View Full Version : Are you afraid of men on the internet?


Amtram
01-12-14, 02:02 PM
This recently came up for me, and I don't think that people are aware of how much of a problem it is. This (http://flavorwire.com/432313/online-harassment-and-the-cruel-paradox-of-being-a-woman-on-social-media/) is the safest article I found recently, but it has one link to many much more personal stories from other women who have been bullied and harassed for the egregious crime of having an opinion. It's very frustrating to have this problem pooh-poohed by people who haven't experienced it.

I don't have a huge internet presence. Most of the women in these stories do, but you don't have to. I was threatened by a group of men who didn't like what I said on my blog a number of years ago, and let me tell you, even on a small scale, it makes you paranoid. It didn't stop me from expressing myself, but it did make me more aware, and propelled me to learning my legal protections.

Women are definitely being affected in real life by these internet threats. What's worse than feeling like they're not being taken seriously is when they're not taken seriously by other women. Have you ever felt like you have to be careful of what you say because you're a woman and these threats against women are out there?

ginniebean
01-12-14, 02:37 PM
I have never been threatened or harassed online. Other than at this site I don't have much of an online presence.

To me, trying to stop this as things stand is like shutting the lid on an overflowing toilet.

stef
01-12-14, 02:39 PM
same as ginnniebean...i dont often post things outside of here...
i never would have thought this was even an issue!

Fraser_0762
01-12-14, 02:41 PM
It's not just woman you know. :rolleyes:

If you put your opinion out there on the web. (Information that can be accessed by over a billion people). Some of them will harass you if they don't like your point of view.

It happens to everybody. These people are called "trolls" and they come in many shapes and forms. And they don't all have smooth chests!

mrs. dobbs
01-12-14, 02:50 PM
Hm. I've been pretty opinionated on the internet off and on since the late 90's but maybe since I just wrote on forums and never had a blog I have never experienced this particular kind of harrassment. Ostracism and exclusion, yes but scary stuff, no. I totally believe you, I know what people can do. I have been harrassed and afraid of people in real life and have had my life threatened but not online. It does suck when other women don't believe or minimize aggressions.

ADHD_Adult
01-12-14, 03:18 PM
if you are threatened you report it to the service you are using, also to the police, and I would suggest googling what you know about them to get more information to report on them. You cannot be afraid to voice your opinion although I believe some things should be thought and not acted on or voiced.

Unmanagable
01-12-14, 03:28 PM
I've not been threatened or lived in fear of someone on the internet, as of yet. But, I have definitely felt bullied online as a result of expressing unpopular opinions. However, I'm advised by those peeps that they're not bullying me, just expressing themselves, and it's my perception that is off.

It's been a pretty equal shake of male and female peeps who've participated in the extreme negativity and bullying behaviors towards me. At times, in my experiences, the females were more venomous and vocal than the males. The anonymity of a computer screen can definitely bring out the worst in some.

In real life, however, the bullying I experienced in the workplace, especially while trying to speak out regarding ethical issues, was male. Most of the administrative positions were held by males. Other staff often commented how obvious it was that they were f'n with me, but, there were no males or females willing to speak out against what they observed, especially in support of someone who was.

In my experiences, bullying has been a behavior exercised by both sexes pretty equally.

Amtram
01-12-14, 04:30 PM
I'm not afraid of your garden-variety troll. This article, and the others, are about women who are fearful of men who want to take it offline. They find your personal information and let you know in one or more ways that they know who you are and where you are and are not going to limit their actions against you to online harassment.

I'm not bothered at all by people who keep it online. I'm bothered by the ones who think it's OK to track you down and shut you up in person.

Fraser, I'd love to see some articles about women threatening to assault people in person in response to things that were said online. It would be an interesting counterpoint to see the similarities and differences between their approaches and the men's. The problem of men threatening women with real-life harm for things they say on the internet is pretty rampant and usually involves sexual assault. I'd be curious to see the distaff side of that.

Abi
01-12-14, 04:34 PM
Amtram, I gotta say, I'm not sure how the topic of internet bullying became a gender issue.

midnightstar
01-12-14, 04:58 PM
I only ever get attacked online if I say anything others dont agree with

mrs. dobbs
01-12-14, 05:33 PM
Threats of sexual assault are incredibly disturbing in and of themselves. Isn't any kind of violent threat a felony in most places?

MX2012
01-12-14, 05:43 PM
This recently came up for me, and I don't think that people are aware of how much of a problem it is. This (http://flavorwire.com/432313/online-harassment-and-the-cruel-paradox-of-being-a-woman-on-social-media/) is the safest article I found recently, but it has one link to many much more personal stories from other women who have been bullied and harassed for the egregious crime of having an opinion. It's very frustrating to have this problem pooh-poohed by people who haven't experienced it.

I don't have a huge internet presence. Most of the women in these stories do, but you don't have to. I was threatened by a group of men who didn't like what I said on my blog a number of years ago, and let me tell you, even on a small scale, it makes you paranoid. It didn't stop me from expressing myself, but it did make me more aware, and propelled me to learning my legal protections.

Women are definitely being affected in real life by these internet threats. What's worse than feeling like they're not being taken seriously is when they're not taken seriously by other women. Have you ever felt like you have to be careful of what you say because you're a woman and these threats against women are out there?

Sadly Amtram, you only have to look at the U.S. elected officials to see that bullying, retribution, name calling and blacking reputations is how neocons operate.

Look at Gov. Chris Christie in NJ. Thought he was untouchable and could do whatever he wanted with the taxpayers' money. He closed the largest bridge in the U.S. to punish one small town mayor who did not support him in his re-election. These are mafia tactics. The U.S. is run by the 1% who are mafia. The U.S. is a perfect example of how the tactics you describe are used to harass the population into submission and it worked. The U.S. does not exist anymore as a democracy. Americans have lost their jobs, their savings, their health care, their homes, and their right to vote. Soon, they will lose their social security and every other benefit. Neocons have created a slave nation. I do not take lightly that the tactics of bullies and harassers extend to even the smallest blogger. Intimidation and fear is what they want to produce.

Lunacie
01-12-14, 05:44 PM
It hasn't happened to me, but I don't have a very large internet presence.

