View Full Version : Do you all ever love someone so much you get depressed?


BellaVita
11-29-13, 11:42 AM
Yeah, question in title.

This is happening to me but like, I'm also going through Adderall withdrawal apparently (need to get that new pdoc ugh) but even when not going through withdrawals, sometimes I will love my boyfriend so much I get depressed....deep achy depression....

I don't understand how love = depressed

I don't know why this occurs?

Am I alone in this?

Daydreamin22
11-29-13, 11:55 AM
I don't know if you want a toooonnn of research, Bella, but I made this thread a while ago for people.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=152916
(Haha, There were a ton of guests looking at that when I posted it so I guess I wanted to say hi to them on a post. If you make a comment you'll prob see what I'm talking about. Pretty interesting.)

Also, I know it's important to have friends during that time. Even if someone feel like isolating yourself... (I think)
Who's depressed? Maybe it's SAD?
Sure the links can help if you ever get around to reading them. IDK if you want to.

someothertime
11-29-13, 11:58 AM
Definitely an ADD thing ( predominantly ) ... I believe what is yearning to most... an extremely powerful emotion in itself... gets combined with singularity and hyperfocus...

The dopa levels go through the roof...

What you elude to is the aftermath. ( Add anxiety to that and thinking loops and you better strap your seat belt on )

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:01 PM
Thanks Daydreamin'! I'll check out the thread!

I don't think it's SAD as I live in FL and the sun is still shining...but who knows I did get worse once the cold weather came. Although I like the cold(cooler) weather. :scratch:

Yeah I'm in isolation but I don't mind it(I'm introverted)...I do talk to my online friends sometimes. :)

Daydreamin22
11-29-13, 12:03 PM
Aww, I just actually read your post sorry. I'm sorry Bella <3333 you love him so much that's awesome. ((((((big hug)))))))

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:05 PM
Definitely an ADD thing ( predominantly ) ... I believe what is yearning to most... an extremely powerful emotion in itself... gets combined with singularity and hyperfocus...

The dopa levels go through the roof...

What you elude to is the aftermath. ( Add anxiety to that and thinking loops and you better strap your seat belt on )

I'm ADHD-C, so I guess that counts as I do exhibit some inattentive symptoms.

Yeah, I am OCD you're right about the looping thing + anxiety...I do tend to obsess...

Daydreamin22
11-29-13, 12:05 PM
Thanks Daydreamin'! I'll check out the thread!

I don't think it's SAD as I live in FL and the sun is still shining...but who knows I did get worse once the cold weather came. Although I like the cold(cooler) weather. :scratch:

Yeah I'm in isolation but I don't mind it(I'm introverted)...I do talk to my online friends sometimes. :)

If it's achy, that might be severe depression, which i'm only 50% sure but I think it needs intensive treatment... don't want to alarm and I'm not even sure. Is it just situational, though? Or is it constant. Depression is treatable. It might be hard, but it could help to treat it on your own and with a dr. and skyping and with us. <3 Sorry, the last thing you want to know is what to do/get instructions. Just know we're here for you.

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:08 PM
Aww, I just actually read your post sorry. I'm sorry Bella <3333 you love him so much that's awesome. ((((((big hug)))))))

<33

Thanks girl. :) I do love him with my whole heart.

Daydreamin22
11-29-13, 12:10 PM
And yes, I love my family so much it hurts. I feel guilty sometimes for not being there or something. Also, my ex boyfriend, who is one of my best friend is hard to deal with loss of the "romantic love". I love him as a friend but I miss him soo much as a boyfriend. He sits right in front of my office at work. He hates to see me sad, it makes him tear up and he gives me huuuge hugs. long story. It's Situational depression, because I'm really happy other than that. Even happy that I have him in my life as a friend. Also, they call it grieving, or both. I'm currently "grieving" but you still have yours. It's sweet that you love him so much. .I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I got deep achy depression when my first love moved on.. I told him to and I didn't know what I was doing. I had complicated grief. And major depression at times. But, at the same time I went away to college and didn't have to think about him.

