how to start here goes i love the lord, and god gave this gift of add with its good and not so good points. i will try to stay with the good points.about 15 years ago i begun a relationship with god and went back to the cathlic faith not that i agreed with all the cathlic doctrine , but what church is perfect so i began this spiritual gurney that has left me out of the church on sunday not going to mass a feeling of quilt ,depression , and missing out on my relationship with god. it seems the only time i pray is in song and teaching classes to youth about god . did i say teach i still teach wendesday evening to 9th graders another reason for quilt how can i tell these kids the need for a relationship with there creator with mine hanging in wind , i even worked for the church till about 2 mouths ago till i had to quit i was fighting gosip amoung my employees that made its way out into the church it was hard to even come in the morning to work some peaple made it so hard on me . I started taking antidepreesents , anxiaty and add meds to get going this brought on more quilt a good christian like myself depressed and on meds so church stared taking a back seat i know im responsible for my childrens upbringing in the church all this makes me wounder if self pitty is my god .does any body relate to this pitifull story or suggestions, other than more doctors and theropists.

all this makes me wounder if self pitty is my god .does any body relate to this pitifull story or suggestions, other than more doctors and theropists.

I do relate to your story and though I don't have any suggestions, I can tell you about my experience.

Two things that helped me heal my relationship with God are learning more about forgiveness, and learning that it applies to myself!

And second is that judging myself and my faults is the most spritually damaging thing I can do to myself.

When a Navaho woman weaves a rug there is always a mistake in it somewhere. She does this as an acknowledgement to the creator, the only one who is perfect.

To expect perfection of ourselves is to be dissapointed.

To be unable to forgive ourselves when we make a very human error is demoralizing.

I need to get going. And I'm not sure if any of my prattling is what you need to hear.

I heard you, I've been there myself, and the only answers I have are the ones that worked for me.

Take care, Todd D.

Wheezie

When a Navaho woman weaves a rug there is always a mistake in it somewhere. She does this as an acknowledgement to the creator, the only one who is perfect.

Wow!

What a beautiful parable.

Thanks for sharing it.

I have read that the Amish always make a small mistake in a quilt because only God can make something perfect.

re. "Last edited by Wheezie : Today at 06:02 PM. Reason: OOPS!! -- sorry, i hit the wrong button and edited by mistake! -- I think I corrected my mistake...."

Sorry about that! It's my first time at the new controls and I *so* didn't mean to edit!.... :oops:

I guess this is an appropriate thread to reveal my imperfections.... ;)

Here's what I *meant* to post.

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What a beautiful parable.

Thanks for sharing it.


I'm glad you liked it. You're welcome.

It's one interpretation of the spirit line seen in Navajo rugs. I think I first read about this in a children's book. I just spent the last 45 minutes reading about Spider Woman and feel a bit foolish about my over-simplification of the story.

distilled-through-my-version-of-reality :D ,

W.

wheeze thank you for replying i think you nailed it with forgiveness or came close i think im very hard on myself, i gust think what all god has done for me. when jesus hung from that cross . and yet still i disappoint the lord, mybe not by what i do but what ive not done and that is to lay my burdens down and seek his love and forgiveness , when ive fallen short . and just except myself for who god created me for .

wheeze thank you for replying i think you nailed it with forgiveness or came close i think im very hard on myself, i gust think what all god has done for me. when jesus hung from that cross . and yet still i disappoint the lord, mybe not by what i do but what ive not done and that is to lay my burdens down and seek his love and forgiveness , when ive fallen short . and just except myself for who god created me for .

Have you ever stopped to think that Jesus hung on the cross so that you may be forgiven your sins? Jesus forgives us, Our Heavenly Father forgives us...why is it so hard for us to forgive ourselves? I think a lot of the pressure may lay in the type of minister you have, there are three types those who preach old testement (fire and brimstone), those who preach new testement (forgiveness and every lasting life) and those who alter religion to fit their own needs (this is were you see a lot of cults coming in). I grew up in an old testement world and was never able to form a bond with the Heavenly Father because frankly I was terrified of him and what was the use we were all going to hell anyways right? I mean in my short life I had never met a perfect human being.

As a teen I fell away from the church and anything that represented God. It did not take long before a feeling of hopelessness overcame me. Depression set in like a anchor dragging me to the bottom of the sea my chest felt as though it would explode from all the pain I carried inside me and the pain ran over and into the lives of those who loved me and those who came in contact with me. There comes a time in everyone's life were you have to make a choice believe in something wonderful and magical or believe in nothing.

As an adult I still have a lot to learn and a lot to change; but, the word does state "Come to me as little children" does it not. I think of my Heavenly Father much like a parent. Analogy time :rolleyes: With my own kids I know the right decisions they should make because I've already made the mistakes they may encounter but they are going to make their own mistakes and I will still love them and forgive them. I'm not sure I'm saying this right but God is our father and he loves us regardless, our mistakes may distress and pain him but the forgiveness is there all we have to do is ask and to follow thru. If you ask God forgive me for being short tempered he will but there is more to it then that...you must work on your temper issue's. Consider it a show of faith. You can never ask God into your heart too many times in a day...ask, ask, ask and you shall recieve!!!!

Your to strive for the our Father's image, he is an almighty testiment to forgiveness...take his lead and learn to forgive yourself and work to not make the same mistakes.

I hope in someway this has touched you and that you may find peace soon.

Since I have been at this crossroad, all my thoughts and prayers go out to you,
Cherity

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Cherity. I love what your perspective brings to this thread.

"There comes a time in everyone's life where you have to make a choice, believe in something wonderful and magical or believe in nothing." This really touched my heart. Thank you.

Todd D., it sounds as if going to church doesn't make you feel as if you are celebrating God. In my opinion, in a church where members are gossiping about you and making you feel like you are unwelcome, I suspect there is a problem with the church and church community - not you!