It did happen to a friend I met on a discussion forum. The creep stalked her both online and off,
he found out where she lived and kept saying he was going to come to her house.

She did report him and cut all contact with him, but it was a very scary year or so before she
felt he'd likely moved on to a new victim.

Fraser_0762
01-12-14, 05:48 PM
I apologize Amtram. But has anything like this ever happened to you? Is there something that is concerning your own personal well being right now?

I have to admit to not really looking into articles about this subject.

The only information a person should gain about who you are, is the information you are willing to provide online.

Even if the information is intended for a different source, you always run the risk of that information reaching an undesired source.

My advice to anybody who is concerned about these dangers is to keep personal information about yourself limited.

Rebelyell
01-12-14, 05:59 PM
Threats of physical, sexual or even verbal violence /abuse is very disturbing n unacceptable. I see it where I work, guys dog each other out, when one has had enough they go to boss, boss laughs, makes a snarky put down comment talks to guy tells him to apologize n shake hands and no punishment or consequence s or they take bullies side an pooh pooh ya.what the hell is wrong w people, how can you protect n abuser? On. A lighter note if fraser was beat up by a chick he probably would like it:Djk fraser;)

Fraser_0762
01-12-14, 06:05 PM
On. A lighter note if fraser was beat up by a chick he probably would like it:Djk fraser;)

Now thats just not true. :(








































She'd have to be kinda cute. :rolleyes:

Rebelyell
01-12-14, 06:14 PM
I would never threaten a woman like that maybe play fight if I had a gf but thats really brazen to hunt someone down and want to hurt someone.not only is that illegal I would think I think it could mean the persons got issues and is dangerous. Well it was either you or abi or maybe baal I had to throw under the bus, being abis the mod I could pick on him but it might come back to sting me.lol Im still waiting to meet up for coffee n mud wrestling w some of the nj gang here lol.

Amtram
01-12-14, 06:55 PM
I apologize Amtram. But has anything like this ever happened to you? Is there something that is concerning your own personal well being right now?



Yes and yes. Several years back, I criticized a young-earth creationist on my own blog. His regular commenters mounted an attack. They had no cognitive dissonance when proclaiming love and forgiveness out of one side of their mouths while threatening hateful violence out of the other. Recently someone implied that I should be concerned about my personal information becoming public, and this felt threatening - both in light of my own experience and the experiences of so many other women on the internet. As I said, if you click through the link in the story you'll find an overwhelming number of disturbing stories of things that went well beyond online bullying.

Corina86
01-14-14, 06:01 AM
I was never threatened, just insulted and sexually harassed.

On several sites and forums, I had to change my username to make it less female, otherwise all criticism of my opinions was me being: ugly, fat, single, sl*t, PMS-ing, hormonal, hysterical, feminist (yes, on the internet that's considering offensive) - all things related to me being a woman. Whilst with a male username, the same opinion was taken seriously or at least I was respectfully contradicted. And my own gender can be pretty important in a discussion: I would rather speak about my experience than make up an imaginary sister or girl-friend.

Also, I has a big problem with being harassed online as well. I understand that guys are expected to pursue women- even though I honestly wish it wasn't the case, since I really wish I could choose when, where and how I interact with the opposite gender- but some really can't take "no" for an answer. And it's not just one guy, there are hundreds- forums based on typical male interests or issues are off-limits for women, because everything, from discussion on toilet paper to those on autism, will be turned into a battle of the sexes and, at the same time, the same people being blatantly sexist on that forum, will pursue the same females they are arguing with, for intimate relationships! And they will be upset if they're turned down. In order to feel comfortable online, as a woman, you need to find a forum which either predominantly female or with a perfect ratio between genders and well moderated.

And all this without getting into sensitive topics like feminism, rape, groping, sexual harassment, domestic violence - if you try to tackle those, then brace yourself for the troll-attack. I've seen it happen to dozens of other women and I know I'm not strong enough to get into it myself.

And, yes, bulling is a major issue, in real life and on the Internet, for both genders, but don't forget sexual harassment and rape threats which are mostly directed at women. And what's even more annoying, is that this issue, like many others, would be easy to fix, but as long as the majority or those in power aren't affected by it, nobody cares.

sarahsweets
01-14-14, 07:10 AM
I am probably too naive for my own good.

Abi
01-14-14, 07:37 AM
Corina are these Romanian or other Eastern European forums because everyon knows that guys from there are high on vodka and low on brains.

someothertime
01-14-14, 08:38 AM
So... as a computer support guy in a country town... This guy phones up and says he can't create a hotmail account...he says he doesn't wan't help on the phone and want's someone to go out to his residence. everyone in the office just shook their heads and I thought sweet. easy 70$...

Hot day... as i'm on his computer playing with the javascript settings he is going on and on with smalltalk... being the accepting person I just went along with it...

So he offers me a drink... Now here is the weird thing.... even at best firends houses I NEVER accept... just my shyness... I have no idea why... but I said yes that day...

So he takes ages and is talking lots from his kitchen. He comes out with a cloudy glass... I took a little sip and thought in my head that's kinda weird... the flavour and color was hmmmmm..... not sure.....

7mins later... I get a strong woozy feeling.... my heart sunk... I felt very, very trapped..( if anyone has seen the movie wolf creek you will know the feeling i'm talking about ) .. so I preyed that I could stay alert enough to get out of there... kept talk light and said I had something urgent to do... and slid out fast... I thank god that I only took a teency sip... two gulps and who knows... I was extremely fit at the time so the metabolism was very fast.

I went to the police...told my boss... even had a test at the doctors... there is no proof of what he tried to do... though I have no doubt in my mind adding everything together what his intentions were... sicko...

I hope that info I gave to the authorities led to them keeping a real close eye on that dude... ( P.S. I did not read the thread... just saw the title and wanted to add my experience of a sicko )

seraphynx
01-14-14, 08:56 AM
^ that's a terrible experience. hopefully you never have to go through anything remotely like that again. :grouphug:

not afraid, per se, but definitely wary. after the stories i've read - i'll carry over my general distrust to the internet. i often go out of my way to avoid revealing my gender, as my conversational habits frequent cause others to assume i'm male.

i do think both genders are bullied; however, just cause we are discussing women does not mean we're invalidating the notion that it happens to men. that logical fallacy is tiresome. also, the victim blaming that's described in the linked article never fails to get me all kinds of riled up.

