View Full Version : Tough Realization


Outtherechica
03-15-05, 08:58 PM
About a year ago , I figured out what was wrong with me . I'm 17 and am making progress ,finally,on organizing my life and able to finish things.

The thing is, socially, I feel so bad. :( I'm just now realizing I talk to much , interrupt, and don't allow a long enough pause for people to collect their though. I've been really working on this the past few weeks. I'm making a good bit of progress, but I still feel really insecure.

Any advice? Or success stories ?

ADDitives
03-16-05, 05:55 AM
i'm getting worse.

just remember... when somethign pops into your head.... THEY DONT NEED TO KNOW! :) (and the honest truth is, they probably dont give a f! unless threy very close to you.. but even then they deserve some recognizable speech and a turn to talk)

remember that a conversation is CONVERSE-ATION. Converse means swapping or sharing. You are SHARING your talking, and thats the entire point. Don't have a monologue (James and I are terrible doers of having monologues and not letting others speak!)

Try to remeember what youre doing. Another word for conversation is DIALOGUE. Dialogue is different from MONOLOGUE.
Mono = 1
Logue = talking
Dia = more than one

Which do you want to do? Try to keep this in mind.

just keep on with what youre saying, and then have a pause.

i do this incessantly with random bull****. James does this incessantly with stories about the past or about his day or about interesting things. Neither of us leave room for comments for antoher person.

It's just something you have to work on... realizing that other people might have something to comment on, and if you let them say its its good. OR they might ahve no clue what youre talking about.

try to just slow down.

There are times when our lots of random thoughts an ideas and things to say are great... There are other situations, where we need to just slow the f*** down, DONT show all the ticking inside your head, and at least SEEM like you have a linear train of thought.

It's a hard mix between

Feeling like the annoying person ---------------------------------- Needing to say things, be understood, be yourself

exeter
03-16-05, 07:42 AM
I have had/am having the same types of feelings. Now that I've started treatment, I'm noticing the things I do or have done a lot more. I have to say, though, it feels better than being clueless about what was "wrong" with me. At least now I know I can do something about these things.

Relax, forgive yourself a little. After all, you're learning a whole new way to behave, and it takes time to get it right.

Outtherechica
03-19-05, 12:49 AM
Please delete this ,I messed up:confused:

Outtherechica
03-19-05, 12:54 AM
Exeter : You have a point. Since you've been working on it (if you have been), do you notice a difference ? How old were you when you were diagnoised as AD/HD? How old are you now?

Sorry to hit you up for an interview , but I was just curious.



ADDitives: Thanks for the advice.:)

exeter
03-19-05, 02:42 AM
I am 30 now, and was diagnosed exactly one year ago. I started with a psychiatrist very shortly thereafter, and began seeing a therapist about 3 months after that, when an opening finally came available with one of the therapists in the same office as my psychiatrist.

I definitely notice a huge difference in both my behavior and how I feel about my behavior since I've started treatment. The meds and the therapy have both helped in different ways. Meds had the most immediate impact and made a huge difference in my attentional and motivation issues. Suddenly, I could find my car in the parking lot of Wal Mart, I noticed my room becoming a lot cleaner, and things were just getting done.

Seeing a therapist forced me to stay on track. I don't think I'd have completed my grad school application process before I started treatment (in fact, I didn't -- I graduated 5 years ago, first applied to grad school about 4 years ago, and only managed to submit one complete app that was rejected.) I've learned a lot about myself and my limitations and I forgive myself a lot more easily than I have in the past. I've started living a generally more healthy life by eating better, having my wisdom teeth removed, and seeing a doctor for a physical. Before this past year, I hadn't seen anyone in a white coat (that includes docs and dentists) in 10+ years, and that was at the emergency room because I was going to die from an asthma attack if I didn't go.

I have a long ways to go. Right now, I've been forced to move in with my parents until school starts, and that's causing a bit of anxiety all around. Compared to when I was in college, though, I am dealing with it in a much healthier way. Now I know I'm not aware of all the things I do that my parents may see as disrespectful or disruptive to their lives. A good example is leaving lights on when I fall asleep. I am terrible about that. It drives my mom insane. I didn't really know the degree to which it did, though, until she told me. When she told me, I told her in a non-defensive way "Ok, now that I am aware of this issue, I can make an effort to deal with it," and, then, I did. Had this happened when I was in college, the whole issue may have festered for a week or 2. The whole process of diagnosis/meds/therapy has provided me with the awareness and ability to deal with this situation in a healthy way.

