View Full Version : wonderful article about ADHD in Salon-

ana futura
11-20-13, 12:42 AM
"Lay Off My Daughter's ADHD" by Mary Beth Holcomb

This is only the introduction, it's well worth reading the whole thing.

There it is again in my Facebook feed, the latest version of ďIn my day we didnít have ADHD. We had parents who werenít afraid to discipline, and kids who were sent outside to play until the lights came on.Ē Here I am again, trying to refrain from commenting, to keep from feeling insulted, to remember they havenít seen what I see.

Iíd love to pretend I was never judgmental about behavioral issues before our experience, but itís not true. Iíd more than once asserted that ďsomeĒ kids just needed more firmly delineated lines, and Iíd smugly assumed Iíd never resort to ďdruggingĒ my own children. But the remarkable, wonderful thing about parenting is how often it flicks you off your pedestal.

As a friend recently mea culpa-ed: that pain-in-the-neck kindergartner in her daughterís class last year? Happy as a clam, sharing lunch in the cafeteria with his father, who it turned out had been deployed the last 12 months. I completely understand this. That strangerís kid I dissed on Facebook for behaving poorly at the pool? Wound up being the child of acquaintances, warm and generous people who had their daughter send me an apology letter. But the shame was all mine. Because guess what? All kids act bratty sometimes, even yours and mine; itís part of growing up, of learning to navigate society. Our job is to facilitate such growth through correction and encouragement, not to undermine it with condemnation and finger-pointing. Imagine someone isolating one of your frustrated explosions, say, when your kidís asked the same question 90 times in the car before youíve even set foot in the grocery. To a passerby in the cereal aisle, you sound like a real jerk: ďAll that poor child did was ask for a box of Capín Crunch, and his mom totally flew off the handle!Ē

The point, of course, is that itís impossible to know the breadth of a situation when weíre only glimpsing moments. Unless someoneís being beaten or seriously threatened, itís probably prudent to withhold judgment, because itís entirely possible you have no idea what youíre talking about. Sometimes itís bad parenting. Sometimes itís just a bad day. And sometimes itís beyond either. So hereís my daughter Aís story (told with her permission), and my little plea for caution when playing the blame game.