But I know how you feel. Especially with Bipolar ii and adhd, I have experienced a lot of depression until I realized what I had and got on meds. Different thing though.

sarek
11-29-13, 12:18 PM
I know first hand what its like Bella when one's love is so strong it puts you through the wringer. You and a few others on this forum know about the backgrounds of my gf and me.
Its taken me years of ups and downs to gradually find a semblance of balance and ironically the experience has helped me a lot with my efforts to live in the moment.

ginniebean
11-29-13, 12:18 PM
I think it's called, "I miss you".

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:35 PM
If it's achy, that might be severe depression, which i'm only 50% sure but I think it needs intensive treatment... don't want to alarm and I'm not even sure. Is it just situational, though? Or is it constant. Depression is treatable. It might be hard, but it could help to treat it on your own and with a dr. and skyping and with us. <3 Sorry, the last thing you want to know is what to do/get instructions. Just know we're here for you.

Thanks, I'm actually on Lexapro already and some other meds....I do get depressed pretty bad but not all the time it comes and goes....It's honestly not very very often, maybe once every 2 months...

I also tend to feel more attracted to depressing music and depressing literature during these times.

Thanks for being so supportive. <3

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:36 PM
And yes, I love my family so much it hurts. I feel guilty sometimes for not being there or something. Also, my ex boyfriend, who is one of my best friend is hard to deal with loss of the "romantic love". I love him as a friend but I miss him soo much as a boyfriend. He sits right in front of my office at work. He hates to see me sad, it makes him tear up and he gives me huuuge hugs. long story. It's Situational depression, because I'm really happy other than that. Even happy that I have him in my life as a friend. Also, they call it grieving, or both. I'm currently "grieving" but you still have yours. It's sweet that you love him so much. .I'm so sorry you are hurting so much. I got deep achy depression when my first love moved on.. I told him to and I didn't know what I was doing. I had complicated grief. And major depression at times. But, at the same time I went away to college and didn't have to think about him.

But I know how you feel. Especially with Bipolar ii and adhd, I have experienced a lot of depression until I realized what I had and got on meds. Different thing though.

It's sweet how you love your family so much. I get the guilt thing, too.

:grouphug: about the break up

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:38 PM
I know first hand what its like Bella when one's love is so strong it puts you through the wringer. You and a few others on this forum know about the backgrounds of my gf and me.
Its taken me years of ups and downs to gradually find a semblance of balance and ironically the experience has helped me a lot with my efforts to live in the moment.

Thanks sarek. Yes, that's how it feels.

You know what though it feels poetic in a way, like oddly I may kind of like the depression?

I hope I can find balance like you have.

BellaVita
11-29-13, 12:38 PM
I think it's called, "I miss you".

Yes, indeed. :) Good one.

Fuzzy12
11-29-13, 12:56 PM
I find the whole love thing super depressing for various reasons but I thought that was just because I was weird. And the people I love are a bit weird. It's all too complicated for me.

What is it that is depressing you?

BellaVita
11-29-13, 01:19 PM
I find the whole love thing super depressing for various reasons but I thought that was just because I was weird. And the people I love are a bit weird. It's all too complicated for me.

What is it that is depressing you?

Apparently you're not the only weirdo. (:) :grouphug:)

I don't quite know.

I just...the deeper I love/allow myself to feel love the more depressed I become often

It overwhelms me

Rebelyell
11-29-13, 02:07 PM
Im depressed because I cant seem to have anyone be w me for long term like how I want.IDk what I do or say wrong and I don't think Im a boring person,IM on Plenty of fish and I write to different women and all I get is viewed on my profile by them.I really don't have much family left and little friends left so the few I have I try to have joy and happiness w .

BellaVita
11-29-13, 02:15 PM
Im depressed because I cant seem to have anyone be w me for long term like how I want.IDk what I do or say wrong and I don't think Im a boring person,IM on Plenty of fish and I write to different women and all I get is viewed on my profile by them.I really don't have much family left and little friends left so the few I have I try to have joy and happiness w .

Maybe you're using the wrong algorithm. :)

:grouphug: Sorry for your pain.