Corina86
01-14-14, 09:06 AM
Corina are these Romanian or other Eastern European forums because everyon knows that guys from there are high on vodka and low on brains.

Romanian forums suck, for all possible reasons (although I've read posts by some nice Romanians on other forums), but that's another topic.

However this I've seen on international forums as well. I know the issue is complicated: not all males do this- it's just a vocal minority, not all the jerks are male (though even females direct they meanness at other women as well, because they will get a lot of appreciation by the male trolls), banning people and censorship goes to effect freedom of speech, taking the trolls to justice raises questions about data confidentiality and some other. But still, it's easier to prevent bulling and harassment than in real life, so I don't understand why there is no incentive to do this, other than the fact that if the owner of the site simply doesn't care.

Amtram
01-14-14, 10:14 AM
Don't get me started on victim-blaming, either. . .that gets me all fired up, too.

I think it doesn't help that there are sites out there that actually teach and encourage men to do this stuff. I don't paint all men with the same brush. I often prefer the company of men to the company of women, and they sometimes seem to like me better than women do because of the way I communicate, present and censor myself. I'm almost never afraid of anyone or any situation IRL, just because I don't feel that people want to threaten me. But you don't even have to go to one of these horrible sites to see men behaving badly towards women.

Even so, there's a difference between offensive behavior towards you just because you're female on the internet (or any sort of "other" on the internet, because that behavior is certainly not limited by gender) and the specific female-targeted threats that people insinuate will be taken up IRL, or actually do follow up IRL. If you're a man on the internet and you express an unpopular opinion, it's not likely that you will be told that some good ol' fashion rapin' will teach you to know your place, and certainly not in overwhelming volumes of comments or with so many creative variations on a theme.

Being disagreed with is not the same as being threatened with violence. Even when an argument turns nasty, it's nowhere near as frightening as someone saying what they'd like to do to your body because you have the temerity to be on the internet while female. (There is a blog called man boobz, written by a man, BTW, exposing some of the most egregious examples of misogyny, and how this kind of reaction is encouraged and even taught. If you have the stomach for it, Google it.)

If you're a woman, and you've had men tell you that they would like to find you and violently assault you in person to teach you a lesson about your place, then a man saying what a shame it would be if your personal information just happened to be made public and passed along to people who share his opinion becomes a good bit more unnerving.

someothertime
01-14-14, 10:20 AM
That's horrible... ugly... disgusting... testo-posing hypocracy.

salleh
01-14-14, 11:08 AM
.....Amtram, I just went on a search for the articles I read just a few days ago, and of course being ADHD, I can't remember exactly when .....so I searched my history, with no luck, I may set records with the amount of sites I visit on any day, so I was unsuccessful ......

.....However the article made a heavy impression on me ....and led to 2 other articles, all on the subject of online trolling ....one man was pursued online by someone who threatened his life, his families life, found out his phone number and mailed stuff to his house .....also trolled and threatened his wife too .....

...after a year of trying to dodge the troll, the guy went to a friend who is a computer expert, and after several days, he found out that the troll was the son of the expert....who was 17......the subject decided to confront the boy with his behavior, and both parents, the boy and the subject went out to dinner, and after dinner, he brought out the evidence, and told of the year he had spent, and the damage that had done to him and his family .....the boys responce was that he had done it just for fun ....and was appalled at what he had done to the subject ....


........what I got from the way the boy responded was that he truly had no idea just how severe the pain he had caused was .....and that was the opinion of the subject also .....so he didn't report him to the authorities .....

.......the orginal article concerned a woman who was telling of her life and blog and how the trolls had threatened her and found out where she lived and I forget what the outcome of that is .....

....Chances are that I found it on something like Bill Moyers, or Huffington Post, for sure a site with a liberal agenda ....

......and when I spent a lot of time on "i can has cheeseburger" we had a few trolls bother us there, ....

......I do not like mankind, only a few individuals, and I think that the net is a breeding ground of hate for some extremists .....and you are not safe just because you are using a username .....clever people can find out everything about you .....


.......I have been lucky, and not run into that problem ...on my facebook account I subscribe to a lot of liberal sites, and have been known to have written a lot against the right ....it might very well come home to bite me ....


....But I can't live in fear ....I'll deal with a problem should one arise .....but someone will have to dig a fair amount to find me ....I don't take extra effort to hide, but there are some safeguards built in ....I guess I just don't really know how hard it is to find out the particulars about someone ....


....I live in California, that alone tells you that I don't live in fear .....many Californians pay a heavy price to live here ! ....


......I will keep my eye out for that article for you though AMtram .....and get it to you

silivrentoliel
01-14-14, 11:19 AM
I'm not afraid of anyone, quite literally. Things frighten me, situations frighten me, but never people. I'm the oblivious idiot who will walk somewhere unsafe and never realize the potential for danger though...

Fuzzy12
01-14-14, 11:26 AM
I'm not afraid of anyone, quite literally. Things frighten me, situations frighten me, but never people. I'm the oblivious idiot who will walk somewhere unsafe and never realize the potential for danger though...

Me too. I just can't fathom anything bad happening to me. Not from people. Though I know that that's just naive and I've been pretty lucky...

I've never experienced anything bad on the internet but I'm sure it happens. Well, obviously it does since so many members have already recounted some seriously horrible experiences.

Corina86
01-14-14, 11:37 AM
I think this is more about being annoyed than actually afraid. I don't get scared by the Internet crowd. After all, if they were really dangerous they would be doing this s**t for real. Rapists don't send mail, they rape. But it's still frustrating when you have to take all that cr*p from people and you're not able to retaliate. You just have to suck it up and wait for them go get bored- and they don't get bored easily. In the meantime, you have to waste your time and your nerves deleting insulting messages from your inbox. It's even worse that many are doing this to shut other people up. It's like an unpaid militia that tries to terrorize people out of their opinions.

