My OCD/ADHD daughter (nearly 10 yrs old) told me today that she's having sexual thoughts that are distressing her. I have no idea what to do but I know if I don't do something she will get more & more distressed. Please does anyone have any advice?

Hi tudorose,

It is not abnormal for 10 year olds to have sexual thoughts. What you need to do is discover whether this statement is a prelude to some other disclosure. Only you can determine if the nature of her thoughts might require some sort of theraputic intervention.

Regards,
Coral

Thanks for that. I've had a chat to her and assured her that is was normal and she seems to be OK with that for now. Fingers crossed

I always make sure to be adamant with whomever my children spend time with they are only allowed to see PG movies or television shows at the most. But, kids being kids they do find a way around things. I often find Koda watching movies or tv shows that are not allowed late at night...he's quite the remote hacker that one. If he does by chance happen to break the rules we talk about what he saw and what he felt and the discussion goes from there. Kids are crafty and they confuse easily, IMHO you did the right thing.

A good open talk can help a lot. Sometimes it's difficult to find the balance between educating, supporting, and sheltering. Over the years I've helped the kids through their stages and questions, especially those that were prompted by a misinformed friend. The one thing that I made sure of was to insist that our discussions stayed between the two of us. I'm glad that your talk helped and I hope that the two of you remain open and honest. Good luck to you...:)

Hey tudorose

this is just the beginning of puberty, oh what fun;)

I think it's GREAT your daughter disclosed her feelings to you! What a great sign that she feels comfortable enough to talk to you!!!

I've seen my OCD son do his special 'signs' whenever a sexy babe commercial is on the TV, etc and know he's dealing with feelings of thoughts being bad.

How to let children feel comfortable with their thoughts now that can be a touchy challenge, in my opinion.

Sounds like you are keeping the lines of communication open and that is such a great thing to experience!

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie I missed my Charlie so much. Glad to see you today my dear bud.

That's good, that she talked to you, about this. Girls are going through puberty a lot sooner, now. Does she understand the changes that she will be going through, physically? It's better that you talk to her, than to be misinformed, by friends or kids in her school. It's good to keep the communication open between you and she.

Thanks Cherity,

I missed all of you too, buddy ol' pal ol' chum.

I believe someone else mentioned it, so please pardon if this is repetitive...As a childhood sexual abuse survivor this sends red flags up for me...When I was young child I began talking about/thinking about sexual things at a young age and it greatly concerned my mom...A little delving on her part revealed that a family member was sexually abusing me.

I am not suggesting that your child is being abused, because it certainly IS normal to have sexual thoughts at the onset of puberty, but these usually take on a different form than thoughts of an abused child...

As an OCD child of religious upbringing (not religious anymore, tho...), I used to have nightmares that in the middle of the night Jesus would open up my head and see the "dirty" things I had been thinking...I considered these thoughts dirty, and they made me very uncomfortable, but it was my way of expressing my confusion over the abuse.
I also made comments on the playground at school that piqued a teacher's interest..."doesn't EVERYONE's ***** do that to them?!?!" The teacher told me she was going to tell my mom what I said, and the abuser assured me that he would kill me if I ever told anyone...So every time the phone rang for the next 5 years, a pang of intense fear shot through me...

The point is--look at the NATURE of the thoughts your daughter is thinking...are they curious? (i.e...What does a boy's private part look like? How are babies made? or a wet dream or something for a boy) or do they seem a little off to you...(i.e...I had a dream that my teacher did **** to me...or sexually violent things). One of these things is very normal, the other might be a sign of abuse.

Also know that child abusers come out of the woodwork...my mom was touched inappropriately by her next door neighbor (a boy only 2 years her senior). I was abused by my brother. Many people think that because they are a good parent (which it sounds like you are!!!!) they can protect their child from the bad people out there, and the reality is...you can't. The abuse can come from anywhere--teachers, neighbors, family members, other children...and it can come in the form of touching, talking, movies (as one person mentioned)...It can even be unintentional. The point is that WHENEVER something sexual is introduced to a CHILD, they are NOT ready for it and it can make them distressed.

And finally (sorry this is so long!) just understand how incredibly LUCKY you are that your daughter has chosen to share these embarrassing and private thoughts with you...You are in such a fortunate position, and to help your child work through this, the BEST thing you can do is be open and receptive so that, whatever the cause, she continues to open up to you...

Good luck!