the main person who tells me everything is wrong that i do, is my mum.
she's compeltely f-ing oblivious to my add problems. she has no clue.

a lot can happen in five minutes. :mad: :(


mum came in to write an email, to enter another stupid competition. she always believes she will win things, like she has some divine right and she's the best at things. grr.

so when it was time for her to click 'send', she started SCRUTINIZING THE KEYBOARD!!! and said "where is it?//'

she has done this before, and watched me do this. YOU CLICK THE SCREEN !!!!

so i said to her , in complete innocence, and with my usual act/speak-before-thinking impulsve nature.. i said

"it's nothing to do with the keyboard..."

she turned around and glaringly said "well do it yourself then!!"

so i covered my face with my hands, returned, and said "ok.. i see how that could have come across as rude, but i really didn tmean it"

and she said something like "oh yeah, you bet it did" (in a horrible not nice, f*** what is wrong with you you stupid child, youre so rude, why do you hate me why are you so rude all the time sort of way).

i shut the door, was so angry, frustrated, all the rest. i was sad too. i can't HELP coming across as rude, i just can't.

NO WONDER IM SOCIALLY UNSTABLE AND AFRAID TO SPEAK TO PEOPLE!!!!!

so i had a tantrum-fit-of-rage and bent over in my seat, pounding both fist on the top and sides of my head, which made a rumbling noise, and hurt my head and my hands both, a lot.


its complete frustration with life, with how i cant express myself, how i cant get help, how mum doesnt understand me cause shes stupid and ignorant and only hears what she wants to hear, only hears what she's expecting to hear. she sets me up for this. and she DID look like an ABSOLUTE MORON as she bent over and looked at the keyboard looking for a key to press to send off an EMAIL!!

i just can't help it. i'm accidentally rude.,

and the way i said it was more intended to be open-ended and raised pitch at the end like a "it's nothing to do with the keyboard....." "...you use the mouse and click the button on the screen".

she never lets me finish what im saying. she cuts me off. tells me im all wrong. doesnt udnerstand one little bit.

no wonder i get so frustrated and throw tantrums, which often result in self-inflicted-violence against myself... just rage stuff. stomping, hitting, banging.

years ago (about 6 years ago) i used to bang my hed agianst walls, floor, the bed, door frames, door, cupboard out of anger and demoralization.

this is demoralization. and it hurts that i need to inflict the anger on myself.
i get no real physical wounds from hitting myself or hitting myself against things. i get more intrinsic damage.

spiral.

and around the same time i started hitting against stuff (age 13 - 14), i used to take a running jump at open doors (ones pinned back against their wall) just for fun... at school. just out of burst of energy and didt nkow what to do with myself, and i was already in the habit of rapid compression against wooden surfaces.

thankfully i never moved onto concrete.:eek:

it's a little bit to be noticed too, but hitting myself, i will do in the confines of a closed room.

its a tantrum, and irrational thinking, and lack of an outlet for my frustration, and sad depressed feelings of being misunderstood which build up and become anger and violence and tantrums and fits of rage, and screaming/yelling.




anyone else have these problems? :cool: :(

Hi ADD,

My name is Cherity and I'm the new moderator in this section. While I'm considered old by many of your peers I do have a son who responds to verbal confrontations in much the same manner. He too started with banging his head on the floor and walls and moved onto hitting himself. When asked it comes down to hit himself or hit the person/thing he is mad at.

The behavioural modification plan we are working on at home is two-fold one part pertaining to his father and myself and the other part his responsibility. You see Koda is quick on his feet and can come up with some mighty hurtful replies unintentionally and his brain mechanism that keeps him from saying what pops into his mind is broken or very slow in processing. The first part which is my husbands and my responsibility is to count to ten before replying to hurtful responses giving Koda time to clarify or finish his comment instead of just jumping and reacting with anger. Koda's part is to try very hard to control his impulses to shout the first thing that comes to mind and to think before speaking. Its a long process but we're slowly together making some headway.

As, for hurting himself his coach made the suggestion of a punching bag, physical excercise or simply cleaning his room to sweat out the frustration. Have you tried anything other then abusing yourself?

