View Full Version : 9th day of hypomania!


fracturedstory
01-19-14, 09:59 PM
With a few manic episodes thrown in there too.

Ever since coming off Ritalin this is my longest hypomanic episode and it shows no sign of stopping. I've had a few agitated moods in there too and have almost become depressed but I seem to be holding it off pretty well.

It's also the summer and I hear people can be more manic in the summer. I did go through a pretty tough time last winter although I was on Ritalin and went through some very brief yet intense manias too.

I seem to not be going all out too, meaning I'm not jumping into something that completely leaves me exhausted later and I'm not getting nearly as upset after things not working out that I fall into depression.

I also seem to be just reading comic books and watching TV and movies (as well as cooking!) instead of risking saying something stupid and depression triggering on Facebook. Damn those bands for not playing any shows near me though. Social networking is such a disappointing and boring place lately.

Oh well, I want to draw, super heroes. I'm going to continue to take it easy and not get too over excited or over committed and ignore the more delusional symptoms I've been having. Kind of afraid of every person and umm seeing stuff. Spiders. I hate seeing spiders.

We will draw now!

edit: You may hug me. Squeeeeeeeeze me. I'm definitely drawing now.

Anastasia
01-19-14, 10:36 PM
Well then

((((HUGS)))) and ((((SQUEEZES))))

Sincerely,
Ana

I'm not familiar with hypomania, I think? So I will let the pros give the advice. I'm happy hugs are allowed now. Wishing you the best.

Rebelyell
01-19-14, 10:44 PM
I had a 12-20 day hypomanic episode for 1st time back in October and it started off exhilarating but it got uncomfortable towards the end before it like that stopped and went away.I was soo up and irate at same time,i think the ambien I took the one nite finally killed it,I never take ambien but I kind of had to I hadn't slept more then 6 hours in 4 days.I have compassion for you definitely not fun,if it gets too bad maybe the dr or ER

phantasm
01-19-14, 10:45 PM
Yay hugs!!! Here ya go.. :grouphug:
It actually sounds like you are happy Fractured, no?! :scratch: If you are happy, well then, yay!

I use to see "spiders" and "ants". Trippy sh*t! :eek: Enjoy your drawing.

fracturedstory
01-20-14, 12:44 AM
Well yes I did feel happy and now I've just gone up up and away!

I'm not sure how drawing Iron Man develops into purchasing a John Lennon and G(L)ove Yellow Submarine figure to buying a new $1600 camera lens, a hood for the lens and UV Filter. But I guess that's just what happened.

I want to have the lens and everything before my friend's band announces a secret show in which I'll have to have all those items posted to me. I feel a bit anxious about waiting for them now, but it's exciting anxiety. I feel alive finally. Problem is I'm too amped up and focused on band photography again to read my latest Marvel Fact File. And I was meant to buy another Thor graphic novel. Actually, I was meant to read another Avengers comic.

Oh well, I've only made half an a** of myself on Facebook.

Anastasia
01-20-14, 09:00 AM
Because John Lennon, that's why.;)

I have read 30 "Walking Dead" comic's online, its something to get me through until February.

Re: FB don't sweat it, "some" are alarmed with the concept of honesty and reality on there.

I hope you're doing a little better today, you sound good.

fracturedstory
01-21-14, 06:27 AM
I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored I'm bored!
(Used lower case to not upset the mods with excessive use of caps lock)

No band tour announcements as of yet! Nothing delivered to me in the mail! I was told my lens was on its way to me at 9pm.

Everything I'm doing is boring, except playing Robo Cop and Iron Man 2 but there's only so long I want to play a game for. Reading is tiring.

People just don't seem to get it. I'm hardly in control of myself. Today I was a bit more level but then extreme boredom set in which made my mood go higher but not euphoric.

I don't want to be depressed but I want some stability. I haven't done as much impulsive spending and I've been able to stay on task. I have hardly any energy because maybe I'm just doing too much. I must be. I wake up with painful legs so I must be rushing around a lot.

I don't care about the people on Facebook. Mindless drones is what they are. I'm only going on there for band tour updates which never come. I'm now going to end this post with multiple growls which gives an apt description of how I feel now grrr grrrr grrr graaaooowwll gaararraaa rrrr!

