View Full Version : ADHD'er dating someone with asbergers

12-14-13, 03:19 AM
I've been dating this guy for about two months and it's really, really difficult. Before we were dating, we were acquaintances for an entire year because he kept a huge wall up. As a result, I was never able to advance to becoming his friend until the beginning of this semester. I think that it was around September that I really started to fall for him and I went out of my way to make him happy. He doesn't have many friends because of the asbergers (people can be cruel) and so I did everything I could to make him feel special. If I knew that he had a huge exam the next day, and he didn't have time to go eat a decent meal, I'd surprise him and cook his favorite food. Once his research project went downhill, and I took him to a play. He began to trust me and do things for me as well. However, even to this day, he doesn't show his emotions often and it hurts because I won't know how he feels about the things that I do for him.

Most of the time when we hang out, he doesn't do "graceful" exits. If we're watching a movie, literally as soon as it ends, he mumbles a fast goodbye and practically runs out of my room. Or worse, if it's his place, I'm kicked out :(

I almost never know when he's happy because he doesn't show it. He does tell me occasionally, and it melts my heart when he does :) Once, we were watching tv and during the commercials, he tells me that I'm the greatest thing that's happened to him. It was in an almost stoic manner, but that's how he is.I know that this lack of emotion thing is a trait of AS but it still hurts me. I've talked to him about these things and he's trying so hard. He smiles more and he's starting to incorporate more graceful goodbyes.

I'm not looking to try to change him and I would never dream of doing such a thing, so what I'd like to ask you guys is how can I become a more accepting spouse? I need to learn how to deal with the things that I mentioned and also, the fact that I can't touch him much with annoying him, or the fact that he forgets to visit sometimes because he didn't think I needed him to. Thanks for reading this :)

12-14-13, 08:21 AM
Personally, I don't know that much about people with Aspergers to answer this, but there is an entire other forum dedicated to autism (please google it, since I don't think I'm allowed to advertise for it) and you can find lots of threads dedicated to this issue.

12-14-13, 11:01 AM
If you want to know how he feels simply ask him.

12-14-13, 04:29 PM
Thanks guys :)