@Salleh,
Yes, the Internet is a breeding ground of hate for extremists since it's anonymous and I'm glad some people are starting to see it. I believe in freedom of speech, but not in hate speech. If you're not allowed to shut out in the park to: "rape all the b*tches" and "kill all the n*ggers" why should you be allowed to do so on the Internet?

Amtram
01-14-14, 11:59 AM
.....Amtram, I just went on a search for the articles I read just a few days ago, and of course being ADHD, I can't remember exactly when .....so I searched my history, with no luck, I may set records with the amount of sites I visit on any day, so I was unsuccessful ......


I actually remember reading that myself. It was really disturbing. There were some others about trolls who simply did not see that they were doing anything wrong, and felt no remorse when they were told about the repercussions of what they were doing.

They're different from the people who are angry and aggressive and actively out to do harm. But sometimes there's a thin line between the two.

Dmitri
01-14-14, 01:23 PM
I used to be really active on socialmedia and a bunch of forums, now I only really use twitter, this site, and on a very rare occasion, facebook and tumblr.

I used to like browser based games such as Runescape but as I got into lacrosse I tried to avoid those things, they take up so much of your time, time that could be spent laxing

Have I been cyber bullied? Depends on what your definition is. I've had people gang up on me, I've felt very bad about myself because of what people have said online, but really it helped me develop a thick skin, I guess you can see that as a bonus.

Then again the internet desensitizes you to a lot of things. Places like 4chan crack jokes about columbine and stuff like that on not even a daily, but a minutely basis. Someone who has never used the internet would be appalled by this kind of stuff, and rightfully, it's pretty messed up. But the more you use the internet the less sensitive you get. I can no longer be affected by someone intentionally trying to hurt me (yeah I can get ****** off if somebody's genuinely a jerk and stupid, not just trying to mess with you) but at the same time I laugh at racist jokes and jokes about shooting up schools and I think that's pretty messed up

is this going off subject?

In conclusion I'm not really afraid of people on the internet because they're all cowards. I consider myself decently athletic and anybody bigger than me would be playing sports not hanging around social media. So even if someone on the internet tracked me down I'd probably just roundhouse their ***. I'm not afraid of pedophiles either because I'm kind of you know, 18 and ugly, I think I've outgrown pedophiles

Dmitri
01-14-14, 01:25 PM
If they're threatening you with physical violence you should not be afraid at all. Even if they manage to find out where you live, it's called 9-1-1. Plus if they're preparing to "kick your ***" with their fist I'm sure that you have some old baseball equipment or in my case a large assortment of blowtorches, lighterfluid, and knives, you got nothing to worry about

Lunacie
01-14-14, 03:14 PM
If they're threatening you with physical violence you should not be afraid at all. Even if they manage to find out where you live, it's called 9-1-1. Plus if they're preparing to "kick your ***" with their fist I'm sure that you have some old baseball equipment or in my case a large assortment of blowtorches, lighterfluid, and knives, you got nothing to worry about

Do you live right next door to the police station?

Unless you do, you can certainly get hurt or even killed before the cops can get there.
Especially if you live in a rural area, like I used to.

Small town, no cops, if you live on the west side of the county
and the highway patrol car is on the east side of the county when they get your call,
it can take over 30 minutes for them arrive.

I had a crazy neighbor once when I was living in that situation, it took a lot of thought
and a lot of being seriously scared for his family before I called 911,
taking the chance he could come after me and ...

I didn't really want to have to keep the shotgun next to my chair or bed or toilet or bathtub
every minute of the day and night.

I think fear is a perfectly valid reaction.

psychopathetic
01-14-14, 10:11 PM
If they're threatening you with physical violence you should not be afraid at all. Even if they manage to find out where you live, it's called 9-1-1. Plus if they're preparing to "kick your ***" with their fist I'm sure that you have some old baseball equipment or in my case a large assortment of blowtorches, lighterfluid, and knives, you got nothing to worry about

Yeah. Cause being threatened to be physically hurt or even killed is nothing to worry about at all! Right? I mean...that is exactly what you're saying right?
:doh::doh::doh:
/end sarcasm

...and yes...if it's not completely obvious lol, his response did aggravate me. :mad:

(((((((HUGS)))))))

Dmitri
01-14-14, 10:38 PM
I mean you can worry about it, you can also worry about somebody randomly burglarizing your house and raping you, there's probably a higher chance of that happening.

The idea of a coward hiding behind a computer screen actually going so far as to back up what he says is ridiculous.

I mean you really want to worry about this stuff? Fine, live your entire life in paranoia. 41 percent of all people will get cancer if they live past 50, you want to live day to day dreading going to chemotherapy be my guest.

Dmitri
01-14-14, 10:39 PM
These guys are nothing but cowards and I believe fearing them is absolutely ridiculous

Lunacie
01-14-14, 11:10 PM
I mean you can worry about it, you can also worry about somebody randomly burglarizing your house and raping you, there's probably a higher chance of that happening.

The idea of a coward hiding behind a computer screen actually going so far as to back up what he says is ridiculous. Your tone is also rude and uncalled for and as usual does not contribute anything.

I mean you really want to worry about this stuff? Fine, live your entire life in paranoia. 41 percent of all people will get cancer if they live past 50, you want to live day to day dreading going to chemotherapy be my guest.

There's clearly a difference between reasonable fear of a specific threat
and worry about totally random things that might happen.

If you have a family history of cancer it's reasonable to get checkups.
It's also reasonable to have good locks on your windows and doors.

I don't think it's reasonable to ignore threats, specific threats.
Unless of course you like being raped and killed.
.

Rebelyell
01-14-14, 11:15 PM
W ******** like these no wonder women don't trust any men when put in abusive backs against the wall situations.Men abuse physically and psychologically while women I believe will use there wits and get you verbally or psychologically which can be worse but abuse is abuse.You never know what people or how people are thinking or what they might do dimitri,I think humans are more unpredictable animals then the animals.Why my mom always told me dont stare and don't stare into peoples eyes too long because you never know what there thinking or what they will do,the windows were the eyes to the soul she use to tell me.

salleh
01-15-14, 01:06 AM
My ex taught me one thing I think is pretty valid ......you never know what crazy people are going to do .....( and of course by crazy I mean psychotic.....)