I want to write some sci-fi.

fracturedstory
01-21-14, 08:47 PM
Day 11. Last night stayed up until 2am reading X-RAY by Ray Davies suddenly. The book had been downstairs for about a month because I just couldn't get focused enough to read it then I decided to try if I woke up at 4am again. I did wake up at 4am but by that time I had already read 81 pages.

I've decided to try and focus all my energy on doing something productive like yet again learning to play the bass guitar. I've already read more lessons than I even got through before when I was taking Ritalin. So I'm not as rapid cycling. That's good.

Impulsively bought a Beatles HELP bass strap but the lessons said I needed one and I didn't want to hassle the two bass players that live with me that might have had one lying around.

That John Lennon figure arrived today (packed in just a plastic bag) at 6:30am and I've got to say he looks pretty neat, so I hope that will make a good birthday present.

I'm on a break before lunch (I'm not hungry yet) and then I'm going to try to draw Wolverine. I did pretty well with Spiderman yesterday. For some reason Captain America is harder.

I finished reading by Marvel Fact File at 7am.

Still trying to pace myself because I'm not used to mania lasting this long. A lot of people on another forum and on Facebook per usual annoyed me which led to lots of grrr grrr attitude from me, so I'm ignoring them today.

I don't want to waste all this energy on unproductive things. All I really want to do is practice my bass to know that I can get better and now I finally have the concentration to do it.

Still experiencing some heightened anxiety. I thought I was having a seizure last night but it was psychological. I put X-RAY down and started having one, picked it up and slowly stopped jerking and tingling. Strange things be happening to me. During the seizure I had a flood of delusions. I can't even remember them. As soon as I turned on my light they were gone and very hard to recall. I think one was a visual hallucination.

I've been seeing my bass everywhere too. Other people playing the same type. It's happening for a reason I tells ya!

Yesterday was so boring. I wasn't content to just watch TV and let the time pass. I needed something more exciting like seeing a band play and they were very specific bands. As much as I love Marvel comics reading does eventually tire me. I am getting sick of doing the same things everyday. Even drawing, though I don't usually do it, wasn't really want I wanted to be doing. Nothing excited me yesterday.

Then as I read the first few pages of X-RAY I came back to life! I can't explain it. I really wanted to do something more creative like come up with another science fiction story but nothing would come to mind, then I started reading X-RAY and all these thoughts generated in my mind. It wasn't terribly creative; just another silly blog post but I was thinking again.

But yes yes, mania bad. Bipolar bad. When am I actually going to start getting treatment for it? When a doctor actually considers it, so now if you excuse me I'm going to do something that can offer me some hope - be capable of actually learning to play a musical instrument, before the growling monster comes back.

fracturedstory
01-23-14, 08:04 PM
The harder they fall...

It's over, if anyone cares.

12 full days of thinking I could hold this depression off. What a fool I am. 12 days of a consistent high mood, new passions and impulsivity. Least I know this depression won't last forever.
'Cuse me while I not care about anything for a couple of hours.

Anastasia
01-23-14, 10:45 PM
I'm happy its over and I do care, I hate when someone is truly suffering. My empathy meter has cracked many times. My children are this way as well.

Only a person who has experienced depression, knows how much pain the other is in. As I said, I didn't understand the other components.

You're far from a fool btw.

X-Ray has been on my bookshelf for a while now, is it worth the read? I know the Davies bros. had a very stormy relationship that we didn't hear about much.

Andi
01-23-14, 10:58 PM
I'm glad it's over. The other side of the coin sucks. Hugs to you. I know you've been struggling for awhile. Have you called your doc? It worries me the damage this can cause you.

fracturedstory
01-24-14, 12:13 AM
I'm ok now. Well, I'm not on my bed doing nothing. I'm still trying to do a little bit.

My doctor is hopeless. I'll see him in a few weeks to talk about this. It's impossible to get him on the phone.

I enjoy X-RAY. I enjoyed it a bit too much before but it's an entertaining and informative read. I'm not sure how much of it is true though.

I spent almost $3000 before so I'm trying to be a bit more sensible with my next purchases.