View Full Version : my bf takes adderall. I feel alone


tika2674
12-01-13, 02:13 PM
Is this normal? My bf is on 80mg. He is good to me but I get no affection from him what so ever. Its like he has no feelings at all. There was a week that he didnt have his meds and he was a totally different person! Very affectionate and wanted to be intimate every night. He promised that he would take a day off every week for me but its the first week and he has already found an excuse to have to take it. Im at my witts end here. I feel alone even when we r together.

Daydreamin22
12-01-13, 09:53 PM
I promise he does have feelings. His love keeps growing as you all have more and more memories together. If he were to lose you he'd be devastated and love you even more. The love is there, even though he has trouble feeling it on the spot. That's my opinion.

Say something like, I noticed we have a great time and everything in our relationship is so great. I'm wondering if we can talk about something I've noticed. You have told me you loved me and I love you too, but during the day it seems like your feelings of affection are taking a back seat to all the drive and focus you have. Do you notice that and wonder about it like I do?

Then let him respond and be open and help him out and if it makes him withdrawal then let him do that. He has to know he can trust u and you have his best interest I'm mind bc you love him.


His thinking when you ask that will either be defensive like you're being needy. (That response means hes at fault 50% as you are in that situation and you need to have an adult discussion w no argument or accusations from you)

OR he may be thinking, yea it's bothering me, let's talk ab it, OR he's thinking what? Never noticed I'm not feeling/goving affection and it's bc of my meds)

OR he'll think it's your fault--no 50/50 and that's why you're working it out OR he'll be like, o crap she noticed not prepared for this don't wanna lose her, and deny the whole thing even though he loves you and does know he can't force affectionate feelings like it'd be off of adderall. Aim to bring the truth out. Both of u all need to be completely honest.

Google ways to be affectionate and ask him if he'll do some stuff like hold you hand. Even better you grab his hand and put his arm around you on couch or give him a hug and as much affection you want. Just bc he doesn't instigate it, he'll love it. Trust me he loves you so much at the end of the day even though he has trouble being affectionate on adderall. Promise he still isn't missing out on loving you. Just work out the affection thing.

He prob loves you more than you love him. That's usually how it goes w guys and girls. Even if they temporarily aren't realizing it. They have trouble talking ab emotions. So don't expect to get him to talk much ab it. If he says he loves you and you believe it don't try to make more out of it if it's a touchy subject.

But most importantly, follow your intuition. Guys know that girls intuition is not wrong. They listen to a healthy woman's intuition about things they can't see . (Hence behind every good man is an even better woman) or whatever the saying. But another thing, men convince you nothing's wrong.

Not bc they don't love you w all their heart. (Idk why they do it but it's for your own good in that case) OR they do it for selfish reasons. If they love the girl they do that to this is just foolish of him. He'll realize he messed up. But my point is... If he says no I love you I'm affectionate... You don't believe it.. Your intuition is right.

Keep being honest and remember our intuition is a great tool when you are trying to figure out if he's not being honest, but that he's really good at talking you out of your intuition for the time being. That's just how things are. Hope it helps.

Nicksgonefishin
12-01-13, 11:03 PM
Or.... It could be your own self esteem.

Before blaming him or his actions look inside yourself.

You didn't give much history here.

dvdnvwls
12-01-13, 11:08 PM
I agree with Daydreamin's points. It's also somewhat possible that his dosage might be a bit too high.

I don't think it's fair or right to expect him to skip medication for you. I do think it's right to want to figure out ways to solve this problem - just that that particular solution isn't a good one.

purpleToes
12-02-13, 12:51 AM
I have seen a few comments from members here that Adderall made them feel "robotic." I don't recall seeing that as much from dexedrine or ritalin users, for what that's worth.

tika2674
12-02-13, 01:58 AM
I promise he does have feelings. His love keeps growing as you all have more and more memories together. If he were to lose you he'd be devastated and love you even more. The love is there, even though he has trouble feeling it on the spot. That's my opinion.

Say something like, I noticed we have a great time and everything in our relationship is so great. I'm wondering if we can talk about something I've noticed. You have told me you loved me and I love you too, but during the day it seems like your feelings of affection are taking a back seat to all the drive and focus you have. Do you notice that and wonder about it like I do?

Then let him respond and be open and help him out and if it makes him withdrawal then let him do that. He has to know he can trust u and you have his best interest I'm mind bc you love him.


His thinking when you ask that will either be defensive like you're being needy. (That response means hes at fault 50% as you are in that situation and you need to have an adult discussion w no argument or accusations from you)

OR he may be thinking, yea it's bothering me, let's talk ab it, OR he's thinking what? Never noticed I'm not feeling/goving affection and it's bc of my meds)

OR he'll think it's your fault--no 50/50 and that's why you're working it out OR he'll be like, o crap she noticed not prepared for this don't wanna lose her, and deny the whole thing even though he loves you and does know he can't force affectionate feelings like it'd be off of adderall. Aim to bring the truth out. Both of u all need to be completely honest.

Google ways to be affectionate and ask him if he'll do some stuff like hold you hand. Even better you grab his hand and put his arm around you on couch or give him a hug and as much affection you want. Just bc he doesn't instigate it, he'll love it. Trust me he loves you so much at the end of the day even though he has trouble being affectionate on adderall. Promise he still isn't missing out on loving you. Just work out the affection thing.

He prob loves you more than you love him. That's usually how it goes w guys and girls. Even if they temporarily aren't realizing it. They have trouble talking ab emotions. So don't expect to get him to talk much ab it. If he says he loves you and you believe it don't try to make more out of it if it's a touchy subject.

But most importantly, follow your intuition. Guys know that girls intuition is not wrong. They listen to a healthy woman's intuition about things they can't see . (Hence behind every good man is an even better woman) or whatever the saying. But another thing, men convince you nothing's wrong.

Not bc they don't love you w all their heart. (Idk why they do it but it's for your own good in that case) OR they do it for selfish reasons. If they love the girl they do that to this is just foolish of him. He'll realize he messed up. But my point is... If he says no I love you I'm affectionate... You don't believe it.. Your intuition is right.

Keep being honest and remember our intuition is a great tool when you are trying to figure out if he's not being honest, but that he's really good at talking you out of your intuition for the time being. That's just how things are. Hope it helps.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and give me your insite. I know he lives me and he shows it the best he can. But its not always enough for me. I feel like his med. Makes him stone like. I guess I just needed to hear that this is normal. I know I either have to accept him or move on.

sarahsweets
12-02-13, 05:24 AM
I dont think the solution is to have him skip meds, but it would be good finding out why he seems differently off of them.

Daydreamin22
12-02-13, 06:39 PM
You could ask him to work on stuff for you, since he has a lot of drive.

Also, look for some really good qualities if you want to make the relationship work, you definitely can. You have to be honest with him if it gets bad then you both have to work hard on it and things will be even better than before.
Here’s a book about ADHD extraordinary gifts. It’s long so just hit ctrl f, type ADHD, and enter.

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=tkSMPeUGEz0C&oi=fnd&pg=PR2&dq=%22Autism%22+%22adhd%22+%22Harvard%22&ots=Dbqdr2Znwb&sig=VX-s5--UFzSOaUhcwzBO6LzFDCg#v=onepage&q=adhd&f=false

Hangingon
12-06-13, 01:30 AM
Loss of libido is a frequent side effect of stimulants. There are numerous stimulants out there that help ADHD. Discuss this with him and see if he is willing to try something else. Don't just give up!