View Full Version : I don't like working with adults
07-31-03, 03:29 AM
I am in a situation were I'm working under 2 lady's that don't
seem to like me too much. They are my bosses and they have
no respect for me at all. Not to place blame on it but things have
changed ever since I told them I had ADD. I talked to them about
some personal stuff that I shouldn't have. There was a point inour
work relationship that I actually trusted and respected them. I
realize whoever is reading this knows me about as much as they
know them but just trust me one this one.
They came to me once to talk to me about being on time to work
and then through in that they thought my work performance was
not up to par. The things they said to me shocked me so I needed
time to think about it. I went back to talk to them and so far
everytime I try to talk they push me aside or talk down to me like
I don't matter. I've gone above them and was told that I should
try to talk to them one more time. So I did and was told that It
was possible that I was paranoid or maybe I couldn't handle
people telling me what to do.
What I can't handle is people so high up on their own self made
pedestals they treat others like they aren't good enough for
their time, that they obviously must be paranoid because there is
no way in hell that they have done anything wrong. Even when I
came to them and said, "I'm not saying this is what you are doing
I'm just saying this is how I feel." they were still defensive. They
were so sacastic to me and they were passively accepting
responsibility by saying this is your problem so you just tell us
what you think we need to work on. They never said anything
about how they had know idea this was going on, sorry we've
affected you this way but it was not our intention, maybe we
were under stress and didn't realize what was going on. They
acted as if I was imagining things and never admitted to denying
the right imformation when I asked for examples of what I was
doing wrong and ways to work on them.
I have a lot of support there so things are getting better but just
realizing how shallow these people are and inconciderate made
me feel loads better. I'm just stuck with decissions to make that
I don't want to deal with.
this is so long. I'm sorry, I've been dealing with this for a couple
of months and it's still not close to ending. Must vent. Thanx
07-31-03, 10:40 AM
sara; i would hang in there and keep trying.they havent said a lot stuff that maybe you would like to hear; but at least you do have support from others in the work place and they seem to be on your side; and also your bosses did say, "this is your problem so just tell us what you think we need to work on". the "tell us what you think we need to work on" does imply some responsibility on their part, doesnt it? since you say things changed after you told them about the add, maybe they are just reacting to that and this whole thing will blow over. i would just try to keep talking to them especialy if you really like the job.
07-31-03, 10:22 PM
Thanks for the nice words and about a month ago I would have said that was a good idea but I've had enough.
I think it's hard to explain over the computer their tone when they said, "Why don't you tell us what you need from us."
Their intonation was dimeaning and lets just get this over with type of talk.
They wrote me up today for my tone. This is what it said,
"Sara has been unprofessional towards her supervisors by having a defensive tone when being asked to perform job duties. Disciplinary action maybe necessary if further violations occur."
This was the straw. There is so many things missing from what I've told you but I just don't have the strength to bring it all up again.
It's funny how when I go to talk to them about their tones I'm accused of being paranoid and they tell me I'm wrong and it's left at that, but when they accuse me they do it by writing me up so it must be true.
They power trip like no one I've ever seen before. I don't want anything to do with them and I'm sure the feeling is mutual.
They have no concideration for a person who comes in everyday and works their *** off. They just don't like me for some reason and think that is good enough reason for them to ruin my life by making my job suffer and making me worry and feel unwanted.
anyway, today was actually a great day, I had alot of fun with the kids I work with.
Those lady's can go suck a ....
Your so optimistic Dan, I honestly am to but I've been dragged through the mud by these lady's and I'm not gonna get stepped on anymore.
08-01-03, 11:45 AM
Well that's too bad....So Sara what's the next step for you? "If further violations occur" does suggest they want you to stay, right? How can we support you (if you need any that is)? Please keep sharing......
08-01-03, 07:43 PM
I disagree with Joan. "If further violations occur" is them laying the groundwork to terminate you. They have to give you a warning first. Since you told them about ADD they feel you are unable to perform your duties adequetly.
I truly hate to be so negative but this scenaro sounds all too familiar to me and the many others who made the same mistake you did in confiding with work about ADD. Our dilemna is our desire to be honest and seek understanding where there is none.
