View Full Version : Low Self Confidence

04-05-14, 01:37 PM
Hi, I'm new to this forum. I was diagnosed with ADD a few years ago. I grew up as a very happy child and had friends. I was shy, but once I got to know you, I was outgoing. School on the other hand was another issue. Friends were great, but when it came time do doing my work or understanding school work, that became a challenge many times. Some teachers then started removing me from things I enjoyed doing because they said that my work wasn't done. One teacher actually slapped me in the back of the head in class because I didn't know the roman numeral "X" which of course I learned very quickly was the number 10. I was then put into special ed classes in some classes and it actually helped me because it was mostly one on one. My grades would go up. Once I was out, the grades would go back down. All of this I believe has turned into low self confidence throughout my whole teen and adult life. I've been at my job now for 27 1/2 years and it's still very hard for me to learn some things. Things I should know and should have no problems with. My boss will explain it and I'll just nod yes and pretend that I get what they are saying. Sometimes it back fires, other times I can kind of figure it out on my own or question my boss without sounding like I never got what she was telling me in the first place. I'd be so worried about understanding that I wouldn't always listed to what she was saying so I would and still do miss things. It's like my mind panics. It's tough. Normally when my boss is out I will back her up in some things and it seemed to me that she had confidence in me, even though I didn't. This week I find out that she is leaving the company and they spoke with a person in another area to take her place. They never even offered me the job. This really upset me and even though I kind of know that it's the best decision, it hurts because I was never even considered for the job. Has this ever happened to any of you? :confused:


ana futura
04-05-14, 03:06 PM
I really recommend reading this article in its entirety, a lot of it will resonate with you.

This bit in particular seems very relevant-

Jane Adelizzi's research explored a rarely mined area of ADHD: its similarity to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Three of her studies looked at women diagnosed with attention and learning problems who also showed PTSD symptoms as a result of experiencing classroom trauma--which she defines as a significantly unpleasant external event or stressor occurring within the confines of an educational environment that is of a psychological nature.

"As a result of classroom trauma over a span of years, some women develop a set of symptoms that are recognizable--by some professionals--as post-traumatic stress symptoms," reports Adelizzi, coordinator of the Adult Center, Program for the Advancement of Learning at Curry College in Milton, Mass. "These symptoms are also similar--too similar--to ADHD behaviors and symptoms."

It's not always clear which comes first, the post-traumatic stress symptoms, the ADHD symptoms or the trauma, says Adelizzi. But, she argues, these women's ADHD symptoms can't be helped without looking into the coexisting panic and anxiety that can be triggered many years later--if, for example, they decide to return to school.

Personally, even though I would not qualify for a PTSD diagnosis according to the current DSM criteria, I have made a lot of progress towards rebuilding my self esteem by learning to view my childhood experiences in the classroom as "trauma", and exploring how my anxiety and depressions symptoms stem from those experiences. A therapist who specializes in ADHD and trauma recovery might be very helpful for you.

04-07-14, 09:37 AM
Yes, that has happened to me where someone else was offered a position that I wasn't even considered for. and yes, it was the right decision based on my behavior at the time.

what I did was take that situation and hold it inside not talking or saying anything to anyone! It made me mad, it was unhealthy and it made me bitter which showed in my work.

Today, when I think back on it medicated and healthy, what I should of done was to meet with my immediate supervisor and calmly and professionally ask why I wasn't considered for the job, and then I would have asked what do I need to improve so I would at least be considered the next time a promotion is available!

But I was unhealthy and unmedicated so I came to conclusions in my head that they were out to get me because I was AD(H)D.

The truth is I was not ready for the promotion. I was not as productive as I should have been, and the truth is if I was the supervisor I would not have promoted me either!

I would internalize many situations that happened to me in life and blame it on everything but myself!
That is one of my biggest regrets living with this disorder for 44 years, I suffered in silence for too long!

Don't make the same mistake I did! I wish good things for you!

"We can complain that rose bushes have thorns, or we can rejoice because thorn bushes have roses!"

04-08-14, 04:44 PM
One thing I can recommend is to seek some therapy. I know it seems like ages ago when you were humiliated and ridiculed in school but those years have lasting effects on your self confidence and self esteem. Therapy can really build you up. The other thing to perhaps ease the sting of not being offered the position is to consider if you really wanted it and if you would have been able to handle it. If the answer to those two things is no, then it was for the best.

04-17-14, 02:10 AM
I'm going through something similar to the OP.

04-30-14, 02:14 PM
I'm new too, recently diagnosed as of yesterday, but the psychiatrist took a look at notes and report cards from 25-30 years ago and was amazed I've never been diagnosed before now. I too was shy, constantly daydreamed, but once I warmed up to people I was okay. Had a few close friends, but many others just considered me weird.

To this day I still remember one of my first grade teachers pulling me out of the class to a private cubicle, grabbed me by my lower jaw, squeezing as hard as she could, and berated me for not being able to do a measurement. I kept doing bad at math, even with the help of a tutor, almost not graduating high school because of it.

I had a job a few years back that I was really good at. It was lots of stress, pressure, anxiety, and working under the gun. It didn't bother anyone that I got up out of my seat from time to time, but no matter what I got the job done quickly. I was mostly socially withdrawn at that point because most of the time I talk to people I still get those "you're odd" looks. My manager was leaving and briefly considered me filling her role before going against it because of that lack of socializing that she felt was needed for the position. That hurt. Even though I was willing to work with people but not reach out to them, even though I was really great at what I did and could fill in for her when she was gone, I was passed by. Someone from outside the company got the job instead and started taking credit for the work that I was doing. That's when I decided to leave.

The only reason I decided to seek a diagnosis is because I've been treated for anxiety and depression for many, many, many years. None of those medications ever worked for me, only leaving the situation that was causing them did. My son was diagnosed earlier this year displaying a lot of the same things I went through. His teacher suggested that it may be ADHD, said it was no pressure to medicate him, but related her experiences with her own son who felt better because of it. Everything she described was ME as a child, and I know how hard it was growing up without any help. I medicated him and his grades improved, his behavior improved, and he's got a real shot at life because of it.

This is only my second day of being medicated myself, but I can honestly say this should have been done 30 years ago. It does nothing for me to regret the past, but it has and will help me in the future to be a better mother to my kids and whatever else I do from now on.

BTW... numbers still infuriate me so much to this day that I won't even go near Sudoku! :D