View Full Version : Bully Bull s*** and The Golden Rule


Daydreamin22
01-27-14, 10:21 PM
Well the bullying movement failed miserably. Now I just feel like a jerk. The only school who got it right was Harvard Elementary school. Hahaa Little Harvarders. Anyway, yea the bullying technique worsened everything. I got psychologically traumatized on my own by resisting.

The whole thing caused escalation. It's a lose-lose situation unless you follow what works which is The Golden Rule. That's simple. I've done that forever. I just worked with a narcissist. I still dont know what I could have done. either way I was going to be hurt by her. And like an idiot was in a relationship with another Narcissist. Long dramatic story. I'm not a dramatic person believe it or not. I'm just getting answers to all of these problems, 3 yrs later.

It sucks that I dropped values at my core. I thought I shouldn't be loving to people who meant harm, due to reading about websites on bullying . They should probably take those websites down. People need love and labeling people as bullies and victims is dehumanizing.

I feel like an idiot. Actually both of the people bullying me went to their boss. One heard me say I didn't trust her. (I had a panic attack that night so I had no reason to trust her at that point) and the other set me up to fail miserably and she was really trying to ruin me. Thank God I started crying before the Principal came in. All of this happened because I questioned the teacher about where she went when she set me up. I stood up to her. Of course she never apologized or admitted her mistakes. I should have acted like normal and treat her with at least respect. Idk how I could have. But I could have been nice and loving to disarm her.

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 03:08 AM
I know, these situations are off the scale. I didn't deserve them at all. I had trouble defending myself. Should have reacted to both situations with empathy and gotten out of the first one.

Fuzzy12
01-28-14, 05:23 AM
No, you didn't deserve them at all.

Standing up to a bully doesn't always guarantee that the bullying will stop (at least not immediately) but I think standing up to a bully might give your self esteem a boost so that the bullying doesn't affect you so much.

At the same time being nice and loving with someone doesn't guarantee either that the bullying will stop.

Don't be so harsh on yourself. It sounds cliched but maybe the first step is to be respectful, nice and loving to yourself and the next step will follow from that. :grouphug:

Corina86
01-28-14, 05:44 AM
I don't know what the Golden Rule is. I don't think you can actually do anything to make bullying stop if the bully is in a position of power over you: teacher, principal, boss, parent etc.

But why so much empathy and sympathy towards them? They don't deserve it! Save it for someone who does. I understand you're frustrated because things went bad for you, but it's not your fault and you shouldn't have to feel bad about your feelings when others obviously were out to harm you and had no shame in doing that. Why take it out on yourself? Why force yourself into loving them? And what's wrong with a label? It's not like labeling someone gay or ni**er - that's something people really don't deserve. But those that work hard to hurt others and win the bully status aren't worthy or your love and understanding, since they had a choice to behave this way and it's entirely their fault and responsibility.

Tmoney
01-28-14, 09:23 AM
I'm sorry that you were treated this way. keep this in mind, most bullies are insecure and lack sensitivity. You obviously are a sensitive caring person an dthat is a great gift to have and it's something a bully will never have until they change their ways!

I have always, my whole life, hated a person who bullies. My oldest son is the exact same way.

Back when I was unmedicated, I would go out of my way to confront bullies and 9 out of 10 times I would end up in a physical confrontation.
I just can't stand it when someone picks on another because they think they are better!
So if it's any comfort I have beat many a bully *****!

I still confront them when I see it, but it usually stays verbal!

Your talking about it and dealing with it and that is a good sign!
You must have a great spirit!

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds!" ~ Albert Einstein

dvdnvwls
01-28-14, 02:06 PM
Corina - the "Golden Rule" is the English label for the idea "Do to others as you want them to do to you".

Corina86
01-28-14, 04:49 PM
Corina - the "Golden Rule" is the English label for the idea "Do to others as you want them to do to you".

It's a good rule! But how does it apply to bullies? I wouldn't bully anyone. Why should it mean that I have to be nice to a bully?

dvdnvwls
01-28-14, 04:53 PM
It's a good rule! But how does it apply to bullies? I wouldn't bully anyone. Why should it mean that I have to be nice to a bully?
In this context, I believe it is something that the bully is supposed to be learning. You already see what the problem is with that, I don't need to explain it.

mctavish23
01-28-14, 08:28 PM
Daydreamin22,

Try reading (the beginning of) my Mctavish23 Update.

Sometimes all you can do is keep your head up, knowing you did the right thing.

tc

Robert

Rebelyell
01-28-14, 08:30 PM
My golden rule is do unto others before they do unto you:D JK Welcome back mctavish good to see you around again:)

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:10 PM
Thank you guys soo much for your support. I really did nothing but work harder and harder. They wouldn't leave me alone. They wanted me to fail at what I was doing. One took my bf, she would fake yell at me, make up my mistakes. Only yell at me in public and a second later (literally) shed say hi, "my name) in a very friendly voice.

She was unhappy until she told the CEO, im positive lies, then after that she looked relieved and so happy. I'd never seen her so happy. Meanwhile she'd succeeded in giving me an anxiety attack, which was the last straw for my relationship. She damaged it in the very beginning.

My ex loved me less and less when I got more and more anxious. It was a new relationship. She framed me as a disruptive bad apple. That wasn't true. She totally did everything she could to ruin me.

Thanks again for your suppor. There was a study done that found blondes to be approached and harshly judged. I want brown hair seriously! I'm tired of getting put down.

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:15 PM
Because it's the high road and the more love and acceptance the better. Rejection and punishment made it worse all over the country.