.....and as I was starting to write that sentence ....it just now dawns on me ....there's a good chance that's why he filed for divorce within about 3 months, no more than 6 months ...I can't really remember exactly when, after I was diagnosed with ADHD ...


....... He thought I was crazy .....what a concept ! ....*wanders off looking thoughtful*

psychopathetic
01-15-14, 01:12 AM
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((salleh)))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))

meadd823
01-15-14, 01:50 AM
IN open forums, social media I tend toward gender neutral user names - I don't go out of my way to advertize my gender but I don't go out of my way to hide it either

While I think having some one who takes stuff written on the internet and tracks you down in real life would be un-nerving to any one it is not some thing I think of often.

I keep my social media pretty superficial - however that is less about safety concerns and more about the notion that most people don;t really give a crap what I think any way so I don't bother with the multiple edits and spelling struggles -

I post stuff on social media I find entertaining or funny even that stuff I generally share from other people's pages who have better ability to communicate via the written word

I do get into debates or disagreement with people on-line and on facebook on occasion but I only give it an exchange or two before I let it alone due to lack of interest and / or time.

My movements would be difficult to track much less predict, I keep an irregular schedule, multiple vehicles, multiple jobs many of which requires driving to multiple locations in a single day Heck I have a hard time keeping track of me. . .

I simply do not see me as having any thing to say that is worth some one coming all the way to BFE Texas wading through used cat boxes, fifty zillion cats shedding fur , dealing with my talkative husbands line of crap just to be used for target practice by an ADHD female wielding 20 gauge shot gun loaded with #4 buck shot who can fire six rounds between loadings . . . .If I want some one to leave me alone I have a gift of making it where they end up wanting to do just that!!!!! It is one of my few natural talents in this life!!!! :p

The one man I should have feared on line I ended up marrying {shrug}

The last time a man threatened to assault me I told him that "violence is a fools way of letting me know he is out of intellectual ammunition" by the time this was processed I had acquired me one of them iron clad equalizers.

I grew up with physically violent people who were bigger than me so I guess I am pretty much insane by now. . . .

Sorry some here have felt oppressed by threats of violence. No it should not happen but abuse of all types should not be allowed period but it happens to living beings every second of every day. Nothing I say, do or feel is gonna make it stop.

Lizzie80
01-15-14, 02:55 AM
Corina are these Romanian or other Eastern European forums because everyon knows that guys from there are high on vodka and low on brains.
LMAO, Abi!

Lizzie80
01-15-14, 03:17 AM
Yeah. Cause being threatened to be physically hurt or even killed is nothing to worry about at all! Right? I mean...that is exactly what you're saying right?
:doh::doh::doh:
/end sarcasm

...and yes...if it's not completely obvious lol, his response did aggravate me. :mad:

(((((((HUGS)))))))

You're not the only one who's aggravated!

To any men anywhere, just make it a rule of thumb...

1) Most women here don't want to see links to provocative photos or vids. If you catch this sort of stuff, pls have it removed. What we view, laugh at, enjoy in privacy shouldn't always b shared on a forum.

2) If we say we r being harassed or threatened, DON'T tell us we're hysterical, and have nothing to worry about.

3) Even if a person is openly female in her picture choice and forum name, even if she's attractive and vivacious, it doesn't mean she's "open season" for ladykillers and hunters out there.

Lizzie80
01-15-14, 03:24 AM
So... as a computer support guy in a country town... This guy phones up and says he can't create a hotmail account...he says he doesn't wan't help on the phone and want's someone to go out to his residence. everyone in the office just shook their heads and I thought sweet. easy 70$...

Hot day... as i'm on his computer playing with the javascript settings he is going on and on with smalltalk... being the accepting person I just went along with it...

So he offers me a drink... Now here is the weird thing.... even at best firends houses I NEVER accept... just my shyness... I have no idea why... but I said yes that day...

So he takes ages and is talking lots from his kitchen. He comes out with a cloudy glass... I took a little sip and thought in my head that's kinda weird... the flavour and color was hmmmmm..... not sure.....

7mins later... I get a strong woozy feeling.... my heart sunk... I felt very, very trapped..( if anyone has seen the movie wolf creek you will know the feeling i'm talking about ) .. so I preyed that I could stay alert enough to get out of there... kept talk light and said I had something urgent to do... and slid out fast... I thank god that I only took a teency sip... two gulps and who knows... I was extremely fit at the time so the metabolism was very fast.

I went to the police...told my boss... even had a test at the doctors... there is no proof of what he tried to do... though I have no doubt in my mind adding everything together what his intentions were... sicko...

I hope that info I gave to the authorities led to them keeping a real close eye on that dude... ( P.S. I did not read the thread... just saw the title and wanted to add my experience of a sicko )

:grouphug:

Dmitri
01-15-14, 10:51 AM
There's clearly a difference between reasonable fear of a specific threat
and worry about totally random things that might happen.

If you have a family history of cancer it's reasonable to get checkups.
It's also reasonable to have good locks on your windows and doors.

I don't think it's reasonable to ignore threats, specific threats.
Unless of course you like being raped and killed.
.


I got trash-talked and threatened with bodily harm when I was sticking up for an autistic kid online. The autistic kid hit his brother because his brother constantly bullied him. This guy was making fun of him and saying he was gonna find him and kick his ***, I simply stated that last time he tried to fight someone from the freshman class it didn't go so well (he is a junior now, but when he was a freshman and all the current freshmen were seventh graders, he tried to fight a kid and got sent to the hospital crying his eyes out.)

This is what I get in return, he says next time he sees me I will be sent to the hospital.

I told him that he isn't and that he's just trying to act hard over the internet. I was absolutely right. Even though he occasionally whispered "*****" in the hallway I survived the ordeal without getting my *** kicked. And I wasnt' scared throughout. This kind of stuff happens all the time

And these are kids that I see outside of the internet on a regular basis. I'm not a particularly big or intimidating person, I'm 5'7 and 130 pounds. I mean I'm a black belt and have a moderately solid roundhouse kick, but I don't tell people that. So why am I confident that I will be safe from harm, other than my martial arts experience?