Cherity

no and it's happened again today, i had to try very hard to calm down and not hurt myself again.

what happened? i was here and i heard mum yell something, so i went downstairs to see what i did wrong THIS TIME! turns out she was just yelling at the dog. she told me it was stupid for me to come "rushing down" (i dint rush) to see what happened, then i walked off saying that i thought i had done somethign wrong.
then she told me that i'm pathetic, and to go and do my washing (oh yeah, good combination of stuff to say all at once mum!), and so i went inside the door and started playing with some needles (just i saw them and started comparing lengths etc, nothing to do with anything....), and i was quite upset.
then she told me again how sutpid it was fo rme to stand there.
SHE ALWASY TELLS ME ITS ALL WRONG, STOP STANDING THERE.
once she said "what are you doing?" ad i said "i'm just looking"
and she ylled at me "WELL YOURE ALWAYS JUST LOOKING!!!!!'
but anyway, back to today... i started to try to tell her, no wonder i get so angry and frustrated and start yelling and jumping about, when she does things like this...
wnat to know what she did?

SHE WALKED OFF WITH HER FINGERS IN HER EARS!!!!!

i had to keep talking and yelling, and she still wouldnt listen, still telling me "you do this al the time its over its all over go away go inside" etc etc. fk its so hard.
i told her she doesnt listen, she just cuts me off, she doesnt even try to listen.
want to know what she said then? she said "well its not worth it"

she doesnt see the value in listening to me, trying to understand me, letting me speak.
sh doesnt see that if she just let me speak, i wouldnt get so frustrated, jump around,m yell and cry.
she doesnt know about the hitting myself, although when i was 13 she did see me do it, and just started yelling at me more, and told me "youre such an actress"

that's another this that ocmpletely ****ES ME OFF!!! she doesnt take my behaviour seriously enough to realise i'm f*king real about all of this, she tells me its all an act.

i want to hit her, but i cant cause she will just hit me back again and again, and so it hit myself, and i think also im so frustrated with myself because obviously i'm al wrong, everyone thinks so and especially her.

ive tried hitting a mattress etc, but that doesnt FEEL as good, and also it makes a loud noise. hitting myself over the head with a fist doesnt make a noise that other peopl can hear, and its got a good 'bash bash smack smack' feeling to it.
it's then calmed down rather quickly after i let it all ou ton myself, but then i get upset about having hit myself et.al.

standing there trying to calm down only makes it worse. i think i NEED to throw tantrums if i get to that level. hitting myself in a violent rage is probably the quickest way to do this (although probably the worse), and at least i havent ended up with anything broken etc that i can get in MORE trouble for.

This is pretty serious. It sounds like your mom might have ADD or some other issue as well. One good thing to do might be to call your doctor and see if he/she will help you with your mother. I don't know your situation, but take my suggestion and decide if it's appropriate for you.

yeah i think she has add, but she doesnt even believe in add, and doesnt believe in seeing doctors or psychologists.

she thinkgs she's fking better than everyone else, she relaly does. thinks she's "upper class" (she isnt..) and thinks that she's superior to me, for whatever reason. she also hates my boyfriend and he's not allowed in the house. she knows that he has add.

she does not know that i have add. i'm not going to tell her, probably not ever.

i dont have a doctor. i have a referral. i'm just too afraid to call up, and there's ther things with this like cost etc. my boyfriend offered to go with me. he even said, "will your mum go with you?" and i told him that i'm not going to tell her.

and anyway, mum is 61, so pretty set in her ways. and also the big age difference makes her overgeneralize "oh just another teenager" (and all the "stop this attitude" ... grr, its not an "attitude" and not an "act").

yeah. when i end up seeing a dr, i will get help about my mum too.

i was seeing a couselor earlier in the year, abotu difficulties with mum. i saw her once a week, informally. she was a tutor for one of my units, in first semester. most weeks we would talk for about an hour. i didnt go see her after, cause of the cost , even though she said she had "modest costing" that would still be expensive.

generally, my mum is my ONLY source of anger at such a level.

one day i even threw myself on the floor, next to the couch, and HID THERE as she yelled at me. this was about a month ago.

there's so much more i could say, but with the territory of my brain, i'd just end up with another long scattered post. :)

but there are some deeply seeded childhood issues here, such as she would always threaten to hit me if i interrupted her while her friend was over, she would never listen, she wouldnt play with me, and she got mad at me cause i couldnt catch - and so she gave up on trying to help me with motor skills. (and a few months ago, actually blamed ME because I GAVE UP! oh please, i was 7!)

