View Full Version : OCD and pushing myself to the limit


BellaVita
02-22-14, 08:57 PM
I have a problem.

I am an OCD perfectionist and work myself too hard, have my whole life.

Especially now since being screwed up mentally by my father and now feeling pressured to work hard and prove myself to these NTs around me so they won't feel like I'm a burden.

I realize my thought patterns now are:
If you feel good, that means you have to work and work hard.

:doh:

The last place I had to move from just a few days ago got rid of me early cuz they realized they couldn't handle me and my issues - *that being* that I'm not working enough being NT enough.

In fact I haven't even had a *chance* to process the events from home yet, to relax and recover. That got put on the back burner due to me having to live with those type A NTs in fact they told me to not recover while there. :doh:

So I have these mood swings, and like so whenever I'm finally in a state where I can be productive I push myself REALLY HARD to try to make up for those periods of inactivity.

And that usually screws me up. (Quite literally in terms of bipolar episodes ---> upswing.)

So it's a vicious cycle.....

daveddd
02-22-14, 10:20 PM
sorry hun about having to move :grouphug:

BellaVita
02-22-14, 10:29 PM
sorry hun about having to move :grouphug:

Thanks :grouphug:

Stevuke79
02-22-14, 11:22 PM
I also had a really hard time learning how to get along and like you said, that just makes us more of what people don't want. Getting out of my mom's home was so exciting but then all I did was fail; everyone else just got it. Like instinct or they could divine it from the ether; I still don't fully understand why I couldn't. I'm sorry you have to go through this. :grouphug:

Please don't be hard on yourself; this will pass and it's just a very hard part of growing up when you have ADHD, OCD...for you BP,.. and for me Tourette's and other stuff.

I also had a rough and abusive childhood; that makes everything harder but you can figure it all out. As a kid we only have what we're given, but as adults we can finally take control. You're smart and you're around NT's who kind of got a head start on you. Just give it time and it will come.

dvdnvwls
02-23-14, 12:26 AM
Your secret ally, something that can be a key to this situation, is your attitude of understanding for others.

If the original post in this thread had been written by me or anyone else, you would know just what to say and do. Take that knowledge of what to say and do for others, how you would help someone else, and rigidly and exactly apply that to yourself. Don't make exceptions for yourself because you're tougher than everyone else or because your situation is unique - because you're not tougher than everyone else, and your situation is simply your situation.

In other words, love yourself as you love others.

BellaVita
02-23-14, 12:26 AM
Thank you all so much for the responses it's so amazing to have support from here. :)

:grouphug:

What you said Steveuke79 was perfect and true and just what I needed. It was so comforting. These NTs around here have a "bad" past with me from previous episode that happened a year ago - but I think they are going to help me.

BellaVita
02-23-14, 12:30 AM
Your secret ally, something that can be a key to this situation, is your attitude of understanding for others.

If the original post in this thread had been written by me or anyone else, you would know just what to say and do. Take that knowledge of what to say and do for others, how you would help someone else, and rigidly and exactly apply that to yourself. Don't make exceptions for yourself because you're tougher than everyone else or because your situation is unique - because you're not tougher than everyone else, and your situation is simply your situation.

In other words, love yourself as you love others.

Thank you that truly has merit and I will try to do that.

I think emotions and deep internal emotional reactions to one's own situation can blind and prevent objectivity or true detachment. I can't really evaluate with all of that subconscious stuff going on in a way that will be accurate.

Again, I will try my best.

It's not easy to help myself.

dvdnvwls
02-23-14, 12:46 AM
Thank you that truly has merit and I will try to do that.

I think emotions and deep internal emotional reactions to one's own situation can blind and prevent objectivity or true detachment. I can't really evaluate with all of that subconscious stuff going on in a way that will be accurate.

Again, I will try my best.

It's not easy to help myself.
I think you're exactly right. :grouphug:

"With endless patience, and complete compassion" is the only response I can think of for how to evaluate better.

Greyhound1
02-23-14, 12:51 AM
I am so sorry Bella:(

You deserve to be happy. I know how hard it can be when you feel it is controlled by others. Good things do happen to good people. A better situation is just around the corner. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time.