Here's something you may find helpful:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?p=PLOGi5-fAu8bF_sC34rCI-H8ElHhD7rUKK&v=d6wG_sAdP0U&feature=plpp

dvdnvwls
11-29-13, 03:51 PM
Bella - I think there are sort of two kinds of depressing music & literature - I might call them "sad depressing" and "sick depressing". If you are attracted to "sad depressing" things, and feel achy (not like your back hurts but like that weird internal emotional ache), then it doesn't necessarily have to be diagnosed as depression, it can sometimes be "Love can make people get all emotional and feeling kind of sad sometimes". Longing. Sehnsucht even. Sometimes, life just feels not good enough or big enough for the massive emotions in people's hearts, and we feel that.

:grouphug:

Stevuke79
11-29-13, 05:49 PM
I can completely relate. The relationship could even be going perfectly.

BellaVita
11-29-13, 06:00 PM
Bella - I think there are sort of two kinds of depressing music & literature - I might call them "sad depressing" and "sick depressing". If you are attracted to "sad depressing" things, and feel achy (not like your back hurts but like that weird internal emotional ache), then it doesn't necessarily have to be diagnosed as depression, it can sometimes be "Love can make people get all emotional and feeling kind of sad sometimes". Longing. Sehnsucht even. Sometimes, life just feels not good enough or big enough for the massive emotions in people's hearts, and we feel that.

:grouphug:

Thanks for the kind and well thought out words. :grouphug: :grouphug:

I...wish I had more to say in response...but you summed up everything nicely.

BellaVita
11-29-13, 06:01 PM
I can completely relate. The relationship could even be going perfectly.

Thanks for relating.

Glad to know I'm not alone in this! -phew-

Yes, our relationship is going marvelously. Like a perfect love story.

Stevuke79
11-29-13, 06:35 PM
You just reminded me I once confided in a friend, " I love her so much it hurts."

He asked what was wrong. I explained its all going beautifully. He looked at me like I was nuts. I felt pretty weird about it,.. And thats why I love ADDF!

BellaVita
11-29-13, 06:46 PM
You just reminded me I once confided in a friend, " I love her so much it hurts."

He asked what was wrong. I explained its all going beautifully. He looked at me like I was nuts. I felt pretty weird about it,.. And thats why I love ADDF!

Thanks for sharing. :) "I love her[him] so much it hurts" is very accurate.

Nope, not weird 'round here...:cool:

fracturedstory
11-29-13, 07:43 PM
Only when I can't tell them or get feelings reciprocated, or can't see them.

BellaVita
11-29-13, 08:25 PM
Only when I can't tell them or get feelings reciprocated, or can't see them.

:grouphug:

I cannot see my boyfriend often, he lives in a different state.

I see him once every 2-5 months.

I miss him.

Rebelyell
11-29-13, 10:10 PM
When I have to leave or they( my Family and friends) Have to leave and I know I wont see them for a good long while but I think this is true human emotions and its not depression, its ok and natural to feel like this.

Blood-Phoenix
12-03-13, 02:38 AM
:grouphug:

I cannot see my boyfriend often, he lives in a different state.
I see him once every 2-5 months.
I miss him.

Ohhhh....well that's going to definitely poor fuel on the emotional fire.
When we are involuntarily separated from the person we love, I think any person who feels deeply is going to experience an intense ache of longing.
There is a hole in your heart that person normally fills with their presence, and it can be quite painful. I was recently apart from my wife for a little over a month, and we both felt like we were going to die! :eek:

But I think that even if he were there, you might still feel similar feelings.
It seems to me like there are a lot of behaviors typically associated with attention deficit disorder that seem like OCD to people on the outside. When you mix that with the occasional burst of hyper-focus and some of the "symptoms" typical of being in love (like thinking about the person all the time, and thinking you see them in crowds) it seems to me its a recipe for emotions that are so powerful they hurt a little. I know I've had times in my life when I felt love so intensely, I thought my heart would burst!

You mentioned that at times you like sad music or sad stories...I wonder if you're talking about things like tragic romances? There is something about such stories that appeals to me at times...even though they are sad...I think perhaps the emotion they evoke reminds me of the exquisite pain and joy I have felt when it has been me in love.