Additives,

I'm researching some information for you, it will take me a little time to fully be able to reply. Right now know that here you have a voice and I want you to use it the next time you feel the need to abuse yourself...post, I don't care if it is a mindless ramble of words that doesn't make sense just give it a try and we'll see if it helps and do not worry if we will be able to make sense of it or not. I will be getting back to you as soon as possible. Until then know that your in my thoughts.

ADDitives,

Please, keep in mind that there is help available to you. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me via pm.

Cherity

thanks Futs :)
you really are helpful.

sunday afternoon, dinner guests.

slight frustration again as mum sent me to the shop to get something. on my return" well that took a long time" she said.
i repllied "well the line was long"
and she laughingly and horribly meanly like a b**ch she is said "haha, bull****"

but its true. the shop was incredibly busy. my cousin drove me there, i went in bought the stuff, she drove me back. simple as that.

mum's so judgemental and jumps to conclusions. she probably thought i was smoking or something. not that its any of mums business, but i dont like smoking anyway and think its horrid and pointless so i wouldnt do that.

she just wants to control me, and she thinks she knows everything and thihks that shes right, and can jump to conclusions, telling me what i am or have done which is completely off mark. grr.

the people here.. i dont feel comfortable. i think its the presence of 'other' people. i feel withdrawn into my room/ this computer room, but i will look anti social.

i dont nko whwat to do. i'll be yelled at by mum if i stay in my room without a good excuse, because the only reason 1 of my cousins came is on the condition i would be here.

i dotn know. i hate situations like this. and i find it hard to talk to my cousin anyway. esp in the presence of my mum, ... i hate talking to people in her presence, and i wont even make a phone call to anyone if she's in the house. if she's outside gardening etc, mayb i will. i wait unti she is gone out.
also, im just araid of the phone anyway.

but thats besides the point.

i dont even have friends over, for that reasson (apart from that i dont have many friends to have over, and apart from the fact that mum hates my bf and hs'e not allowed in the house)

yep, this is just ooooone big ramble!

im gonna go now before i get caught! ahh.

I'm glad you posted instead of taking your anxiety and anger out on yourself. Does it help? I used to have the problem of reacting to a lot of situations with anger. As an adult my temper has cooled and I have found contructive ways to deal with my anger. I enjoy working with wood and using power tools, I know it sounds funny but the noise and the vibration of the tools relaxes me and allows my mind to work more clearly plus its a chance to use my imagination.

What things do you enjoy that may allow you the same relief as hitting yourself? Maybe we could work on a hobby that means something to you, that brings joy.

To be quite honest, i'm worried about you.:( Maybe you should try therapy. It might help to have someone who understands where your coming from and listen to you. I have a cool therapist.


Before I understood what was going on with me ,I would get really tense and fusterated. That's not really a good excuse though. I wasn't violent, but I was mean verbally.:(

To be quite honest, i'm worried about you.:( Maybe you should try therapy. It might help to have someone who understands where your coming from and listen to you. I have a cool therapist.


Before I understood what was going on with me ,I would get really tense and fusterated. That's not really a good excuse though. I wasn't violent, but I was mean verbally.:(


Outthere are you a teen member? I'm trying to figure out who our teen members are and who is posting regularly since I'm new at moderating this section. Don't get me wrong if your an adult you gave good and sound advice and do not have a problem with some actual life experiance adults can share in this section...positive reinforcement that life doesn't always stay the same with hard work we can improve not only ourselves but our situations.

I think your describing myself only I was violent as a teen towards others both verbally and physically. I often feel shamed when I think of my past but I use that shame to make myself a better person in the present and future, since I can't change my past I may as well use it to educate myself and make a better life for myself.

Cherity

ADDitives,

Hope you don't mind another 'not teen' posting to ask if you've read this post by Smooch...
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?p=156540#post156540

These behaviors are not restricted ...banging body parts against hard objects, or beating a body part with a hard object.

Some women are addicted to plastic surgery,
some to other types of self-destructive behaviors.

Dusty Miller, in her excellent book Women Who Hurt Themselves

offers a descriptor for certain behaviors: Trauma Reenactment Syndrome (TRS).


