View Full Version : **Trigger Warning** How many times does one have to think suicidal thoughts


fracturedstory
12-14-13, 06:34 PM
Before they actually kill themselves?

You may answer with blunt honesty and statistics and all that jazz, or with hugs and well wishes.

Nicksgonefishin
12-14-13, 06:49 PM
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? :scratch:

The only people with the answer to your question are dead. Unless you plan on joining them I don't think you will get an aswer any time soon. And if you plan on joining them you will be sorely missed here.

Hugs n' stuff-nick

Stevuke79
12-14-13, 07:33 PM
I don't know, but I hope it's infinite. One thing that occurs to me on this subject: by it's very nature, there is never any urgency for suicide. At no point is there a down-side to putting it off till later.

Just my $0.02.

Unmanagable
12-14-13, 08:05 PM
I've lost some peeps to suicide and really I wish I knew the answer to that. When the feeling hits me, it hits hard and there never seems to be a way out, until I'm either out of the deep depression or .......dead. So far, I'm glad the stats are still in my favor.

I'm much better at giving hugs and well wishes than I am advice. Sending ((((hugs)))) and a lot of healing thoughts your way.

Rebelyell
12-14-13, 09:05 PM
Im w uns on this one.

fracturedstory
12-14-13, 09:05 PM
there is never any urgency for suicide. At no point is there a down-side to putting it off till later.


I disagree. The pain may fade away but it will always come back.
If I killed myself (or even attempted - people can survive) 6 months ago I wouldn't have to go through these feeling again.

Of intense rage, extreme anxiety, paranoias, mistrust, and the deepest darkest depression where you feel nothing but hate and think everyone feels the same way toward you.

But right now I'm depressed that I have to not only be smarter than people, but more curious.

Tulip7171
12-14-13, 09:08 PM
:grouphug:

Hugs and white light...

Lunacie
12-14-13, 09:36 PM
I don't know the answer to that question. I thought about it a lot for a long time,
dealing with undiagnosed/untreated ADHD + Depression + Anxiety + Migraines
+ Fibromyalgia. I hope you find some help. :grouphug:

Sucide threads

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Stevuke79
12-14-13, 09:47 PM
I disagree. The pain may fade away but it will always come back.

It's a valid point and one I've considered but found no answer. For me, the idea that the "option doesn't expire" helps.
... deepest darkest depression where you feel nothing but hate and think everyone feels the same way toward you.

At the very least I can tell you for sure that I'm not the only one who appreciates you and has nothing but the best feelings towards you. If I don't have an answer to your post, or a good rational argument for you, then I hope you'll accept a hug instead. :grouphug:

Fuzzy12
12-14-13, 09:52 PM
:grouphug:

I hope, in your case and also in mine, the answer is: infinite.

I agree with Steve. The thought that it's never too late to commit suicide helps keep me sliver. There's no need to rush it. Once you are dead it doesn't matter if you've suffered another 6 months More.

However you never know if in the next 6 months things might actually improve or you might find something worth living for. I've had suicidal ideation for about 20 years now and there have been many moments in these 20 years where I was glad to be alive. I'd have missed out if i had killed myself 20 years ago.

Anyway, are you ok? Anything in particular troubling you?

Andi
12-14-13, 10:08 PM
With my attempt it was just the straw that broke the camels back. I was having issues at work, I was struggling with school, kids weren't doing well, marriage crashed and that day, the basement flooded and all the clothes that I had just washed, for work and for the kids to go to school, were soaked. Something just switched in my head; I was on a mission. I was clear, I was focused and I knew what I was going to do. I was a robot and nothing was going to stop me. Although it took years for me to appreciate my attempt being interrupted (I truly am grateful) but to get past the non-stop suicidal thoughts it has taken a lot of therapy and meds to get where I am. Every once in awhile I still think about it but I use the tools that were given to me to bring myself out of it. Sounds sad but a simple tool I use is to go down memory lane when I've been happy or think about things that make me happy. I even use positive images and touch to help stymy a panic attack. Does it always work...no but it has helped more often than not. No one wants to hear think happy thoughts, especially when you are lower than crap, but it has worked.

My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best. I can relate to where you are and hope that you know there is so much to live for and I hope you find your happiness.

fracturedstory
12-14-13, 11:04 PM
However you never know if in the next 6 months things might actually improve or you might find something worth living for. I've had suicidal ideation for about 20 years now and there have been many moments in these 20 years where I was glad to be alive. I'd have missed out if i had killed myself 20 years ago.