I am quite envious that you were diagnosed at 16. :D Had I been diagnosed at that age, I may have been able to do a few things a lot better than I actually did, and not felt like I wasted most of the past 10 years. You've got a chance that a lot of us who were diagnosed later in life didn't have, and that's to not have to constantly think the past X years of your life were wasted due to ADD. It sounds like you are really taking responsibility and ownership for your actions and behavior now that you're more aware of it. Once you do that, ADD can't "make" you do anything, really. If you make a mistake due to ADD, which is going to happen at some point, you can laugh about it, forgive yourself, and go fix it or do better next time.

Outtherechica
03-20-05, 12:22 AM
:) :cool: Thanks a lot for the story. I find that amazing that your getting out of the hole though, no matter what the age. It's very encourging and it's awesome your doing better.

thrillofitall
03-22-05, 01:38 AM
Well it all depends on who you are with, many of my friends are ADHD/ADD and well we just are very random with each other, it's because we understand each other. When arround other people I try to control my random statements, though sometimes I just need to share. It's all about realizing when it's appropriate and when it isn't. It's tough but well just be you :D

Outtherechica
03-25-05, 10:15 PM
Well it all depends on who you are with, many of my friends are ADHD/ADD and well we just are very random with each other, it's because we understand each other. When arround other people I try to control my random statements, though sometimes I just need to share. It's all about realizing when it's appropriate and when it isn't. It's tough but well just be you :D
Thanks for sharing :cool:

Toby
03-26-05, 01:36 PM
This is an issue that i've had deal with relatively recently too (Last year or so maybe).

To be honest when i was first diagnosed, I was so relieved that there was some sort of external entity outside my control, that had influenced my actions in the past; and not some freud-esque scenerio of unconcious hatred and narcissm. Unfortunatly I took this too far and absolved myself of all blame from my life, only to find it doesn't work that way.

One realisation that I had yet to grasp though, is just how patronising people were toward me. Because I had always acted and behaved so different, I think those around me accepted that I had less control over my actions than they did. Unfortunatly they took this as permeneant, and wrote me off; never concieving that I too might want to better myself and overcome my differences.

If I had to give you one piece of advice, I'd say listen to those people in your life who are brutally honest. They're the ones that will most help you grow, and overcome the setbacks you inherit from the ADD.

I was diagnosed about the same age you were, and I too was left feeling that I'd wasted my life uptill now. Rarely in life do we experience things once, it might be that you've got 16 years of experiences to catch up on, but all those missed oppertunities will come around again, and when they do you'll find yourself appreciating them that much more. More than anyone without ADD ever would, because they've had those chances before.

Right now I feel I should tell you not go overboard with the self-conciousness, otherwise you might find it counter-productive. But then that would be totally hypocritical of me; I appreciate that that you've got a different perspective on your life from us onlookers. But it's something to be aware of, and it's good that you're able to judge your self conciousness, and see that it might be a factor in your view of your life.

PM/IM me if you want to talk anything over.

Toby =)

Christiana
03-27-05, 03:32 PM
I'm 22 and I was diagnosed about a year ago too. There are so many things I do socially which I wish I didn't... just like you guys have said - talking too much, random statements, inappropriate comments.... I mean I like the way I am and alot of those things are just a part of me - but I wish I could tell when I'm about to cross the line and stop.

The advice about the "dialouge vs monolouge" is really good - I mean, yes we all know what they mean, but it takes a good kick in the head to realize what you're doing sometimes. It can get so discouraging though when you suddenly realize you're being percieved in a totally different way than you've thought your whole life...

sorry taht's not too positive :P I appreciate all your advice!!

Outtherechica
04-01-05, 09:36 PM
Thanks Toby and Christina.:)

Since, i've last wrote i'm doing much better.I'm not perfect, but i've noticed things I haven't before and feel really loved. Like Toby, had mentioned its good to know that people accept you for who you are ,but it bites that people just assume you don't want to change.

I'm paying more attention to body language. I thought it would be really hard, but it's not so bad. I'm getting pretty good at it. I watch some reality shows and so that's a good opportunity for me to try to figure out what's going on and get an answer. I also try to get everything done the night before, so my mind won't wonder.

The future looks bright and even though i'm behind, like Toby mentioned I appreciate things more. I get really happy over smaller things, because I hard time. That's ok with me though, because there's plently of room for joy in my life.:)

Ian
04-01-05, 09:48 PM
Wow what an amazing thread! You all offer me hope. Thanks very much for digging in on this.
Ian.