View Full Version : Feel so alone and hopeless


Fuzzy12
12-05-13, 08:13 PM
Nvm....

BellaVita
12-05-13, 08:21 PM
I love you.

:grouphug:

(Sorry I couldn't resist responding)

You are such an amazing asset to this place and person Fuzzy

I'm sorry you are feeling low.

Once again sorry for responding.

Raye
12-06-13, 07:29 AM
I wish I could hug you for real. :grouphug:

Rebelyell
12-06-13, 07:31 AM
Gives fuzzy biiig warm fuzzy hugs and a nice back massage tells her your be gonna ok :)I gotta run have a great day;)

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 09:10 AM
Thanks guys. I could really do wi th those hugs and massages. I don't know what's wrong with me. This week I've incredibly been feeling alone, Unloved and unsupported even on this forum which is crazy because i know that's not true at all. Anyway i tried to limit my interactions on here but obviously i couldn't stay away for long. Anyway Sorry about that. :(

I'm going on vacation with my parents for a week and well I've been freaking out about that big time. Then they are coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks. :umm1: At work everytHing is falling apart but one crisis at a time eh?

I've started taking methyl phenidate 5mg and that strangely seems to be calming me down a bit. I also managed to focus on work yesterday. So yippee

. I'm not going to take it on vacation in case I suddenly develop some nasty side effects. I also won't be able to smoke and I sure as hell never want to take modafinil again. I should have never quit taking My antidepressants. So somehow I'll have to cope just with whatever natural resources my brain can muster for the next week.

I'm trying to convince myself that it wtill be good for me. Away from work. Maybe I'll get some time to make a plan for the near and far future. I'm planning for once to just relax and swim as much as possible. I love swimming. Just hope there won't be to o much hair lying about. And I hope I don't feel too ugly and fat to get into a swim suit. :rolleyes:

I'm worried about not Being able to smoke. It's stupid but that's my number 1 technique for relaxing. I'll take some nicotine gum with me but it's not the same.

But yeah wish me luck that I keep my sanity somehow. And I'm sorry if I've been weird. I think some of you had to bear the brunt of that more than others.

Amtram
12-06-13, 10:49 AM
Why aren't you going to be able to smoke? I've done the cold-turkey thing myself, and while I normally wouldn't encourage people to keep smoking, it's definitely not something you want to try when you're feeling stressed or depressed as it is!

And don't let "How I Look in a Swimsuit" dictate whether you wear one or go swimming. If people don't like the way you look, they can look elsewhere. (And, in fact, if they're anything like the people here at the Jersey Shore, the ones who are most likely to be snide are in no position to criticize! The heck with them!)

As far as hair, treat yourself to a wax. Legs, armpits, bikini, whatever you want. Not only will you feel nice and smooth, but it lasts longer than shaving - maybe even all vacation! Oh, face too - especially eyebrows. I love when someone else does my eyebrows, because they can see them so much better than I do. And if you're in the salon anyway, a cut and color? (Can you tell that getting beautiful in a salon is one of my favorite things ever?!?!)

It's a vacation. It's a change of scenery and a change in routine, which can be exactly what you need when home and work are stressing you out. Trash your expectations and just enjoy it one day at a time. Be in the moment and you'll get a lot more out of it.

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 11:21 AM
I know :)

It's other people's hair I'm worried about. Not my own. :lol:

My parents don't know I smoke. I know. Stupid. Still not something I want to share wIth them. They t d be way too worried.

I have to leave slowly to go to my parent's place and now the anxiety is returning. I'm way too late and I still haven't finished packing.

I know how stupid it is to stress about going on holiday. I love traveling but my parents drive me crazy. But their fault. Right now is rather be somewhere familiar. Home.

Amtram
12-06-13, 11:49 AM
Yeah, the vacationing with family isn't always quite as relaxing as vacationing without them, but look at it this way. . .they won't be phoning you a half dozen times a day!