Because people who make threats on the internet are cowards. If someone as tiny as me is not afraid of people he sees every day making threats over the internet, why should anyone be afraid of someone that they have never met? Cowards will say anything over the internet to act hard but if they ever saw you in person they wouldn't do it.

Now I actually tend to follow through in person, but that's only when people are threatening me, so if you did nothing wrong and are not threatening people why live in paranoia?

There are probably at least 20 kids who I know in real life who threatened to send me to the hospital and to horrible things to me over social media, I can send more screenshots but redacting all the names is a lot of work and not really worth it. Out of all the people not a single one has followed through. And that's just people who I know in real life, there are hundreds literally hundreds of people who I've never met that make threats to me.

I've said this a million times but the bottom line is people who make threats over the internet are COWARDS. Plain and simple, and anyone who fears these cowards is a coward themselves! Honestly you people need to gain some self esteem. Do you really consider yourself so defenseless that someone whos enough of a coward to make threats over the internet can actually harm you? Buy a gun or something for god's sake if you're that paranoid.

Amtram
01-15-14, 11:39 AM
Dmitri, I respect that your experience has validity for you. However, it's not quite the same experience.

1. Anonymity/stalking - you know who's threatening you. You know this person's name, can find out where he lives, can get protection against him. Go to the link in the OP, click through the article link, and see the difference. It's not the same when someone you don't know, whom you can't track down, whom you wouldn't know if you were face-to-face with him, starts sending you threats in the mail right to your house or starts leaving threatening messages in your voicemail or your answering machine. The level of fear this generates is completely different. You know there's a threat, and you know that some stranger is following you around with malicious intent, but you can't do anything to defend yourself because you don't know who it is. They make horror movies based around this very premise for good reason.

2. You are more likely to be taken seriously. America is one of the least tolerant countries when it comes to gender-based assault, and yet we still have a culture that subtly encourages it, defends the assailants, and blames the victims. Again, go back and read. And talk to a few women and ask them if they've ever been sexually harassed or assaulted, and whether or not they felt safe reporting it. Most will say they kept it a secret, because they were afraid they'd be blamed for provoking their own assault. Not all women have Anonymous behind them, and even Anonymous doesn't stick around when they're still being blamed years after the fact.

3. These guys are cowards in that they hide behind anonymity. This doesn't mean they won't actually take action. Anonymity gives them greater leeway in actually committing the acts they threaten, actually. And even if they don't actually do anything, living day to day wondering if and when they might is horrific. Especially (see 1. and 2.) when nobody, including law enforcement, sees it as something that needs to be taken seriously.

Amtram
01-15-14, 11:47 AM
I just recalled another incident that I'd packed away inside my mind from long ago. The last time I remembered it was when "I Will Possess Your Heart" was released (Death Cab for Cutie song) and a friend insisted that it was romantic.

I was actually stalked IRL a long, long time ago. I was living alone and working 30 miles away from home. I went to my car one morning and found a long letter under my windshield from a man who. . ."wanted to meet" me. No information on how to contact him, instructions to put a response note under my wipers the night before with MY telephone number. It was a paean to my beauty and grace and how he just knew I was a wonderful person and we would be perfect together and he would treat me like a precious treasure.

Romantic, right?

No.

All I took away from it is that some stranger has been watching me every morning for months from a distance, probably knows where I live, wants to know how to contact me without revealing any of his own personal information, and has decided what kind of person he wants me to be without ever having talked to me.

That is some scary stuff. I started parking several blocks in the opposite direction after that.

Lunacie
01-15-14, 12:47 PM
^This is what happened when I was sticking up for an autistic kid. (click so you can see better) The autistic kid hit his brother because his brother constantly bullied him. This guy was making fun of him and saying he was gonna find him and kick his ***, I simply stated that last time he tried to fight someone from the freshman class it didn't go so well (he is a junior now, but when he was a freshman and all the current freshmen were seventh graders, he tried to fight a kid and got sent to the hospital crying his eyes out.)

This is what I get in return, he says next time he sees me I will be sent to the hospital.

I told him that he isn't and that he's just trying to act hard over the internet. I was absolutely right. Even though he occasionally whispered "*****" in the hallway I survived the ordeal without getting my *** kicked. And I wasnt' scared throughout. This kind of stuff happens all the time

And these are kids that I see outside of the internet on a regular basis. I'm not a particularly big or intimidating person, I'm 5'7 and 130 pounds. I mean I'm a black belt and have a moderately solid roundhouse kick, but I don't tell people that. So why am I confident that I will be safe from harm, other than my martial arts experience?

Because people who make threats on the internet are cowards. If someone as tiny as me is not afraid of people he sees every day making threats over the internet, why should anyone be afraid of someone that they have never met? Cowards will say anything over the internet to act hard but if they ever saw you in person they wouldn't do it.

Now I actually tend to follow through in person, but that's only when people are threatening me, so if you did nothing wrong and are not threatening people why live in paranoia?

There are probably at least 20 kids who I know in real life who threatened to send me to the hospital and to horrible things to me over social media, I can send more screenshots but redacting all the names is a lot of work and not really worth it. Out of all the people not a single one has followed through. And that's just people who I know in real life, there are hundreds literally hundreds of people who I've never met that make threats to me.

I've said this a million times but the bottom line is people who make threats over the internet are COWARDS. Plain and simple, and anyone who fears these cowards is a coward themselves! Honestly you people need to gain some self esteem. Do you really consider yourself so defenseless that someone whos enough of a coward to make threats over the internet can actually harm you? Buy a gun or something for god's sake if you're that paranoid.

I really appreciate you sticking up for a kid with Autism. My granddaughter is Autistic.
:thankyou:

But as has been pointed out, there is a difference between being threatened by a
stranger and being threatened by a kid you've seen at high school. You have a pretty
good idea whether the kid has a reputation for being violent or a cry-baby, eh?

On the other hand, someone who contacts you via the internet, anonymously,
you've got no idea at all whether he's certifiably bonkers and has an arrest record
for violence or abuse.
.