I was raised in a very traditionally religious family where expression of religious differences was only tolerated *in theory.* In other words, it was fine for others to choose a different way to celebrate God and life, but not for me. I was, as my friend described it, spiritually-wounded by my church and family. When I asked questions or disagreed with a teacher's interpretation, I was shamed and labeled a "doubting Thomas".

It took me a long time to shrug off the doubt I carried within me because of those responses and to understand that the opinion of any other human just didn't matter. The rules I was supposed to follow were designed by men. I wasn't called to celebrate the rules of men. I feel called to celebrate life.

I don't like church. I never have. Going to church has always made me feel like what I did wrong was more important than what I did right. I want to be *really* clear about where I'm approaching the whole church thing from.

I know that healthy church communities do exist and I know many people who have been able to choose to belong to a church despite the churches shortcomings. I have a friend who calls herself a "cafeteria catholic" because she takes what fits for her and leaves the rest. :)

I don't think church is for everyone and I know it's not for me. But, many people do find strength in being part of a faith community. Many people are nourished by there churches. In my mind, that is what a church should do and there is something wrong with a church that isn't lifting up their members.

I don't think any needs to let others define your relationship with God. Anyone who judges you based on appearances or gossip is only showing there own ignorance. They can't see what is in your heart. Only God knows what's in your heart. And God doesn't expect perfection, only an attempt to be the very best person you can be.

Peace,

Wheezie

thank you ,cherity and wheezie for your thoughts on this , right now in my life this is the biggest struggle going on i did force my self to go to church easter for the easter vigil i voulinteered so i would have to be thier, i greeted peaple coming in as i was monitering a small fire that we burn old inointing oils, palms ,ext. for the coming of the risen christ ,ok enogh of explaining my self, i went ,i helped out, i greeted, oped doors for the older folks i enjoy serving, when i saw some of the folks that i had difficult
with i smilled and greeted them like every body eles i truly want to amend things and want to beleive that i forgiven them. I live in a some what small city 2 or3 thousand peole. looking back now i feel less depression and anxiaty. if you missed the part in the original text i was also employed by the church as a building and maintenance supervisor for the church and school and other ministries belonging to the church we ouned the foodshelf building , clothing depot {low cost clothing for people in need] i thought it would be great to serve the church with my constuction and supervising skills . well that was 6 years ago.

now i realize that the church is no different , they have some of the same problems or mybe more then the community as a whole , and as far as seving the church this is great , but out side the walls of the church is where the body of christ is needed evangilizing ,helping the disabled feeding those in need , visiting hospitals, nursing homes, and our youth detention center. we need to build people up ,thats good advise. we need not to have so much time on our hands for idle talk in the cchurch my younest daughter goes to school their so the connection is needed for us to attend this church at least for now, again thaks for listening . god bless


todd d.

You are discussing an interesting topic here. I am married to a pastor. We were in full time youth ministry for almost nine years then felt called to start our own church almost one year ago. I think we felt the same thing that some of you have mentioned. I've grown up in the church and I myself felt tired of continually going somewhere I really didn't feel good about going. Some of that could be my ADD/depression, but I think a lot of it was just the falsness that I would feel every time I walked through the church doors. In some ways I think it could have been me not feeling like I could be completely real because of the position of a pastor's wife. One nice thing about having our own church now is that I do feel more like I can be me. If someone has a problem with that then they don't have to come. When we were under other pastors I always kind of felt like I had to live up to extreme expectations. Honestly at this time I don't contribute a whole lot anyways because of ADD and trying to do the best I can do serving my three children and husband. My plate is WAY FULL with just that. It's hard truly accepting God's grace when for so long a lot of churches have taught it so backwards. It's too often taught that we need to "get our lives straight" and then come to church. Church is the place for helping with this but it has too often become a place that shuns those desperately trying to get it right. That is something that Christ would have never done during his ministry. I at times think that if he walked among us today he may be more comfortable in some of our bars than our churches. I've often wondered why he's put me in this position when I feel like I will never be able to be very good at it or be comfortable with it.

Another thing I try to remind myself when I begin to wonder why in the world do I deal with this is that many people in the Bible also suffered with so much and they were God's chosen people. David seemed to have had an endless struggle with depression yet he was a man after God's own heart. Moses didn't feel that he could be used by God because he had speaking issues and stuttering problems. God however, used him in a huge way.

God Bless!

sunny side up thank you for that message like i room to complain, or a pastors wife i can only imagine the exspectations. i know what my pastor goes through after working with him, but you said i think jesus would be at the least exspected place for who needs a doctor? and who is justified? i love this ; i tell my bible students from the waster for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that who should believe in him [ not just the folks who you might think you know the ones first to church, sit in the front pews,say how every one else should live, how im wrong for this and that, and how can he do that,ect. ect.no....no ] that who so ever [meaning you and i ] who ever any one] should not parish but have ever lasting life . for the gift of god is eternal life for who? the ones who look good at church? another way ;the one trying to do church,the ones trying to see who can out do who vulonteering et what are they giving up ? thats for them to decide not for me to ask other perishners about. that the gift of god is for every one who calls on the name of the lord jesus,and hears his words , and carryies his or her own cross, nothing i do in the inside of that church will win me salvation. Only my faith in jesus christ will, and i love the church the whole body not just one aspect, the color of carpet is not what is important ,but whats inside us, and are hearts towards are fellow brothers and sisters the lost, brokenhearted, the ill , the poor the forgotten, how many times should we forgive ? I think when we discover the the anserwer to that questian in our heart not our lips then we will be justified

Right! Christ is inside, and that's where our focus should be, on Him, not actions or deeds whether good or bad.