View Full Version : Wandering post - causes of anxiety?


willow129
02-18-14, 01:15 PM
A warning - I don't know if this would be a trigger for people who have panic attacks - it could be.

I want to get what's in my head out in a more concrete way. And I wonder if anyone else feels the same way and can give me some advice - I'm not actually diagnosed with ANYTHING at all, but I feel that I respond to things differently than the people around me in real life who are going through very similar stresses - but maybe on the forums....??

Started with panic attacks in college.

And I don't really have them like I did any more but I'm still pretty scared of them. Really I should be giving myself a pat on the back for that! And even when they happen it is kind of just a little feeling flushed, heart beating, racing thoughts, and then it goes away.

So what is it when you don't really have panic attacks really bad but you still worry about them - not the physical effects of it though, I don't even remotely believe I'm having a heart attack or stroke or anything like that. I really am afraid of fear. And honestly mostly it's not the physical effects that get me now, it's the mental effects. I feel depressed, doomed, what's the point?

Also I feel like at times my brain will try to come up with the scariest **** it can think of to freak me out. >.< The only safety from this is to be fully absorbed in something, so I want to distract myself somehow so I don't go down that road in my head.

Is that being depressed? Is it being bored? Is it anxiety? What the heck causes that. It's so stressful. Can't I just experience a little nothing and be ok with it.

This MAGNIFIED like times 100 when I started teaching. The thing with teaching is you think you're going out there to change the world a little at a time, but really, where I am right now I'm just drowned out by the world that's already there and all its flaws. (Definitely causes existential ick as I'm sure you can imagine) I don't know if this is teaching in general or just the job I'm at. So I'm wondering if the stress and negative thoughts I feel is from a stressful job, and living in the city when I really want to live in the country, and being surrounded by a city culture I absolutely do not understand. Or I guess what I'm wondering is if I get a new job and move will things get better? Will I be a little happier? It's not like the negative thoughts will go away necessarily I accept that, but I feel that when I'm more relaxed I'm better able to think "well, ok, but that's not something I need to spend time on right now, and it's not something I really need to worry about." And let the thought slide away.

And maybe other questions - how come I'm so hugely affected by not enough sleep - that tips me over the fine line I'm treading for sure. How come riding in the car/subway is hard for me? (Not impossible, well, no I don't ride subways anymore, avoid them like the plague, but I can totally do a long car ride, it's just not my favorite) How come I seem to be less equipped to deal with stress than other people?

OK :) thanks Forums for existing. Maybe someone will resonate with what I've posted and either be comforted that they are not alone or be able to give me some comforting thoughts.

someothertime
02-18-14, 01:52 PM
anxiety = ( emotional imbalances + thinking propensity x whateveryournotgettingenoughoforgettingtoomuchof )

ok. i guess that's not much help. the way i see it... once upon a time, your brain realised the potential for non realisation of thought is to be expected... from that moment on, you've used the best tool in your arsenal, your imaginitive mind to try to predict, prethink, predetermine a better realisation... yet, deep underneath that tinkerer lied the truth machine... the one that says "thing's will not work out for me"... "my world is reactive ( because i cannot consider my needs and abilities realtime )"...

result? 90+% of thought ends up "trying" to create a better outcome by considering all potential avenues for it not being so...

solution... don't predict... how? mindfullness / act + maybe some therapy to undo some of that failure loop...



now all of the above is not helped any by a total lack of clear wants / likes / preferences... nor ability to use near past experience to counteract this anticipation struggle..., this one i have no real answers to...

willow129
02-18-14, 01:53 PM
it's a female dog.

;)

willow129
02-19-14, 11:40 AM
(coming out of car ride in which I am stressed out as usual by being in car and moving from one place to another in an area I don't know very well because I don't live here)

so you're saying anxiety comes from...things not always turning out the way you'd like them? Or a realization that things might turn out worse than you'd like them to?

Want to make sure I understand what you're saying.

I do go to counseling, and this time last year when I was feeling REALLY HORRID and miserable ... it did help, or something did. I'm not as noticeably stressed. I guess I feel like last year I really was in a hole, and I'm not in a hole now, but it doesn't mean that things aren't hard sometimes...Harder than they've been in the past... So I guess I just better keep going and working stuff with the counselor.

My counselor also suggested doing some meditation classes and I couldn't find any convenient meditation classes at the Center he recommended but there were some yoga classes so I've been doing that weekly almost, and I do think yoga has some of the mindfulness built into it so...at any rate I enjoy it so might as well keep doing it!

Also last year I started exercising absolutely RELIGIOUSLY. Every day I would do something, anything. I sort of fell off of that and it's hard to time manage and make sure I get it in. It's so hard to time manage ANYTHING. **weep** It's just that I made it so much of a priority last year and I also have other things I want to be a priority too like practicing my instruments or getting to spend time with my boyfriend.

It's so hard...to get in the habit of doing something, I really have to do it everyday. But I think I was frustrating my boyfriend because I'd be like NO I CAN'T HANG OUT I HAVE TO EXERCISE RIGHT NOW. But on the other hand I did feel like it was helping. And now I'm starting to feel worse again and that's one of the only things I can think of to do. One of the reasons I feel like other people must not exactly react to stress the same way as me is that I find it hard to convey to my boyfriend that anxiety really is a problem for me, it is the cause of some of the problems we might have sometimes, and that whatever I find that helps fight it really is important and he should definitely be encouraging me to do those things because it's better for both of us in the end.

And then another thing...job + time it takes to manage anxiety + spending time with boyfriend + practicing instruments + all those moments when maybe I didn't happen to get enough sleep, or I'm just tired from the day and I SPACE OUT and lose time and then I don't do the things that I really should have...something's gotta give!

The thing that I'd really like to "give" though is the job. Part-time would probably be really good for me. (Is that giving up?) I feel like it's weird for a teacher to want to be part-time. But it's not useful to anyone if I burn out.

OK that was venting again. Aah but it is nice to do that...

willow129
02-19-14, 05:39 PM
(I sort of wish my counseling appointments were more frequent)