View Full Version : i need some help

03-18-14, 06:37 PM
Hello Everyone , I having a problem with my wife , who is adhd , sure she a great person , and extremely intelligent, 57 years in age and she just got her Master degree in special ed.

but That doesn't change the fact, that There is always drama with her.

one of the big problem with my wife is she see things black and white ,The world doesn't work in this mode .

she win battles but loses the war
hyper focus on issues with no shut off value
The poor me routine, everyone's out to get her
wont listen to anyone's point of view
will pick fights over petty things
if you talk to here you better get you point across in two seconds other wise she taking over.
rarely ever apologizes , it always someone else s fault

I'm beginning to wonder if she bipolar highs and lows, she seem ok kind of content after a good fight.

she has two grown kids , and were planning to do and intervention , i don't want to divorce her but it may go into that direction.

How did you get your partner to listen ,i was thinking about hiring someone to come to the house , but I'm afraid it will make things worst.
my wife is like a dragster, you don't get in them and drive around the block,
you point and shoot, with these people.

sorry for the rambling , but my wife is downstairs arguing, with my daughter
cursing at each other, I can here the frustration in my daughter repeatedly saying "mom your not listening"

I'm 60 years old on pd dialysis , and I'm to old to be dealing with this BS
thank god i got a man cave.

any advise would help

03-18-14, 07:30 PM
How do you know it's ADD and was she ever treated for it?

Be open and honest that she needs help. If she still refuses, you may have to escalate.

03-18-14, 07:33 PM
The reality is you cannot force a person to get help. They have to want to change. From what your describing with the ups and downs she may be bi polar (manic and mania).

03-18-14, 08:16 PM
ADHD gets significantly worse during menopause, could that be a contributing factor?

03-18-14, 08:35 PM
She might be a borderliner. Maybe start with Shari Schreiber's waif article (

03-19-14, 06:19 AM
all you can do is request she seek treatment,go get the treatment brought to her, or realize that without treatment things May be kind of lost. The latter is the hardest. But sometimes its the only way.

03-19-14, 09:40 AM
pick 1 thing, you both agree to develop/alter/understand, offer the same in return...

pick one thing you will accept regardless, ask for the same in return...

if borderline, buy a surfboard

03-23-14, 12:44 AM
Welcome seaweed. It definitely sounds like most of you are struggling with your wife's behavior and really care about her and want things to be more peaceful in your home and to communicate better. Those are really good things. Also, I couldn't tell from your post all the details, but it seemed maybe the adult children weren't both of yours together - not sure though. However, there were obviously things about your wife that initially attracted you to her. I know after going through this for awhile, it is normal to feel very angry and upset about the behavior and to want change or else divorce may be what happens. Just remember to also focus on the CARING part as well. Her strengths and good things etc.
Like others said, alls you can do is state how it is for you all, and how you can't choose to live anymore. State what you are willing to do and what you would like from her.
Then it is up to her. Most people just want to know that the other person is willing to work as hard as they are at making things work, and that if the person does have a struggle that impairs a relationship, that they will commit to getting help so it can be better.
If you feel like you need a professional to help you communicate your needs appropriately, then it wouldn't hurt to have somebody who can help you.
Good luck.

03-23-14, 08:02 PM
Thank for your reply's , I'm beginning to think that Redhairedwitch might be correct , especially since she had a hysterectomy 9 yrs ago.

Their's no question about it , the doc gives her adderall to take , but that doesn't change certain things

but when she focus on something , she will exasperated it to the point it becomes annoying,and there's no regulator with her, its full steam forward.

I don't think she takes her meds everyday, of course its non of my business,

I agree with some of you , they have to want to change, and I'm not into fixing anyone either.
I don't care if she adhd ,phd ,zdd, or what other label we want to give ourselves.

I think were all responsible, for our own behavior, Isn't doesn't give you the right, to come over and **** in my sandbox,