Anyway, are you ok? Anything in particular troubling you?

Well, they haven't. Will they in six months? I would hate to be in the same/ worsening situation in 6 months.

Oh, nothing really just regular unmedicated bipolar stuff.

Also,

No job.
Live with a crazy person.
Only cares to befriend 4 very specific people and if I can't life is meaningless.
I'd like to have an intelligent discussion with someone without getting into an argument.
I have such a fear of change I just can't get up and see a doctor even if it would save my life.
No meds.

Rebelyell
12-15-13, 12:43 AM
The messed up thing is someday were all gonna die.we should be thinking of life n what little time there is left to enjoy it but we think like this.idk they say suicide is selfish.maybe???I sometimes think people get to the end of there rope truly get too w no answers or help n it sadly leads to that.

janiew
12-15-13, 12:49 AM
I have been there and am there. Going through one of the most challenging times of my life. In addition to ADHD and OCD, I have a chronic illness that is tricky to treat - rheumatoid arthritis.

Here are some things that probably save me ---

- Short attention span
- Forgiveness (result of short attention span... :)
- Strong work ethic
- Ability to be amazed when people are cool - reinforces the faith

Like others, what remains in the back of my mind is that it's always a later option.

And by God, I like to keep my options open so it's an unlikely ending for me.

"Keep passing open windows."

- John Irving, "Hotel New Hampshire"

phantasm
12-15-13, 03:31 AM
Warm hugs http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug005.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

fracturedstory
12-15-13, 03:40 AM
- Short attention span

That made me laugh for some reason.

This is my third separate (or the same one just on/off) depressive episode today.

I'm pretty sure I know the cause, or rather, trigger.

dvdnvwls
12-15-13, 04:26 AM
OK. Knowing (probably) the trigger is a big deal. It gives you several options. Essentially, finding new and different ways to eliminate or neutralize that trigger. You've likely tried the same method against this trigger several times - it's time to change your strategy, and creatively find a new way to change the trigger, or to separate yourself from the source of the trigger.

Blanched Dubois
12-15-13, 04:44 AM
:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:yeah i always say if you allow the flow of emotion to run thru ya and you're in a safe space to let off the steam without hurting others - just go with it and let fear of looking bad or stupid or watever be less impt that being straight with yourself and let no one dictate to you aka don't should on yourself - we're here to be joyous and that's when the fun begins - most rarely reach joy - and that is sad....i say if you're here you're important and i DEF would be sorely pressed for words if i had to face that now - with this influx of great light that we are headed for and with all due respect to the 'professionals' - esoterically - your energy is yours -
personally - you're articulate and very patient considering what ignorance you must put up with - and the 'mental health' institution - i'm sorry - is my favorite folks to make fun of - omG - i'm not sure why some want to work with sick or older people and i dont want to EVER go in a nursing home - i told my son just take a head shot -but i'm sick and dark like that - i reckon i have had love - and i wasn't young - yet i did meet a man i'd had a vision of some 20 yrs earlier one day in my dad's car as we pulled out of our driveway to go do sat office work - forgot about it and then meet my husband - the moment we went out on our first date we became fast friends and the chemistry was strong -still - i pushed him away and i think you need this love - if you've not 'fallen' - wait and think of what you wouldd no longer want in a lover and then think about exactly what you like about your lover - love makes it all somehow tolerable at times
amazing isn't it?

fracturedstory
12-15-13, 06:42 PM
OK. Knowing (probably) the trigger is a big deal. It gives you several options. Essentially, finding new and different ways to eliminate or neutralize that trigger. You've likely tried the same method against this trigger several times - it's time to change your strategy, and creatively find a new way to change the trigger, or to separate yourself from the source of the trigger.

The trigger is a person. :lol:
There is no strategy for dealing with mad men. I should know...I've tried it many times on myself.

I'm not thinking about suicide as much as I was before, I'm just angry angry angry angry.

dvdnvwls
12-15-13, 07:14 PM
When in a situation for which there is supposedly no strategy, the strategy is to leave.

midnightstar
12-15-13, 08:07 PM
I know what its like to feel that bad

I still have times where I am planning my death but I hold on for people here

Warm hugs and love to you

TygerSan
12-15-13, 08:22 PM
Fractured, I came across this chapter about moods and Asperger's syndrome. I can really relate to what's described, especially with the emotional lability described. There are days when the littlest thing can set me off, too.

http://books.google.com/books?id=qJZmsp3ZVG8C&pg=PA142&lpg=PA142&dq=aspergers+suicide+attack&source=bl&ots=lEuxjMrKww&sig=ruwLXluKaVofFh4uCEudiP4GPQA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=PkauUpPOOZWwsAS9m4GADA&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=aspergers%20suicide%20attack&f=false

janiew
12-15-13, 10:32 PM
When in a situation for which there is supposedly no strategy, the strategy is to leave.

