View Full Version : What am I considered?

12-19-13, 03:09 PM
I am writing this because for a the last couple months I have been flirting with a question that tends to bring me a certain amount of guilt or negative feelings. I was recently diagnosed (within the last year) with ADD. I am twenty years old and have always been a pessimistic, negative, full of hate person. I strive to be good on my own but before the medicine I was depressed, lazy, always tired, and extremely selfish. I battled with the question "what's the point?" for everything I came across as the dark cloud always hovered over my head.

When I take the ADD medication, I am like a completely different person. I have a bright cloud over my head and look at everything half full. I want to help people and be productive and give new things a chance. I am happy and learned to accept my failures in the past and no longer get stuck in depressive episodes or social situations that used to cause anxiety.

My mom has asked me before and I have thought about it "Am I reliant on the Medicine?" My initial response is no, as I feel I am not physically addicted toward the medication, as I only take it as directed. I can't get over the unwarranted guilty feeling that the question brings me. I want to say I am not reliant on the medicine, I just like the person I am and the world around me tenfold than the depressed and lifeless person I was without it. I feel I am a better person overall with the medicine.

I'd appreciate anyone's honest input or similar story regarding my situation. It would put me at ease to know I am not alone or extinguish my "guilt" for taking the medicine. Thank you

12-19-13, 03:36 PM
I can't speak for everyone, but I heavily rely on my meds... just like I heavily rely on my glasses. Relying on something isn't the same as being addicted, I just function so much better on meds, why wouldn't I want to take them daily? Just like my glasses... I can't see without them... why would I not wear them?

12-19-13, 03:41 PM
If you are not reliant on the medicine, then why would you even take it?

Imagine the diabetic who says "I don't want to become reliant on insulin".

12-19-13, 03:48 PM
Alright, thanks guys, I appreciate the input. I'm a worrier and I guess I was just overthinking it too much.

12-19-13, 04:20 PM
No, it's a bit more than that. First, there are other people who express doubt that you should be relying on this medication. They aren't being honest; what they really mean is they think there's nothing wrong with you, that you just need to shape up and do some work. Then there's the feeling you might have, that you're defective if you need medication to manage. It's controversial or something to say this, but my response is "Damn right I'm defective, and I'm certainly glad this medication helps a bit."

12-19-13, 05:51 PM
Dvd is right. It is about acceptance.

Don't feel bad.

Right now you are learning.
Learning leads to knowledge.
knowledge leads to understanding.
Understanding will lead you to acceptance.
Acceptance will lead you to true happiness.

You are on a good path. Laugh a lot and enjoy the journey my friend!

12-21-13, 07:06 AM
People like to confuse addiction and dependence. I depend on my meds because I have a real medical condition. I take BP meds as well as adderall. I have never had to resort to running to the 'hood for a cymbalta fix.

12-21-13, 12:59 PM
You know... Having worked in mental health for years if adhd had the potential to be dangerous or to cause harm there wouldn't be any argument about meds.

We have a disease that is only detrimental to us and those closest to us. It is very damaging to our inner seves.

If we were a threat to our selves or society people would encourage us to take our meds just as they do with other mental disabilities!

I'm not wallowing. Just frustrated with those who think we don't need meds.

Anyways forget them anyways. ;)

12-31-13, 12:14 PM
My best friend's husband has stated I'm too dependent on my medication. He's known me since 2008. She and I have been friends since 2004.

I often stay with this family when I'm in town for gigs and performances. The kids have grown up with me around and have known about the ADD from the beginning.

The irony is, neither my best friend or her husband knew me off of medication. They see someone who gets up, functions and works extremely hard. I've been told I work too hard and am too absorbed my career. People have said to me, you'll burn out, no one can absorb information like that, etc. What they forget, even though I remind them, is that after years of struggling I'm determined to succeed. The pain from years of being told I wasn't motivated, wasn't trying and not working up to my potential is being turned into something positive.

Life before medication was exhausting. I can remember falling asleep when trying to complete homework or after practicing. A diagnosis and treatment were sought because I wanted to succeed. It was a scary journey that I wouldn't have had the courage to confront without a professor who saw my potential.

It's always taken me longer to complete tasks. Medication has helped me accept this and plan accordingly. When I took the WAIS-III my PSI and WMI were my two lowest scores and almost 2 standard deviations below VCI and POI.

Medication is expensive. Treatment for ADD is expensive. My insurance won't cover ADD medication and most other treatments. Occasionally, insurance will cover part of 6-month checkup with my doctor. I'm choosing to medicate and treat my condition because I want to contribute something positive to society.

My story aside.

Remember this:

You are medicating yourself because you have something positive to contribute to society.

01-01-14, 11:48 AM
I feel the same way about the way medication has helped me. I have accepted the fact that I will need medication the rest of my life. When my medication wears off at the end of the day, I feel the loss of impulse control and scattered thoughts set in. Prior to medication, this put me and my family in a bad financial position that we are still dealing with. I don't want to do this ever again to my family.
Because of the major positive change I have experienced with medication and the acceptance I have now about needing treatment the rest of my life, I worry a ton about situations or scenarios where I would not be getting my medication. I stress about shortages, costs, my doctor deciding I should stop medication etc.... These thoughts really stress me out and they creep in at the end of my day when my medication wears off. I really don't know what I would do without my daily medication and if others take that as im dependent, so be it.

01-02-14, 05:34 AM
Those who think your too reliant on meds don't understand, as long as you take them as prescribed and they are helping you, keep doing what the doc says, he (she) knows best!