Take care, you're reaching out and in my opinion that's a great first step!
So many of us just need to find different coping tools...
I'm still learning and trying to help my teen and 11 year-old and myself!

another post to let out frustration and angst:

mum just got home, and was asking me lots of questions about the incident of the bottlebeing thrown at our house, then she asked me if i fed the dogs and i said "yes".
well apparently i said "yes" in an inappropriate way!

but i dont udnerstand HOW I SAID IT or HOW I SHOULD SAY IT, and i asked her
"ok, will you PLEASE give me....."

mum: "no, shut up, go away, you were rude, cant you understand that?!"

and i BEGGED AND PLEADED WITH HER TO PLEASE DEMONSTRATE THE CORRECT WAY TO SPEAK!

but she wont. so i dont udnerstand. and i still get the 'no its just rude its the way you said it" etc etc
well F***!!!!

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i cant stand it.
SHE IS F***ING HAPPY TO TELL ME IM ALL WRONG BAD AND IM COMPLETE S*** AND IM STUPID BUT SHE WONT HELP ME FIX IT!

i hate this.

venting anger is good we should get rid of the yucky thoughts but in a good way .i get frustated easally at times, my children push me to the limits but i have boundies that help me its like setting up a situation befor it happens and say to ones self when this happens again i will act in this approprite way kind of a mind set way of controling anger then get some excersise to get rid of the anger or i like to call it yuck this works for me ,also i have a person who helps me out, a mentor so to speak that i see once or twice a mouth kinda like theropy (it is theropy I wount try to beat arround the bush) who helps me with problems and keeps me accountable so im not going alone , it sounds like you are trying hard to cope, but sometimes we need help someone to point us in the right direction, like a pastor, school counsler, a theropist you might really be supprised of the help these peaple can offer and i humbully say they have helped me along the way.my prayer will be that you find the help you need. most importantly for your self .

im a mother of a daughter with ADHD and im sitting here crying...i just joined this forum today. You just let me see how my daughter thinks and I sometimes think like your mother does. I know all of the symtoms of ADHD have spent so many hours reading about it..but i just want to get into my daughter's head and help anyway i can. I dont know why she acts the ways she does and what she can or cant help doing. Anyway im sorry you are feeling misunderstood..i have to go apologize to my daughter now.

im a mother of a daughter with ADHD and im sitting here crying...i just joined this forum today. You just let me see how my daughter thinks and I sometimes think like your mother does. I know all of the symtoms of ADHD have spent so many hours reading about it..but i just want to get into my daughter's head and help anyway i can. I dont know why she acts the ways she does and what she can or cant help doing. Anyway im sorry you are feeling misunderstood..i have to go apologize to my daughter now.

I often get a picture of the inside of my son's head from the teens and young adults in this section. I too am often filled with guilt after reading certain posts and am driven to apologize and work on being more understanding.

I'd like to think it helps to at least know what they write in this section is being heard and used to make another teens life a little more easier and a little more bearable.

ADDitives is going to be an elementary school teacher :D . What an asset to the ADD community with her insight and knowledge she will serve children in her community well.

ADDitives I don't think there is anything wrong with you other then perhaps being raised in an unforgiving, unstable enviroment. I learned to use the verbal abuse dished out at me as a child to turn myself into who I wanted to be and I remember what it felt like always so I do not ever repeat the same mistakes with my own children. Learning from the past to not repeat past mistakes so to speak. Your going to make it thru this and your going to be a strong and influential role model for the children you touch thru teaching. I know right now it doesn't feel like it; but, I've noticed a significant growth since your first posts here.

