View Full Version : I just want a way out.


cantakeitnemore
01-29-14, 06:59 PM
constant self criticism.
low self esteem.
lack of energy.
No wish to live.
constant mistakes.
Extremely thin skinned
Inability to accept negative criticism from others(strange as I do it all day in my head).
Wanting to give up or sometimes extremes with minor blows to the Ego
Failure to find a purpose to life.
Inability to love or make people close to me feel loved.
Constantly avoiding hard work
Finding alternatives or shortcuts to success and usually failing at it
Failing because of not trying for the fear of failure :(
constantly feeling like a burden on earth and imagining scenarios where I don't exist or never existed or wanting to be pushed down the stairs or something


If someone gave me the blue pill to a "normal" life, I'll accept it happily.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life or what I'm going to do.
And it has been a long time I've had all these feelings. Nothing helps.. What am I doing here then you might ask, Again I don't know, there's no other place maybe.

dvdnvwls
01-29-14, 07:13 PM
My pills are turquoise, but they work not bad.

Neuromancer510
01-29-14, 09:43 PM
I will just say that I am here for you and do love you for the courageous person you are, you had the courage to come here and find an answer to your depression.

mollyeatscats
01-29-14, 10:43 PM
Well, you pretty much summed up my current state of existence. I'm trying a hobby?

beameup
01-30-14, 10:42 PM
Good grief. I wonder how much time I just spent obsessing on your name, cantakeitnemore.

Hmm. Read that as, 'can take' or 'cant (t)ake'?...

My bet is on the latter.

Anyway, just wanted to oh, I don't know. Commiserate, for one. Quite a bit of what you wrote had me nodding; yup, yup, me too.

The last sentence in your post prompts me to ask: Has the addforums community been helpful for you? I imagine that participation in discussions here might at least provide a feeling of accomplishment (and deservedly so, considering all the "thanks" your posts have received), but beyond that, has this community helped you cope or grow or become more stable or in some other way move forward over the last three-plus years since you joined? Do you feel it's been time and effort well spent?

And, mollyeatscats, pardon my nosiness... What hobby are you trying? Oh -- and which Portland? (I'm across the river from the one in Oregon.)

Fuzzy12
01-31-14, 09:18 AM
You sound like me :eek: :grouphug:

And you sound very depressed. I don't remember are you getting any treatment for depression (or ADHD)?

Corina86
01-31-14, 09:29 AM
Fuzzy is right. Pills don't help with everything, but they're a good place to start.

cantakeitnemore
02-01-14, 03:30 AM
You sound like me :eek: :grouphug:

And you sound very depressed. I don't remember are you getting any treatment for depression (or ADHD)?

I've tried antidepressants, 2 or 3 of them, the only effect I could feel was the withdrawal effect. Counselling was just one way talking.

Its Cant take it any more!

beameup
02-01-14, 02:35 PM
Its Cant take it any more!Yep; thought so. Dang.

Antidepressants are certainly not for everyone. For years I accepted anything my doc prescribed, which meant that every four to six months I'd be given something new to try. Except for those that resulted in truly terrible side effects, I gave each one more than sufficient time to know for sure that, nope, it's not helping. Then my doc would just give me another prescription. Yikes. I've heard that's the definition of insanity, to keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Good for you for putting a stop to that so quickly.

dvdnvwls
02-01-14, 05:01 PM
Yep; thought so. Dang.

Antidepressants are certainly not for everyone. For years I accepted anything my doc prescribed, which meant that every four to six months I'd be given something new to try. Except for those that resulted in truly terrible side effects, I gave each one more than sufficient time to know for sure that, nope, it's not helping. Then my doc would just give me another prescription. Yikes. I've heard that's the definition of insanity, to keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Good for you for putting a stop to that so quickly.
Well, trying a different drug each time isn't actually doing the same thing over and over, but I get your point anyway.

LordranBound
02-19-14, 10:04 AM
Ever try yoga? It's fun and it can help switch the brain into another less critical mode of operation. "The Mindful Way Through Depression" is a book that helped me greatly.

Hang in there - you are loved even from people you don't know.

ApatheticLizard
02-19-14, 01:08 PM
I also have pretty severe depression; my parents (for some reason) didn't take me to see a psychiatrist until I was around 16, and it started as early as third grade. Multiple relapses have occurred since then as well. I will say this though: as soon as you get help and cast off the immense weight of the crippling monster that is depression, you will immediately have a completely different perspective on yourself, and on life. It is 1000% worth going the distance, and don't let anyone, including yourself, stop you from accomplishing this. After all this could be you: "He drew a deep breath. 'Well, I'm back,' he said." -J.R.R. Tolkien