Lizzie80
01-18-14, 08:09 PM
^This is what happened when I was sticking up for an autistic kid. (click so you can see better) The autistic kid hit his brother because his brother constantly bullied him. This guy was making fun of him and saying he was gonna find him and kick his ***, I simply stated that last time he tried to fight someone from the freshman class it didn't go so well (he is a junior now, but when he was a freshman and all the current freshmen were seventh graders, he tried to fight a kid and got sent to the hospital crying his eyes out.)

This is what I get in return, he says next time he sees me I will be sent to the hospital.

I told him that he isn't and that he's just trying to act hard over the internet. I was absolutely right. Even though he occasionally whispered "*****" in the hallway I survived the ordeal without getting my *** kicked. And I wasnt' scared throughout. This kind of stuff happens all the time

And these are kids that I see outside of the internet on a regular basis. I'm not a particularly big or intimidating person, I'm 5'7 and 130 pounds. I mean I'm a black belt and have a moderately solid roundhouse kick, but I don't tell people that. So why am I confident that I will be safe from harm, other than my martial arts experience?

Because people who make threats on the internet are cowards. If someone as tiny as me is not afraid of people he sees every day making threats over the internet, why should anyone be afraid of someone that they have never met? Cowards will say anything over the internet to act hard but if they ever saw you in person they wouldn't do it.



Now I actually tend to follow through in person, but that's only when people are threatening me, so if you did nothing wrong and are not threatening people why live in paranoia?

There are probably at least 20 kids who I know in real life who threatened to send me to the hospital and to horrible things to me over social media, I can send more screenshots but redacting all the names is a lot of work and not really worth it. Out of all the people not a single one has followed through. And that's just people who I know in real life, there are hundreds literally hundreds of people who I've never met that make threats to me.

I've said this a million times but the bottom line is people who make threats over the internet are COWARDS. Plain and simple, and anyone who fears these cowards is a coward themselves! Honestly you people need to gain some self esteem. Do you really consider yourself so defenseless that someone whos enough of a coward to make threats over the internet can actually harm you? Buy a gun or something for god's sake if you're that paranoid.

"You people need to gain some self esteem"...and you really have no right to cast judgment on anyone else's degree of self-esteem. Or say that someone is a coward if they feel fear when they're threatened, online or otherwise. None of us have a definite idea of why anyone feels anything in life, including fear. We have no clue what might have occurred in a person's past, them makes them take a threat so seriously (no matter how little possibility it is that such a threat will be carried out). Your point is taken on the subjects this thread touches on, but there's never a reason to call people on the forums here cowardly, even if you privately believe that to be the case.

Fraser_0762
01-18-14, 08:46 PM
Remember those days when you used to know everybody in your street?

How many people these days even know who their next door neighbour is?

Digital contact has taken over real life communication. That's why people are so wary and self defensive online, because you can't see face to face.

I've lost count of the amount of times i've been accused of being a stocker online, simply because i'm male.

These accusations are ok apparently, because we've just to assume the worst out of anybody we don't physically know.

fracturedstory
01-18-14, 09:37 PM
I think this thread needs a 'trigger warning.' I never really understood the need for them but it set off my PTSD and paranoia.

Fraser can be my bodyguard.

The internet is full of idiots. The less time I spend on it the better. Trolls also have a way of making you think they'll be after you when they don't do a damn thing. One tried to make it seem I knew them in real life, little did they know I can count all the people I know on one hand, minus family members. I have a big family. A big strong muscular family. Lots of brothers. Gladiators. One is nicknamed Thor, the other Hercules.

I just take what people say on the internet less seriously and know when to stop talking to someone and never say the kind of things that can provoke them. It's unfair but that's the way it is.

Fraser_0762
01-18-14, 09:46 PM
I think this thread needs a 'trigger warning.' I never really understood the need for them but it set off my PTSD and paranoia.

Fraser can be my bodyguard.

The internet is full of idiots. The less time I spend on it the better. Trolls also have a way of making you think they'll be after you when they don't do a damn thing. One tried to make it seem I knew them in real life, little did they know I can count all the people I know on one hand, minus family members. I have a big family. A big strong muscular family. Lots of brothers. Gladiators. One is nicknamed Thor, the other Hercules.

I just take what people say on the internet less seriously and know when to stop talking to someone and never say the kind of things that can provoke them. It's unfair but that's the way it is.

Agreed.

I believe there's a very small percentage of people online looking to harm another person. Probably not much larger than outwidth the internet itself.

The problem with the internet is that tempers tend to flare much more easily. People generally have far less control behind a keyboard than they do in person. There's also much more potential for debate over the internet, creating a larger potential for conflict and abuse.

But i'd say a vast majority of the abuse dished out online, is by people who would never actually abuse a person to that extent in person and is just looking to put fear into the other person out of anger or frustration.

Anyway, i'll be your bodyguard.... just incase.

Daydreamin22
01-18-14, 09:47 PM
After being exposed to Nevermore, yes.

I am like a guard dog when someone appears to have a "difficult personality" because it always escalates.

FroGpants
03-25-14, 04:16 PM
I am not gonna lie, I'm reading thru this and wondering how on earth all this is happening.

I clicked on this thread bc of the original question and was going to tell my story of my ex who posed as ME online and sex chatted with women :eek: One night he came to me in a near panic because one of them wanted to call him (thought he was a her of course) and he had given her his (our) number and would I please please talk to her and talk to her like I'd been the one chatting with her the whole time.

Gah!!

So I'm curious, if you get a bullying comment or post or whatever from someone you don't know, why don't you ignore them? Or if it's on your blog, can't you delete it?

I've been doing this internet ever since Al Gore first invented it and belonged to different forums over the years and if anyone has ever sounded even remotely threatening I just ignore them. It doesn't make sense to engage anyone like that.

I change up my info and never give my real date of birth (not even on facebook) or other info. I mean I have no idea if someone could find me or not but they're not going to have much fun with me because I'll get all worked up about it for a few hours then i'm over it. Not making light of it, just saying they're sick annoying creeps and I'm not going to do anything that could encourage them to stick around.

