Hey all, what up. I'm Rev, 15 years old, sophomore, all that stuff. Depression and anxiety have been the alleged bonds keeping me from doing homework and stuff, turns out three years later after failing WAY more than a couple essential classes, is when ADD is exposed as the real criminal. The depression and anxiety were spawned by the ADD; came along with the thoughts like "What the hell is the matter with me?" "Why can't I just do my work and do good in school? I know the stuff..." and "I'm so messed up, all these different treatments for depression won't work, will anything ever?"

Failed Bio and Algebra last year, had to take Bio again this year for one semester as a sophomore, which is embarrassing enough (especially because I really can't explain it, and feel retarded when people find out or ask), but I also gotta make up another semester of it NEXT year as a junior. Oh yea wait, I'm credit deficient, so technically I'm still a freshman. Living with that and I ****ed everything over really gets to me... and now I'm going off on a tangeant. Anyhow, yea same with Algebra. I went to Summer School after 8th grade because I failed like a million effing classes... What kind of freak gets a 0.8 GPA but at the same time knowing all the material?

So this is a rant, I'm p/o'd that I got this all messed up, more ashamed if anything. DIFFERENT. Stupid... "f'ed up in the head" according to some.

Rev,
What's your favourite subject at school?
L.

Rev_k...welcome to this section of the forums. I'm adhd. I wasn't diagnosed until seven years ago, when I was 28 (no cracks about me being old :p ). I struggled all through school, from third grade on. Math has always been my worst subject.

9th grade algebra? I did all the homework. I took notes in class. I bit the insides of my mouth until I could taste blood, to force myself to pay attention. I would dread the days when the teacher would decide to have us do the work on the chalkboard. Inevitably, the quizzes and tests would happen, and I would fail them. My grades for those four quarters: D, F, F, F, and an F on the final exam.

As if this wasn't horrifying enough, I had the added joy of being publically humiliated by the teacher on a regular basis. "There are three ways to do algebra. The right way, the wrong way, and Cynde's way...which looks right, but is actually still wrong." Then I got to go home and be told by my family that I was just being lazy. One time, my older sister hurled my textbook at me in disgust, and told me that I was stupid. I was grounded all the time, because they were sure I was just goofing off. No one ever considered that I may have had a learning disability (often comorbid with add/adhd), let alone adhd (I fidgeted, but I didn't bounce off of the walls).

Consider that in spite of how upsetting the whole situation is for you, and understandably so, you are LUCKY. You already know what is going on inside you, and this makes it possible for you to address things now. We cannot change that other people may not understand. We cannot change that sometimes, learning is an uphill battle. Like you, I too experienced anxiety and depression. Like you, I struggled with my peers finding out I was failing things that seemed to come effortlessly to all of them. Concentrate on working from where you are now, and not from where you have been.

One thing that helped me a lot was writing down the things that I was doing right. Every day, I wrote down at least three positive things I had learned that day. I eventually expanded this to include any things I had accomplished, too. It was difficult at first, and felt goofy...but it really worked! I felt so much better about myself, and when that started happening, my overall outlook improved.

It can be too easy to only see what we "fail" to do. Especially when there are so many people only too willing to point it out to us. We can't change how they are...I wish we could, but oh well.

If you are studying, if you are doing the homework, and you are still finding that you are not performing well, I would offer these suggestions:

Go to your teacher(s) and/or guidance counselor and express your frustration. Request that you be evaluated for a learning disability. If they determine that you have one (I'm dyscalculiac), you may then be eligible for some modifications that could really help set yourself up for success. Be sure to discuss this with your parents ahead of time, okay?
Your official diagnosis of add/adhd could mean you qualify for additional testing time in a less distracting environment. Depending upon how much your learning process is being distrupted, you could get up to double the time allowed to take your exams. You may get notes pre-done so you can pay attention to the lesson at hand. If you are taking a test that requires listening comprehension, you may be allowed to use headsets to filter out external distractions, and increase your comprehension because you can actually HEAR it.
It will not mean you get out of doing school work (sorry), it means that they will modify the work you are assigned to level the playing field so you can actually get IN the game.
Getting this help is not a sign of weakness, or a lack of intelligence. It's actually a sign of strength and empowerment. If you need more specific help with studying, etc. do not hesitate to post what is happening for you, and we can brainstorm some ideas, okay?

I barely graduated from high school. I truly believed I was the least intelligent person on earth. Since then, I have graduated from college twice. The second time, I finished with a 3.75 qpa. It took me over 26 years to realize I wasn't stupid after all. There's a lot of passion in your post. There's a very clear beginning, middle, and end. You even caught yourself starting to tangent--an amazing feat for people who aren't add/adhd, let alone those of us who are. I'm an English teacher now...and I'm telling you--you are a smart person. I can tell from the way you expressed yourself in your post.

Please keep me posted on how things are going for you! :)

I'm sorry to hear that. On the bright side, retaking classes gives you a chance to bring up your GPA.

I wouldn't be embrassed about taking classes again. It wasn't something you could help and your obviously not stupid...like you said you knew the material.