your son.

I've also heard of "secret" code words/gestures, but not just to help someone not monopolize conversations -- to check in with a student, make sure they undertand and are paying attention, etc. Whatever the teacher does, it shouldn't be so noticeable. Even with things like worksheets, if some are at a different level, many teachers try to make sure they look the same so other children in the class might not even realize that some children are working on something different, just by glancing at it.

The teacher should be focusing on positives also, rather than negatives or just checking for attention.

There's a saying that I've heard in special education that goes "Necessary for some, Good for all" or something like that. The strategies the teacher uses (making sure your son understands, etc.) may be necessary for him, but are good for all kids so she could use them more generally instead of just with him so that he doesn't stand out.

Do you know of any celebrities or good role models who have ADHD that you could point out to your son? It's so common, I'm sure there must be some people your son looks up to/likes who have ADHD (a Google search might find some). This might help your son realize that many people have ADHD, it doesn't mean they're "stupid", it can even be a gift/have advantages, etc.

My son cried a lot last year about going to school. I was in university and more stressed/busy in the morning (and always) so that didn't help. Once I had to actually physically carry him up to the school doors; luckily the principal was there and he took my son's hand (gently!) and made sure he got to class. It was heartbreaking to think that my son disliked school so much. I hope things improve for your son.

11-20-13, 07:42 AM
Ideally, all classrooms would be set up for all learners, like messyme says with the worksheets. Kids with different requirements don't have to stick out like sore thumbs.