08-01-03, 10:20 PM
That is true Barbette, When they state that to you it's just a professional way of saying if you do anymore of this we will fire you.
I talked with somebody higher up today and I'm being moved to a different classroom. This is exactally what I wanted because I didn't want to leave thiis job.
It was funny, when I talked to their supervisor he said that when he talked to them about this they denied all of it. It was so typical, but I think that told him right there that some of it must be true because what had been occuring was impossible to be completely onesided. They couldn't even admit any fault when comfronted by someone other than me.
Anyway, I hope all goes well. Thank you for wanting to be there for me Joan, and thank you all for your thoughts.
08-02-03, 12:45 PM
"If further violations occur" at my last job for me was just a warning -- that's it. If it meant I was going to be terminated, they would have done it right then. No job is every obligated to keep me on and warnings aren't necessary either. Employment is entirely voluntary on both sides. This is on job applications....Therefore at the hospital where I was working as a dietetic technician (and having a difficult time completing my tasks), I got such a warning and it meant for me to clean up my act....it didn't mean I was out the door.....
And Sara, that is true what you say:
"if further violations occur" DOES mean "if you do anymore of this we will fire you" (the key word is IF) -- which implies an opportunity to get your act togther -- which in my case I did....and I wasn't fired.....
And Sara, you still have a job today:)even though you were moved....Sounds to me like "if further violations occur" was not a REAL threat for termination as much as it meant you were going to get moved to a different classroom -- (BIG difference). Sounds like they were being pretty mean, nasty perhaps by saying this. Why a REAL termination warning? You were doing a great job (they just reacted a little to your ADD perhaps) and they knew that so they simply moved you.:)
Incidentally, can you imagine that if "if further violations occur" meant everyone was going to get the axe -- a LOT of people in this world be fired......:) It can not ever be that black and white....
My suggestion to everyone: read the thread on "Have You Told Anyone About Your ADD" started sometime back....It's in Adults with ADD Forums....It is excellent.....Good discussions.......Rated 4 stars...:)
Thanks Sara and Barbette......
08-03-03, 02:00 AM
I actually got myself moved. I didn't want to stick aound to see what their "If further violations occur" repercutions might be.
I see what you are saying also but I disagree only to the point where every situaion is different and every supervisor is different. And since this is an "at will" position I'm holding, like you stated about them not having to keep me there if they didn't want to, there is nothing stopping them from firing me for what ever they chose.
I guess my point is, in the situation I'm currently in, they would look or maybe even be held accountable for firing me with no warnings when the only thing I've done wrong is had a difference of opinion on things and want to talk about it. So they needed to give me that warning and now be free to fire me after they've given me a decent amount of time for me to have worked and had no improvement.
I think that warnings, write ups and termination are delt with differently by each different person who impliments them.
And the funny thing is, I started part of this by talking to them about there tones with me and how they push me away everytime I try to talk to them about it and they denied it and called me "paranoid" but they can write me up for my tones and assume that they are right about them. When she was explaining the write up to me she mentioned one time, and it was right after she told me I couldn't go tend to something that was excruciatingly painful on my feet, and it was from something that had just happened right in front of her. I think I might be a little upset with her after that. But it definity wasn't something you write a person up for, you take them aside if it's really that important. Anyway, I'm going off, I'm sorry.
I don't think I've let most of it go.
Thanks for you opinion Joan, I think maybe if I was working for nicer people I wouldn't be looking at things this way, I'd probably look at it more like you.
Talk to you soon
08-03-03, 05:49 PM
Sara: Okay, I see your point, sounds like it makes sense. I'm sorry you're not working for nicer people......in fact, by the way you write about them and how they treat you, I'd say they sound downright awful sometimes....accusing you of paranoia, unnecessary write-ups, etc. I hope it gets better for you....thanks for clarifying everything....
08-03-03, 11:35 PM
I enjoyed talking about it with you.
Thanks for the feed back, I love to here peoples opinion on everything and anything.
08-04-03, 06:29 PM
Sounds good Sara. sometimes just moving to a different section can be like changing jobs. You get a fresh start. Good luck.