View Full Version : Aspergers Obsession turned Grief

02-05-14, 12:40 PM
Hopefully you guys can help me out with this.

I have a friend who has Aspergers. She has been obsessed with a guy for about 2 years now. She talked to him every day, stalked him at conventions, and about everything you can imagine. He had to talk to her several times about her obsessive behavior. He was all she talked about.

He commits suicide.

I care about this friend a lot, but I have no idea how to go about comforting her without feeding the obsession. Any suggestions?

02-05-14, 04:44 PM
I'm sorry to hear that your friend is going through this - it must be horrible for her, and pretty scary for you as well.

Imagine the following scene: someone comes on the forum and says "I've found a new, live, un-exploded bomb in my driveway - how do I neutralize it?"

Same answer - don't touch it, call the experts.

02-05-14, 07:43 PM
I can't exactly ignore her. She's a friend and we talk every day. Do I just be passive about it?

02-05-14, 07:47 PM
There's a lot of sensitivity to the particular situation involved. I get all "Mr. Advice" on people, and if their problem is an easy one, then that's maybe hopefully not too harmful, even though it can be very annoying. But grief over the suicide of a person she was obsessed with is a pretty difficult topic. Finding ways to be kind and compassionate without really helping, is what I would look for. Because you helping, could really mess her up, and mess things up between you as well.

Not to say there's nothing that you can do; you can help her find a therapist for instance. But helping her with the grief itself is very dangerous territory.

Canadian Mess
02-05-14, 11:17 PM
In this situation, you can be there for her as a friend, and be ready to be a listening ear. When my friend is bothered by something, we say "Do you want to talk about it?" I base what I do afterwards based on how she responds. If she looks away and doesn't say anything, I don't say anything much and just stay beside her and talk to her lightly. If she starts to talk about it, I ask questions and let her get her thoughts out.

But definitely helping her see a therapist is important, and if she has any family.

02-05-14, 11:28 PM
She has a therapist, but her family are the opposite of supportive with this. Let's just say they said some things that offended ME about our deceased friend, let alone her.

I will do what I can. She always wants to talk about it and I listen. I just don't want to FEED the obsession. I've been through this twice before (the death of a close friend) so this process isn't new to me.

Thank you so much guys. I just want her to be okay in the end.

02-06-14, 12:07 AM
Mmm. Walking around on eggshells.

When you speak to her, is she still obsessing over him?

02-06-14, 06:54 AM
Oh yeah!