Questioning if this is an appropriate statement on a thread of this nature. But maybe I took it out of context. Short attention span...

What I posted earlier ---

"Like others, what remains in the back of my mind is that it's always a later option.

And by God, I like to keep my options open so it's an unlikely ending for me."

"Keep passing open windows."

- John Irving, "Hotel New Hampshire"<!-- / message --><!-- sig -->

dvdnvwls
12-16-13, 12:03 AM
I'm all for passing the open windows. When I said leave, I meant it in the ordinary everyday sense.

To quote again, this time from a song by the Barenaked Ladies:

"If there is someone you can do without,
Then do so."

janiew
12-16-13, 12:17 AM
I'm all for passing the open windows. When I said leave, I meant it in the ordinary everyday sense.

To quote again, this time from a song by the Barenaked Ladies:

"If there is someone you can do without,
Then do so."

Got it. Thanks. Agree with you!

fracturedstory
12-16-13, 01:40 AM
When in a situation for which there is supposedly no strategy, the strategy is to leave.
Not when you can't live on your own. Not yet.

It's bad enough I had a breakdown the first week I moved into this house, completely living on my own with no one to help me when I need it, will put me into a complete shutdown which I will never get out from. Moving in with people isn't optional because it takes a very long time to get used to people and even bring the autistic thing up at all.

I'm sorry but I don't find this advice helpful.

With unmedicated bipolar I am always going to be dealing with these feelings. It doesn't matter how much better my situation can get. What I really need is a strategy to dealing with such low moods and the thoughts that come with it. Even the manic depression seems to really warp my thinking.

fracturedstory
12-16-13, 01:47 AM
Fractured, I came across this chapter about moods and Asperger's syndrome. I can really relate to what's described, especially with the emotional lability described. There are days when the littlest thing can set me off, too.

http://books.google.com/books?id=qJZmsp3ZVG8C&pg=PA142&lpg=PA142&dq=aspergers+suicide+attack&source=bl&ots=lEuxjMrKww&sig=ruwLXluKaVofFh4uCEudiP4GPQA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=PkauUpPOOZWwsAS9m4GADA&ved=0CC4Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=aspergers%20suicide%20attack&f=false

Thanks for the link but this seems to be part of a mood cycle. I am once again calm but at the same time feel a bit hypomanic, and now I'm just worried about expending this energy too soon because that can bring on a short milder depression (compared to what I just experienced).

I think there's something in my moods that have to do with what this is saying. I also have extreme resistance towards following orders (known as pathological demand avoidance) and hate change so much I have panic attacks, which people with autism go through but then there's also all this mood cycling going around. At least PMDD is gone for a little while.

I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. Eeep.

dvdnvwls
12-16-13, 02:30 AM
Not when you can't live on your own. Not yet.

It's bad enough I had a breakdown the first week I moved into this house, completely living on my own with no one to help me when I need it, will put me into a complete shutdown which I will never get out from. Moving in with people isn't optional because it takes a very long time to get used to people and even bring the autistic thing up at all.

I'm sorry but I don't find this advice helpful.

With unmedicated bipolar I am always going to be dealing with these feelings. It doesn't matter how much better my situation can get. What I really need is a strategy to dealing with such low moods and the thoughts that come with it. Even the manic depression seems to really warp my thinking.
Clearly in your situation my "just leave" idea was useless. Sorry about that.

Fuzzy12
12-16-13, 05:00 AM
What I really need is a strategy to dealing with such low moods and the thoughts that come with it. Even the manic depression seems to really warp my thinking.

Me too. Sometimes leaving or changing your situation just isn't feasible or comes with an unacceptably high price to pay. Have you tried CBT or mindfulness? Personally, I've tried neither yet, but I've heard that they can help with this sort of thing.

At times when I have to deal with overwhelming negative emotions what helps is to just focus on the moment and ignore the bigger picture. The moment can be as small as needs be. Sometimes it's just your next breath or the next step. It's something simple and straight forward for my brain to focus on and gives me a little break to calm down.