I was certain that I would be able to find a poem that expressed exactly what you are talking about...I'm sure I've seen them! But do you think I could actually find one? And of course, I hyper-focused and spent like 3 hours looking, losing all perspective and getting lost in the back aisles of the Internet Archives...:rolleyes:

ana futura
12-03-13, 04:47 AM
Only when I can't tell them or get feelings reciprocated, or can't see them.

Ditto. That intense heart break feeling has gotten a lot softer as I've aged, but it sort of came back when my father and my ex died, and when my partner got very sick.

I think longing, unrequited love, and grief all feel a bit similar, but to me there is an edge of self loathing that accompanies unrequited love that makes it painful in a very distinct way.

Longing or being away from someone you love feels more like a "mini-grieving" to me.

When I have to leave or they( my Family and friends) Have to leave and I know I wont see them for a good long while but I think this is true human emotions and its not depression, its ok and natural to feel like this.

Exactly. it's normal to feel that way in your situation Bella. In fact I think it would be more alarming if you didn't feel anything in his absence, at least it wouldn't bode well for the relationship's future. If a person's absence didn't make you sad, their presence probably doesn't make you that happy either.

BellaVita
12-03-13, 12:52 PM
Ohhhh....well that's going to definitely poor fuel on the emotional fire.
When we are involuntarily separated from the person we love, I think any person who feels deeply is going to experience an intense ache of longing.
There is a hole in your heart that person normally fills with their presence, and it can be quite painful. I was recently apart from my wife for a little over a month, and we both felt like we were going to die! :eek:

But I think that even if he were there, you might still feel similar feelings.
It seems to me like there are a lot of behaviors typically associated with attention deficit disorder that seem like OCD to people on the outside. When you mix that with the occasional burst of hyper-focus and some of the "symptoms" typical of being in love (like thinking about the person all the time, and thinking you see them in crowds) it seems to me its a recipe for emotions that are so powerful they hurt a little. I know I've had times in my life when I felt love so intensely, I thought my heart would burst!

Awwww. Love is crazy, isn't it?

Actually, I do have OCD.

You mentioned that at times you like sad music or sad stories...I wonder if you're talking about things like tragic romances? There is something about such stories that appeals to me at times...even though they are sad...I think perhaps the emotion they evoke reminds me of the exquisite pain and joy I have felt when it has been me in love.

Kinda like sad romantic soppy love stories. Ones that don't always end well. Not really about people dying, though....

But yeah I get what you mean and I relate.

I was certain that I would be able to find a poem that expressed exactly what you are talking about...I'm sure I've seen them! But do you think I could actually find one? And of course, I hyper-focused and spent like 3 hours looking, losing all perspective and getting lost in the back aisles of the Internet Archives...:rolleyes:

Awwwww that's so sweet that you went through all of that to help find a poem for me. It's truly the thought that counts. :)

BellaVita
12-03-13, 12:55 PM
Ditto. That intense heart break feeling has gotten a lot softer as I've aged, but it sort of came back when my father and my ex died, and when my partner got very sick.

I think longing, unrequited love, and grief all feel a bit similar, but to me there is an edge of self loathing that accompanies unrequited love that makes it painful in a very distinct way.

Longing or being away from someone you love feels more like a "mini-grieving" to me.



Exactly. it's normal to feel that way in your situation Bella. In fact I think it would be more alarming if you didn't feel anything in his absence, at least it wouldn't bode well for the relationship's future. If a person's absence didn't make you sad, their presence probably doesn't make you that happy either.

Thanks, ana. Your words were of comfort to me.

You're right.

Thank you so much.

Ah, each day that goes by I feel stronger and deeper love for him...

And we are way past the honeymoon stage. (Been best friends for 5 years, in a relationship for almost 2.) So, it's like a deeper love than ever before. This is a good thing.

"[Love] it'll wake you up in the middle of the night; it'll take just a little too much. Burn you like a cinder til you're tender to the touch.

Love is a good thing." -Andrew Peterson