View Full Version : OCD perfectionism holdback


erratic
02-23-14, 01:04 AM
I never push myself to the limit- I'm quite the opposite when it comes to my OCD. I am a perfectionist but my perfectionism keeps me from actually attempting things because I don't want to do them wrong. I can't seem to advance unless I have the perfect method or approach to whatever it is.

My ADHD coupled with this perfectionism of doing things so right makes it so that I just spend most of my time at at rest, not progressing because I'm still focused on whether the path I am currently taking is right- "Let me step off and double back to check if it is." When I get back, I see so many other paths to take and it's so overwhelming that I discontinue and move on to another thing until I get to the next thousand pronged fork in the road. It seems like I spend most of my time at these forks.

Perhaps it's the ADHD and lack of understanding the detail that I was prone to develop this kind of OCD. The NT can use their foresight and stimulated brains to determine probability more consistently where the ADHDer might not quite be able to see 20 yards down the path. The ADHDer afraid of uncertainty or of failure, dwells on the options and those more susceptible to OCD make a habit out of it. But it seems likely that this habit will always be tied closely to this fear.

Are there others here who are like this?

TurtleBrain
02-23-14, 03:09 AM
I can resonate with what you're saying.

For example, there are classes I've taken in college where I'm already anticipating how hard it's going to and I actually calculate exactly how good I think I'll be able to do on each of the things required in the syllabus. In fact, I've actually even boasted to my professors about it saying "I gave myself that C on purpose! I actually calculated what grade I wanted before I even began the course!"...

One time I blabbered about this with a city bus driver, he's always gives me something to think about. When I told him about this thing I do with my grades, he tells me "You know, you're being your own worse enemy".

Yeah, it's like I'm competing against myself, but to make sure I win, I keep my standards low and easy.

However, sometimes I do strive to do better.
One thing I never liked was math. Numbers always leave me feeling OCD because I tend to get numbers mixed up.
I had good math tutors in high school and I also made sure to look over the practice final exam I had (for the NY regents exams), I aced that test real good.
On the other hand, I didn't do as good in earth science class, but I did much better in the final exam...
...it's funny because I think when my science teacher found out about that, he gently slapped me on the back of the head as if to say "You really surprised me"
... I didn't really like him anyway.... lol.

I had to take math again in college, but they didn't have the one-on-one tutoring like I had in high school... so, I just settled with a C.

erratic
02-23-14, 03:20 AM
Yes, certainly- I should have mentioned that I'm always taking the easy way out because then it'll be much harder for me to chose a "wrong" way to go about doing it. I'm less likely to get obsessively stuck and more likely to complete the objective.

Unfortunately I think your bus driver was too right.

TurtleBrain
02-23-14, 03:34 AM
I know right? It's no wonder why I preferred playing certain videogames over others. I prefer games that are more predictable and easy to win. Heck, I love solitaire, you can't really lose, you just get stuck sometimes.

When I was a kid, pokemon games were the only games I played. Then I played other single players games too. HOWEVER, the games I ALWAYS AVOIDED were the ones that limited you to a number of lives and risk a "GAME OVER" screen. Well, at least some games allow you to unlock levels with secret codes, but cheating makes things boring though.

I've also noticed that I prefer single player games or being alone while on a multiplayer sever because I didn't like the competitive aspect and I didn't like the social commitment either.

Oh and when I learned about Minecraft, oh boy, I felt like my own demi-god. I eventually shun that game away like a plague. I felt so much "control" playing that game in single player that it felt like the game was controlling me, so I just thought that was too much and quit playing it. Speaking of "avoiding things like the plague", I got curious about the idiom and googled it.... sometimes I google expressions that I don't use too often to make sure I'm using it right... lol

TurtleBrain
02-23-14, 04:10 AM
I'm double posting because I was afraid my 30 minutes to edit would finish and besides, I came up with something new to say.

Now personally I find the following thing helps me get past my tendency to worry (along side with taking my meds), but it's not to say I always follow through it all the time. First I try to be honest and ask myself "what exactly is my problem? Is it worth my energy worrying about this"? Second, I talk about my problems with someone I trust and listen to their advice without interrupting (that's probably the hardest part, but it must be done). Then I practice catching myself in my worry and remember the advice that others have gave me to get passed my anxiety. In fact, it works best to right down good advice or quotes and read them in the morning for yourself.
Now I must admit, at times I obsess over this, like nearly anything else, so finally remember never allow another person's advice to become another plank of wood to fuel your anxiety, instead let it become like a shiny golden rule or "bright line rule" to flash your anxieties away.

Again, I'm not perfect, nobody is perfect (in fact, that's also one of the hardest things to admit to one's self, but it must be done... yes, perfection begins by realizing you're not perfect and no else is either). It goes along with accepting the reality that life isn't fair, so don't expect it to be fair. Don't worry about what you don't know or obsess over what you think you know because what you think you might know might not even be true at all.

I learned from a piano teacher that whenever I fail, I shouldn't wallow in my failures, I need to simply move on, practice practice practice!
The more you focus on practice, the less you need to worry about mistakes.
Don't over think about it, just practice.

I tell you, learning that lesson was actually harder than the piano lessons, but... it must be learned ;)

agirlandherdogs
02-23-14, 12:08 PM
I have this in a very very very severe way ....

ninj4junpei
05-20-14, 05:05 AM
I have the same problem, erratic. :\