View Full Version : I want to...

03-26-14, 07:14 PM
I want to scream. I've just had enough.

And the noise. All today the noise inside my head just won't ******* stop. I want to be tired, I want to be so drained I just pass out.

Is it uncool to say on a mental health forum that you want to kill yourself? For most of today I just wanted to ******* die. Not in the serious way though because I wouldn't (EVER) actually do it.
I mean why give the ****** the satisfaction. Depression. The black dog.

What is the point in being positive if you still don't ******* do anything!? In analysing and rationalizing?

It's all so ******* simple looking back at my life and identifying every little point that went wrong. So obvious, so basic and logical. So what? What's the point in understanding everything when you can do nothing about it?

A soothsayer once told me the black dog would follow me through life.
Well at least I have company, eh? *cackle*

03-27-14, 08:23 AM
And when I say 'do nothing about it', no one can do anything about the past. That's universal. My anger is that I can't seem to do anything about the future either. (Please no one say 'there is the present'.)
It's as if I'm trapped in a parallel world, and I can see where my life should be carrying on over there, see my alloted time running on and running out but I can't get back over there. And I'm waving and calling out but no one can see me and no one can hear me and I can't reach through this invisible barrier.

I'm going to waste another day of my life today aren't I?

And why does this ******* black dog keep staring at me?! *******.

03-28-14, 09:27 AM
I wish I had something helpful to say. I can relate but I haven't found a way to deal with this yet. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

03-28-14, 10:46 AM
Well, yeah. The past has made us who we are today, eh? Can't change that.

The future can be pretty damn intimidating. It may help to break it down into days, or even hours.

Sometimes I find I just need to get through the next 10 minutes and then I'll see where I am and where I'm going.

Have you tried meds? Have you tried therapy? Sounds like you could use some help. :grouphug:

03-31-14, 08:34 PM
It’s easy to feel lost and to feel hopeless and to feel like some sort of cosmic joke as you sit there looking onto that parallel universe where everyone else is happy and carefree. And that black dog just stares at you, taunting you.

But you are not hopeless. Sometimes in life, you will experience more valleys than mountains…but life goes on. Whether you realize it or not, you are moving forward through the valley. Life is not linear; life is meandering. Your parallel universes are not linear either, eventually their paths will cross and you will be able to cross over into the universe that you want to be a part of.

“Each of us feels some aspect of the world’s suffering acutely. And we must pay attention. We must act. This little corner of the world is ours to transform. This little corner of the world is ours to save.” ~Stephen Cope

Allow yourself to embrace these lows and highs; they are all a part of the many facets of you. There will be these times that you feel less than whole and less than perfect, but when these times come, it’s important to think about when you helped save your little corner of the world. Regardless of where you were on your path, those moments mattered. And it’s these moments that matter more than your mistakes and shortcomings. Forgiving yourself and believing that you deserve your own forgiveness can seem nearly impossible…but it will set you free.

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, guilt, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh