I am what you call a rapid cycler. Highs, lows that are reltively shor live although bad. Some of you have seen some questionable pics of me during this period :o

Anynpow When I seem to flucuate beween these episode I enter into a state that both my dr and I called a mental fugue. Its like I havse NO memory of what happened, what I said, nothing. Its embarassing. Sometime I am a really as*hole during these periods and dont remember conversations or behviors, its like a blackout. Im trying to keep track on my calander to see whats what, and how frequent they are but Im at a loss.

My familty understands to an extent but they can only tolerate so far. Who can blame them? Repeating themselves to moron must get tiresome. What if I have a huge memory issue? Because some of things do come back to me, sort of like jogging my memory, but I am being treated with kid gloves when I feel like I need more of a cattle prod. Anyone,anyone else?

Am I doomed. I have been in therapy for 10 years abd currebt pcyche for 13 so i TRUST THEM BUT i am starting to wonder wtf is wrong with me. Please biplor fellow-fellown-ness'es help out.

Sarah

Sarah I can understand

It seems we are going through the same thing.

Forgetting is your brain's defense mechanism. It doesn't make you a moron.

Me three.

Anton Lieber says the cycles of the moon affect us.

I called it quackery, but it's odd how often the 3 of us have episodes simultaneously.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Me three.

Anton Lieber says the cycles of the moon affect us.

I called it quackery, but it's odd how often the 3 of us have episodes simultaneously.

:goodpost:

It makes me feel guilt.

Guilt?

I can't remember why I wrote that. :scratch:

"Am I doomed"

Been thinking that myself lately.

"Am I doomed"

Been thinking that myself lately.

Me too.

Me too.

Hmmmmm

Sarah I can completely understand.

But maybe not exactly but somewhat similar

Especially lately

(I think I said all this already)

Earlier was wonderful - it ebbs and flows according to brain chemistry

My Lexapro now I have realized the pattern of not taking it and taking it that causes the ups (if that's what it is sometimes it's horrid)

I'm NOT insane

I've been having a lot of memory lapses lately after brief periods of mania. I've been saying things and buying things I just forget about later. I've probably said a few thing here, heh.

If you told me to sum up the last 12 days I would reply umm...I felt real good.

To me my memory issues seem to be from just doing things too damn quickly to even comprehend. It's like when I read so fast I don't process it sometimes so I have to go back and read over more slowly. Also, ADHD gives us a bad short term memory. We're not stupid. Our brains are just way over active. I find I'm less regrettable about what I do during mania verses being manic on Ritalin, because that way I usually get up do more f***uppery and I remember all of it. The depression is way worse.

Now I've come down but I feel like I have amnesia over most of what I've done. Problem is I no longer have those motivations.