Tell them you smoke. Smoke during the trip. Otherwise, they will have no idea that you are being a supreme beeyotch because you're going through withdrawal. Nicotine gum ain't gonna cut it. Plus you'll find yourself eating more just to compensate for not putting a cigarette in your mouth, and have yet another thing to beat yourself up about. It'll be easier to deal with their disappointment/disapproval if you can walk away for a cigarette break.

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 01:59 PM
No. Is ok. They had too many shocks this year. My depression adhd, finally told them i used to cut myself and that's how I got the massive scars. I don't mind the disappRoval butthat would just endlessly worry. Anyway I think I should be ok. Smoking is making me kind of sick these days anyway.

Phew. Almost at my parent's place. Stopped at a service station for coffee. My first non decaff in days. I think the worst wtill be tonight with the whole family. Things should be a bit more relaxed once it's just my parents and me. Anyway I'm hungry enough to almost look forward to getting to their place now. :lol:

dvdnvwls
12-06-13, 05:15 PM
About the swim suit thing - there is a twisted element of society that wants you to be afraid of your own appearance. Don't buy it. Be resolutely yourself.

One of my friends was in a farm-equipment accident as a fairly young child (due to poor supervision), and had most of the skin ripped away from one leg, as well as massive injury to the underlying muscles. It healed, after reconstruction and skin grafts, but of course never looked the same as the other one. Honestly, the first time seeing that person in swimming clothes, I really looked - but it's nothing now. Humans are humans.

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 05:47 PM
I know. I'm not that worried about the whole swim suit thing. I had fun playing with my niece and nephew but now sl9wly the anxiety is creeping back in. Along with anxiety insecurity as well. I dont understand this crap. Lmaybe methylphenidate really calmed down a bit and now it has worn off.

dvdnvwls
12-06-13, 06:10 PM
maybe methylphenidate really calmed down a bit and now it has worn off.
That makes sense.

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 07:19 PM
I wish I could actually be of some use to my parents. The best I manage to do is to not be nasty and I don't even manage that all that often anymore. When I'm around I try to help them with all the manual labour stuff I can do but I wish I could support them emotionally as well. I've realized I don't even manage to be affectionate. I feel extremely uncomfortable when my mom even just tries to hug me.

December is always tough and this one is worse than usual. It's been exactly 10 years now since my first abortion. Well 9 years and about 50 weeks. it's a strange coincidence that exactly 10 years ago, beginning of December I had gone with my parents on vacation as well. Though at that time I wasn't a nervous wreck yet. That came later.

it must have been about now sometime that i realized that i was pregnant. How I wish I could go back. The last 10 years have been a nightmare and I think it's only now slowly sinking in that I will nevet wake up from this dream.

Rebelyell
12-06-13, 08:57 PM
Awe:grouphug: it sounds like youve been silently suffering for 10 years over a decision you now seem very perturbed about.Depression is like a silent killer you can have it for years n years before you realize its been kicking your butt.No you cant have 10 years of the past back but you can enjoy starting now a vacation and appreciate your parents.there still here n not gone like mine to have and make a difference with.its all up to you, what you do that will n can determine your future n happiness fuzzy...

Fuzzy12
12-06-13, 09:40 PM
Anyway I'm sorry about making yet another pity party thread. I'm so bored of my own drivel I really shouldn't subject others to this crap.

Rebelyell
12-06-13, 09:54 PM
:giggle::p:giggle:At drivel :lol:Oh please that's why were all here to help each other,this isn't the NT forum.Maybe add stands for all day drivel :giggle::doh::yes::giggle:

Corina86
12-07-13, 07:11 AM
Anyway I'm sorry about making yet another pity party thread. I'm so bored of my own drivel I really shouldn't subject others to this crap.

Pity party- I like the expression :D

This might sound weird, but I actually like these threads, because I'm feeling down very often, but when I see people being supportive of others, I think they would probably be supportive of me, as well, so it has a comforting effect. Don't know if that made sense...

Anyway, I'm glad to see you're ok.

MeepMeep
12-07-13, 01:52 PM
http://forgifs.com/gallery/d/201816-3/Jeremy-lion-hugs.gif? (http://forgifs.com)