Hugs,
Cherity

ps my pm's are still and always open.

addatives. you wana be carefull dude. You kinda sound like your getting more and more depressed. You need to get the self harm thing under controll, otherwise its one of those things that worsens. I think futs has good advice on that. I keep a journal online, its online because of hy poor writing skills, its easyer for me to keep a blog than a traditional journal. I write my thaughts, feelings, expiriances, etc. It has helped me to curb my harm to a certain extent. Belive me here, if you start ending up with scars you will strugle to get work, People will give you filthy looks in the street, etc. Then there is the fact that they become infected. Its inevitable. I remember before i went to hospital, my feet were so infected from open cuts that i could hardly walk. They steralised them and bandiged them for me. Couldent ware socks for ages. But for me, it was (and to some extent still is) smashing my face in, thats where it started. Thats not where it ends. From what little i know notra dame offers free councelling, i know jundaloop tafe and jundaloop ECU as well as Ecentral and some of the central campuses do and my case worker said its something most futher education campuses offer. They just keep it quiet (very f8cking quiet) because it costs them money. Have you cOnciderd looking into it. I duno i wish you the best of luck sorting this, i only wish i had some usfull advice to offer you.

everything is going to be okay you cant control you mother and what she says to you. okay. look i don't have much time but you can however control how it effect you. she sound like she is in denial with herself and blames everyone around her for everything. hey my twin islike that. Man, and you know what i can't live with her anymore. i don't know what to tell you.

i do not do that but my sister does.
once she banged herself on the head with my other sisters brush and there was blood on the brush and some of the wooden teeth were broken.
when she was my age (12) she tried to jump out a window.i was about five at the time and did not understand what was going on.my mom just freaked out.
i agree that you should get a punching bag or something(that is what my sister did)
i wish you all the best
xxx
amanda

If I may give my two cents worth...I grew up with similar confrontations with my parents...

I have had traumatic stress disorder issues, and other ailments (which I think ADD is still one of them...)
however, my pdoc (psychiatrist) recently diagnosed me as bipolar...

and i think he is hitting half of the nail in the head...the other half i still have to work on is my ADD, but he is now focusing on my self injurious behaviors and my rage... please talk to your therapist, you might have a double whammy ADD plus Bipolar... simptoms actually parallel one another, except when it comes to self abuse, and oppositional-confrontational defiant behaviors, perhaps otheres of which i am yet not aware of.

hope you and your mom make peace with one another...
forgiveness works wonders...believe me!

peace,

Meadd

dude, uhh additives, it doesnt deem like your accidentally rude or have like talking issues but it seems like u got porblems with your mom (i have no clue how to fix that).

And Exeter, just becuase someone has a short fuse or gets angry alot doesnt mean they have ADD, thats just way of normalization; automatically using ADD as a reason. Most likely additives mom just has some other problems.

i know how u feel ADDatives. i used to do the same thing. i would hurt myself after gettin in a fight with my mom and dad. i dunno bout u, but with me it was part my fault too. whenever i felt like my parents were being unfair or somethin i would explode and shout things at them like F*CK YOU. then i would go to my room and punch myself or somethin. i found that instead of punchin myself (which can actually cause damage), it was better to punch somethin metal, like a cabenet or somethin. it didnt do any damage since i was only using my fist, and it felt satasfying. it cant be thin metal that bends when u hit it or else it makes a loud noise and leaves bend marks. its gotta be thick, that way it doesnt bend and it doesnt make any noise.

another thing that i felt helped was goin to anger management classes.this will help cause even if ur mom is bieng unreasonable u could control ur anger and think straight instead of being pumped up on adrenaline. it helps to not explode in her face cause then she will proubly think that she won or somethin. if u can control urself u can reason with her or somethin.

Remember: we learn to parent from our parents.

Your mother is likely Blindly Repeating all the damaging messages to you, that her parents said to her. (Without a hint of self-awareness.)

It doesn't make it an excuse, but it is just a reason (and likelihood).

It has nothing to do with your OWN Self-Worth...

Do you have a Counsellour or someone you can talk to about Toxic Parents?

you have no idea what it's like to be off your meds and crazy.. and there isnothing you can do about no smoking to calm you all you can do is cry.. and dream to hurt youself.. or smoke yourself stupid.. with weed.

hey, sorry but I feel as if I must jump in here. When I read ADDitives story about how they interact with their parents, and how sometimes things go sideways. All I could think about the whole time I was reading it was, omg YOU GET THAT TOO?! Last time I started butting heads with my dad, I punched a hole in my door.

After every time I fought with somebody, all I could think about was how much I hated myself for doing it, and sometimes I did hurt myself. In the end, it wasn't the counsilor who helped me, but it was a very wise and calm school ganitor.

might i suggest an activeity that is destrucrtive as well as constructive I.E. i use a machete to prune trees in my yard or hoe thegarden roughly or shoot trap.