But part of that is that I just don't deal with bull** anymore. Maybe it was having an abusive ex but it's no longer 3 strikes you're out. Now it's one strike and I'm calling the cops. Why would I allow another chance? You've already shown what you're capable of.

Seriously, if it's a situation that you can walk away from, just walk away. Don't let them get to you. That's all they want in the first place.

And for the love of God, don't flirt online. Don't get romantic with someone based on a pic. And don't talk about sex. You don't have a clue who's on the other end.

I can certainly empathize with being sexually harassed and bullied. I've experienced it on the job. I'm just wondering how all this is happening online.

Corina86
03-26-14, 05:20 AM
I am not gonna lie, I'm reading thru this and wondering how on earth all this is happening.

I clicked on this thread bc of the original question and was going to tell my story of my ex who posed as ME online and sex chatted with women :eek: One night he came to me in a near panic because one of them wanted to call him (thought he was a her of course) and he had given her his (our) number and would I please please talk to her and talk to her like I'd been the one chatting with her the whole time.

Gah!!

So I'm curious, if you get a bullying comment or post or whatever from someone you don't know, why don't you ignore them? Or if it's on your blog, can't you delete it?

I've been doing this internet ever since Al Gore first invented it and belonged to different forums over the years and if anyone has ever sounded even remotely threatening I just ignore them. It doesn't make sense to engage anyone like that.

I change up my info and never give my real date of birth (not even on facebook) or other info. I mean I have no idea if someone could find me or not but they're not going to have much fun with me because I'll get all worked up about it for a few hours then i'm over it. Not making light of it, just saying they're sick annoying creeps and I'm not going to do anything that could encourage them to stick around.

But part of that is that I just don't deal with bull** anymore. Maybe it was having an abusive ex but it's no longer 3 strikes you're out. Now it's one strike and I'm calling the cops. Why would I allow another chance? You've already shown what you're capable of.

Seriously, if it's a situation that you can walk away from, just walk away. Don't let them get to you. That's all they want in the first place.

And for the love of God, don't flirt online. Don't get romantic with someone based on a pic. And don't talk about sex. You don't have a clue who's on the other end.

I can certainly empathize with being sexually harassed and bullied. I've experienced it on the job. I'm just wondering how all this is happening online.


Sorry you had through all that with the ex. What a creep!!! :mad:

About being bullied on the Internet: it's easy to avoid it if you're not very active, but for some people, their Internet life and friends are important for them. Some even depend on the Internet to make a living.

I usually do as you say: delete a post, report it or just back away completely. But it's not fair that I have to avoid so many sites just because the trolls and bullies come along. It's like saying to a kid that he shouldn't go to school just because there are bullies there; or that he should just ignore the bullies (which never works in real life, I don't know why people assume it works on the Internet) or even fight them (yes, it's easier to fight someone over the Internet because strength doesn't matter, but if they know enough information about you, they can make your real life a living hell). In fact the only real acceptable solution is for bullying and harassment to be stopped by those who are in position of authority: teachers, police, employers, site administrators.

Fuzzy12
03-26-14, 05:45 AM
I think the problem arises or becomes worse when it seems that someone is not just trolling online but might actually make a move off line. If i remember right someone on this thread mentioning that starts seemed to have a lot of personal influencing about you. . Out pretend that they have. That's scary stuff... it's even scarier when you actually haven't shared any personal info.

When I was younger I used to get followed around a lot. It didn't bother me that much but I think that was just because I was pretty naive. Ii remember when I was 17 there was this guy standing everyday opposite to my bus stop and glaring at me. Guest I thought he just happened to be waiting for his bus as well. It took me a while to realise that there was no bus stop on the other side of the road. :doh: one day he was there with his friend on a bike and they filed my bus all the way to my stop. And then they continued following me as I walked home. I didn't want them to know where I live so I took some short cuts across the field and I managed to lose them. It wasn't that scary. I was so angry though.

The next morning I saw the guy in front of my college gates staring at me and I went up to him and yelled at him. I asked him why he was following me and he just kept saying that he wanted to be my friend. I just got more and more angry he didn't answer my question. Anyway he kept b following me around for a few days and then he finally stopped. It was easy back then to just vdismiss it as silly college boys behaviour and i was sort of used to it but more i think it would really freak me out. I mean you just never know who and what is harmless and what isn't. .and it's infuriating and disturbing that there are people who just don't respect your privacy or the request that they leave you alone. To me that's always felt so dismissive and invalidating.

Hmm. .I had a point but I've forgotten it. . :doh: and I Tchaikovsky I might have shared this story anyway already on this thread. And it's got bluffing to do with the internet :doh:



.I am not gonna lie, I'm reading thru this and wondering how on earth all this is happening.

I clicked on this thread bc of the original question and was going to tell my story of my ex who posed as ME online and sex chatted with women :eek: One night he came to me in a near panic because one of them wanted to call him (thought he was a her of course) and he had given her his (our) number and would I please please talk to her and talk to her like I'd been the one chatting with her the whole time.

Gah!!

So I'm curious, if you get a bullying comment or post or whatever from someone you don't know, why don't you ignore them? Or if it's on your blog, can't you delete it?

I've been doing this internet ever since Al Gore first invented it and belonged to different forums over the years and if anyone has ever sounded even remotely threatening I just ignore them. It doesn't make sense to engage anyone like that.

I change up my info and never give my real date of birth (not even on facebook) or other info. I mean I have no idea if someone could find me or not but they're not going to have much fun with me because I'll get all worked up about it for a few hours then i'm over it. Not making light of it, just saying they're sick annoying creeps and I'm not going to do anything that could encourage them to stick around.

But part of that is that I just don't deal with bull** anymore. Maybe it was having an abusive ex but it's no longer 3 strikes you're out. Now it's one strike and I'm calling the cops. Why would I allow another chance? You've already shown what you're capable of.

Seriously, if it's a situation that you can walk away from, just walk away. Don't let them get to you. That's all they want in the first place.

And for the love of God, don't flirt online. Don't get romantic with someone based on a pic. And don't talk about sex. You don't have a clue who's on the other end.

I can certainly empathize with being sexually harassed and bullied. I've experienced it on the job. I'm just wondering how all this is happening online.