View Full Version : How to not let a bad mood take over you


fracturedstory
11-19-13, 06:06 PM
Without medication.

Before anyone says 'I've never met anyone with bipolar that didn't need to take medication' - I have been unable to get medication by my psychiatrist who I don't see until mid December anyway. So there's just one more month left of crazy for me. I am also not going to try and find another doctor because that will just feel me full of panic and I have so many gigs to go to, art exhibitions to weasel out of, and I still haven't seen Thor 2.

I get some real bad thoughts about people when I get dysphoric. I always feel controlled by my sister and want to deliberately disobey her. She is kind of like the mother in the house. I think my friend doesn't care about me. Last night I saw she's planning to go to a gig close to my birthday and she already told me she couldn't go to the gig I wanted to go to for my birthday because she may have to work. And as much as I didn't want to go to her birthday gig, mainly because I was depressed, I still went to it. Got stuck down the front during a band played that I hated too.

Then I think oh maybe these people don't really like me and I'll never fit in with them and there's just no point I will never be a good enough band photographer and nobody really cares anyway.

I tend to yell at my cats a lot too for just being there and...MEEEOWW!

Then I feel like I will run out of money and starve and then live on the streets.

There's some anxiety too.

I'm trying to do my best to ignore these thoughts and not blow up at people because of the world being too loud and people being too stupid to see I'm in CONSTANT distress. Most importantly, I have deny thoughts that say that certain people probably don't like me anyway.

AND OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE THREW OUT MY TOOTHBRUSH? I mean who does that?

So, you can see what I have to deal with today. Racing angry ranty stabby thoughts.

On the bright side I still have lots of energy to get through this day.

I'm, err...going to go to the store and buy myself a new toothbrush now...