:grouphug:

fracturedstory
12-16-13, 07:25 AM
Me too. Sometimes leaving or changing your situation just isn't feasible or comes with an unacceptably high price to pay. Have you tried CBT or mindfulness? Personally, I've tried neither yet, but I've heard that they can help with this sort of thing.

At times when I have to deal with overwhelming negative emotions what helps is to just focus on the moment and ignore the bigger picture. The moment can be as small as needs be. Sometimes it's just your next breath or the next step. It's something simple and straight forward for my brain to focus on and gives me a little break to calm down.

:grouphug:
I can kind of understand that. I've done CBT in the past and sometimes use it to lessen the impact of moods. Sometimes it gets harder and harder to use. Ah, mindfulness. I'm kind of bad at that. I guess I should at least attempt it again.

toxicity
12-19-13, 10:48 PM
First of all : :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I can relate to what you wrote down because I went down in this alley. It is never late to get help. I found out that talking to a psychologist (or a professional in mental health) helps a lot.

I also need sometimes to leave. How? By taking my car and going somewhere. Last week, I went to the sea all by myself at 4:00 AM in the morning and watched the sun goes up on the beach. No need to tell you that I was cold because it is winter in Europe now but it was awesome. For a few hours, I left my problems at home and was able to see something really beautiful and happy.
I was able to see things more clearly and to distract myself with something worth it.

Every story is different. Mine is kinda blurry for me but I still remember that day when I woke up in the ER room with an oxygen mask on and an IV stuck on my arm (I hate needles). That may sound crazy, but I was craving for a cigarette. And I just decided to go outside the hospital to ask for one. And I did it. I was outside the hospital with an IV in my arm, wearing a pajama and smoking on a bench. That's when a paramedic guy stopped and asked me what I was doing. Well it was obvious, I was smoking. He never said anything to me about smoking and he just gave me his coat and waited until I finished my cigarette before bringing me back to the ER. That simple act of kindness gave me hope and that I would go around this bad time. And it worked with professional and personal help. The funny fact in this story is that my mother was breaking hell at the same time in the ER asking the nurses how could they lose a 19 year old girl in PJ and with an IV in the arm.
I wish I could find this paramedic because he showed me that there is still some hope in this world and for me. I wish I could say "Thank you for your kindness!".

Basically, never give up! There is always hope! You may find a solution at the most unexpected time!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Fuzzy12
12-23-13, 08:18 PM
Warm hugs http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-hug005.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)

That's just the cutest emoticon ever. I could spend hours looking at it.:)

peripatetic
12-23-13, 08:53 PM
Before they actually kill themselves?

You may answer with blunt honesty and statistics and all that jazz, or with hugs and well wishes.

i don't see a one size fits all way to really answer you
there are so many variables
and i've known people/know at least one person who fits each

some people spend decades ideating and never attempt
some are passively suicidal for decades and yet endure
some make attempt after attempt and never complete
others complete on the first go
etc, etc, etc

a lot of statistics are related to specific illnesses, means, demographics and i don't know those related to autism well or at all really, just to start with.

the ones i could cite aren't exactly uplifting but i will say that if you have a reason to stay, i hope you keep it in mind. and i hope you feel better enough or find adequate treatment soon enough to not have persistent ideation all of the time. x

Unmanagable
01-01-14, 07:14 AM
I watched this TED talk earlier and it was pretty powerful for me. "Andrew Solomon: Depression, The Secret We Share". This thread seems like the most appropriate place for it. My apologies in advance if it needs to be relocated.

http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share.html

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment." In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories.

Conman
01-01-14, 06:03 PM
dont know. but ive had enough in my life and im still standing. thats what counts. but then again there's a line between suicidal thoughts and thoughts of me just dying by some freak accident act of god thing. i have more of the latter when im at my lowest points of depression

Gilthranon
01-01-14, 06:23 PM
I disagree. The pain may fade away but it will always come back.
If I killed myself (or even attempted - people can survive) 6 months ago I wouldn't have to go through these feeling again.

Of intense rage, extreme anxiety, paranoias, mistrust, and the deepest darkest depression where you feel nothing but hate and think everyone feels the same way toward you.

But right now I'm depressed that I have to not only be smarter than people, but more curious.
Those darkest depression hours where you feel nothing but hate... hey mate, I can relate, so it ain't too late, Hell if that ain't fate ! Damn sometimes the feeling's ain't too great, do you agree or need to debate ? Cause all I can say, is within the darkest hour with no escape, I ain't lookin' for the light as I desire to destroy instead of create, but maybe today is not the day, for you to agree with my ways, of seeing life as I play... ?