View Full Version : Arounsing power plays

03-27-14, 08:40 PM
I'm not sure whether this has anything to do with ADHD. However, since I got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago I keep discovering that so many of my problems do, that I'm curious whether you've got the same problem or at least you understand the logic of what I feel. (I also hope it's ok to write about sexual attraction here, I'm new on the forum).

I'm quite a self-confident, well-educated, single woman in my early 30s.

I constantly discover how much I'm turned on by power plays and fights. Especially with guys who have some authority above me (professors, medical doctors, etc.). It doesn't happen with every one of them of course, but it tends to repeat. I think there's hardly anything which arouses me more than this.

To give just an example: my last physician. He was about 10 years older than me. I understand a bit of medicine myself so I corrected him a few times when he was wrong. I generally say openly what I think. The guy was just slightly arrogant and it was clear he wasn't used to anybody talking with him this way, he seemed quite surprised but also attracted.

I found this situation extremely arousing sexually. It was hard for me to focus on anything else, but him and how much I wanted him. The problem was obvious: he was my doctor, I wanted to see him as a professional who was paid to help me, nothing more.

I ended up changing my physician. (He was quite upset about it).

But this doesn't solve the problem of course, because similar situations have repeated a few times in my life. Do you have it too? Any advice how I could handle this? Not talk back and not think about anybody's body when I should think about other things?

03-28-14, 06:45 AM
I am far more attracted by men who are in a position of authority and I think it's pretty common with us females.

As for your attraction to fights and power plays with this type of men, I think you're aroused by the boost you get in your the self-esteem. It's ok, as long as you don't rely on that to 1. have good self-esteem; 2. be attracted to men. You should also be attracted to men when they are nice to you, not just cocky and arrogant. Otherwise, you risk setting yourself up for relationships with abusive people.

As for thinking about men as sexually attractive, that's normal as well. It kinda sucks that you can't get the guy you're attracted to, but there's really nothing to feel shame about. It happens to me others around me, male and female, not related to ADHD. What is related to ADHD though is acting on impulse and showing your feelings, even though it's not your best interest to do so. It might also be true that these sensations of arousal are stronger in ADHD-ers than in the majority of the population, but I'm not sure if it's proven or anything.

You did the right thing by changing your physician, even if he felt a little bad about it. I have no advice to give you, since talking back is pretty common for lots of folks, ADHD-ers especially. You could try and see a pattern in your behavior: the type of people you tend to like, the situations in which you argue with them, try and be conscientious about your behavior, try to think about the reason you're there and what your best interest is and then you will have some control. Same for sexual attraction. It's natural, all you can do is control how you react to it.

12-30-15, 06:04 PM
It happens to me all the time.

Being interviewed by some guys 10 years older than me. We got into a heated discussion over solving a business case. I can tell he was attracted to me. Get asked out for a date.

Going to endocrinologist. He explained some basic medical terms. I chimed in, didn't think I said something out of ordinary. He thought I was a med student. I said no, I said I read it on nature when Google scholar-ing this medical issues. One thing led to another... Flirtatious texting ensued.

Professors stories..gah, being add and hyperfocused on my studies doesn't help either. I always protest for regrade, in which I don't agree with the subjective marking of the said professors, so far only one prof turned me down. (Out of dozens).