Hey all;
I just wanted to get some support about being messy and in a long term relationship. I`ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years (tommorow is our anniversary) and he says that besides my messiness, things are great. I`ve been trying to keep tidy, but it`s pretty hard... It makes me sad that I`m not neater, since I know it bothers him. I`m worried that one day, he`s going to get fed up and do something drastic... not sure what, and it`s probably paranoia, but I`ve heard lots of stories about messies and non-messies in relationships.

I know my main thing is not putting things back where they belong. I generally am too tired to unpack my bag, so in the morning I just toss what I don`t need at the foot of the bed... I`m considering getting a big box to dump my stuff in, so it`s not all over the place... I did that before, and some of the stuff just stayed there for a long time. It`s sometimes even stressful to try and decide where to organize things, but I`m getting better at it.

We`re moving from having a room in a house shared with three others to our own one bedroom townhouse on campus, so hopefully that will be a chance to get organized.

I`m not sure how to go about packing either. I got some good pointers from another website. so hopefully that will help. In the past the stress of packing (even just for christmas holidays) has been so great that I have panic attacks and end up crying. I dread packing...

Anyhoo, any words to help me out would be greatly appreciated. I am really blessed to have found such an amazing boyfriend, so I want to try and keep it strong.

~M

I hear ya about the messiness. My bf has ADD and the messiness was a hard thing for me to cope with for a while. But he has learned some little tricks to make it not so bad for me..lol.. Your idea about the big bin might work..I know you probably will let things heap up in there and might be forgetten but...it does keep the stuff in one place. My bf and I don't live together yet but will be soon. He is in USA and I am in Canada. Before I arrive for visits he usually goes from room to room and heaps the stuff in a corner somewhere and covers it all with a sheet or something...lol..it sure beats walking into the apartment and having it all over and only having wee trails to walk!!!! LOL>> One time he had even stashed stuff in the fridge..roflmao...Listen if your bf loves you he will learn to cope and you will find little ways also to make your living environment better. Any device that will help you keep organized is worth the investment. We bought these bright colored rubbermaid bins and labeled them ...he uses them btw...but reality is..you can't rubbermaid everything....but it is a start ... :)

I moved 5 times in a 4 year period and 2 of which were not by choice. I started out great with the packing everything thing was organized. Then like you the anxiety would set in and I would just shut down.

Having a detailed plan written out and following it could be very helpful. Do a little bit each day. Also, if there is anybody you can get to help you it would be great too. I was too embarresed by the my mess to have somebody help me and I wish I had somebody.

Feel free to use to peer coaching forum too so we can support you along to way.

My hubby gets fed up with the mess on a cyclical basis. What he does is throw everything out. It works! I just can't make sense of the messes that I create and he knows that and disposing of everything is his way of helping (i tend to collect things - I don't so much anymore!).

Slowpoke: I have no support to offer about messiness...I struggle just like you...and haven't really found the answers...BUT may I wish you and your boyfriend a happy 5th anniversary....:)

Okay, I just thought of stuff...since I read your post and realized your experiences are similar to mine......I just moved and so went through the packing thing...:) and I had rented a room:) You might become "neater", Slowpoke, just by virtue of having your own place with your boyfriend. More space means more room to be neater....you won't be sharing space with others and always feeling like you're squeezed in. At least that's how I felt when I was renting a room from a lady in California. Now for the packing....well....first I got all my boxes for FREE from the local grocery store -- to whom I had given all my business....and I focussed on packing one box at a time. But before I even started, I remember trying to go through all my stuff and see if there was stuff to throw out first. And I labelled all boxes...before starting to put stuff in them....

In my experience I am neater in a smaller space. Bigger space bigger mess. But when I move to a new residence I am pretty good for about 6 months.
Sooo Slowpoke you will enjoy the new place and therefore be neater? Those first months are a good time to get some putting away routine going.
I invite people over regularly so at least I have to clean the main rooms and kitchen. Plus I teach out of my home, but I got pretty lax about that which is too bad I used to clean before.

Okay I will admit..............if it was not for my messy house, I would be perfect!! :D It sounded good, right??

I get so mad because I keep telling myself that I am going to be better at keeping the house cleaned, laundry kept up, etc. I do really good for about a week. Then it all seems to go downhill again. I have told my self I should hire a housekeeper, but I know that is not going to solve the problem that I have(you have to admit, it sure sounds wonderful)

Even though my husband has stopped saying things about the house, I know it bothers him. It bothers me more because I just can not seem to get motivated to do anything. I am sure you are all wondering how exactly messy my house...............It is not as bad as I think it is. I have 3 kids(4 if you count my husband) and I do daycare.

Recently I had my mother in law come over to our house. She put her hand on my arm & said "at least you have a reason for your "problem""