View Full Version : Blah and Need Support ***Potential Trigger***

02-23-14, 05:52 PM
So guys....

Didn't honestly wanna post anything, but I think I need to.

I am very close to losing it, just at the edge of giving up. After all this.

These moods are taking my life and twisting it to their wish.

I keep getting triggered by these moves and other stressors and antidepressants which I'm mostly off now cuz they are making me rapid cycle and mixed far toooooo much.

I. Can't. Stand. It.

I am mixed, have been for like...a while

Sometimes it's so hard to hold on.

I...can't articulate. I just it's been horrible and tired of it all and it's an emotional hell that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Also physical hell.

I try and try and fail and fail.

I am coming to you all cuz I need some sort of something to keep me grounded.

I need a mood stabilizer if I'm gonna make it.

02-23-14, 06:01 PM
Also I'm scared all of the NTs are after me.

02-23-14, 06:34 PM
Also I'm scared all of the NTs are after me.

The NTs aren't after you they just don't understand you. You are different and that is all!

Just know you are LOVED by everyone on here that does understand. Keep your head up because you have helped so many people here. We need you!

02-23-14, 07:19 PM
Love you Bella and sorry you're going through this :(
:grouphug: Hang in there :grouphug:

02-23-14, 07:39 PM
Bella, the worst part of my life was at about your age. I was so close to just abandoning everything - my best friend still remembers being a little shaken by the things I said to him back then. I went from having trouble functioning, to having trouble functioning AND having my survival depend upon my ability to function. It's so hard - no one who doesn't experience this can possibly know how hard it is. And NTs don't get it at all, so we feel alone.

I'm so sorry Bella. I wish I had something better to say than simply, "this will pass." But when you make it through this, your life will just get better and better. Just hang in there.

02-23-14, 09:23 PM
What's the quickest route to get from where you are now to the mood stabilizer that will help, and how soon can you get there?

It helps me to keep in mind that the NTs don't know what the he!! is going on anymore than we do, they just have a different set of skills that's better suited to blend in with what society expects. I'm not convinced there is such a thing, anyway. Everyone has wiring issues, some just aren't as extreme.

Sleep when you can, take hot epsom salt baths a couple times a week, be in nature as much as possible, surround yourself with things/people that bring you comfort. Keep in mind the more we seek comfort outside of ourselves, the less we find it (at least that's been my experience). May the weight of the worries pass soon.

02-24-14, 06:57 PM
the flowers rise*
the flowers fall
they share a moment of beauty with us all
they teach us to live
and show us we die
they give us beauty
for a moment in time
the people dance and praise the beauty
but the beauty is a lie
the truth is the beauty
and the truth is that all beauty dies
one moment in time
a moment of happiness
and a moment to decide
a moment of truth
and a moment of lies
its what gives us beauty and its what gives us lies
we are meant to choose
to live or to die
to give truth a chance
or to truly die
to love a moment so beautiful in its time
or spend our life
chasing dreams that only lead to lies

I wrote that after my sister died. I use it like a mantra to remind myself that life is about the small things not the big things. Some of the most beautiful things you'll never see until you open your eyes.

Perhaps if you try and fail, you are doing it for the wrong reasons? In regards to succeeding for the sake of success but successful people get depressed too. If you are going to live life, than you have to do just that. It means paying attention to every drop of water you drink, noticing every color around you and savoring any food you eat. Mindfulness, is what I mean. Forget about the big things right now, just focus on the little things. Sometimes it's a storm but the only way to get rid of fear is to face it. Be sure to not take on any new responsibilities at this time. Just use this time to be mindful, enjoy life even as nothing relevant may be occurring or moving you out of the storm.

So my advice to you is to take a walk, listen to music you have not heard before, maybe go somewhere quiet near nature or in an urban setting and just sit and try to reunite yourself with your 5 senses. Some times if we live too much in CNS system we forget that their is so much beauty to sense in life. This is what I do when im depressed or anxious, I get myself outta my head and just meditate on each "routine" experience as it occurs.

Well I hope that helped, if that doesn't than take an art class as this will help get you out of your head and back into the world around you. Oh but it must be a still life drawing class or drawing 1.

oh and dont make any life changing decisions right now. You can't do that right now in a depressed anxious state. That's key to getting out of this. You're like a drowning person in panic, no competent choices can be made, you just have to take a deep breath and relax. Then you can back float to better shores...hopefully you don't get eaten by sharks though lol

Anyways just evaluate your motives without making any major life changes yet. Consider the small over the big. Think about what life really is. Once you have that and your depression begins to lift in a few months maybe consider starting a proper stabilizer. Unless this is a chronic state than I'd get a stabilizer asap