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:18 PM
It's a good rule! But how does it apply to bullies? I wouldn't bully anyone. Why should it mean that I have to be nice to a bully?


Because empathy is what works. Seeing things from their view will calm things down to be harmonious again. You're still not safe from blows. In the long run t
You'll get respect. I know it's unsettling when you don't know what the hell is coming at you and when. But, there is a lot to read on the subject.

Also regarding the whole thing, I know, it doesnt seem fair. but having to be mean to someone brings us down, or having to repremand like a teacher. im thinking that the more character someone has the more slights will stand out instead of go unnorlticed and do damage.

I'm pretty sure thats the pay off. but if youre in a vulnerable state then someone should imtervene with empathy to correct the behavior. and kids need to recognize it either way

BellaVita
01-28-14, 11:20 PM
I agree with your stance, Daydreamin'.

But it's all really complex and self protection and self love are important.

Brain is too haywire to explain further at the moment.....

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:26 PM
I'm sorry that you were treated this way. keep this in mind, most bullies are insecure and lack sensitivity. You obviously are a sensitive caring person an dthat is a great gift to have and it's something a bully will never have until they change their ways!

I have always, my whole life, hated a person who bullies. My oldest son is the exact same way.

Back when I was unmedicated, I would go out of my way to confront bullies and 9 out of 10 times I would end up in a physical confrontation.
I just can't stand it when someone picks on another because they think they are better!
So if it's any comfort I have beat many a bully *****!

I still confront them when I see it, but it usually stays verbal!

Your talking about it and dealing with it and that is a good sign!
You must have a great spirit!

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds!" ~ Albert Einstein



Thanks! I feel the exacts same way. I have always wondered how they don't know that people can see right threw it. But that's what they mean by "they know better." Makes sence. Glad it's acknowledged as unacceptable. And glad the country is all in agreement or alignment to recognize it and use the golden rule. That's pretty awesome. Apparently Canada also has a bullying crises. They get to learn the easy way. We paved the road.

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:37 PM
No, you didn't deserve them at all.

Standing up to a bully doesn't always guarantee that the bullying will stop (at least not immediately) but I think standing up to a bully might give your self esteem a boost so that the bullying doesn't affect you so much.

At the same time being nice and loving with someone doesn't guarantee either that the bullying will stop.

Don't be so harsh on yourself. It sounds cliched but maybe the first step is to be respectful, nice and loving to yourself and the next step will follow from that. :grouphug:

Thank you Fuzzy. I'm glad you called out me being harsh on myself. I believe it because my friends always tell me that. You're really making me feel a lot better with that perspective. And that's a good thing to remember to be that way to myself.

I was vulnerable bc I was falling on love and my work was paying off and I was so excited. So I was on cloud nine. Of I'd been normal I hope I would have shown her that I know what she was doing. But It really scared me since it came out of nowhere. Thanks again for the help.

Daydreamin22
01-28-14, 11:40 PM
I agree with your stance, Daydreamin'.

But it's all really complex and self protection and self love are important.

Brain is too haywire to explain further at the moment.....

I hear ya. Yea I agree, thanks Bella <3

Corina86
01-29-14, 04:53 AM
@Daydreamin22

I'm sorry you went through all that, but you gotta let go of the self blame. There's nothing you could've done to make things better. It's not your fault either way. You assume having empathy would work and would gain you respect in the long term- this might be true, but not all the time, not with everybody. You just can't know the outcome. Hindsight is easy; now that's behind you, you think you see what should've done. I've been bullied too and I've been nice to my bullies or mean or sarcastic or I tried to ignore them-depending on what I thought would work at that time, only to lose almost all the time either way. Removing myself from the toxic environment was the only thing that worked for me. If someone stronger is out to get, you might lose no matter what you do. Don't ever blame yourself for their behavior!

Daydreamin22
01-30-14, 12:30 AM
@corina. Thanks so much. I know it sucks. I heard it's best to have a list of practised comebacks along w body language. That sounds really really hard. But in the grand scheme of things its worth it. Does pt give you access yet? There's one guy saying all of this and using Harvard as a source. At least it's a prob brought into light and recognized nationally. I'm grateful for that, but... #fail

Corina86
01-30-14, 01:06 PM
No, still no access for the website. I did some checking and apparently there are lots of people from outside the US that can't access it. I think it's something intentional to block users from other countries for some reason. I'm suspecting that the fact this magazine is published and translated here in Romania has something to do with it. I wouldn't buy a magazine if I read everything online. Plus, if people from around the world go to their website, that website couldn't handle so much traffic. And it's pretty much waster traffic anyway, since none of us would probably buy anything they advertise there...Or it could be some completely different reason, but I wouldn't know.

Rebelyell
01-30-14, 01:08 PM
I think once a bully daydreamer always a bully unless the bully has someone torment him/her or opens there eyes to there wrong ways they go into adulthood like that.Just my 2 cents

Daydreamin22
02-13-14, 02:26 PM
I also (god only knows why) just two days ago realized that the first day I was there and she was giving me a tour, I actually for the first time ever dissociated. Of all things I never thought that would happen to me. For the next few days was really out of it. My work was all messed up because of that.

Ruined any chance of love with the coworker next to me. It was pretty harmful. She had an arsenal. It's hard for me to believe she did things to me purposely but whether or not they were known violent tactics. I'd heard about them before. I'm pretty sure she caused me to dissociated but I can't wrap my head around the fact that she used them as a weapon rather than just doing what feels natural due to upbringing. Either way she's a horrible manager all around. She's a wonderful assassin, though.