View Full Version : Preoccupation with Enlightenment


ginniebean
12-01-13, 02:38 PM
Preoccupation with enlightenment.

I considered making the title "quest for enlightenment" and then I saw that would mean I'm searching on some journey. I've done that and failed. I invented the quest, it was fabulous darling. I decorated it, had lovely experiences and insights and managed to avoid me the entire time.

I have been pre-occupied with enlightenment because the pain I experience is often acute and always chronic.

Pre-occupied. ... Before I occupy enlightenment. It assumes I know what to do to achieve enlightenment, I know what it looks like, it looks like yoda.

Pre-occupied means doing things that are ineffective, to maintain the status quo, the known beliefs.

I also considered naming the title, shame, pride, self awareness, psychosomatic placebo effect. A mental soljanka.

The truth will set me free.

It sounds damn cozy doesn't it? So glib, so slick it slides right past consciousness.

The reality is I don't know what truth is.

What's real are the beliefs I hold. The placebo effect is when you believe you're getting better when you're not, at best you're staving off feeling like **** once again. Psychosomatic is placebo effect going the other way. When what you believe causes you pain and suffering.

Pride gets in the way of self awareness of these psychosomatic beliefs. I am not what I believe myself to be because I'm better than I believe myself to be. That's a lie. Can you see that lie? When you believe something you believe it, inoculations of pride are placebo. Staving off the shame of the beliefs for a little while.

Self awareness is a joke, caught between pride and belief.


Take the happy pill, the sad pill, the shame pill, the soothing pill, the enlightenment pill, the bliss pill, the rejection pill. All fall down the rabbit hole and nothing makes sense ever again.

All have their effect, placebo. None of this is real.

I look at my beliefs

I am ashamed.. No, I am a shame, hidden and burried triggered by exposure of one believed flaw or another.

I am rejected, no, I am a reject.

I am hated, no, I am hate.

I am useless.

I am inadequate.

I am nice.

I am not nice.

I am mean.

I am vulnerable.

This list goes on and on, contradicting itself as my beliefs change in each moment.

I am every belief I think I am.

All belief is a lie.

All belief is a thought.

All thoughts are lies.

I lost my life to belief long ago and I lose it again in each moment the stale known belief is believed again.

Pete died a long time ago and now all I have is repeat.

I. Am a shame
I. Failed
I. Am proud
I. Am _____(fill in the predicate with one belief or another)


I. Am exposed


I


I

I

Am nothing

No thing

I surrender

Free from belief.

I

peripatetic
12-01-13, 03:45 PM
i see you, bean

and heart you share...

which is precisely why

nobody would've thought

and yet...


grace

Kunga Dorji
12-10-13, 09:29 AM
Well Ginnie, you sure know how to jump in at the deep end!

This is a really treacherous concept.

From the direction I come from "enlightenment" is defined in negative terms.
There are extensive lists of what it is not, but only those who inhabit it can know it.

It is said of it "He who knows it speaks not of it, he who speaks of it, knows not what it is".

We all get little hints and moments of it here and there - and then it slips through our fingers if we try to grasp it.

It is sort of best seen through the corner of your eyes- a bit like love- which always takes us by surprise.

The best I can do is that it is a state in which our actions bring happiness and growth to all and harm to none, it involves connectedness, and people who really have it can rise above the inevitable pain and loss of existence in this world and come out happier and a more powerful force for the good of all.

It is nothing if it is not shared.

If you keep a watch, you will see little examples everywhere, moments of "grace".

My feeling is that the best thing is to watch for it, look for those who are the best models and watch them really closely.

Watch how they do business- then try to copy them!

When Nelson Mandela passed away, we lost a wonderful role model- but there is so much of him preserved on video and audio.

Of course I am sure you can imagine who my pre-eminent role model is!
However there are many, and there are many in secular life.

Kunga Dorji
12-10-13, 09:32 AM
Believe me- I understand your pain at your loss.

However, not to feel pain is to dishonour those who we love, even if we have parted on bad terms.

In fact it is probably "unenlightened".

Kunga Dorji
12-10-13, 09:37 AM
I very much like this attempt at hinting at "enlightement".
It "feels right"

I quote only the first 3 stanzas but it is widely available on the web:
<style type="text/css">TD P { margin-bottom: 0cm; }P { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; }H2 { margin-bottom: 0.21cm; }H2.ctl { font-family: "Arial Unicode MS"; }</style> Hsin Hsin Ming by Seng-T'san

(The Third Patriarch of Zen)


The Great Way is not difficult
for those who have no preferences.
When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
Make the smallest distinction, however,
and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart.

If you wish to see the truth
then hold no opinions for or against anything.
To set up what you like against what you dislike
is the disease of the mind.
When the deep meaning of things is not understood,
the mind’s essential peace is disturbed to no avail.


The Way is perfect like vast space
where nothing is lacking and nothing in excess.
Indeed, it is due to our choosing to accept or reject
that we do not see the true nature of things.

Kunga Dorji
12-10-13, 09:48 AM
Or even older -- from the Tao Te Ching.
(about 500bc)

I:1 The way that can be spoken of,
Is not the constant way,
The name that can be named,
Is not the constant name.

XVIII
When the great way falls into disuse
There are benevolence and rectitude
When cleverness emerges
There is great hypocrisy.

(this stuff sounds so obvious now-- but I have only been hyperfocussing on this book for 30 years (so far as i am aware!)

This is a short book but it packs a lot into a very small space.
(Just over 5,000 characters in ancient Chinese

ginniebean
12-10-13, 10:11 AM
Yes, of course, you're right. Thank you.